38

Bella crept out of bed before the sun had risen, clamping her lips together to keep from crying as she stumbled out of the room, out into the living room. Edward usually woke the second she moved, but he was exhausted from constantly taking care of her. It wasn't fair, but she was thankful he was there. He gave her the strength to keep going, to live.

She stumbled out the front door, down the beach, falling into the sand as the sun steadily began to rise over the horizon. Today would be her last infusion treatment of phase one, and she was struggling with moving onto phase two. The last four weeks had been the hardest, and she couldn't imagine how she would survive surgery and another four weeks like she had just endured. Was it worth it?

"Hey."

Looking over her shoulder, she smiled, finding Edward standing a few feet behind her. "Hey."

"You okay?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

Edward nodded and closed the distance between them, sitting and pulling her onto his lap. "Guess that was kind of stupid to ask, huh?"

"No," she whispered, swallowing thickly. Her throat hurt, her body hurt, everything hurt. "I don't . . . I don't know if I can do it, Edward. It hurts too much."

"You're so strong," he murmured, pressing his lips against the top of her head, causing her to wince.

"I'm not," she sobbed, grabbing the front of his shirt, curling her fingers around the delicate fabric. "Don't leave me, Edward. Please don't leave me."

As Edward held her tight, whispering his promise to never leave her, to love her forever, to always hold her in his arms, she cried, for herself, for him, for their families, who had been there at every treatment. She just wished she was stronger.

—BDBH—

Somehow, Bella found the strength to go into the bungalow, to shower, to dress, to walk to the car, and go to her last treatment of phase one. She sat in the passenger seat of Edward's car, her knees pulled against her chest, her head resting against the glass. As always, Edward had his hand on her knee, always touching her, always reminding her in his little way that she was loved.

"I've been thinking," he said, drawing her attention to him. "When you're cured, we need to go on a honeymoon."

Bella smiled. "Where will we go?"

"I don't know," he said. "Where do you want to go?"

Inhaling a deep breath, she laughed. "Maybe somewhere with mountains."

"Mountains?" he asked.

Bella bit the inside of her lip and nodded. "I've never seen mountains. Like real mountains. Or snow."

"You've never seen snow?"

She shook her head. "I've never really been off the islands."

"Then we will go to the mountains, where there is snow," Edward said, smiling.

"Sounds nice," she whispered, her eyes closing. "But what if it doesn't work? Can we still go?"

"I'll take you anywhere you want, sweetheart."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

And Bella hoped that was a promise he would be able to keep, because she wasn't sure she could survive the trial, much less Kufs.

—BDBH—

Bella groaned as she shifted in the most uncomfortable chair she had ever sat in. twelve times she had sat in that chair, and twelve times she left feeling worse than she did the time before, which she wasn't sure how that was possible. Every nerve in her body burned, her fingers and toes so stiff she could barely bend them, her lips swollen and chapped, and her heard felt like someone had taken an icepick and stabbed her repeatedly with it. Emmett had just removed the I.V. from her arm for the last time, though she didn't feel any relief. Phase one was supposed to be the easy part, after all.

"Well, I have you scheduled for Wednesday morning at eight a.m.," Emmett said, clearing his throat. "You'll need to be there by six. No food or drinks after midnight."

"What kind of side effects can I expect from phase two?"

Emmett frowned. "Um, more of the same: nausea, vomiting, body aches, swelling of your eyes and lips. But we also have to watch for infection. The infusions weaken your immune system, so there's the possibility of infections, fever, and pneumonia. Also, because we are transplanting stem cells, there's the risk that your body could reject them, which could lead to complications."

"What kind of complications?" Edward asked.

"Mild reactions could include rash, burning skin on the palms of your hands or souls of your feet. Then diarrhea, stomach cramps, loss of appetite, jaundice."

"And severe reactions?" Bella asked, swallowing against the lump in her throat.

"The same as the mild, plus bloating, liver failure, bacterial infections, renal failure."

Bella blew out a heavy breath. "You might have told me that before I agreed to try your trial, Em."

"You would have said no," he quipped, smiling. "You called me Em."

"Yeah, and?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said, quietly and tilted his head toward Edward. "He's always called me Em, so . . ."

"Oh." Bella bit the inside of her lip. "I . . . I don't know if I can do this, Em. I just . . . it's been so fucking hard."

"I know," he said, reaching for her hand, but pulling it back. "I didn't know it would be this hard. You're the first Kufs patient I've ever done the trial with, Bella. Kufs is so different them MS, you know?"

She nodded.

"I wish I could make it easier, and I know you're tired. I know you're in pain, but you're too close to give up now."

"If it doesn't work . . ." she fretted, shaking her head.

"It will," he insisted, grabbing her hand.

"How can you know?" she whimpered.

"Because I never thought I would see my brother love anyone more than he loves the game," Emmett said, his eyes shifting to Edward. "But he did when he found you."

"Em," Bella whispered, her eyes fulling with tears. "You're a good guy, you know that, don't you?"

"I try," he said, smiling. "Go home, rest, drink lots of water. Call if you need anything, okay?"

"Yes, Dr. McCarty," she murmured, climbing out of the chair and reaching for Edward, who immediately had her wrapped in his arms. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella." Emmett leaned in and kissed the top of her head before nodding his head at Edward, and walking out of the room.

"Edward?" Bella whispered, tilting her head toward him. "I want to my mom."

He frowned. "Are you sure? The stress . . ."

"I think I need too. I can't go forward when I don't understand why she left, why she's come back. I know that doesn't make sense, but I need to do this."

"Okay." Edward placed his hand on the side of her face. "Let's go."

—BDBH—

Once again, Bella found herself curled into the passenger seat of Edward's car. He had his hand on her knee as he navigated through the city. It hadn't taken much for Alice to find Renee. Turns out the little coffee shop they had met at before was owned by her, something Bella found odd. Renee was making a life for herself in Hawaii. Did that mean she intended to stay? And did Bella want her to stay?

Edward parked in front of the coffee shop. She could see Renee inside, standing behind the counter, laughing with one of her customers as she handed them their coffee. She looked so carefree, happy, feelings Bella envied.

"We don't have to stay," Edward said, sliding his hand along her knee.

"Yes, we do," she whimpered, her lips trembling.

"Yeah, guess we do."

Edward climbed out of the car and hurried around to the passenger side. He opened the door and helped her out, keeping his arm wrapped around her as they made their way to the shops door, pushing it open. Renee smiled and looked at them, her eyes widening and her smile dropping as she hurried around the counter, reaching for Bella's arm.

"Don't touch me," Bella cried, pulling backward.

"Oh, sorry," Renee murmured. "Are you okay?"

"No," Bella whispered as she and Edward followed her over to one of the couches. She winced as she sat down, blowing out a heavy breath. "I didn't mean that it sounded. It's, um, my skin hurts. A lot right now."

"Because of the infusions?" Renee asked, sitting in one of the chairs across from her.

Bella nodded.

"But you're done with them, right? Today was your last day?"

"How'd you know?" Bella asked.

"Oh, um." Renee shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I've been following your treatments."

"Esme?"

Renee smiled and shook her head. "Marcus Masters, actually."

"Marcus?" Bella asked.

Renee nodded. "We've been seeing each other for a while. He was the one who told me you were sick, said I should reach out to you again. I wasn't sure you'd want to see me, though. Considering . . ."

"Considering you left me," Bella finished for her. Edward tightened his arm around her, causing Bella to smile, and Renee to shift her eyes from her to him. "This is Edward. He's my husband."

"I know," she said, and when Bella raised an eyebrow, she said, "Marcus told me."

"Oh, I see," she murmured. "He talks a lot about me?"

"No, not a lot. He just knew you're important to me." Renee frowned and nodded. "When Peanut . . . Sorry, Alice came to me, said you wanted to talk. I thought this was my chance."

"Why'd you agree to donate stem cells?" Bella asked, placing her hand on Edward's knee as she shifted, trying to get more comfortable.

"Because you needed me to," Renee said immediately.

"No, I know, but why did you agree so fast? You left me, twice," Bella cried. "I needed you, Mom! I fucking needed you, and you left me."

"I did, and I have regretted it every day since," Renee wept. "I wish I could give you a reason that would make sense, but I can't. I can't, Bella, because there isn't a reason good enough to excuse my mistakes. I never stopped loving you, though. Never, not once."

"But you didn't stay," she whimpered. "Daddy needed you. Essie needed you. I needed you, but you didn't stay."

"And I'll never forgive myself. Never."

"Why are you here now?"

"What do you mean?" Renee asked with a frown.

Bella bit the inside of her lip. "You've been here on the island for a year, right? You own this cafe. You stayed. Why?"

"Because I got tired of running," she said, smiling. "It's been hard, Bella. I won't lie. I look around and I see Charlie, or you and Esme, and I'm hit with regret over and over. I deserve it. I know I do, but I stayed because even if I couldn't see you every day, or I never got the chance to sit with you, tell you how sorry I am, I could be close at least."

"I want to hate you," Bella whispered, and Renee frowned, nodding her head. "But I don't."

"You don't?" she asked.

Bella shook her head. "If I die, if the trial isn't successful, I don't want my life to end hating you. I'm not saying we can be anything more than . . . than this, but I can't hate you, anymore." Bella braced herself against Edward and stood up. He was immediately on his feet, his arm wrapped around her to help support her. "It's exhausting, and I don't have that kind of strength anymore."

And without giving Renee a chance to say anything else, Bella turned and walked over to the door, pulling it open. She paused, and looked back, saying, "Thank you for trying to save my life," and left her mother standing in the middle of her coffee shop with tears running down her face.

—BDBH—

The drive back to the bungalow was made in silence. Bella felt more at peace about her mother's willingness to save her life, even if she would never understand how she could have left her not once, but twice. She just couldn't find it in herself to hate anymore.

"You're being quiet," Edward said, drawing her attention to him.

They'd arrived back at the bungalow an hour ago, but had settled on the front porch rather than go inside. She'd felt trapped the last two weeks, too weak to live, too weak to do anything but cry. She still felt weak, but hopeful that somehow, phase two wouldn't be as hard on her as phase one, that she would survive, that she and Edward would spend the rest of their lives to the fullest.

"Just thinking," she whispered, nestling herself against him. "My dad . . . he gave up. It got hard, like really hard, and he gave up, Edward. I've been so angry. So fucking angry at him because he should be here, to hold me, to tell me it's okay to let her love me."

"He is," Edward said, placing his hand over her heart. "Maybe he got too tired to keep trying, but he's here, sweetheart. With you, pushing you forward."

"I love you," Bella wept, tilting her head back and looking at him.

Edward smiled. "I love you more."

"Make love to me."

"I don't want to hurt you," he fretted, bringing his hand up to her face, cradling her against him.

"I need to feel you," she begged. "Please. I need to feel normal again. Make love to me."

"Okay, Sweetheart."

Edward stood with her his arms, carrying her into the bungalow, straight to their bedroom. Gently, he placed her on her feet, making sure she was steady before reaching for the hem of her T-shirt. Bella pushed his hands away, slipping her shirt off by herself.

"Your turn," she whispered.

Edward grinned and stepped backward before stripping his shirt off. "I'm waiting."

Bella reached for the top of her shorts, trying to push them down, but her knees gave out on her. Edward caught her before she hit the ground, picking her up and laying her on the bed. His hands slid up her legs to the waistband of her shorts, slowly and gently removing them, letting them drop to the floor.

"Are you sure?" he asked, placing his hands on her knees.

"Yes."

Edward stripped off the rest of his clothes before climbing onto the bed next to her. As their bodies pressed against each other's, as he pressed himself inside her, Bella couldn't keep the tears from falling. It wasn't the pain as his skin rubbed against hers, or the way her muscles tensed, ached. No, her tears came from knowing this man would love her for the rest of her life, no matter how short that life became.

Thank you for all the reviews. Phase one complete. Now, bring on phase two!