40

Edward stood in the hallway and watched as two surgical nurses rolled Bella down the hallway, through a set of double doors, and away from him. He tried his hardest to keep himself together over the last four weeks, trying to be strong for her, because she needed him to be strong for her, but inside, he was struggling. She was the love of his life, his reason for breathing. Losing her would be the end of him. She had turned his whole Goddamn world upside down.

Turning, Edward swallowed against the lump in his throat and walked out into the surgical waiting room. Esme was there, of course, as was Alice and Jasper, Rose, Tanya and Seth, James and Laurent. In the back corner, though, he was surprised to find his mother and Peter.

"Was she okay?" Esme asked, scrambling to her feet and hurrying over to him.

"No," he admitted. "She's pretty scared."

"Me too," Esme whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I shouldn't have pushed her to do this. I should have just . . . I don't know . . . accepted what time we had left with her."

"You're giving up on her?" Edward asked, his tone harsher than he intended.

"No, no, of course not!" Esme claimed, taking a step backward. "I'm just . . . I'm sorry. I'm so worried about her, Edward. How much more can she take?"

"No, I'm sorry," he murmured, shaking his head. "She's fighting, Esme. She's fucking fighting to live. For you, for me. We can't give up on her, okay? She needs us all to be as strong as she is trying to be for us."

Esme nodded, her tears seeping down her face.

"I've got you, Esme," Alice said, wrapping her in his arms. Her eyes met Edward's as she said, "Swan's going to be okay. She has to be."

Alice led Esme back over to where Jasper and Rose were seated. Edward knew they would take care of Esme, keep her together, so he walked out of the waiting room, down the hallway, to the vending machine. He needed something: Coffee, crack, anything to keep from losing his shit. Esme was right. They had pushed Bella into even attempting the trial. Phase one almost killed her. How in the hell was she going to survive phase two?

"Oh, darling boy, please don't tell me that you're going to stoop so low and drinking vending machine coffee."

Edward smiled and looked over his shoulder, finding his mother with a Starbucks cup in her hand. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Charlotte said with a smile before slipping her arm in with his, and saying, "Let's take a walk."

"I can't leave," he murmured, shifting his attention back to the waiting room.

"We're not leaving the floor. Just going down the hallway a little."

Edward sighed and allowed his mother to lead him away. "I'm surprised you're here."

"Why?" Charlotte asked with a laugh.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Haven't exactly been around in the last ten years." He looked down at her. "I didn't even know you were out of the country last month."

Charlotte frowned. "I'm sorry about that, Edward. Honestly, I didn't think you wanted to know, or cared."

"Why wouldn't I care?" he asked. "You're my mother. What if something had happened to you and I had no clue where you were?"

"You haven't exactly kept me updated on your schedule, either," she countered.

"No, I guess I haven't. Though, if you'd followed my career at all, you'd know what my tournament schedule was."

Charlotte reached for his arm, pulling on him to stop. "I know I wasn't a good mother, Edward. I was selfish and I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be."

"You were a good mom," he said. "I just . . . I needed you to tell me that it was okay to follow my dreams and take risks, that no matter what happened with my career that you were still going to love me."

"Oh, dear, of course I'd still love you," she fretted. "I just worried about you being able to support yourself, of you running away like he did."

Edward tensed. "Yeah."

"You're an amazing player."

"I am," he confirmed. "When I'm standing in the middle of the pit, I know that there is nobody better than me and Whitlock."

"Oh, yes, your partner," she laughed. "He's a very nice young man. Calls me ma'am, even though I've told him not to."

"His momma would be his ass if he didn't," Edward snickered.

"Good for her," Charlotte laughed before turning serious. "Tell me about your Bella."

"What do you want to know?" he asked, warily.

"What made you fall in love with her? You hadn't known her very long, had you?"

Edward felt his shoulders tense.

"Oh, please don't misunderstand. I think Bella's lovely. I'm just curious about how you met her, all the details."

Edward stopped at bench and sat down, placed his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands together. "You're going to kick my ass for this, but the first time I saw her, on the beach, I, kind of, sort of, ran into her, knocking her down."

"You what?" she exclaimed, sitting next to him.

"Whitlock and I were running, it was the day before PV started, and I was feeling really nervous, anxious."

"About what?"

"The tournament," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "About being good enough, about winning, and being the best. Usually a good run helps, but then I saw her standing there, with her camera, and . . ." Edward looked at his mother as his eyes filled with teas. "She's so beautiful, Mom. Just so fucking beautiful, and, um, I wasn't even paying attention and ran into her, knocked her to the ground. She was so mad, which to be honest, made her even more beautiful."

"Men," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"I told myself I wasn't going to let myself get distracted. I needed to focus, so I kind of blamed her for being in my way."

"Edward Anthony!" Charlotte exclaimed.

"I know, I know." He put his hands up. "I was a dick. That night, we were at this bar, JJ's, and I saw her with Peanut . . . Sorry, Alice, and Felix. There was something about her, something sad. Of course I know now that it was her health, but when I saw her leave them and walk to the bar, I thought this was my chance to apologize. But, um, I kind of made it worse."

"How?" she asked.

"This asshat named Newton bumped into me, and I might have, sort of spilled my beer down her back."

"Oy vey, and she talked to you after that?"

Edward laughed. "She started to call me several four-letter words that you have approved of."

"Good girl," Charlotte giggled.

"The next morning, I ran into her again." Edward put his hand up. "Not literally, but, um, she intrigued me, Mom. Like she gets this look on her face when she's taking pictures, like she can see right into my soul." Edward frowned. "Whitlock and I were in the middle of our first match, when . . . when she had an episode. She couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. There was this look of panic and despair in her eyes, like her whole Goddamn world was falling apart. I mean, it was, but I didn't know. That night, Alice asked me to take her jeep back to her house, she and Whitlock would pick me up, and I saw Bella sitting on the beach. I couldn't stay away."

"Why?" she asked. "Because you knew she was sick?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Because when I saw her, sitting alone, so scared, so frightened, it was like looking at myself."

"What are you scared of?"

"Losing her," he whimpered. "When I looked at her, I see this amazing, beautiful, strong woman, who isn't afraid to tell me that I'm being an asshole. She calls me on my shit, and I fucking need her, Mom. I don't want to lose her, not like this."

"Oh, my darling boy," Charlotte murmured, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him against her. "It's all right, I've got you."

—BDBH—

When they rejoined the rest of their family in the waiting room, Charlotte immediately found refuge in Peter's arms. Edward had never really seen the way his mother looked at him, seen the love and need she had for him. Maybe in some ways, Peter was for Charlotte what Bella had been for him.

"Any word?" Edward asked, sitting in the empty seat next to Jasper.

"Carlisle called about twenty minutes ago, said they had just gotten started," Esme said, sniffing back her tears.

Edward nodded, unsure what else to say. Edward was embarrassed that he lost control in front of his mother, but at the same time, he'd been holding so much inside, trying to be strong for Bella, confident for Bella, that he hadn't wanted to admit the truth: Bella might not survive.

Feeling anxious, Edward scrambled to his feet and started pacing. His chest felt tight, his head hurt, and he knew it was all because of her. She'd turned his whole world upside down, and losing her would end him. He wouldn't survive without her.

"I know that nobody wants to talk about the 'what ifs'," Alice said, drawing everyone's attention to her. "But I think we need to talk about what will happen if, or when, Swan dies."

"No, no, we don't," Esme argued, scrambling to her feet and wrapping her arms around herself. "She's going to be fine."

"I hope your right, Esme," Alice said, sadly. "But we have to face the truth. The trial might not work, and if that's the case, she . . . Well, we might have a year left. Hopefully more but we need to be prepared if that's the case."

"So what do you suggest?" Edward. "Should we just start planning her funeral now?"

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, putting her hands up in front of her. "But you can't keep doing this on your own, Mason. You can let us help."

Edward sighed. "She's my wife."

"And you're only one person," Rose said, causing everyone to look at her. "We all care about her, Mason."

"No, I know," he grumbled.

"Then you can let us help." Rose smiled as she stood up and walked over to him. "Look, maybe I don't know you that well. To be real honest, you've always been a bit of a dickhead."

Jasper, Tanya, and Seth laughed, though Alice's eyes widened and she smiled.

"I'm sorry," Rose said smiling. "That was rude of me to say, but it's the truth. You were all about the game, about the win. And there was nothing wrong with that, because I was, too."

"But you're not now, are you?" Edward asked.

Rose's smile grew and she shook her head. "I love him, Mason, and he needs me here, like she needs you here."

"He does?"

She nodded. "Swan's important to him, because she's important to you, and you, Mason, are important to him." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "You can let us help take care of her. We can do a meal train, or supply runs, or even sit with her while you take a shower, because you kind of stink, dude."

Edward laughed and pushed her hand off his shoulder. "Okay, okay, I can let you help."

"Let's just hope and pray the implant works," Alice whispered, leaning her head against Jasper's shoulder, who immediately wrapped his arm around her. "I'm not ready to lose her, either."

—BDBH—

Edward was losing his patience. Almost five and a half hours had passed and they hadn't gotten word from Emmett or Carlisle about Bella. The procedure was only supposed to take four hours, so the extra time had him anxious. Once again, he found himself pacing back and forth, ignoring the scowl coming off Alice's face. Yes, he was annoying her, but Bella was his wife, his everything, and every minute away from her had his heart aching.

"I need coffee," Jasper announced as he stood up. He grabbed Edward by the back of his shirt and pulled him behind him. "Come with me."

"I should stay," he mumbled, but found himself following him down the hallway.

"We won't be far," Jasper snickered, leading him to the same vending machine that he had found himself standing in front of earlier. However, he didn't make any attempt to get coffee. Instead, he turned and leaned against the machine. "You know, when we came to Hawaii for the tournament, I . . . I was going to make this my last tournament with you, as my partner."

Edward's eyes widened. "Why?"

"Because I couldn't handle only being about the game anymore," he admitted. "Everything with you was Volleyball and winning, and being the fucking greatest of all time. Don't get me wrong, Mason, I love the game, but I wanted . . . more."

"Peanut," Edward said, quietly. "You wanted Peanut."

"Needed her," he murmured, his cheeks turning bright red. "My momma's been on my ass about settling down, starting a family, but you know me, Mason. I don't chase ass like that."

Edward nodded. "Is that what you thought I did?"

"Kind of," he admitted. "I mean, you never led a sand groupie on, promised her anything, but you weren't afraid of casual sex, either."

Frowning, he found himself nodding once again, because Jasper was right. "So you found Peanut and decided to stick with me?"

Jasper grinned. "No. Well, yes, I mean that little pixie certainly turned my world upside down, but I've decided to stay with you, as my partner, because Swan changed you in the best ways." Jasper stepped up to him, placing his hands on Edward's shoulders. "You've always been good, but after her, you did become the best. Not just when we are on the court, either, but in everything, Edward. Now, I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm not afraid of what will happen if . . . if Swan doesn't survive the trial, or if it fails, but I need you to know that no matter what happens, Peanut and I are right here, okay?"

Edward's eyes filled with tears. "Thank you, Whitlock. I'm not going to bullshit you, I'm . . . I'm scared. I can't . . . I can't live without her, you know?"

"I do," he sighed, his eyes flickering to the waiting room and Alice. "I'm going to marry her, Mason. As soon as I can, I'm going to marry her and have babies."

Before Edward could say anything, the doors to the recovery area opened and Carlisle and Emmett came out, both of them still in their scrubs. Edward threw Jasper a look before hurrying over to them, his heart racing.

"How'd it go?" he asked. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Emmett said, putting his hand up. "We placed the implant without any problem. She'll be out for about another hour, and then we will move her to the ICU," he added, and when Edward's eyes widened, he said, "Just as a precaution. As long as she stays stable, I will release her tomorrow."

"And you think it will work?" he asked, his voice trembling. "The implant, I mean."

"I hope so, Edward. I . . . I really hope so." Emmett placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "Come on, I'll take you back to her."

Edward nodded and looked back at Jasper, who had a weeping Alice in his arms, to Carlisle, who was soothing Esme, to Seth, Tanya, and Rose, his mother, and Peter. "Yeah, okay."

"Tell her we love her," Esme whimpered. "Please."

"Of course."

Edward tried to calm his breathing as he followed Emmett through the set of double doors, down the hallway, past the nurses' station, and stopping outside of room 246. He stood in the doorway, looking at the love of his life, asleep, wires hooked up to her, an oxygen tube in her nose. Her face was red and puffy. He walked over to the side of her bed, gently lifting her hand in his, tears falling freely down his face as he brought it to his lips.

"I'm here, sweetheart," he cried. "I'm right here."

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