Insert disclaimer here
Blah Blah Blah basic text (i.e. description, speech, etc)
Blah Blah Blah Thought or some transaction within someone's mind
Blah Blah Blah Kyuubi talking Jutsu will also be bold
BLAH BLAH BLAH yelling, or emphasis of some sort
Naruto of the Nine Tails
Rated M for: language, violence, adult themes, graphic imagery, clowns, gallows humor, rabid fangirls, puns, butchery of the English language, funny hats, the comfy chair, obscure references, wet dreams, and…yeah I got nothing, meh was fun while it lasted
Edited: 7/22/11
Chp 15: The Second Exam
Training Ground 44
"Well kiddies welcome to Training Ground 44, lovingly nicknamed "The Forest of Death" by those who have used it, this baby features more than three hundred square kilometers of densely wooded forest, over two hundred species of poisonous plants, an unknown number of un-triggered traps and unexploded ordinances, and all manner of things that go bump in the night," Anko said in a cheerful voice… that did not bode well for the examinees, "And for the next one hundred and twenty hours you sorry bastards get to call it home," she finished as her smile turned positively evil.
Silence…
"But first you need to sign your release form!" Anko chirped, waving a stack of papers.
Mass Face Vault
After each participant had one of the forms Anko started explaining the second exam…
Meanwhile with Team 7
As Anko was explaining the exam Sasuke was becoming increasingly nervous, about half way through Anko's speech Hinata had gotten that "I'm being evil" look that meant, especially when it was "Sweet Innocent Hinata-chan"(he used the term loosely), that shit was about to happen.
"We go last."
Sasuke blinked, "Huh?"
Hinata looked to him still smiling, "We wait for everyone else to get their scroll, then when we go follow my lead," she said just as…
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO FOR FOOD?"
Three Seconds Earlier
"…So in order to pass your team must make it to the tower with both scrolls and all its members," Anko finished.
It was at this moment that Chouji realized something, "Wait we're going to be in there for five days…" cue classic Akamichi meltdown, "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO FOR FOOD?"
"For that you're on your own but the forest is full of animals and edible plants, just be careful they don't make you dinner, now if there are no further questions please make your way to the booth to exchange you forms for a scroll."
Fifteen minutes later found a smiling Anko watching as the gennin teams took off into the forest, and watching as Team 7 seemed to head straight for the tower. Everything was going so well…
"Anko! We have a problem!" yelled one of the chunnin.
…or not, "What is it?"
"We just found Sota and Jin out cold in the scroll tent," he informed her.
"So? They're probably taking a nap, I would be," replied sounding unconcerned.
"And some of the spare scrolls are missing," he added.
That got Anko's attention, "Oh? Now that is something," she said as she started walking toward the tent. "Get me some smelling salts it's time for a game of twenty questions!" she said, a little too happily as she entered the tent finding the two chunnin slumped over on the table. The first thing she noticed was that neither of them was in a particularly comfortable position. 'So they weren't planning to take this little nap,' she thought as she continued inspecting the scene. 'No sign of a struggle, no visible marks, and five scrolls unaccounted for, attacking an examiner is technically not against any rules… This has Hinata written all over it,' she thought while taking the smelling salts from the chunnin that had just gotten back and holding them under Sota's nose and wrenching him to wakefulness. "Welcome back to the land of the living kid, mind telling me why you were catching up on your beauty sleep in the middle of my exam?"
Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he answered, "Ugh, last thing I remember was…" trailing off he froze before palming his face and muttering, "I can't believe I fell for that."
'This should be good,' now Anko was positive that Hinata had something to do with this, "Oh do tell!"
Mumble mumble grouse grouse mumble mumble…
"Sorry, didn't catch that!" Anko chirped… she seemed to be doing that a lot today.
"I said that I was handing a scroll to Team 7 (I recognized them because of Naruto), when the pink haired one said "Hey look! A distraction!" next thing I know you're waking me up."
Silence
Sota started getting nervous as Anko stared at him.
Wait for it…
"Um, Anko?"
Wait for it…
"A distraction..." Anko repeated, just before she collapsed to the ground laughing like a maniac.
There it is.
Meanwhile in the forest
A team of Konoha gennin were leaping through the sub-canopy of the forest in search of an easy catch and it would seem that Lady Luck was on their side.
Suddenly the one in front signaled for the other two to stop while pointing bellow them to where one of the rookie teams having a little pow wow in the middle of a clearing.
"So Hanabi how are things with you and your boy-"
"Finish that and I really will let Oni-chan play with you Kibble," the girl growled causing the boy who had spoken to throw his hands up in a sign of surrender.
"Wow, these kids really are greenhorns, standing out in the open like that," one of them sneered.
Ever heard that if it seems too good to be true that it probably is?
It was at that moment that the girl, Hanabi, turned to the boy in the sunglasses, "What do you think, quiet and cruel or loud and embarrassing?"
This confused the team in the trees. What the hell kind of question was that? Quiet and cruel? Loud and embarrassing? Just what the fuck were these twerps talking about?
The boy seemed to consider for a moment before saying, "Quiet and cruel," making the girl chuckle.
"I should have guessed," she said before tossing three shuriken in a seemingly random direction.
Snap! Snap! Snap!
As three trap lines snapped.
Thwap! Thwap! Thwap!
As three well placed branches whipped up striking their respective targets.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
As the three boys hit the ground clutching their genitalia.
It would seem that this particular team had never learned that Lady Luck favors the prepared.
Elsewhere
Team 7 was currently hauling ass toward the tower while Hinata and Sasuke used their respective Doujutsu to ensure that nobody got the drop on them. There had been a minor incident with a Rain gennin that had started following them but they steamrolled him in a matter of seconds, other than that things were going swimmingly. They had the scrolls they needed to pass the exam as well as spares in case they needed to appease or barter with another team or whatever else may come up. It seemed they were dealing with the later at the moment.
"We have a kusa nin closing in fast from our 5 o'clock, they have way more chakra than any normal gennin," Hinata spoke.
"God damn it!" Sasuke cursed quietly, "It's never simple where we're concerned is it?"
"For once I'm inclined to agree with you," Sakura responded while looking over her shoulder at Hinata, "Is this guy at least alone?" Hinata nodded drawing as sigh of relief from Sakura, "Thank the kami for little mercies."
"I'm not sure how much that will help us…" Sasuke muttered before calling to Hinata, "How far out are they?"
"Not far," Hinata replied with a scowl, "I suspect they'll catch up with us in a matter of minutes if we keep up this pace."
"Shit, Sakura you have any ideas?"
"Sic, Naruto on them?"
"…"
"…"
"We honestly forgot that we have a jinchuuriki didn't we," Hinata muttered.
"Yes, yes I believe we did," Sasuke confirmed.
"They forgost me," Naruto pouted.
"No, Naruto they didn't forget you they just forgot that under that lovable and almost illegally cute exterior is a powerhouse capable of causing untold amounts of chaos, destruction, and fangirlish squees," Sakura said… somehow managing to keep a straight face. Either way it cheered Naruto right up, "So sic Naruto on the poor bastard while we run interference?"
"Either way we're out of time," Hinata said bringing the group to an abrupt halt-and-about-face. "10 o'clock high!"
"Kukuku, so you did know I was coming," said a dark haired ninja wearing a Kusa hitai-ate, "I wondered what you were talking about, so discussing how to handle me, hm?"
His only answer was a phrase that seemed to be gaining popularity of late.
"Naruto, sic'm!"
Instantly Naruto seemed to disappear, reappearing to take a clawed swipe at the surprised grass nin who just barley managed to dodge the claws only to be caught by a follow through from one of Naruto's tails sending him crashing into a tree where he seemed to explode in a shower of mud.
"Naruto! 7 o'clock low!" Hinata barked.
"Impressive," spoke the grass nin as he came out of the shadows attempting to kick Naruto in the head only to be forced to dodge another series of tail swipes. "I'd expected as much from the Jinchuuriki but I hadn't expected such a partnership with his keeper," the mysterious nin said with a smile only for it to vanish in the next instant as he was forced to throw himself to the side in order to dodge a strike from behind and watch with wide eyes as his former position was destroyed under the pink haired girl's fist.
"You'll find we're just full of surprises," Sakura said with an absolutely wicked smirk which confused the strange ninja, or at least it did until he was sent flying into a tree by a vicious tail swipe.
'A distraction!' the ninja realized, 'While the Hyuuga helps direct the jinchuuriki the other two attack peripherally to draw my attention away from the real threat,' the ninja thought impressed despite himself as he dodged a series of fireballs. 'However it is not the team I'm here for…' he thought as what seemed to be purple fire started to gather around his finger tips before suddenly shooting forward managing to catch Naruto off guard and drive his fingers into into the boy's gut.
In what felt like slow motion to Team 7 Naruto seemed to sway on the spot before toppling limply off the branch and disappearing into the dark depths of the forest.
"Naruto…" Hinata muttered dazedly as she made to go after her partner only to be stopped cold as she and the others were assaulted by a paralyzing amount of killer intent.
Poor Sakura having very little experience with killer intent was forced to her hands and knees, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the branch in front of her.
'He beat Naruto; we don't stand a chance against this guy!' Sasuke thought, "W-who the hell are y-you," he managed through the fear induced haze while frantically taking in their situation and searching for an out.
"Me? I'm Orochimaru," was the ninja's calm, almost bored, reply, "I must say I'm impressed, still able to function at all after while under the effects of Shikumi no jutsu is no small feat for a gennin…" he continued while pulling out a brace of kunai.
Seeing this Sasuke started to become frantic, glancing at his teammates he was about to force himself to stab himself to move when he noticed something that made him freeze up, something he had only ever seen once before, something truly terrifying.
"However, it matters little," he finished making to release the kunai toward their heads.
Thinking fast Sasuke bit his lip before grabbing Sakura and leaping out of harms way… he wouldn't have to worry about Hinata.
"Die," that one word, spoken so coldly that it made even Orochimaru shiver, was the only warning the old sennin received as Hinata appeared in front of him palm extended to end his life…tears running down her snarling face.
At that moment a memory from just months ago flashed across Sasuke's vision superimposed on the scene before him of a Hinata with the same expression attacking Kakashi…
Flashback
"Magen: Nise no Kinen-butsu," he spoke with the air of one commenting on the weather, "quite useful on those who fear the loss of another."
End Flashback
'Naruto,' Sasuke realized as his eyes were drawn to where the young jinchuuriki had vanished into the bowels of the forest, it was Naruto that Hinata had seen in the genjutsu during the bell test.
Meanwhile Orochimaru was facing the one thing that he was truly afraid of, an enemy that he did not understand, something that he had encountered only once before when he had made the mistake of pissing off Namikaze Minato. Nothing about this made any sense. This girl shouldn't be this powerful and yet he was on the defensive, running from blows that could potentially kill or cripple him. He had decades more experience but no matter what he tried she was right in front of him, attacking in a continuous rain of potentially deadly blows. She was crying yet somehow it only seemed to feed the sense of irrational fear. IT MADE NO SENSE! She was a gennin at least forty years his junior, he had fought in two wars, he wasn't even fighting seriously for gods sake! Logically he had no reason what so ever to be afraid! But still, for reasons he did not understand something about this girl made him uneasy… and that was unacceptable.
For a few moments longer the murderous dance between the Hyuuga heiress and the Snake Sage continued before his stance suddenly changed and he forced her back. Using the space he had created Orochimaru quickly summoned Kusanagi no Tsurugi from his throat bringing it down with the intention to cleave the girl in two but once again his intent would not be realized.
If Orochimaru had been afraid of the Hyuuga girl, the sight that met him as his sword was halted terrified him. Crouched before him, his hair now a bloody red and wreathed in an aura of malice, with Kusanagi's blade clutched in his bare hand was the boy he was sure he'd defeated just moments ago.
Sasuke's Apartment
On Sasuke's bedside table a small screen came to life, the words on it read, Rob Zombie: Superbeast.
"RAAAAAH!" with a chakra infused roar Naruto blasted Orochimaru away.
'What's going on!' Orochimaru panicked as he tumbled through the air, 'That seal should have cut him off from the Kyuubi's power not made him stronger!' but the former member of the Sannin had little time contemplate this problem as Naruto appeared in front of him fist cocked back to deliver a stone crushing blow 'Shit!' he thought performing a hasty Kawarimi.
No sooner had he reappeared then Orochimaru noticed something that nearly made his heart stop, the boy was looking right at him, 'How the…' the boy shouldn't have been able to track his movements that quickly! 'What is he doing?' the boy was gathering an unfathomable amount of chakra that was condensing into a compressed ball in front of his face. '…Oh that can't be good,' the rouge sennin thought as he bit both thumbs and immediately began a string of hand seals.
"RAAH!" Naruto roared as he released the ball of stored energy toward his opponent.
"Sanjuu Rashoumon!" Orochimaru called, slamming both palms into the ground summoning the three walls that made up his ultimate defense.
BOOOOOM!
The resulting shockwave that tore through the forest was enormous. Most everything in the immediate area was completely destroyed resulting in a crater more than a hundred meters in diameter. The forest outside the immediate blast radius looked as though it had just weathered a hurricane, and just out of the radius the two combatants stood watching each other from opposite sides of the crater.
Assessing the situation Orochimaru came to one conclusion, 'I must retreat, if Konoha was not already aware of my presence this will most certainly draw their attention…' Orochimaru thought as he began to sink into the ground, '…it would seem this round goes to you boy.'
Feeling more than seeing his opponent disappear Naruto released a roar of triumph that shook the Forest of Death for miles around.
Omake: Mini-Me
By: EDelta88
Inspired By: Sgt. Nolisten
"You never did answer me."
'What are you talking about?' Sakura asked as they continued following Anko to Area 44.
"Why is it that two of the dweebiest chunnin around have mini-mes and yet WE do not?"
'…are you serious?' Sakura asked, clearly not believing what she was hearing… thinking?
"Like a heart attack."
'Sigh…'
"Well?"
'You do realize that those were probably Izumo and Kotetsu, right? Sasuke did say those guys were using henge.'
"The point still stands, why don't we have a mini-me?" her inner persona argued.
'Probably because I never thought about it,' Sakura snapped hoping her other self would drop the subject… she had no such luck.
"Well we're thinking now," Inner Sakura replied in a stubborn tone that would put a mountain to shame.
'…You're not going to drop this, are you,' it was more a statement of fact.
"You better believe it sister!"
'Sigh, alright you win we'll get a mini-me…'
"SCORE!"
'…but we're doing this my way.'
"Kill joy."
'Drama Queen.'
"AND PROUD OF IT! SHANNARO!"
'Moving on… who should we get?'
Striking a thinking pose, "Well, she'll have to be smaller then us…"
'You don't say,' Sakura muttered sarcastically.
"…and she'll have to have naturally pink hair…"
'Well that narrows it down…a lot.'
"And she has to think that we are the best thing since sliced bread," Inner Sakura concluded.
'That doesn't leave many candidates, I mean there aren't that many people with pink hair, I guess we could use my sister but that seems a little cliche.'
"Well there is that one girl in Konohamaru's class."
'Wait you aren't thinking of -'
"Yachiru," Inner Sakura finished.
'…Damn.'
"Oh come on she's not that bad."
'Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD?'
"I think you're overreacting a little."
'THAT HELLION IS MORE HYPER THEN NARUTO WAS ON A SUGAR HIGH AND A CAFFINE DRIP!'
"…Okay so she is that bad but she's also very entertaining, worships the ground we walk on, and we could sic her on Sasuke."
'…I'm listening.'
And thus did Sakura's quest for a mini-me begins…poor Sasuke.
Omake: The Vulcan Neck Pinch
By: EDelta88
Inspired By: He Who Spoke, a.k.a. The Muse
"Hey look! A distraction!" Sakura cried.
In the next moment Hinata dropped the first chunnin while Sasuke used a pressure point to knock the other out… or at least he tried to.
"What are you doing?"
"The Vulcan Neck Pinch?"
"No you idiot, it's lower, toward the base of the neck."
"Like… that?"
"Yeah! That's-" thwup.
"…Thanks," he said before turning and picking up some extra scrolls. As he was about to leave he paused, then looked back at the chunnin, "…Thanks again," turning around Sasuke found Sakura staring at the now unconscious guard.
Never taking her eyes off the downed chunnin, "…Well that was interesting."
Omake: Hairball
By: Sir Trib the Bold
No sooner had he reappeared then Orochimaru noticed something that nearly made his heart stop, the boy was looking right at him, 'How the…what is he doing?' the boy was gathering an unfathomable amount of chakra that was condensing into a compressed ball in front of his face. '…Oh that can't be good,' the rouge sennin thought as he bit both thumbs and immediately began a string of hand seals.
"HAAAAAAAACK!" Naruto choked as he released the ball of grease and hair toward his opponent.
"Sanjuu Rashoumon!" Orochimaru called, slamming both palms into the ground summoning the three walls that made up his ultimate defense. "Wait, what?"
End Notes
Sorry this took so long everyone, a combination of summer distractions, the muse being AWOL, and an incredibly irritating case of writer's block (you know that kind where you know exactly what you want to write but you just can't seem to write it) slowed me down more than I'd expected.
Like I said before I'm accepting ideas for omake those of you who inspire/write one will be given credit, the two from this chp are from my muse and a buddy from my challenge form (still looking for people to take those challenges by the way).
Also to warn you guys now I'm going to focus on Who's the Hostage for awhile, at least until I get a chp up.
Edit: anyone freaking out about me not updating the next chp is almost done I just need to do some fine tuning, fair warning it will be short.
Cliff notes
1) Yes 300 km² is the roughly the actual size of the Forest of death, it's about 10km from the fence to the tower and is a circle, the area of a circle is pi times the radius squared, do the math and boom 314.
2) Note that in ancient Japan was polytheistic, so when Sakura said "Thank the kami" it was "thank the gods"
3) A tsurugi is a double bladed sword similar to most stereotypically western medieval swords.
4) and just because this comes up so often in fandom and it's really starting to piss me off:
Sennin: sage/hermit
Sannin: three ninja, a nickname given to Team Hiruzen by Salamander Hanzo of Amegakure
Muse Rant
Well this is just great, Delta's pumping out chps, making crazy awesome challenges left and right, going to college, and is pretending to be my part time psychologist... I feel so inadequate
No that's just the burnt out feeling from being Sr. stage crew and actually being responsible for something
...there's that too
Must you be so depressing?
Yes
...
...What's with the look
...
Seriously what's wrong with you
...
Ok Delta you're really starting to freak me out
...
You're just doing this to screw with me aren't you
...