Chapter 2: Pomp and Circumstance
Iruka Umino was… conflicted. He knew what it was like to be an orphan, to be mocked, laughed at, and lonely. He knew that Naruto had it much worse. But… should he really allow Naruto to graduate? Naruto developed… eccentrically. He had the plans of a killer and the innocence of a child. The ideas of a visionary but the focus of a broken telescope. What exactly was it that was so wrong with this child? Naruto had no one, no one at all, and everyone was aware of that. So how did he find a teacher? Iruka knew that Naruto had a teacher because the kid kept mentioning one, but then embarrassedly cut himself off everytime the teacher was mentioned as if someone had yelled at him. It wasn't normal for a six year old to be able to channel chakra for taijutsu and hunt properly without clan training.
But it was also odd to only learn to channel chakra and be stuck with nothing else. A child with a ninja teacher would have learnt more than that, but none of the civilians would have ever taught the shunned orphan. Anything with basic weaponry, survival, trapping, and generally being sneaky were things Naruto seemed to have a lot of practice in, but anything else from social skills to hygiene were foreign concepts. Naruto was, for all intents and purposes, the least motivated student in all of Iruka's tenure as a teacher. Iruka lamented… the kid's physical ability, and talents for chakra intensive techniques and seals were top of the line. But Naruto refused to learn anything he wasn't already talented in or that required him to simply listen instead of do or make something. But academic flaws aside… all the other kids were scared of Naruto, and Iruka doubted Naruto's ability to work on a team.
Yes, comfort with death was necessary for a ninja. But Naruto had this unnervingly innocent way of saying that he was excited to murder, and torture, and plunder. During survival exercises the fox boy would hunt his classmates like a real fox, chasing them down with real kunai and setting tripwires everywhere. In target practice Naruto wouldn't aim for the target, he would aim for birds. Mice. Lizards. Any non-human moving targets, and then he would… eat them raw. On the spot. It was unnerving even to the adults.
And in spars… Naruto wouldn't practice sparring in any normal way. Naruto would practice injuring people. Every spar Naruto would fight in the dirtiest, most dishonorable way possible. He'd aim for vital areas, pressure points, sensory organs… and when Iruka convinced Naruto that permanently maiming people was a bad idea, Naruto would aim for breaking bones and ligaments… things the nurse could heal. But the injuries got much worse during Naruto's second year at the academy. Naruto discovered the repulsion technique on his own time. It was the opposite of the tree walking technique, usually used to speed up thrown kunai or soften rough landings. Normal ninja couldn't do much more than a light push, but Naruto had so much raw chakra that if he overloaded the technique he could shatter bones and dent trees. The first time the violent youngster used repulsion in a spar… the victim could never walk again. And when Naruto learned seals… his traps got more dangerous, easier to hide, and much scarier. Naruto was scary. He scared the adults. And the 3rd Hokage refused to fail such a talented student, but also refused to give Naruto a mentor of some kind, and refused to do anything to correct Naruto's behavior. Naruto would assault civilians, Naruto would recklessly endanger himself, and Naruto would turn danger and death into games.
So the question remained: was Naruto suitable to become a genin? A trainee on a 4 person team, with orders, hierarchy, and most importantly… peers? The 3rd refused any other outcome, but Iruka couldn't place Naruto with any in his graduating class. There was no water to his flame, no restraint to his recklessness, not a single person that Naruto cared about or respected. Iruka pored over his notes on every instructor and wracked his mind for one, just one combination that might work. None of the jonin available seemed ready to handle him, they were either too lazy, like Asuma, or too gentle, like Kurenai. Iruka, desperate for something, looked at the ninja who were up for a promotion to Jonin before graduation. And he found one name, just one name that could handle this wild child. Mitarashi Anko. Someone who'd been abandoned for their seal, someone who would throw Naruto to the wolves, someone who could beat the tar out of Naruto until she earned his respect. Somebody who could nurture Naruto's sadism into a healthy use for the village. As for teammates… There were only two people who knew how to respect Naruto properly while being strong enough to try and keep up. Kiba's family had pounded the fear of overwhelming strength into him like a horse beat with a riding crop. And Shino Aburame, due to his bugs, was a talented sensor who could keep distance from Naruto and disable traps easily. A snake, a dog, a fox, and an insect colony. This was the best Iruka could do.
It was graduation day at the Konoha Ninja Academy, and I, the great Kyuubi, have pulled out all the stops by instructing my tiny underling to pull out all the stops. After three days of incredibly boring exams those who passed were instructed to come to the academy building for one final farewell lecture. The not terrible teacher with the brown hair gave us a sappy speech about friendship or something, and then started calling out names and numbers. Naruto kindly informed me that these were assignments for teams, complete with teachers.
It's absurd to even put me and my host on a team for any reason other than to hunt teammates for sport. BUT! My glorious child had the marvelous idea to burn this building to the ground as a final parting gift for the academy's role in helping him learn to make things explode. I enthusiastically agreed. We spent all of last evening placing a network of super-burny-explosive-seals (name still pending) all around the academy building, with a single time-delayed trigger seal placed underneath Naruto's normal seat in the lecture hall.
Naruto's team was called, and he kindly informed me that he had dog boy and bug boy as teammates, and his teacher was someone named Anko, and that his squad number was 11. I told Naruto that I frankly did not care. After all the names were called the children shuffled into their respective groups, with dog boy and bug boy sitting next to us. Naruto beamed at his captive audience: "Kiba, Shino, I hope you guys are fast and good at dodging. And that goes for the dog too." The dog one puffed out his chest. "I'm fast. And so's Akamaru, he's not just a dog. He's a ninja dog!" "That's great! You'll be way more fun than rabbits and bears!" The bug one raised a single eyebrow from behind his tacky sunglasses. "Naruto, what does 'more fun' mean?" "When I go hunting you'll be more fun to hunt than rabbits and bears! But I won't get to eat you though, which is sad."
Kiba Inuzuka and Shino Abruame, while respecting each other's talents, had never agreed on much. One was brash, extroverted, and impulsive. One was humble, introverted, and logical. Their personalities were like oil and water. But when they locked eyes after Naruto's statement, they both knew that they would be comrades in the most hellish genin experience ever devised… if they could survive until their new squad leader arrived. Most of the teams were picked up by their teachers from the academy very soon after teams were announced, except for teams 7 and 11. Team 7 consisted of Sasuke Uchiha, Hinata Hyuuga, and Sakura Haruno. Sakura and Sasuke were bickering about inconsequential things while Hinata quietly, and poorly, tried to diffuse the conflict. Team 11 had Naruto and Kiba facing off in a pushup contest while Shino read a book. Anko Mitarashi walked in on her team in the middle of the pushup contest. "Wolf whelp, blondie, bug brat, it's time to get going. I'm the person who's gonna tear your asses to shreds until you're worth calling men. We're going to the forest of death for a combat exercise." Kiba and Shino groaned… they couldn't believe they had to deal with two of these.
Two hours after the wolf-bug-fox trio left the academy, the academy building burned to the ground. The culprit was found immediately because a message was written in the sand of the outdoor sparring ring:
Failures and passes
Goodbye to classes
The faculty's got a huge stick up their asses
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Thanks for teaching me how to combust.
Hire me for the rebuilding process,
Naruto Uzumaki,
President and CEO of the Explosives for Orphans Foundation.
AN: First chapter I've written in a long long time. At least 2 more on the way, have fun :)