Okay, so this is where some of us might part ways and that's fine. What I ask is that none of my readers kink shame! We're all adults here, and if you read something you don't like you are more than welcome to just leave. :3 but feel free to call E & B idiots because yeah, they are hahah
Also, we will see "this night" in a few more flashbacks in future chapters. If you're still here, thank you! You're brave and ILY!
3
- traitor -
I watched his hands because after he was inside of her, I could barely look at his face.
His hands were exploring.
Rubbing.
Squeezing.
If I looked at his face again, I'd die.
I'd call it off.
But I wanted it.
I even liked it at first.
His cock in her mouth. His hand tangled in her hair. My hand moved between my legs, wet and greedy, as I watched. His eyes, though, were on me. I came when he did and felt connected to him.
I didn't mind seeing him receiving. There might have been a spark of jealousy, but I used it to fuel my desire.
The vibe was a little awkward afterward, but we drank more alcohol to ease the uncomfortableness.
In hindsight, that's when we should've left—before round two began. Because that was when things felt different.
It was when he started giving—when he slid into her from behind—that things changed for me.
His focus on her. So much attention. When he squeezed her hips twice, it was like a wordless signal. She looked over her shoulder at him, and when I glanced at his face again, I saw what he wasn't asking: "Is this good? You like it?"
He should've been checking on me, not her, because the fantasy of witnessing this had been provocative in my mind, but the reality of seeing it happen was paralyzing.
But I didn't stop it. I should have. I could have. That was what we agreed upon—I had the ability to end this at any point if I felt uncomfortable. We all did.
I kept waiting to be into it again, and I just… wasn't.
I was too stunned maybe.
Shocked and sickened to see him fucking another woman. Trying to bring her pleasure. But it was for me, wasn't it? Wasn't it all for me?
If it began because of me, it certainly seemed like it continued because of them. Their pleasure. Not mine. Because no, nothing about seeing him thrusting in and out of her with abandon turned me on.
I didn't touch myself after that. I just wanted it to end. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Get it over with, and never do it again. Never touch each other. Look at each other. Never think of this night again.
Yes, it was my fantasy, but choosing her was his suggestion.
"Maybe we can ask Maria…"
He'd listed off all of the reasons why.
She wasn't a complete stranger since she ran in the same professional circle as he did, but she wasn't someone he saw daily.
She wasn't part of our actual friend group.
She was safe.
Single.
And she was the woman we dirty talked the most about while we had sex.
I'd previously picked up on Maria's interest in Edward at an event their podcast network threw. He'd said something that wasn't even that funny, and she brushed his arm while laughing a little too hard.
Part of me was pleased she found my husband attractive. The other part wanted to claw her fucking eyes out. But I'd been turning that twisted jealousy into sexual fuel for a while, so it came as no surprise that her touch on his arm would make me burn with want.
For two years, Edward and I explored my kink of wanting to see him with another woman by bringing dirty talk into the bedroom. It spiced things up for a while. It revived our sex life and we both got off on it.
I was the first one to suggest the idea that we take it further, but I didn't have anyone specific in mind. And I didn't think we'd ever actually go through with it.
The idea was safe, but actually doing it felt bold.
When he brought it up again, it felt like a natural step in our sex life. Every reason he offered made sense, so with nervous excitement, I agreed.
We would ask Maria.
But he left out the main reason why.
And when I finally looked at his face again while he was buried deep inside of her, I knew—it was because he wanted it, too.