Chapter 3 - chapter 3

~!! AUTHORS NOTE !!~

Hi guys im so sorry for the delay i hit a writers block and just didnt know what would be good enough. I received mostly amazinf supportive reviews however from some lameo im suspecting the same anon a couple of "go kill your self" and the review that unfortunately made it's way to the comment section. Sorry my lovelies I will try to remove it.

You all who have been so kind have made a tough time so much better. Thank you i will be writing alot more and if this chapter is crap let me know and ill redo it with more articulation!!!

Work was a drag as it usually is. But again I enjoy the monotony of the knowing what is coming next.

I walk out of the diner an hour earlier than scheduled because as Renee predicted , nothing fucking exciting happens on a Sunday. I pull my iPhone out of my back work pants pocket and scroll through the contacts looking for "Big bro"

I push the green phone emblem and I get greeted with "Sorry the phone number you have dialled has been disconnected"

I screw my face up and decided to try Donna and success. 4 Rings and she answers wearily "Eli?"

"Hey sexy lady. How are you doing?"

"Elias why are you calling" Donna didn't sound happy at all , completely disregarding what I had said.

"Look I tried to call Ope and the phones been disconnected. Can I speak with him please , Donna. I just wanna talk to Ope. I just want to see the kids" my voice shaking.

"He's not here Elias. I told all of you when he fucking went away I wanted nothing to do with any of you. I was the one who got shit on for 5 god damn years. Clay and everyone he considered family sold him out" and then the line went quiet.

I hated people hanging up on me , I think it's my ego because I can't get the last word in. I'm still trying to work on that though as it's what got me in hot water with that slut sister of mine and Deputy Hale.

I shook my head trying to calm down and shake the urge of wanting to drive across town to punch her stupid fucking head. Donna and I were best friends once , I loved her like a sister and as soon as Ope did his lag she turned on us. She turned her back when we offered her and the kids a safe haven. Bills paid , baby sitters ... Company.

I hopped in my Range rover and sped off home for a quick shower. I raced in through my front door after unlocking it and breathed a sigh of relief. My home was my personal sanctuary. No abiding by anyone else's rules. No pleasing anyone else. No hiding the fact any minute my minds going to explode because all I think of is Jax...

I gather all the things for another shower after my initial one before work.

Set on hot I jump in the water. I take a deep breath in and out , in and out with it I imagine all of my fears , all of my nightmares washing away. Slipping away and down the drain.

I slink out of the water and get dried. I slick my long black hair into a Pony tail after blow drying and rustle through my shorts drawer , Cali heat is unbearable.

I find a paid of denim high waist shorts and a white tank. I dress myself and say aloud "you're fuckable eli"

20 minutes after returning home im heading back out.

I pull into the drive way of Jaxs home and see a black caddy and smile at the long brown haired woman standing in the door way with a smoke in one hand and a garbage bag in the other

"Hey mama!" I exclaimed

"Hey baby" Gemma let out

I stormed over to the steps felt the warmest of embrace. Gemma moved a piece of hair from my face and said "get this out of your face it's too beautiful to hide baby"

I giggled and returned her embrace.

we walk inside and start what turned into a 5 hour clean up. We picked up needles and point bags , alcohol cans and disgusting stained clothes - None of which belonged to Jax.

Gemma and I were finishing up when I walked past a baby blue room which thankfully remained mostly untouched. I walked in and looked around my heart sinking thinking this should have been my baby's room.

I snap back to reality when the roar of a Harley Davidson pulls into the driveway. walking out I quietly closed the door and immediately let Gemma know everything was done. As I get to the hallway t section going through to the lounge and kitchen Jax opens his front door.

Jax smirks when he sees me standing his out from the door way " Hey ma , hey darlin'"

"Hey baby in here " Gemma shouted from the lounge.

"Hey handsome" I smiled.

"Thank you for this " jax whispered with a small hug and grip around my waist.

"Ma this is the last of the rubbish , baby's clothes are folded and the washing has all been hung out"

" You're a gift from the heavens baby - are you working tomorrow? "

"Nah day off it's Monday " I replied

"Okay baby wanna come home with me I wanna go shopping tomorrow in Lodi for the baby and i need your advice. Your clothes are at home"

I contemplated and I thought fuck it "yeah ma I'll come over. I need to stop by the clubhouse first to see ope otherwise I'm going to drive to his house and rip donnas head off - Don't ask either" I scolded Jax. Jax pretended to throw his hands up in defeat and lit a smoke.

After an hour of final touches , I ask Jax if he can take me to the club house and then back to his mothers. He obliged and we all go off to teller morrow.

I felt free with Jax. I felt at home on the back of his bike. I felt like I was whole but no one would ever know about these feelings. No one.

We pull into teller-morrow and the lot

is littered with bikes , family and crow eaters. The road between my legs comes to a halt and dies out , I then take off my helmet and make my way to the Clubhouse doors. Opening the doors I see serious discussions happening , pool playing and sluts trying to get in with anyone that will have them.

"Hey baby" I feel a wispy goatee on my neck and strong hands around my shoulders.

"Chibs!!" I exclaim

" heeeeeey doll face " get another set of hands around around my shoulders with a quick peck and then I see who I need and involuntarily scream across the room " FUCK YOU FOR NOT COMING TO SEE ME. FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING ME ON THE OUTS. FUCK YOU FOR LETTING DONNA PUSH US OUT " I stopped mid sentence and realised I had just lost control. I wiped the tear that started to form and composed myself. "FUCK YOU opie"

Opie ran towads me and embraced me in his famous bear hug and enveloped me until I stopped crying... This was it , 5 years of not having my rock and now he's back . 5 years I held it together and now he's back i'm going to fucking lose it. This is why I kept kept routine and solemnly ever detoured from what I knew worked.

"sis I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say." he apologized.

"FUCK I didnt realise I was so angry. I'm sorry for the scene but you fucking asshole - I punched opie's chest - You never came around. I know you gotta 9-5 but even a 2 ninure ' hey sis ' would have sufficed ope" I angrily scolded him.

My brother looked sad and down. I couldn't stay mad so I hugged him and told him i loved him and we'd speak when the birds were chirping and the sun was at its higest- A saying opie had adopted from school and we used it as our own.