I had decided to stay at Gem's the night of the dinner. Renee and I had accidentally gotten way too smashed to even be coherent - This really wasn't like me though , Renee? Yeah , Me? no!

I woke up next to Renee in a room all too familiar to me. Jax's old room. I got up , rummaged through the drawers and closet for one of Jax's old t-shirts and hazily made my way to the shower.

I barely remember last night but I know I had fun.

Jaxs top was down to my knees so I got away with not wearing any pants because who the heck likes wearing pants anyway?

"Morning Mom" I kissed Gemma's cheek.

"It's nice to have you home for the night baby , nice shirt. Y'know It's been real quiet since you lot left" Gemma's eyes fogged over. I presume reminiscent of the days the house was full with the comings and goings of club meetings , teenagers and family.

"I might make this a regular occurrence. Good for the soul. Oh yeah , I went through the drawers and found it. Pretty sure I bought this for jax the day of my graduation" I pointed at the shirt.

Before we could continue our conversation Jax let himself in with a cooing Abel.

"Hey mom , Hey E.. nice shirt"

"Hey Jax , Hi my darling Abel" I exclaimed. I grabbed Abel from Jaxs arms , carefully cradling his head , briefly wishing this was our son , before I was brought back to reality and went to the family room to give them space to talk.

I could just hear the discussion at hand and it sounded pretty heated. Abels proper home coming was next week - He was only allowed 1 over night visit and 2 day visits a week , he was a brilliant little boy having fought as hard as he had to stay alive. I hated Abel's birth mom. Abel was supposed to be my son but Jax wasn't ready. Instead he knocked the junkie up , married her and bought her a house.

And I was still caught up on this man , who put me second, Twice. Bizarre.

The days after the dinner seemed to drag on.

I got back into the routine I craved for so long while I was isolating myself. I was back on track , mentally and spiritually. I was finding myself outside of TM , The diner and Jax.

Work seemed to be getting busier as it drew closer to summer break. Kids were coming home , families were visiting. Our small we town was bustling again.

I had seen familiar faces coming and going , to and fro. I had seen new faces becoming acclimated to the surroundings of constant bikers. I saw jax , often.

It had been a long few days.

Now , I had seen death before. I had heard soul piercing cries before. I had seen grief , I had grieved myself but I had never heard pain quite like I did that day.

I had just clocked off from work and was heading to Gemma's for dinner and Abel's final welcome home, when I got the call.

I pulled over to the side of the road to answer my phone as I had heard my phone call atleast 15 times from the time I exited the diner to the time I stopped.

My screen flashed "Ope"

"Ope?"

"E" and it was then that I'd heard the most ear shattering , world destroying scream I had ever heard. "E donnas dead"

I was paralysed. I couldn't move. I barely managed to put words together

"I'll be right there Ope, where the fuck are you?"

"St Thomas" and the called ended.

I sped like a bat out of hell all the way to my brother. The next few minutes were a blur but I ran as fast as I could , dodging people , running up stairs and sprinting the hallways trying to find my family.

I found the whole family on a ward I never wanted to visit ever again.

You could feel the heartache in this room. You could feel the grief , the disbelief.

With My mouth wide opened and arms outstretched , no thoughts ran through my mind. I went straight to jax and sobbed with him.

Ope had crumbled. Ope was a shell. So much chaos ensued within the 10 by 10 waiting room. I scanned the room for faces I knew but they all seemed to be distorted. I couldn't compose myself.

The days following donnas funeral were brutal on TM , the town and of-course opie and his 2 beautiful children.

We rallied for ope , as you do for family , but the secrets that were starting to fester at the epi centre of teller-morrow were starting to leak out of the pores of those closest to opie.

Opie had to call his mom to watch the kids while he dealt with his grief and sorrow. I was petrified my brother would lose himself again. We tried to be there every which way we could.

Support for opie came from the unlikeliest of allies - Tig and Clay. I know as family it's supposed to happen but empathy and emotional bonding were never strong suits for these 2 and it became evident , it was to cover up a mistake that would start the destruction and untangle of decades of lies and utter betrayal.