TRIGGER WARNING - Rape and Infant Death is mentioned.

I couldn't help but feel betrayed. He could have handled it himself. It wasn't even Tara that told the cop , it was Jax.

Why am I so spineless?

Unser questioned me for 2 hours before he was dragged away by a phone call that seemed to rattle him.

"E , go home and stay away from the sons" Unser seemed genuinely concerned.

I screwed my face up at him and asked "what's next then?"

"E it's over. It's done. No charges are being pressed. Just go" Unser flung his arms in the air and raced out of the interrogation room.

Screen flashing -Gemma-

15 missed calls. Last call 3.04am

Incoming call - Gemma.

"Baby I need you to come and get me. I'm at St Thomas"

"I'm on my way ma"

I made the 15 minute drive in 8 minutes. I broke all the road rules. Gemma only called if it was urgent. Gemma only called when she really needed help. Gemma didn't ask for help often. I felt that sick , gut wrenching churn as I , yet again , ran the halls of St Thomas.

"Gemma Morrow" I screamed at the reception clerk.

"I'm sorry who?" The receptionist replied

"Gemma fucking morrow , where is she ??"

Tara came around the corner with a smug , toothless grin and told me to follow her.

Against all my better judgement , I did.

"Did Gemma tell you what happened?"

"Do you think I'd be this panicked if she did?" I choked at Tara.

Tara whipped through the first corridor , turned left into another and down the hallway to examination room 4.

"She's here. Take her home. And E, don't fucking hit me again especially not when you've just fucked my... Jax" Tara side eyed me and walked away.

"I'll do it again in a heart beat" I muttered back.

I walked into the dimly lit exam room and saw the person had always looked up to , Broken. Broken both mentally and physically.

"I'm okay baby , just help me get dressed and take me home" Gemma whispered.

"Ma.."

I helped Gemma get dressed , packed her things together and walked with her arm in arm back to my car.

"Ma , what happened" I asked as we sat silently in the car.

"Couple of zobelles guys attacked me , kidnapped me and raped me. Unser found me and brought me here. I called Tara. You got to promise me clay , jax and the sons don't find out about this Elias. It was retaliation"

"Ma..." I trailed off. " I'm so sorry "

We drove back to Gemma's in silence.

"Baby do you mind staying with me "

" Ofcourse ma , I'll sleep in jaxs old room"

I ended up staying the week with Gemma. I couldn't leave her and it brought us a lot closer than we have ever been.

"E , I want you to come back and work at TM. I need another admin. I fired the other thieving bitch. Probably stole the money for crank" Gemma questioned.

This is what I was scared of. Picking up exactly where I had left off when I moved out. Going back to TM. Getting heavily involved in TM. Having to see jax day in day out, again.

"I can see the hesitance in your eyes E. But this is what we will leave you. We are your family, the only one you got. TM needs you and I'm not talking about admin "

I bit my lip and told Gemma I would think about it.

Jax had come around for the first time since I'd been staying at Gemma's and seemed a little too surprised to see me.

"E , can we talk about last week?" Jax asked.

"No, we can't. Fuck off" I snapped back.

"Huh , what have I missed out on? "Gemma looked between us both.

"Nothin'" jax and I chimed in unison.

A few days later I had to call Jax to talk some things through before I made a decision to go back to TM.

- yo , I need to talk to you. Your mom has asked some things of me and they will affect you , so come by the house when you're free - me

- Be there @ 8 , be ready - jax

- I'm not going anywhere with you. I told you to come by the house, your mothers house. - me

- just be ready E - jax

8pm rolls around , I'm in sweats with a messy bun and I'm actually contemplate actually going with Jax.

I hear the ever so familiar roar of A bike, the door opens and Then I hear Gemma and Jax talking.

"We're just going to talk ma..."

"Don't let me stop you but if you hurt her again jax she might not ever fucking come back" Gemma scorned Jax like a little kid sneaking candy right before dinner.

I knocked the doors in the hallway a couple of times so they knew I was coming and so I could pretend I wasn't eaves dropping , I wasn't , they were just .. loud.

"You ready" Jax asked with raised brows.

I sighed , " spose so "

I grabbed the helmet from the table , kissed Gemma goodbye and straddled the bike.

The engine came to life , a sound so comforting to my soul.

We rode for what felt like hours , we pulled into the cliffs edge where we used to take off to as teenagers. My heart fluttered anxiously for a brief moment , remembering why we stopped coming here.

"You remember huh?"

"Yeah" I muttered under my breath. "We were last here the day we lost Jacqueline That's why we stopped coming?"

"I never stopped coming here E , you did."

I felt my bones ache. The pain in my chest return and tears start to well in my eyes , which forced me to blink profusely to rid them before they fell, if they fell it meant i was still broken. If they fell like they did I would spiral , again. Her memory needed to be locked away. Locked away really tight so I didn't have to feel these things ever , ever , ever again.

"Fuck sakes Elias , there is where we went wrong. YOU covered everything up like she never meant anything to you. You STOPPED everyone from grieving because YOU couldn't handle her death AND YOU STILL CAN'T. I was her fucking Father E , you didn't even give me the chance. You never let me feel , you went back to normal like nothing happened. Like we never mattered , like OUR KID NEVER MATTERED" Jax exploded between tears.

"I know you don't like being vulnerable, I know you hate showing weakness , I know it broke you but you went cold on me , remember? Not the other way around. You pushed me to Tara because you pushed me away"

"I ... I ... I wanted her so badly. I wanted her to live so much. I just wanted to give her everything that was stolen from me Jax. When Maddison died it felt like the universes way of saying fuck you , you're too fucked up and too young for a kid.. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to love her the way only we could. I never pushed you away , I shut you out and you couldn't be bothered fighting for me! I was only 16, I was fucking scared"

"Mom prepared for her. Mom brought everything for her first grandkid. Clay prepared for her , calling mom Grandma, . Chibs and Tig put her room together. Piney was telling everyone to call him pop pop , Me and Ope practised being protective dads. Your dad.. " jax trailed off

"My dad what jax? He got pissed and fell asleep in his tatty old arm chair amongst his hoarded shit?" I blew up

"He made a promise to Gemma that'd he'd stop drinking and do right by his first grand kid , if Gemma would talk to you about letting him meet her when she was born"

I held onto the bike for dear life. My head started spinning as realisation hit. My heart started pounding and I began to sob , everything I held in became undone , I had unraveled so violently. The heartache I had expertly locked away for 10 years came back with a vengeance.

Maybe it was my age , Maybe it was pure naivety but I didn't stop to think of the devastation and heart break that my dead daughters family had to feel too, for all these years.

We then both sat in silence wondering what to say next to the other as our hearts lay bare and tattered , in front of us on the cliffs edge.