Hey my wonderful virtual friends! I have been contemplating this chapter for 3 months. It's been changed countless times but please tell me if it's too corny , this kind of gives us insight. There's more back story though so tell me if it needs to be removed or rewritten!

The heartache that these memories brought almost sent me spiraling.

-FLASHBACK-

I had been in love with Jax for majority of my life , more so when i had moved in with Gemma and Uncle John. I had become so close with Jax while Tara was trying to continuously get his attention.

The first time i had slept with jax was a year after uncle Johns funeral. He was almost 18 and i was 16. I didn't mean for it to happen but we had just attended Uncle John's memorial that was sloppily put together by Clay in hopes of making up for banging his dead widow.

Tara and Jax had just gotten out of lock up for some drunk disorderly shit and guess who called the home phone wanting to speak with me ? Yeah..

It was 3am and jax was barely coherent, Tara was screaming bloody murder in the background and i could hear Wayne telling them both to get their shit together because the sober tank was the last of their worries if they continued this way .. Once upon a time Wayne was actually an upstanding citizen and not in bed with the local drug and gun runners..

"babe , E , Elias , Darlin.. I got locked up again , y'think you can take moms car and come and get us?"

"Not us jax , you. I will come and get you but i need to wake your mom and get the keys , she started hiding them after our joy rides last week. Have you called opie? Uncle P will come and get you" I questioned.

"i tried... no answer. Pineys probably at TM .. pretty sure piney and ope's mom are on the verge of splittin' "

"Ugh , yeah okay. but im waking your mom. See you soon" and then i hung the phone up.

I tried so hard to sneak back to the room without waking anyone ..

"locked up again huh?"

"Oh fuck , how did you know?"

Gemma groggily looked at me , puckered her lips and through the keys at me

"Better you than me baby. Straight there and back E. You're still in the shit for taking my car last week"

i half smiled "Thanks ma"

I had been driving since i was 13 , Uncle piney had taught Opie , Jax and i. I was a better driver than the boys , for obvious reasons. I also didn't have a license to lose if i got caught.

I drove to the police station and i could see the blonde hair , blue eyed boy i loved ever so dearly , with my cunt of a sister. I pulled up next to the stairs and signalled for the drunk idiots to get in the car.

"Jax , im not getting in the car with that little psycho" Tara snapped "Why did you fucking call her?"

"She was the only one that picked up , shes always the only one that picks up for me Tara" Jax snapped back.

i interjected " well then stay there you dumb slut".

Jax hopped in Gemmas caddy and we sped off.

"Lets go to the look out E. Please darlin'" Jax asked sweetly.

"Nope , your mom is still pissed about last week. The only reason i was actually allowed the car was because Clay's over and they're probably fucking" I laughed

"its fucking wrong" Jax said with furrowed brows.

We drove home and i helped the drunken Jax into the shower and got his clothes for him.

Gemma came out with a disappointed look on her face and told me to go to bed.

After an hours long lecture he stumbled into my bed and asked if he could sleep next to me. The next morning we got up , got ready for Uncle Johns memorial and Tara came stumbling over throwing what sounded like rocks at all the windows screaming for Jax to get the fuck up and party. I do believe this was the only time i had seen Gemma let anything go. She just told Tara to fuck off and hopefully never come back.

Uncle John's funeral was cringey in the worst way. It was filled with stupid shit Uncle John cared nothing about. It was a long day.

Jax had been sitting at the park bench out the front of TM for an hour or so. Once i had helped clean up and pack everything away i had gone to check on him.

We talked and reminisced for hours and by the time we paid attention to our surroundings the crow eaters started piling in and the music was getting louder. The guys were starting to get rowdy so we decided to disappear for a few hours on Jax's pride and joy and made our way to the cliff's edge.

It was beautiful. I was peaceful. It calmed my soul.

Talking had turned into a peck on the lips , then it lead to the professing of our love and then it lead to the actions that singlehandedly made our baby girl. It was pure ecstasy. I hadn't ever opened myself the way i did this night. I had fucked one other person but Jax and Ope had scared him away. I thought i had loved him , i didn't. It was infatuation , or a futile attempt at trying not to love Jax. It almost worked until he was scared away.

Jax had unlocked the piece of me i had hidden. I was so vulnerable and he was so gentle. We were both so inexperienced but it didn't stop him from guiding me , weaving in and out of eachother. That night our souls were embedded in the other and that night will forever be etched into the deepest part of my memory. Hours went by , the sun started to rise. I laid on the pile of clothes we had laid down underneath an old oak tree , Jax gently kissed my lips and looked into my eyes.

"I love you E , ever since the old mans funeral .. i just... you have always been my best friend and i ... i dont know what happened" Jax whispered

"I've loved you since i was 7 years old Jackson"

"I just .. E i don't know. You confuse the fuck outta me"

I smiled "I have that effect on people"

"You know what i mean" Jax said sternly

"Yeah i get ya"

We watched the sun rise over the cliffs edge and it was the most beautiful Sight i had ever seen , The morning sun shining behind the Man i loved. The sun shone behind him , the air was crisp and the birds were starting the chirp.

"Home time then?" I asked

Fast foward 8 weeks later and i was starting to hate the smell of Gemmas cooking and the mornings were getting unbearable with the recurring "stomach bug" i had.

"baby , are you pregnant?" Gemma asked while she was serving breakfast to a table of people that included Clay , Jax , Opie , Uncle Piney and .. Tara.

"No" i shot back , stunned.

"You're not going to school today darlin, were going to the docs office just in case"

i started to profusely sweat and excused myself to go and throw up. As i left i was counting back to that night and then i ran to the sanitary draw Gemma kept.

"oh fuck" I whispered to myself. "OH NO NO NO"

Gemma and i left 2 hours later to pick up a few things she needed and sat in the doctors office. It was 10:43 - Appointment was 10:45am

I pissed in the little cup , gave the doctor the information he needed and nervously waited for the results.

I tried not to have a panic attack sitting there , it felt as if time has just magically stopped. What was supposed to be 5 minutes dragged on for an eternity.

The Doctor calmly sat down without looking at me and entered some notes into his computer

With one hand on his chin he asked how old i was , "im .. im 16 Doc" i stuttered.

he then handed me a handful of pamphlets and congratulated Gemma on becoming a grandmother presuming correctly jax was the father since I was with his mother , he told me what i needed if i was to go through with the pregnancy. The doctor also handed me silently what i needed if i was to consider an abortion.

"You need to go for a dating scan but from the information you've given me regarding your last menstruation, i would put you at approximately 8 weeks but the dating scan will give you the exact dates for gestation and due date"

i couldn't see through the tears. I couldn't breath. I couldn't speak. Gemma looked just as dumfounded.

"Ill give you 2 time to talk and get these papers filed"

"Who Elias?"

I threw my head into my hands trying not to vomit again and blurted out "Jax"

"So I am going to be a grandmother. I'm too fucken young for this shit"

"You're telling me" I half laughed between the dry heaving.

Gemma sat at the table and chain smoked a whole pack of pall mall cigarettes then went out to get another. When she got back she called Jax to come home from TM and made me sit at the table with him when he arrived.

"Go on E. Jax you need to hear this" Gemma pointed at me.

Clay had come in and asked if he was needed, gemma shook her head and gestured toward me. "Go on"

"Jax ... I.. " I sobbed "I went to the doctors office with your mom and I found out I was pregnant. The doctor said about 8 weeks"

I could see the confusion on Jax's face as he too counted back the weeks. Then I saw anger , more confusion and finally .. "mine? Are you sure E? What about that.."

"You and Ope scared him off and that was 6 months ago Jackson! " i scathed

"Yes , the kid is yours"

"Are you keeping it?" Jax asked

"We don't believe in abortion around here Jax. You don't use protection and get yourself pregnant , you take the responsibility and raise that baby. We will help you. I will help you. You gotta work and you gotta go to school . No free rides"

"Let's talk outside E"

I nodded and followed jax to the back yard.

"I'm so sorry " I cried

Jax hugged me and told me not to be, that we'd get through it. Jax promised me we would be okay. He'd pick up extra hours at TM. That I could keep going to school until i was too big to go and then he could get his mom to give me an admin job at TM. I fell in love with him more that night , more so than the night we had made our baby.

Jax had broken things off for good with Tara the next day , I kept going to school & then the rumours started. The whispers and the looks. I didn't care much. I was on cloud 9 thinking of giving my baby all the things I never had.

Gemma and clay bought Jax a car for the baby and I. And the first trip we took was to the dating scan with Gemma. Grandma had really started to get into the groove of her newest title.

Jax and I held hands in the waiting room and anxiously waited to be called. The ultrasound technician called us in and asked me to have lay on the chair and lift my shirt up. The goo was super cold and made me wince. I looked at jax who was intently staring at the screen above us waiting for the image of our baby and then she appeared on screen.

"You're 8 weeks and 4 days gestation and due date is August 21st.I'll let you get cleaned up. Congratulations to you both" and the technician handed me 2 little print outs of an iddy biddy bean growing inside me.

I was still in shock. I didn't mean to be this careless. Atleast i was due around the time school was ending for summer break so i didnt have to carry her through summer.

Life changed in 3 months. I had picked up admin work for TM and i still had my head down in school. Tara was sniffing around every chance she got. I had to continously put her in her place. Gemma was a gushing grandma. Clay .. well he was Clay. The guys had all participate in some half assed "parental course" Bobby had put together with some help from chick magazines he had found while on tour as bootleg elvis.

I had hit 20 weeks and my OBGYN had tols Jax and i at the last appointment the next would be a gender scan. I was so fucking nervous , i didnt know much at all about parenthood but what i did know was i loved this kid and i wouldn't ever do to them , what was done to me.

We went to St Thomas. The drive took forever and my baby was fluttering around so I knew she'd reveal what she was at the scan.

As we sat waiting in the waiting room Jax asked if I had picked out names.

"I was thinking of Jacqueline Gemma Teller if she's a girl. Jackson John Teller if he's a boy " I quietly cooed.

Jax smiled and looked at the ground " I was thinking Jackson if it's a boy too.. opie suggested Opiena for a girl" we both burst out laughing " like fuck are we naming our first born Opiena, that's got to be a form of child abuse "

"Well folks , you're parents of a healthy baby girl"

We beamed with joy and excitement. Gemma had started an account at a baby store in Lodi so we went to pick out some stuff for Jacqueline's room. And we had gotten a print of her sonogram and a card for Gemma to tell her the news and show her , her first grand babies name.

CONGRATULATIONS GRANDMA

Hey grandma , I'll be here in August!

I just wanted to let you know mum and dad decided to call me :

" Jacqueline Gemma Teller " because they wanted be to be fiesty and take on the world like you.

Love baby J.

I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. Little Gemma she said in agreement.

"Mom her name is Jacqueline, not Gemma"

Gemma tipped her glasses slightly " I don't give a ratsass what her first name is , I will proudly share my name with my first grand baby. She's my little gem"