The painful memories come flooding back. She was my why, she IS my why.

Jax broke the silence between us. "You need to forgive yourself E. You need to forgive ME. I will risk it all for you again. I have before"

"didn't you just fucking gaslight me? Didn't you walk away at her funeral? Our perspectives are vastly different Jackson. I stayed and dealt with the death of OUR daughter on my own. You ran away. you ran away to find Tara because I was broken and didn't know what my reality was anymore. I never pushed you away, YOU. TOOK. OFF. Your accountability in this situation is lacking terribly!"

"accountability E? I just made you take accountability for hitting Tara. The one helping me take care of Abel. I was 18, I was young too E. Practically still a kid. I knew nothing about fatherhood, all I knew was I WANTED TO DO IT WITH YOU" Jax sobbed

That stung, the truth was a hard pill to swallow for us both, his tears falling felt like acid in my throat.

" Wow, we've graduated from gaslighting and denial to straight-out hypocrisy now Jackson! " I screamed. "You've put your hands on so many fucking people with 0 consequences. This isn't getting us anywhere. Take me home."

Jax sat down at the picnic table and threw the keys down "if you want to go, take yourself E"

I wasn't thinking clearly but I've never backed down from anyone or anything so I did, I launched myself toward the table and grabbed the keys. I ran to Jax's Dyna and jammed the keys in the bike with the engine roaring to life. I hadn't ridden one of Jax's bikes in a long time and since the upgrade from his first one to the sport glide - I prayed I knew what I was doing.

I threw on the helmet, felt the rumble between my legs, and took off in 15 seconds. The time it took for Jax to realize what I'd done.

Before I even rode out of the pull-in area of the cliff's edge, he was on the phone.

Fuck him, I thought to myself. I can do this, I know how to ride. The air whipped through my hair which made the dark journey even scarier. "You can fucking do this Elias"

I hadn't even reached the charming turn-off and I could hear his search and rescue party coming up the hills, so I flipped changed course and whipped the tail around the opposite corner and disappeared with the open road instead of going back to charming. I was on my way to nowhere in particular.

I finally stopped, I stopped and refueled, and checked my phone. It had only been 2 hours and 2 things had happened. I had 102 missed calls and I was followed here by Jax and Opie.I missed each one.

As the bowser pinged to let me know the engine was full I went to pay, oblivious to the unfolding situation. "He's paying me back" I mumbled to myself.

"don't think he will E. You did steal his bike" Opie popped up behind me

"Ope, what the .."

A black van and 3 Harleys pulled into the gas station.

Jax walked up to me, seething. " give me my fucking keys and get the fuck back on that bike "

" no, get fucked. " and I walked toward the van. I opened the door and greeted my 3 grown men with balaclavas and shotguns. "Please let me the fuck in and take me home"

"Yeah course sweetheart get in" Chibs was a sweetie

"by the way this is fucking overkill for a little joy ride Jackson " I pointed at jax as he tried to get me out of the van and back on his bike.

"what the fuck is going on Elias?" Tig questioned. "We were worried that you'd fucked off to .. yknow. I had your best friend on the phone crying for an hour straight"

" Jax challenged me and I called his bluff. Im sorry it's been blown out of proportion but I also don't really give a fuck right now"

"People have been killed for much less E" juice chimed in.

"yeah well, no one will miss me juice and ATLEAST I'd get to see my kid" the van ride was eerily silent.

We got back to the house at around 1 am and Gemma was waiting, smoke in one hand and Rum and coke in the other. I had seen her like this, many times before but despite all the other shit, she hadn't ever looked this hurt.

"Well, Elias?"

"I called his bluff and he decided to blow shit out of proportion"

"Don't be a smart Alec , do you know what you could have caused? You could have been killed had Jax not followed you. He could have been killed when you rode away had the sons not been close enough to him"

"The sons aren't ever far from each other, I knew he would be okay. He had a burner on him. I'm also not stupid enough to know that this will probably make me public enemy number one since someone will label me a loose canon for this incident but no one will label Jax , the prince of charming , as the instigator"

"yeah well , looks like you can settle it with the instigator yourself but do it quietly. I love you darlin but you need to get what ever this is, out of your system or a lot of good people will get hurt" Gemma kissed my forehead as she walked back down the hall to bed.

The door opened and a very angry , a very wet blonde man stood in the archway.