Difficulties of Avoidance
by dead2self
A/N: The last chapter seemed a poor offering after two years of inactivity! But now I have no buffer so I can't promise any update soon. Eh... enjoy!
"When I was six and we were de-gnoming the garden, I threw a gnome farther than Bill, who was seventeen."
"Lie."
"Yeah, but it was close. When I was four I chopped off all my hair."
"True."
"Right. Let's see… I once poisoned three of my brothers during a tea party."
"Lie."
Ginny laughed. "No, actually that's true. I was five and I did it on purpose because they melted my teddy's eyes off. I just didn't expect Mrs. Skowers Magical Mess Remover to make their vomit white and sudsy. My third year I saw you in a pink dress, and not in a dream."
Riddle paused and she turned from her intent study of the wall to catch his eye. She thought her mind was blank enough, but he smirked and answered, "True. How is that?"
"Professor Moody brought a boggart into class. I hid at the back of the room, but he made me take a turn with it." She smiled, remembering the thrill of victory that had accompanied seeing the nightmarish Riddle overcome by pink lace. "It turned out he was a Death Eater all along, so now I think he knew about my first year and wanted to see you."
Riddle's smirk grew, no doubt because the boggart showed her him. She wondered if it still would.
"I'm getting better, I think," she said.
"If you can only lie without making eye contact, it is a poor skill."
Ginny frowned and tried again to settle her mind. Then she turned and looked him in the eye again. "You scare me, but I'm not scared of you like I used to be."
He stared back steadily, unblinking, and then frowned himself.
"You can't tell if I'm lying, can you? Not magically."
"I think you believe what you're saying, however foolhardy."
It was her turn to smirk as she sat straighter. "But you don't know. Hah!" It felt like a victory even though he had no wand and it was a week into her practice. She spent all her time with Tom telling him truths or lies and this was the first day that she had kept eye contact and fooled him.
After their detention with Hagrid, Ginny had convinced the rest of Dumbledore's Army to lie low for the week – presumably for their safety, but really to give her more time to work on Occlumency. She still was not certain she could safely stand in front of Snape, not if he really wanted to rifle through her mind, but she could not hold off the D.A. any longer either. Nor did she want to.
"Are you quite certain you do not wish to practice Legilimency?"
As it had for the past three days, the snide question roused her curiosity. Not that she would ever tell Tom that.
"Give it a rest, Riddle. I don't want to see anything you'd show me."
The problem was that she truly did. The more she talked about silly things from her childhood, it occurred to her that very little of what she knew of Tom had been provided by him. Properly him, not a Horcrux or a secondhand memory.
"Lie."
"Bloody hell!" Ginny threw her head back and slumped deep into the armchair. "It's so exhausting. Does it ever become second nature, or do you always have to concentrate this hard?"
"Some are more predisposed than others."
"Stop insulting me and answer my question."
"It is second nature to me, yes."
Huffing, Ginny imagined how long he must have practiced to get to that point. Was this pointless?
"Occlumency is like a muscle. If you work it, it improves."
Ginny glanced up at him, recognizing his teaching voice. Aside from his humor, it was his most endearing trait. Relatively speaking. The condescending tone was better than outright insults.
"That's actually helpful, thank you."
"I have been nothing but helpful. Do you wish to continue practicing or not?"
She assessed the state of her headache and then shook her head. The seventh years had Defense in the afternoon and she rarely came out of that class feeling better than when she went in.
At lunch Ginny listened with half an ear to Dennis' half-formed plots for the D.A. He certainly had enthusiasm, but she did not feel guilty when she excused herself to find Luna for their walk up to class. She slowed down as Dennis hurried ahead to join his fifth year friends, and then continued on alone, happy to practice Occlumency in the clamor.
As it often happened leaving the Great Hall, the whole crowd bottlenecked at the doors. As they spilled out into the entrance hall, there was some of the usual jostling. A voice rose up above the commotion.
"Ugh, look what you did, Mudblood."
The crowd in front of Ginny dissipated to show Natalie McDonald, a fifth year Gryffindor, rolling her eyes at three Slytherins her age.
"It's bad enough they're here, sullying our school's reputation. She's gone and soiled my robe."
"I'll make you soil your robes all right," Natalie snapped, drawing her wand. "You ran into me, you arse."
The Slytherins all reached for their wands as well. "Back off, Mudblood. I don't want any more of your filth getting on me." The lot of them started sniggering. Ginny surged forward, joining Natalie's friends in pulling their wands, but Natalie was faster than all of them, casting a curse that stuck all three Slytherin's together at the hip. She crowed with laughter as they toppled over, a tangle of limbs and robes on the floor.
But then a seventh year Slytherin stepped in and struck her with the fingernail-peeling curse they had practiced in class. Natalie dropped her wand, shrieking.
"What have you brats done now? Let me through, blast you!"
Alecto shoved into the opening that had emerged around the duel and her beady eyes bugged out. Natalie, crouched on the floor to retrieve her wand, tried to look small, but it was too late. The hunched witch sighted on her. "What do you think you've done, then?" A couple swishes of her wand later, the Slytherin boys were scrambling to their feet.
"They called me Mudblood," said Natalie, but without much conviction, and pointed to the other boy with a bleeding finger. "He's the one who cursed me."
"This Mudblood, she knocked into me," volunteered one of the boys. "The lot of them ganged up on us when we told her to apologize."
"You filthy liar," Natalie hissed, beginning to cry, but Alecto moved fast, sticking her wand in the girl's face.
"Apologize. You got your filth on the boy. He was perfectly within his right to retaliate, weren't he?"
Natalie startled backwards and then stood straighter. "I will not."
Alecto's eyes widened further until she looked crazed. "Detention! We won't tolerate lip from stupid, volatile Mudbloods." She turned a circle, snarling at the gathered crowd. "Out of here, you lot. Off with you!"
Luckily the witch made no prohibitions against the hospital wing and the girl's friends hurried her up the staircase. Ginny's blood surged in her veins. It was starting already, just like Colin thought. Maybe they ought to try to get the Muggle-borns out sooner than later. It was hard to tell whether it would be worse outside the school.
As she hurried up to Defense, Ginny realized that she was trailing the Slytherin who had stepped in to curse Natalie. She watched the back of his head with growing derision. When it came time in Defense to pair up for practice, Ginny did not wait to be placed with any old Slytherin. She made a beeline for the boy she had followed up from the entrance hall and jerked hard on his arm, spinning him around.
"Want to take on someone your own size?" she hissed into his face. Carrow was busy pairing up the others.
He had the audacity to laugh. "I haven't seen you cast a curse in weeks. Sure. It'll be like target practice." Ripping his arm out of her grasp, he stalked opposite her. Mechanically, she saluted with her wand.
He kept his wand arm loose at his side, a corner of his mouth quirking. "Not for you. Blood-traitors are no better, Weasley."
Her vision blurred. It was as though Snape and the Carrows and the Ministry and Voldemort stood before her in this one laughing Slytherin. And she wanted him to hurt. Amycus gave the signal for them to start and she fired first, though her Cruciatus Curse had been useless all week. She never meant it enough.
Today her partner went down screaming.
It was a few seconds before Ginny stumbled back, her wand clattering to the floor and he stopped thrashing. Demelza stared open-mouthed at her and Ginny took two quick gulps of air before shame seeped through her. The Slytherin—no, his name was Giddeon Burke. Burke scrambled to his feet, eyes wide, panting.
"I'm sorry!" she blurted. He raised his wand and she realized hers was gone.
"Expelliarmus!" bellowed Gregory, taking Burke from the other side only to have his own partner hit him with a curse. Demelza dodged around one aimed for her and fired off spitfire Stunning spells, missing her own partner but dropping Gregory's.
The classroom exploded, Gryffindors against Slytherins, even some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs joining the fray. Ginny dropped to her knees, scrabbling for her wand beneath the crossfire. It had rolled away, but she almost had it. Distantly she heard Harper yelling for order in the classroom but all she wanted was to reach her wand and "accidentally" get a curse off on their professor in the chaos.
A boot stomped on her wand, inches away from her fingers, and she startled back. Staring up, she met the beady eyes of the very man who had made her do it. The one who deserved the Cruciatus Curse in the first place. And with a roar she launched her shoulder into his gut. Most wizards would be taken off guard by such a physical attack, so she was shocked by how easily Amycus caught her and threw her back to the floor. She cried out, but no one took on her attacker this time.
The first curse knocked her back again, tumbling her across the floor away from her wand. The next yanked her into the air by her ankle. Then the Cruciatus. She scraped at the bare air. There was nothing to which she could cling to ride out the pain. He held it out until she was dizzy and the room spun. Then when she caught the first half of a breath, he lashed out with the torturous curse a second time.
When she opened her eyes she was crumpled on the floor. The room was silent. At first she thought that she couldn't move. Arms closed over her shoulders and moved her to sit. Everything hurt. The pain had gone but her whole body was tensed against a third onslaught.
"Back off!" Amycus clumped up next to them and hauled her to her feet. "She's fine. Dramatic is all." He slapped her wand back into her palm. "Don't drop it again, Weasley. Back in line."
Burke laughed, but she noticed he also stood well back from her. They took up their wands, returning to the exercise against all reason, and Ginny swallowed against her guilt. When Amycus gave the signal, she could not move nearly as fast and Burke's spell caught her. Each time it was harder and harder to move when she stood up, even harder to dodge. Amycus hovered behind the other line and she knew what would happen if she cast anything back at Burke besides—
Finally, class was over. The Gryffindors closed ranks around her. Gregory threw her arm over his shoulder and Colin ducked under her other arm. They moved fast, but Amycus barred their path at the door.
"If I see her in the hospital wing, the lot of you are getting detentions. The brat deserves what she got."
They kept quiet as they moved past him, but Demelza exploded once they got around the corner. "That right bastard!" she hissed, hefting Ginny's bag. "Come on, I bet we can beat him up there if we're fast."
"No, no, I'm fine," said Ginny. A year of dodging Harper had developed something of a sixth sense in her, and she noticed him trailing behind them. Probably spying to see if she would ignore the professor's command. Her timing was poor. Just as she said it, a tremor ran through her legs and she stumbled her full weight onto the two boys.
"Right, I'm with Demelza," said Gregory.
"No, Harper," Ginny hissed as the weakness subsided. Colin looked over his shoulder and cursed. Tentatively, she took a few steps and found her strength back to normal.
Similar shaking episodes happened throughout the day, never so bad as the first one. Over dinner she simply picked at her food. Nothing tasted appetizing. Clearly rumors had spread, for anytime she looked down the table conversations cut off. One first year even squeaked when she met Ginny's eye. So she spent her dinner sending dark looks in the direction of the Head Table. Enough with Occlumency practice; it was definitely time for Dumbledore's Army to make its next move.
Just as dinner was about to finish, she watched Alecto Carrow stump down from the Head Table and speak to Harper, who in turn went to speak with Luna. Nearly caught in the act of packing food into her satchel, Luna listened to Harper with a white face.
Just as Ginny was mounting the staircase, relishing climbing into her bed, Luna appeared at her shoulder, seized her arm, and hurried her up the stairs. They turned off into a corridor and Luna tugged her into an alcove next to a suit of armor.
"Snape has called a prefect meeting, last minute. I have to report to his office immediately. Take all this—" She emptied the food from her bag into Ginny's. "And I'm sorry! Will you be alright?"
"Yeah I'll be fine. I'll get in and out fast."
"Good. You… you don't look well, Ginny. Promise me you'll be careful."
"I'm fine." Luna raised her eyebrow and Ginny added, "If I feel weak, I'll open the door and throw in the food. Let him think what he likes."
"I think it may be best."
By the time she made it to the Room, her hands were shaking. She stood in front of the door, Disillusioned, for some time waiting for them to stop. Oddly, she wanted to see Tom. She had the irrational notion that seeing him would make sense of the afternoon, that he might look her in the eye and proudly exclaim he had achieved a long-distance, wandless Imperius Curse.
Her hands had mostly stilled. Although she knew it was the height of stupidity, she opened the door and stepped inside. Tom, lounging in her armchair, noted her entrance and then sighted on her more intensely when she removed the charm. He sat up straight.
"My, but the Cruciatus Curse at Hogwarts?"
It shocked a sound out of her, no doubt because she was already exhausted. He stood, stepping around the table.
"I'm familiar with the after-effects, it should not surprise you. To whom do I send my gratitude?"
"I dueled some Slytherin today," said Ginny, which was true. She fell back on old habits, not trusting herself to concentrate on clearing her mind.
"I wish to cherish this sight. Did the professors not believe you?"
"I didn't go to any professors," Ginny answered. Her voice was level enough to imply indignation instead of defeat. "I'll sort it myself."
"Right enough. They rarely believe that schoolchildren have the malice necessary to cast the curse."
She breathed out a laugh as she pulled his food from her bag and then fumbled it. Stepping back she forced her shaking hands into fists. "Don't come any closer," she snapped before Tom could react.
But she could not bend over. What if she fell? What if he lunged for her while she stooped over? She cursed and tightened her grip on her wand.
"Step back, Weasley. I'll get it myself."
Grateful, she retreated and set her back to the door while he held each parcel of food up for her to de-spell. Gingerly she worked at the muscles in her legs, which felt as though they were seizing up as well, and she had a terrible thought. She was the same as him. It pressed down on her, heavy and sickening, but it was true.
"I cursed someone today."
The words bubbled out and she wanted them back. It was bad enough her classmates had seen.
"It would be an odd sort of duel without curses."
"No, the Cruciatus."
His brows shot up. She would have been amused at shocking him had it been anything else.
"I do not believe you. Look me in the eye and say that." Abandoning his food, he crouched in front of her.
"Stay back," she said, but he did not move. He stared evenly into her eyes, so she whispered, "I cast the Cruciatus Curse and it worked. I tortured him, and it wasn't even him I was mad at. I'm as bad as you."
She expected sneering or gloating, but instead he laughed in her face. Ginny stiffened against the wall. There was no more distance to put between them.
"Merlin, you are a fool!" His genuine mirth shifted into a mocking sneer. "You cast one Unforgiveable, your morality ill-equipped to handle the true complexity of life, and have a breakdown. Meanwhile, you clearly came off worse in this duel than your poor victim, who I assume took advantage of your shock to retaliate. You understand nothing of power." Recovered, he stood and returned to his food. "Please do not insult me by comparing us. You learned a new spell, nothing more."
She slumped back against the door, her first feeling one of indignation. He did not know anything—how could he, the sociopath? He ate silently as her mood settled, until she was left feeling oddly relieved. His response proved him true – they thought entirely differently about Dark magic.
Ginny breathed a laugh at the absurdity of it. Tom Riddle had comforted her. She felt better because of him. He glanced up at her, mouth sour.
"That was almost kind, Tom."
"It was not my intention."
"I know. You think I'm weak and I think you're despicable. But we can agree we're not alike."
"Small comfort."
She shrugged before a tremor wracked through her body. It was worse than the others; this time she could not stop. Terrified, she wrapped one arm around her body, trying to still it. The other held her wand. Her entire focus narrowed to a point – do not drop the wand. Keep it trained on the blur that was probably Tom. Was it moving?
Her teeth clattered and her head seared and then her vision went black. The next thing she knew, she was blinking up—was that the ceiling? She started choking. Something, a cloth, was in her mouth, and she tried to spit it out but it would not budge. She gagged, but then it was gone.
The room somersaulted. Something warm settled over her shoulders. Then pulled tight around her neck. Ginny startled, trying to Stun—but her wand arm was trapped under the warmth. She couldn't struggle away; there was something solid against her back trapping her in. Weight pressed on her, holding her down. She thrashed against him, but he was too strong. Tangled and shaking, she stared up into the shadow that was Tom Riddle and knew that she had failed.
But he only held her still. As the tremors subsided, her awareness crept back. One of his hands was cradled behind her head, keeping it cushioned from the wall. The other held the blanket tight, uncomfortably tight, at her throat. He was inches from her, but he moved closer, his mouth to her ear.
"When I move against you, it won't matter whether you are sickly or in perfect health. I keep my promises. You will wish I had taken your wand today."
He pulled back and looked into her eyes. His gaze may well have been black. Her breath caught, ragged in her throat, and it was not the aftereffects of the curse. This was horror. Because it meant he had a plan. He was not waiting for her to slip up. He did not hold her down and wrest her wand away while he trapped her still trembling in a blanket. Because he already had a plan to do things differently. To make it worse.
"Merlin, you're arrogant," she breathed and then could not conceive why she would say so out loud. His hand tightened at her throat, dangerous, and then released. The blanket slid loose around her shoulders. She caught it with her free hand, for her fingers had gone stiff around her wand. The blanket was soft and heavy and from his bed.
"All the same, thank you," she said, pulling it close again. He eased back, scowling, as she looked up into his face.
"You may have bitten your tongue if I hadn't attended to you." Standing, he towered over her. "How many times did you get cursed?"
"I lost count. More than six." She grimaced. "I fibbed. There may have been more than one Slytherin involved."
"Get out before you collapse again. If you die in here, there will be no getting out."
Her insides ran cold. Die? "I can't go to the hospital wing. I'll get in trouble."
"Then it's fortunate you're so practiced in deception."
"I said no. What do I need?" She had finished the potions from her earlier treatment, but she had not gotten the chance to consult with Madam Pomfrey as to how being exposed to the Cruciatus Curse might exasperate the newly healed damage. "The Room might be able to pull it for us."
Riddle raised an eyebrow at her. "You mistake me. I do not wish to help you. Get out."
"Oh come on, Riddle—"
The veneer snapped away and his face contorted. "I am pleased that you are in pain. As much as I believe that your tongue bitten off would be a marked improvement, I do not desire to be trapped in here with you. Go to the hospital wing, to your dormitory, Merlin, sleep in the forest. I do not care. Get. Out."
Ginny jerked back against the wall. It had been so long since he had talked with such violence in his voice, she had nearly forgotten it was there beneath the surface. Shaking, she used the wall to get to her feet and summoned up a happy memory.
Her progress back to Gryffindor Tower was halting, but along the way she found herself instead contemplating the wall opposite the Headmaster's office. The stone gargoyle slept, or else cracked one eye and then pretended to sleep, leaving her to the task. She raised her wand in a shaking hand to scrawl blood-red graffiti.
Death Eaters Beware – The Army Rides