Jessica texted me one night, when I was at home, copying notes from Angela's impossibly neat writing.
Would it be okay with you if I asked Mike to the Spring Dance next Saturday? It's girl's choice.
It took me a second to remember what she was talking about. Of course I had heard about the dance. I just hadn't realised it was so close. Eww. I did not do dancing particularly well. All that coordination required was terrifying. I'd make a fool of myself in no time. I also didn't particularly enjoy dresses. I couldn't wear anything that might show above my knee, as it was a horribly scarred part of me. And heels. Heels were generally expected at dances. Also not my forte.
Yeah, go for it! I know you'd make a cute couple.
That was a normal enough response, I decided. Not 'yes please take him out of my hair' but also not 'I don't really care'. My phone buzzed again.
Are you sure you don't mind? You weren't planning to ask him?
No of course not- I'm honestly happy for you two, and besides, I'm not going.
Dancing was glaringly outside my range of abilities.
It'll be fun though. You should come!
Nah – you have fun with Mike.
I had thought the issue was settled with that, but the next morning as I gave Angela back her notes, I noticed that Jess, normally animatedly talking with Mike or me, was quiet, and focused on her notebook. She barely spoke all class, which was extremely unusual for her, as I normally missed most of what she said. The only words I got from her involved an inquiry to borrow an eraser. I looked at Mike, and he looked just as uncomfortable as she did. What had happened last night? Had he turned her down? My fears were confirmed at the lunch table when Jess sat as far away from Mike as possible, talking animatedly with Eric. I signed an 'uh oh' discreetly to Angela and she nodded somberly. She'd picked up on it too. Mike was determinedly talking to Tyler for most of lunch, and Angela was able to finish her lunch without having to point out what I was missing too often, as neither conversation branched out to include anyone else.
Mike walked me to biology and I sat beside an already frozen and distant Edward. I started to wonder if I could hang my coat off of his tense and solid shoulder. Would he even notice? I apparently was looking speculatively at him enough that I missed something from Mike. I heard the distant and familiar sound of my name, and snapped my head toward him.
"Sorry, pardon?"
"I – uh – I said Jessica asked me to the dance," he paused obviously searching for words and I interjected as skillfully as I could.
"That's great! You'll have a lot of fun together. She really likes you." I had dropped my voice a little, conspiratorially for the final sentence. Mike looked taken aback, and even more uncomfortable. I kept my smile fixed, as if I didn't suspect what was coming at all.
"Well, I didn't say yes yet. I told her I had to think about it."
"What? Why would you do that?" I hoped I sounded scornful, and not relieved. He hadn't said no, and that was totally reparable. His face went red, as he looked down at the desk.
"I… well I was wondering if – well – if you might be planning to ask me."
I kept my face scornful – I think – and carefully arranged my answer. It only took a few seconds, but Edward Cullen tilted his head toward us, also waiting for my response.
"Mike, I think you should tell Jessica 'yes'."
"Did you already ask someone?" he asked, looking almost accusingly towards Edward. I held back a laugh.
"No I didn't ask anyone. I'm going to Seattle that weekend," I then worried that my answer could leave the potential that I hadn't rejected him, and tried to rectify that. "I'm not very fond of dances, anyway so I wouldn't be going." I paused again. "So you should give your answer to Jessica, keeping her waiting is a little rude."
Mike nodded, looking upset and I wrinkled my nose. Crap. Why couldn't everything be easy? I drummed my nails against the desk in irritation. A movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I froze mid-drum. Edward Cullen was staring at me. His face was searching, intense, unreadably confused. He didn't say anything, but stared at me with a frown on his face. We stared at each other for a few seconds and I realised my thoughts were blurring. I focused instead on his lips, pressed into a frown, and turned down, as if something had displeased him. He jerked his head forward towards Mr. Banner, mumbling something in response to a question no doubt, and I had to take a sudden breath. He was dizzyingly intense when he wanted to be. I tried to focus on Banner, but my mind was caught up in those amber eyes. I couldn't believe the amount of emotion rolling through me. At the end of the class, when the bell I couldn't hear rang, I expected Edward to jump out of his seat, as normal. But he didn't. I gathered my things, trying not to look at him, when I heard a musical murmur. I had to look at him. He was looking at me, but wasn't saying anything. I was clearly imagining things.
But I had to check.
"Did you just call my name?" it sounded idiotic the moment I said it, and I wanted to swallow the words.
"Yes." His simple answer was followed by a quiet, and knowing smirk. I glared suspiciously at him.
"What do you need Edward? Are you talking to me again?" I snapped my lips together and held my hands to each other to stop from signing too. I needed to reign back the sass.
"No I suppose not," he smiled, properly now, I longed to see if the smile reached his eyes, but stayed focused on his lips. I wasn't going to miss a second of his speech if I could. His face fell. "I'm sorry. I'm being rude I know, but its better this way."
"Better this way? Better that you pretend I don't exist? I'm sorry I came along and complicated your wonderful life Edward. I can assure you, you did a bang up job on mine." I paused, and dropped my voice to the barest of whispers. "And it's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier, you could have saved yourself all this regret."
I put the last of my books away, finally breaking my gaze. I was mad, and sad, and I wanted to cry. I refused to do that here. The next sentence I heard, so he must've said it quite loudly.
"Regret? For what?"
"For not letting that stupid van squish me." I didn't wait for his response, turning towards the door. Suddenly he was in front of me. The phrase 'angry as a storm cloud' didn't even cover the dark look in his eyes. He looked almost like he had when I walked into class that first day in biology.
"You think I regret saving your life?"
"I know you do." I skirted around him, and suddenly he was in front of me again.
"You're wrong." He looked upset. Hollow was a better word. Like I'd killed his cat, and only just told him about it. This time I skirted around him, and he let me. I left the room, taking the long way to gym class. I needed to calm down before the basketballs came flying at me. Had I misjudged, or misread his anger and indifference? If it wasn't regret for saving me, what was it? I had never figured out his initial anger, so I doubted I'd be able to figure out this one. Maybe he was just an angry person, and the one day in biology he had been nice was the exception. It didn't feel right, but I was trying to convince myself that was the case.
Gym was brutal. I paid so much attention to my thoughts about Edward, and so much attention to avoiding the ball, that I fell three times. The third time I took someone with me. I escaped as quickly as I could, practically running to my truck. I jumped out of my skin when I nearly bumped into Eric, who was leaning against my truck. I nearly fell backwards with the force of the jump, and I felt my throat make a little squeak of surprise. Ugh. Eric laughed and apologized for startling me.
"So what's up?" I asked, keeping my eye on him, as I fumbled with my car keys.
"I was wondering if you'd want to go to the spring dance with me?" he asked. I dropped my keys. I was so surprised, and thankful that my clumsiness gave me a quick escape to think and regroup. What was with the boys in this town? Shiny new toy.
"Uh… I thought it was girl's choice?" I asked. Then mentally punched myself. Duh. Doesn't matter. Don't draw this out if you don't have to. Be diplomatic.
"It is, yeah," he said, looking down ashamedly. I regrouped, and found my composure.
"Thank you for asking, but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."
"Oh," he said. "Well maybe next time." He wheeled away before I could say anything more and I got into my truck, resting my head against the wheel. Boys. Why on earth? I mean what could possibly possess? Had I looked too intently at them? I was only trying to decipher speech. Had I given off cues I hadn't noticed? I took a deep breath and looked around me. I started to back up and out, when Edward Cullen's Volvo pulled out in front of me, and waited for his siblings. Well that was just rude. They were walking this way, but still far enough away that I'd be here for 30 seconds. Tyler pulled up behind me, and I rolled my eyes. Way to go Cullen. Hold up everyone why don't you? I considered hitting his car. It would make me feel better. There was suddenly a figure at my window and I jumped so hard I let go of the pedal and did inch towards the Volvo slightly. When I was sure that I wasn't moving, and that I hadn't hit the Volvo (shame really), I looked back at an amused Tyler. I rolled down my window, with great effort.
"Sorry Tyler, this isn't my fault –" I began to explain.
"Oh I know, I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." Are you freaking kidding me? My jaw snapped shut with annoyance and I realised that I was so tense I sent little spasms of pain through my leg. I tried to relax and looked back at him. He was halfway through his sentence, but I didn't need to catch up.
"- to the spring dance?"
"I'm not going to be in town Tyler." I managed. I made sure to enunciate my words. I knew I became incoherent when I was too angry. It wasn't his fault that Mike and Eric had used up my patience.
"Yeah Mike said that. I just hoped you were letting them down easy."
I banged my head backwards against the head rest.
"Sorry Tyler, I really am going out of town." I wasn't paying much attention to him anymore, staring angrily at the amber eyes in the rearview mirror of the Volvo, as the Cullen kids got into the car. I missed the middle half of his next sentence though.
"That's cool - - - prom."
My head whipped back towards him. What had he just said about prom? But he was gone, heading back to his car. I could feel the shock on my face, and I looked back at the Volvo. Edward Cullen was shaking with laughter, speeding away. This time I did sign a bad word at him.