Hey, here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you all had a good Christmas and a happy new year. I plan on getting back to regular updates soon but they might be scattered for at least the next month. Enjoy and let me know what you think of the chapter.

Warnings - Talk of suicide and emotions dealing with thoughts of suicide.

Thanks for all the great reviews and support. You're all wonderful. Thanks!

Enjoy and please review

All mistakes are my own

Rossi remained by Reid's side through the night. Every time he closed his eyes, the vivid memory of Reid surrounded by blood came to the front of his mind and caused another stab of pain to come to his heart. Garcia had stayed with him but they had remained silent. The rest of the team was in the waiting room. They struggled seeing Reid in such a vulnerable state and couldn't stay in the room for more than a few minutes at a time. The morning sun seeped through the window to fill the room with light. Garcia rose from her chair as the sun signified morning. "I'm going to go and check on the others. I'll be back in a few minutes. Do you need anything?" she asked gently.

"A coffee would be great," Rossi said even though he didn't truly want a coffee. He had seen the silent tears travelling down her cheeks through the night even in the dimly lit room. He knew that she would feel better if she had something to do for the team. She just needed a simple moment to focus on something other than her friend who had tried to take his own life.

"Okay," Garcia nodded before leaning over Reid and kissing his forehead. "See you soon, baby boy."

Garcia walked out of the room slowly leaving Rossi alone with Reid.

"Why did you do it?" Rossi spoke to Reid's soft breathing form. "I was right down the hall. You've never been alone and I hate that you tried to leave us. We're your family and all you had to do was talk to one of us. There was so much blood and you were all alone."

Rossi rubbed his hands over his face before reaching out and carefully cradling Reid's hand. "You've got so much to live for. You're too young to die and you're breaking an old man's heart here."

"He's breaking all our hearts," JJ said as she walked into the room. "I needed to come and see him. I can barely look at him without getting both sad and angry."

"We can't let that anger out, JJ," Rossi sighed. "He needs us all to be there for him."

"We've always been there for him," she shook her head as she walked to the side of the bed. Reaching out, the tips of her fingers touched the bandage around his wrist before falling away.

"Reid never likes to admit that something is wrong but he called Morgan yesterday knowing, deep down, that it was a cry for help. He needed someone to save him from himself. I spoke to him when I came to pick him up and he was in pain. Valentine's day brought a lot of bad memories back for him and brought back the pain of losing Maeve. He was quiet but seemed okay when I put him to bed. I never thought that he would do this. I need to know what pushed him over the edge."

"We'll know soon enough," JJ said as she walked over and softly squeezed Rossi's shoulder. "When he wakes up, we'll get answers and then he'll have all the help in the world from us. I need to know why he would want to leave us like this. He almost left Henry and I need to know how he could do that."

"Grief, loss and pain make us do things we never thought we would do," Rossi spoke before moving his thumb over the back of Reid's hand.

Six hours later

Rossi fought the sleepy haze that kept trying to claim him. Every time that his eyes almost closed, he whipped them open and stared at Reid with the hope he would wake up soon. Just as he was about to admit defeat to the haze, a small groan from Reid brought forth new energy that made him sit up straight and hold Reid's hand.

"Spencer Reid, wake up," Rossi urged as he watched Reid's eyes flutter before opening sluggishly. "There we go. Hey, it's okay. You're in the hospital."

Reid's eyes focused on Rossi before he clenched them shut and weakly shook his head. "No," Reid's bottom lip quivered as he began to get upset. "I'm not supposed to be here."

Rising and sitting on the edge of the bed, Rossi leaned close and placed his free hand on Reid's cheek. "Open your eyes, Reid," Rossi ordered gently. Reid kept his eyes closed and tried to turn his head weakly but Rossi stopped him.

"Spencer, look at me!" Rossi said in a loud and firm voice. Reid opened his eyes and look into Rossi's eyes. "Reid, why did you do it?"

"I j-just wanted the pain to stop," Reid sobbed as broke down. "Everyone leaves because o-of me and wherever I go, pain and death follow. I got Maeve killed and everyone knows it. Everyone hates me and everyone knows I'm going to get them killed. I just wanted it all to be over. Why am I still here?"

"You're still here because the team and I were not about to lose you," Rossi soothed. "I found you in the bathtub and rushed you to the hospital. We almost lost you."

"Why didn't you just let me go?" Reid spoke in a quivering voice.

"You have so much to live for and you are not hated. You are loved. You're loved by this family and we can help you with the pain. You've never been alone. What happened to Maeve is not your fault."

Reid shook his head gently as he continued to cry. Rossi knew he wasn't going to be awake for much longer. Sleep and rest clawed at Reid and Rossi urged them to claim victory soon. "Reid, you're crazy if you think I'm going to let you die."

Reid's eyes closed before he could say anything back. Carefully, he laid Reid back down to the bed and brought the blankets over him. He pulled a few tissues from the dispenser next to the bed and wiped Reid's cheeks. "You just rest now."

Reid fought through the haze again and focused on the voices around him. He didn't open his eyes but listened to the team around him. He didn't want to be alive and loathed himself for yet again failing to do something right.

"He's still so pale," Garcia's voice spoke sadly through the shadows.

"Don't worry, baby girl, he'll get some pink to his cheeks soon. We need to make a plan about his care. He can't be left alone and he needs to be watched. Rossi, you can't do that alone. You need to sleep after all."

"We'll figure something out," Hotch said.

"You'll figure nothing out," Reid sighed despondently as he opened his eyes to see them all looking down at him. "I will no longer be a burden. I just want to be left to have peace."

"That peace being suicide," Morgan snapped before stepping closer to the bed.

"Morgan-" JJ said before Morgan held his hand up at her.

"No," Morgan shook his head. "He needs to know what he did."

"I know what I did," Reid growled angrily.

"Really? You tried to kill yourself and you did it in Rossi's bathtub. You sliced into your wrists and you almost died. We are all right here and you know that we would do anything for you. You are selfish. Do you think that Rossi is ever going to forget pulling you out of that tub and watching you slip away as he rushed you here? Do you think we'll ever be able to forget walking in here to see you barely alive?"

"Stop it," Reid shouted before turning away.

"You can't just turn away from this, Reid. Think about Henry. He loves you and you almost left him last night. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I JUST WANTED THE PAIN TO STOP!" Reid screamed at him. "I have lost so much and I can't lose anymore. Maeve is dead because of me and I dream about her every night. She screams at me with blood pouring out of her head. My own mother hates me. She told me herself. I'm just the son of a bitch that put her in hell. You all have lives. I have nothing. I am nothing!"

"You are not nothing," Garcia shook her head as she rushed to the bed and held his head in her hands. "You're Spencer Reid. We love you and care about you so much. We can help the pain stop but suicide is not the way. It's never the way. Why would you want to leave your family? We love you so much and when I got the phone call about what you had done, my heart broke."

"Please, just stop," Reid closed his eyes as tears began to appear at the edges of his eyes. "You're lying. I am nothing. No-one loves me because there is nothing to love. I'm just a stupid ex-addict who fails at everything. I'm a failure as a son and I failed to save Maeve. I've failed to save others too. I couldn't stop Gideon leaving, so many victims that have died because I wasn't fast enough and I couldn't save Tobias. I'm nothing but a disease on the world that causes death."

"The world isn't on your shoulders, Reid," Rossi spoke as he sat on the edge of the bed. Garcia took her hands away from Reid's face but held his hand tightly. "None of it was your fault. You can't think like this. You are a blessing to the world and not a disease. We can help you through all of this. I know you're in pain inside but we can help you ease that pain. Suicide is never the answer."

Rossi couldn't help his eyes tearing up as he spoke to Reid. "You were so pale and there so much blood when I found you. You have all of us. Why you think you had nothing? It's okay to let out the pain but you need to it the right way. The doctor wants to place you in the psych ward after what you did."

"I'm not going in there," Reid shook his head weakly. "If they put me in there, I'll do it again, I swear."

"You're not going into that place," Rossi assured him. "I'm going to take care of you."

Before Reid could say anything, his eyes fluttered for a moment before closing as he fell limp against Rossi's hands. Rossi carefully laid him against the pillow and brought the covers up. "We need to let him rest. He's still frail from the blood loss."

"I never thought he was this lost," JJ shook her head.

"We'll help him find his way," Rossi smiled sadly at her. "We have to if we want to save him."

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