Wow….. So many months have passed since my last chapter… I'm…. I'm so sorry…. I really am. Well, here you go now. I swear, I'll do better in the future.
Anyways, here it is, as a happy New Year Eve's present. A bit of backstory for those who don't want to reread the first three chapters. The first three chapters are more of prelude chapters, designed with a very specific goal in mind. Setting up everything. The first chapter is dark and violent, aggressive in its imagery. Symbolizes the takedown period, the moment everything went to hell. The second chapter is themed around the aftermath. Still brutal, but everyone is getting accustomed. The third chapter is the simplest, the chill before the storm, in a sense, which is why it's a bit softer and more comical than the first two chapters. Now that the chill has ended… it is time for the storm.
Also, fair warning: This chapter contains extremely graphic content, so those with faint hearts, turn the hell away.
Now, enjoy yourself. And give out a review, feedback in this stage is more important than ever, because now, Endgame has truly started.
Summary: Bowser's speech commences, and his plan for the kingdom going forward is unveiled.
Backstage.
"You're such a great ruler."
Sarcasm dripped from Bowser's voice. He sat still, listening to it echo across the backstage area. its not like his odds of giving a great speech were astronomically high in the first place, but even he couldn't have anticipated it would go this badly.
He clamped his hand on the table with such force that it created a crack on the top. His other hand promptly went to work, massaging his now aching head. Just now, it started aching.
Bowser took a deep breath. For a full fifteen seconds, he inhaled as much air as he could. Why? He didn't know. He just felt like it. When his throat began aching, as if to say "No more!", he let it all out in a heavy, violent stream of flame, after which his head hung low like a worm on a hook. The fire coiled in midair, scorching the mirror further in an impressive display that created a blinding flash; if Bowser had felt like looking into it, he would have seen his new reflection, the personification of his feelings. His face, covered with all-encompassing flames.
Pain had a face, after all.
He didn't want to admit it... but he kinda needed help. There comes a time in everyone's life where he had to just swallow his pride. And unless he wanted to sit in silence all day long, now was that time. Time to call the person who would help him the most...
And since he didn't have that, he had to settle for what he got. He sighed and entered speed dial.
"Hello?"
"Hey, uh, Army Hammer Bro?... Yeah, its me, your badass, sexy, and altogether amazing ruler."
"So I've heard….." Army Hammer Bro gently sighed, knowing his lord. "Wow, that speech was surprisingly... fast."
"Well... yeah..." Bowser did a weak chuckle to try and inspire confidence. "I aced it."
"Really." Army Hammer Bro popped another cheese curl in his mouth from the chair of the control room of Bowser's doomship.
"...Yeah-absolutely," Bowser spluttered.
An ensuing silence occurred. Bowser couldn't see it, but Army Hammer Bro had that trademark grimace expressing massive doubt. "Look, Bowser..." He sighed and shook his head. "I have a live feed of the event right now. All your officials do. You forgot?"
Bowser muttered a quick 'damn it' under his breath. It was no use denying it. "My speech… isn't going so hot... How much did you see?" Bowser closed his eyes and began crossing the fingers on his free left hand.
"..All of it. Duh," said Army Hammer Bro.
Bowser drooped his head down low. "Great. I'm a laughingstock." He held his head low and let out a heavy sigh. He kept it down for about three more seconds until his soldier got the hint.
"Oh... yeah, you're doing that thing. I know, you want me to tell you 'You're wrong, buddy!' But that would be misleading. You won't solve your problems by ignoring them and making your loved ones instill a false sense of comfort into you. You see Bowser, you're… okay, I could put this gently but…" Army Hammer bro snickered under his breath. "...We both know that I'm relishing this."
"...Are you gonna rub it in for long?" Bowser said flatly.
"...Ehh, honestly, I WOULD… but, you know, my paycheck and stuff."
"Wise move." Sarcasm was dripping from Bowser's voice. "Look, you wisecracking bastard, I'm… kinda….. Okay, I'm sucking. There, I said it. I'll give you anything in return if you help me get out of this jam!"
"...Okay, I'd like to be set free."
"Well….. Anything except that."
Dead pause. Army Hammer Bro put down his cell phone, and flipped his chair around, doing….. Who knows what. Either way, it took Bowser 5 seconds to get the idea.
"...Fuck you, man. Okay, I'll do it. Now, what do I have to do?"
"Well!..." Army Hammer Bro flipped his phone up in the air with one hand, scratching his chin with the other. The phone flipped around multiple times, before careening downwards in a rushing "woosh!" noise. With the grace of a seasoned professional, Army Hammer Bro reached out, and hand made contact with silver in the most streamlined and beautiful of ways.
….In simple terms, he caught the phone effortlessly, without even looking, like a badass.
"Yes!" Army Hammer Bro shouted. He pumped his fist and hollered in victory. "WOOOOH! IN YOUR FACE, SHELLY, YOU BASTARD!"
"..."
"...Oh, yeah, you didn't turn on screencam. Well, I flipped my phone up, see? Then I caught it with my hand. Without looking. Why?" The elite Hammer Bro shrugged. "Because I can. I don't know what that has to do with your speech…. But y'know, I did it, and that's what counts."
Dead silence.
"...Look, I know that's not very relevant to your current predicament. I'm just…. Feeling lonely. I've... never had anybody tell me 'Holy crap, you can flip a phone and catch it? You da man!' Can you tell me I'm cool? Pleeeeeaseee?"
"Hmmm…. well... I could... but... uh... false sense of comfort."
"Okay... excuse me." Army Hammer Bro turned away from the phone and covered the lid. Bowser could still make out some soft sniffing. He pretended not to notice.
"...Hey, pal.. I... know what to do now."
"...Wait..." Army returned focus back to Bowser. "You do?"
"Absolutely. Y'know, you MIGHT-note the strong emphasis on the MIGHT-"
"Noted..."
"Good. You MIGHT get that raise you're always bitching about!"
"...Wait, really? Y-You can't be-"
"...What? No. Of course not. Don't be stupid." Bowser continued to chuckle, holding up his hand to his mouth in an attempt to cover up his crude sputtering. It was in vain.
Finally, he regained his composure, and after a few more deep breaths to fully recover, he resumed. "Anyways, I realized I just have to wing it, just like you did with that cell phone flip thing."
"...I helped you? I mean, doy. What do you think I'm here for?"
"I'm back onstage in a minute. Smell you later."
And it was right about now something happened that would completely change the course of the entire day and even what would come afterward.
It wasn't obvious at first. Something came up. The Koopa King was clearly taken aback by something, stopping mid-sentence. It was so shocking, he was actually at a complete loss for words.
"Uh…. sir?"
"...Yeah…. Uhhh…. I'm going to call you back. See you, hopefully never. Kidding. Maybe. Hi. I mean, bye."
Before Army Hammer Bro could object, Bowser hung up.
"W... what…. The… hell…" Bowser could barely be heard. Still in disbelief, he shook his head over and over. Whatever had just happened, it was clearly a lot to take in. He took a bit more time to process it.
His head whipped over to a knife on his desk. His eyes narrowed. He forced himself off the chair he was sitting in and lumbered over to the knife. His every footstep left another fresh crater in the ground underneath him. Not that it mattered to Bowser. He glanced some more at the knife. He froze again.
Should I?
Wow. He was actually starting to sweat. Just a little. But still. He had no idea what to do, no idea if he was senile, no idea if it was worth investing into. There wasn't much sweat at all, just 2 drops, but not much made Bowser sweat in the first place.
He felt nauseous. His head hurt. He wished he could take a nice, long rest to clear his head. Could you blame him? After all, it's not as if deciding between stabbing yourself with a knife or not stabbing yourself with a knife would be a situation most people would ever imagine themselves being in.
In a perfect dream scenario, time would have slowed down for Bowser to make his decision. Since no such thing exists, though, time was about to run out, and he needed to make a split second choice. He wished he could chase after time itself and knock it out so he could comprehend the sheer magnitude of the turmoil that was occurring, but no such luck.
Finally, he made his decision. With a heavy sigh, he reached for the knife, and slowly, steadily, raised it up to his chest. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. If he was correct, this move was going to go down as one of the most genius moves made in ruling history.
But if it wasn't…. Let's just say it would be remembered as a much less genius move. Bowser lay conflicted. Finally, he made his mind.
"Don't talk about it. Be about it."
Before he could change his mind, he twisted the jagged blade into his chest. The cut wasn't deep enough to reach his heart, and as long as he was careful, it would (hopefully) stay that way.
The king flinched and jerked back; a trickle of blood began to run down from the stab wound, trickling like a snake. After a few deep breaths, he regained his composure. He moved the knife upwards. A sickening crunch was audible, and with a twist of the blade, a geyser of blood splashed onto the previously diamond-clear mirror, messily sliding down in a disgusting red puddle. Bowser paid no mind. Even as the blood sprayed in multiple directions and began trickling down from the wound even more rapidly, Bowser continued to make the cut. Stepping back to get out of the puddle of his red body liquid that was rapidly forming on the ground, Bowser continued to cut until he had made a small circle around his chest scar.
With a painful rip, Bowser clutched onto the part of his skin he just cut off and held the gruesome artifact of his efforts into his hand. He groaned in pain; the skin fragment he was holding was staining his hands dark red, blood dripping below and soaking the floor. The floor in particular looked as though it had gotten a fresh new coat of paint. The one known as death.
"Okay….. Ah!" Bowser's eyes cycled around the room, he let out a gurgled moan that sounded akin to vomiting blood. Not just akin; he actually coughed up a wad of blood that splattered on his chin and neck, slithering down slowly like a disgusting, slimy snake.
Fuck. That was about the only thought in his head. This interesting new development left him feeling a whole lot of things, but mostly dizzy, lightheaded and drained. He ignored the throbbing pain in his head and focused on rapid, steady breaths.
Just take a step… …Or not. SHIT, that hurts. Every time the king tried to take a step, he began seeing double. His vision blurred; he put his hand on his head and used his other arm to rest on the table.
"Better hurry up…." Quickly, he jammed his travel notebook into the gaping hole in his stomach, ignoring the painful creaking sounds as he aligned it properly… just in the right position in front of his still beating heart.
Not a moment too soon. Bowser turned to look at himself in the mirror. He still looked kinda like a wreck. Blood stains were everywhere on his body. The leftover residue continued to cling to his body like a soggy tuna-wrap sandwich. The clump of skin itself felt disgusting, like a wet piece of raw meat at the butcher shop.
"...This could possibly be the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life."
Without warning, Bowser violently coughed up a second wad of blood. He lurched forwards in sync with the cough, the blood splattering over the beaten and charred mirror. Well, the only thing he was gonna be admiring was a massive blood stain.
"...Gross…"
Surprisingly, the physical pain, while certainly immense, was not quite the center of Bowser's thoughts.
"… Actually… What was I trying to do again-ohhh, yeahhh, that. Now that I've laid my cards on the deck... let's see if I got a full house."
Indeed, Bowser's entire future was set in motion now, good or bad. A do or die in its fullest effect, if you will.
And without an extra word, the Koopa King ambled back onstage to give his speech, throbbing in pain with every step.
Back onstage…
Bowser's break had gone a little over the maximum time he was permitted. About 6 more, in fact. The bored Kingdom residents were starting to tire of waiting; 11 minutes, while not very long on its own, starts to seem pretty long when much of it is spent just waiting around. Shame too, for the event was a full house. Mostly. Some ambulances were present in the corner, taking away the small handful of Toads that were suffering from pneumonia from the increasingly chilling temperatures. Most were sensible, though, and brought some hot chocolate and put on extra snow protection.
"Maybe he'll be back soon…"
"Nope, he bailed. That bastard up and left, mark my words."
"...Are you sure-Wait, don't answer that. I want to believe!...Wait...what is-"
A loud RIP made everyone pause mid-sentence and glance at the stage. With a heavy slash, Bowser had ripped straight through the curtain. He waltzed onstage, waving to the crowd and grabbing the mic. It was even colder out now than it was when he was first onstage, but it didn't seem to be bothering him. He stepped around the large crater that had formed in a rather... embarrassing incident about eleven minutes back.
The audience had noticed the…. Very questionable scar on his chest. A Goomba hopped up three times.
"Yes, you in the front. Hurry up."
"What's with that scar-"
"None of your damn business, pal." Bowser made it sound a lot like "I can kill you in one fell sweep, pal." The Goomba leaned back into his snow-soaked chair.
"You all look surprised, for some reason." He chuckled. "Yeah, I've been told I have that effect on people…"
"Get your ass offstage!" yelled a loud, annoying heckler.
Bowser's smile instantly flipped upside down. His eyes swiveled towards the heckler. This guy had been a pain in his ass since this speech had started, and enough was enough. He leaned back, stepped towards the Toad, and flashed an eerie, haunting smile that was somehow scarier than his constant yelling. Indeed, there's nothing quite like staring at a mouthful of razor sharp teeth to get one to fear ya, and the heckler was visibly hesitating to make his move.
"GO, BOWSER! YOU'RE THE BEST! WOO-HOO! I LOVE YOU!"
Bowser turned around. There was a pink Toad holding up a sign that said "BOWSER 4EVA!" He was waving it around and making his support clear with all the noise his little lungs could make, even as a bunch of people were giving him murderous glances and shaking their heads.
The Koopa King eased up. His smile began to return. It was heartwarming to know he had his supporters even in the bleakest of times. This was by far one of the sweetest displays of affection he had received.
You know what? I'm BOWSER, baby! Why do I give half a horse crap what any of the Toads think of my rulership? I am the one calling the shots from now on! Not THEM.
And with that, he remembered: just wing it. A real ruler doesn't TELL people what he means, he shows them little shits. Already, a vicious smile was beginning to curl at his lips.
He walked over to the Toad.
"Yes, fan, I love you too." Bowser smiled warmly. The smile morphed into a cold, empty stare. He whipped out a pistol, cocked it back and pointed it at his fan's head. His fan's eyes drooped, and before he could get off a quick "but why?", Bowser pulled the trigger. The resulting gunshot noise cracked throughout the area, a noise so loud and forceful that it made all the other people currently attending bend down low, wincing and covering their ears in anguish. A simultaneous scream echoed throughout the club from some of the kids in attendance.
Eventually, the smoke cleared. As the Mushroom Kingdom residents dared to look back up, they saw perhaps one of the most chilling sights they would ever be subject to.
Their mortal enemy, the target of their collective wrath, confidently turned to them, taking such a slow time doing it that the witnesses swore he did it on purpose. His face was red with the Toad's blood. It seemed to go perfectly, too perfectly, with his vicious slasher smile. He didn't look much like Bowser anymore. He was their worst nightmare, the dark side of the moon, the supernova at the end of the universe, the knife of the butcher. Even by his standards, this was a particularly heartless move. It was a tough decision to make; even Bowser had his reservations about doing something this vile, this heartless, but decided the only way he was going to nail this was by making the difficult decisions and putting his feelings on a cruise for the night.
One thing was for certain; he had their attention, and he was going to make the most of it.
"I know what you're all thinking; THAT WAS HEARTLESS, HOW COULD YOU?" Bowser said in a mock crying voice, pretending to wipe his eyes.
"Quick answer: Yes, that was heartless. But I ask you all this-What is "heart", anyway? That worthless feeling of remorse, that worthless thing some call love? It is just a liability, in the end, one that will surely be your undoing."
He gripped the mic with both hands and leaned over the stage. "I look at all you little sons of bitches, and answer me this-what is it that I see? What story do you tell?"
Out of everything they expected him to say, that was far from the first thing to come to mind. Either way, the Toads and the rest of Bowser's minions all fully shifted gears to the king.
Good, good. The fishes have been drawn into my nice, juicy worms…. Now here comes the hook.
"Don't give me those looks! You look at any random dumbass in the street, they all have one thing in common. If you look for it, you can find a story in anybody. Most of them aren't anything special. I guarantee you, about a solid 95% of people are unremarkable. But that other 5 %? They are what's known as legends. Most people don't become legends. They work to become legends Like me. That status wasn't spoonfed to me at birth. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to be the ruler of the Koopa Klan. Nobody expected shit from me. It was all about my big brother Wart. That smug piece of shit thought he was so great, got ALL the attention, ALL the respect, ALL the bitches. But I had one thing he never had. I had a spirit. I had a sharp, cunning mind. One day, while he was gettin' it on..."
Bowser made a few graphic humping motions.
"With MY girlfriend, no less!-I turned that dick into a frog, broke his legs, and cast a spell on him, essentially destroying his career. You know where he is now?"
Silence.
"Exactly. So, like I said, you don't come out of the goalpost a star. You may THINK you'll become big, you may THINK you've put in adequate effort, but simply trying is not enough. There is no try, there is only do. You can try to become big, but unless you're willing to break your back, sacrifice everything you think you know about the world, it will NOT work. Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Aristotle, Da Vinci, Pewdipie, and yes, even Mario-they're all stars now. But none of them started stars... except Mario (Ugh). As they say, if you're all talk and no game, you've got no business trying to ball with the big boys. Don't try and stay a loser, put in the effort to become good, push yourself further and become moderately popular... or push yourself beyond your breaking point and become... THAT ELUSIVE 5%. The choice is yours to make, and you can only make it once. You can't afford to waste time, because if you realize you're on the wrong track, its already too late."
Meanwhile, in the row at the very back sat two very conspicuous individuals, one male, one female. Unlike everybody else in their row, they were paying little attention to the speech. These guys tried the old "put newspaper in front of face routine", but the female dropped her paper on the floor a while back.
One of them was a black-spotted Toad with glasses with a nametag reading "Maverick". The other was perpetual underachiever Penelope. They were the only two members of the resistance currently present. Too many would look conspicuous. At least, that's what Maverick said.
They had... shall we say, persuaded security, to get to the speech just mere minutes after Maverick detailed his plan. Maverick kept an eagle's eye out the whole time. Penelope, meanwhile, had been resting for the past 11 or so minutes. Finally, after so much waiting, Bowser was wide open. Maverick questioned the... very questionable scar on Bowser's chest but paid little mind to it. He had a self-appointed mission.
He nudged Penelope twice with his elbow. The latter blinked twice, yawned, and groggily turned to her leader.
"...Yuh?" she muttered.
"...You okay?" Maverick asked. "Not that I care, though."
"...Lit."
"Yeah." Maverick smirked and turned around. He may not have questioned her bizarre speech pattern, but this was a very far cry from her normally sensible nature.
"Anyways-" Maverick nudged her again, as she was starting to nod off. "its time. Maverick may not be a household name yet, much as I hate to admit it, but as soon as this fatass turtle falls, I'm going to explode. Bitches will get DRIPPIN' wet when they hear my name. You just see."
"...wet... drippy... hot." Penelope grinned and nodded back off.
"Somehow, I'm starting to feel like you're a little high."
"...huh...n...o sir..." Penelope subconsciously shook her head. That was a straight lie, though. Stressed out of her mind, she knew that she was never gonna last this mission without breaking down. She knew Maverick was never gonna actually give her any job of significance, so she had resorted to her age-old tactic of smoking a little weed before going on this duo mission, just to keep her mind off everything that was going wrong. Of course, Maverick was never going to figure it out on his own, even if that combined with her still being really tired made her act so questionably out of character, she still wanted to keep that secret as private as she could.
"Kidding. LOL! You're too boring to get high. Take five, and maybe, just maybe, I'll include you in my autobiography when I become famous. This one's all about me."
"...Really."
"Yeah, bruh." Maverick shrugged. "You could get a nice little… say, two sentences. I'm thinking…. Somewhere in between the part where I flexed over the Grand Canyon and describe the size of my muscles, I could describe the time I docked your pay for doubting me on the mission that will inevitably earn me serious bank. Somethin' like that, y'know?"
"...Cool beans."
Maverick stopped listening. He had found his target. With a cock and a flip, Maverick fired his bullet. As loud and brash as Maverick was, there was one thing he knew how to do, and one thing he knew how to do well; aim a gun. His marksman skills were second to none. He wasn't top marksman in his high school for nothing. Once he found a target, he knew how to aim and where to shoot to ensure he'd get the most out of his shots. Normally, he would have thought to aim somewhere else, like the stomach, but he wasn't about to hear another word come out of Bowser's mouth, so he aimed his weapon straight at the heart to get it over with. Unfortunately, he didn't have a large caliber round, due to just having a Desert Eagle at the moment.
The image everyone was about to witness, would stick with them for the rest of their lives. The bullet sailed, a deadly creature in the air, attempting to make its mark firmly in the Koopa King's chest. It made immediate contact; it hit like a boulder, staggering Bowser. A vibrating crack echoed throughout the club as the bullet struck the book in the King's chest.
The image everyone was about to witness, would stick with them for the rest of their lives. The bullet sailed, a deadly creature in the air, attempting to make its mark firmly in the Koopa King's chest. It made immediate contact. It hit like a boulder, staggering Bowser. A vibrating crack echoed throughout the club as the bullet struck the book in the King's chest.
The people who looked up saw Bowser hit his knee. Oddly, instead of bleeding out, he just had to hold on to a support pillar to keep from falling. When he was able to maintain his footing, he put his hand over his chest and glanced down for damages. He was disoriented, it felt like the air had been knocked out of his body, and bleeding slightly, but he had nothing worse than that. The book wasn't ever gonna entirely stop the bullet; it doesn't work like that, but it was so thick that it did slow it down enough to be a wound. Just not a fatal one.
"You were the problem," said Maverick. "And I… was the solution."
Maverick tipped his snow-covered shades down in tandem with the pun.
"Hey sir?" said another Toad sitting next to him.
"Yeah?" Maverick flexed in a strongman pose. "Make it quick."
"This is gonna kill you, but…"
Maverick's eyebrow arched. "But what?"
"...He seems pretty healthy to me."
Pause. Maverick took a quick glance up at Bowser.
"I….I'm sorry, what? ...WHAT?"
Maverick continued sputtering, trying to comprehend what just happened. Mouth agape, he couldn't pry his eyes away from the leader of the Mushroom Kingdom.
He nodded. As if to say, Yes, this is real.
"I spent WEEKS coming up with that pun! And… you….. Son of a- Stay dead so that it wasn't wasted! THAT. IS. AN. ORDER."
People were murmuring and talking over each other. Spitting out a variety of explanations.
"God."
"More like Satan."
"Jesus."
"Dream."
"This is a stage play."
As amusing as it was to see them cower, the speech had to go on, and Bowser wasn't gonna wait for anybody.
"Nice try."
Everybody looked up. Bowser nodded gently towards the still very bitter Maverick, then shifted his gaze back to the general audience.
"Really, nice try."
He waited a few more seconds until all the silence completely died down. When everyone settled down, only then did he resume his speech.
"You all be lookin' at me, yes? You all out here, wondering "Who the hell is this guy? This handsome, muscular badass, who just eats up bullets for fun? You thought it would be that easy? You think I'd just go "AAAAH, FUCK, IM DEAD?" Bowser made a gag face and held up his arm and began to fake strangle himself, bringing a few nervous chuckles.
Maverick's eyes shifted back and forth. "Well….." He smacked his lips. "Yes. I did."
Bowser laughed evilly. "Well, I can feel your question coming up right now. I'll save y'all the trouble of asking."
The room fell silent again. Bowser placed his hand on the piece of skin he had cut out not even an hour ago and lifted it in the air, exposing the book in his chest for everyone to see. It took some people longer than others to put the pieces together, but eventually, a collective gasp echoed throughout the club.
The Goombas, the Koopas, and all the other loyal minions of Bowser screamed up something fierce, chants of "That's our Bowser!" and "Nice one!" commonplace. The king couldn't help but be flattered, even as the snow all around them seemed to be getting colder.
"I appreciate it." He paused, chortling heartily. "Really, I do. Now, a few moments ago, I got an omen. An omen of this same exact scenario, right down to every last detail."
The audience began to give him weird looks.
"...Yes, you think I'm crazy. You know what I could have done? I could have gone back home like a spineless coward. I could have. But you know what I did instead? I made a solution for myself. That's what. I cut open my skin and added some extra protection to ensure my safety. I was thinking for a while, 'Ohhhh noooo, maybe this omen is fake, I shouldn't be doing this...' But I stuck to my work ethic, and now, you all have seen how far a little risk, bravery and motivation-two skills you weak, spineless losers will NEVER have- can take you. This right here, is one quality of a good leader-he has to be good at making heat of the moment decisions."
"Son of a- This is horseshit!"
Bowser laughed. "No, it's the pathetic inhabitants of this Kingdom learning discipline and seeing REAL bravery for a change. You all jive about your savior Mario and all the BRAVERY he has. But I betcha, if he was in MY kicks, he wouldn't have thought much of it. Probably figures he's too much of a badass to possibly die in such an embarrassing fashion and go down in flames. Well, guess what? Right about now, he'd be six feet under."
Nobody could argue with that.
"You know, he's making a good talk."
"Yeah, where the hell IS Mario?"
This should have made Maverick quit while he was still ahead. Instead, he kicked his feet back and flashed a casual smile at Bowser.
"Mario ain't here, because he called, and he said he was giving his role of defender of the kingdom…. To me! Yeah, I'm your new defender!"
Bowser arched an eyebrow. "Really."
"Damn straight," said Maverick, oblivious to how obvious that pathological lie was. "The series about to be called Super Maverick Bros up in this biatch! Super Maverick Odyssey, let's-a go!" Maverick tipped his black shades.
"Oh no, I'm scared." Bowser nonchalantly leaned against the support pillar, very annoyed that Maverick broke the serious flow of this event. "Do your worst." He made a "come here" motion with his free hand.
"You asked nicely…. And I'll deliver."
Maverick snapped his fingers. "Team Insert Cool pun here later, ATTACK!"
Imagine this entire next scene in slow motion. A giant squadron of Toad warriors hopped out, loaded to the brim with weapons of all types, ranging from Glocks, to shotguns, to handguns, to swiss army knives, beam swords, Double Cherries, Fire Flowers, etc. From seemingly every area that could conceivably hide somebody, there was a Toad there. The Toads with the handguns wasted absolutely no time whatsoever firing their weapons at Bowser.
And yet, Bowser's smile grew wider and wider. Yes, Yes, YES! Now we're talking!
"Challenge accepted."
That was all the incentive the rest of the Toads needed. They leaped towards the king, rage and determination burning in their hearts.
This would normally result in one very dead king. Unfortunately, Bowser was not your normal king.
The bullets approached, yet he was at total ease. At the very last possible second, he stepped to the side, letting the first bullet pass by. Not even a second later, he jerked his head back, dodging the second bullet so narrowly he SWORE he felt its energy emitting on his face. He still had no time to stop. With a grunt in effort, he used his two feet to propel himself skyward with one of the most impressive backflips he'd ever done in his life, earning yet another gasp from the audience.
He frowned. There were still more bullets left to deal with. No problem. Doing a split second calculation in his head, Bowser slashed forwards in a full moon arc, while still in midair, instantly slicing all the bullets into two pieces like there was nothing to it. Before the remnants of the bullets even hit the ground, Bowser managed to impress further. With a sudden out of nowhere horizontal boost, he expertly used his momentum to perform even more slashes. He moved his arms so fast, they seemed a blur. Countless slashes rendered the bullets null and void.
"No way," gasped an awestruck audience member.
Finishing with a final slash preformed so quickly it left an afterimage, Bowser still hung in the air. He looked down at the awestruck Maverick. Bowser pointed two fingers at his eye, then flipped them back at Maverick. Gravity took place again. No bother. Bowser winded up his fist like a clock. After three rotations, he unleashed a powerful punch... on the ground, creating another crater with an anime-esque sound effect.
The jaws of everyone else had long since dropped on the floor. This was straight up unreal. Bowser stepped up to the mic again,waiting for the next blow with his trademark arrogant smirk.
It didn't come. The soldiers were too busy twitching.
"Got any more in the tank? I've got all day."
The army members looked at each other. They nodded in unison. The looks on their face made their response perfectly clear.
"CHARRRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEE!"
All hell broke loose. The first of the warriors quickly consumed his Double Cherry. An exactly identical copy of him appeared next to him, and both of them leaped onto the back of a chair and used it to propel themselves towards the king.
Bowser smirked. He put both his legs back, and let them come to him. The Toad and his copy alternated positions in an attempt to confuse their ruler. He wasn't fazed, though. Leaning his head back, he opened his jaw, took a deep breath, and treated the two to a pretty sight of fire developing in his maw.
"Oh, shi-"
That was all they got out before Bowser spit his stream in a fiery, arching crescent, nailing both of them. The clone dissipated instantly, but the original Toad wasn't so lucky. Before he could even think of defending himself, the flame had already consumed his body.
It felt like hell. The pain was unbearable. His skin slowly peeled off and the morbid, smoky, barbeque-esque smell of burning flesh invaded his nostrils. The pain didn't last long, though. By the time it had reached the inside of the body, the life had already vanished. His eyes melted into the recesses of his skull as the rest of his skin was reduced to a thick, gooey, semi-solid reddish substance as it mixed with the blood and slid down his bones.
"You see that? THAT is what being a ruler is really all about-"
Bowser arched his head back to dodge an incoming sword slice. Before the aggressor even recovered, he thrust his claw straight into his throat and out the other side. The samurai tasted the blood gushing out of his mouth. He tried to breathe, only a sickened gargle came out. He tried to pry Bowser's meaty hands off him, but being at least a few hundred pounds lighter, it was no use. With a grin that can only be described as sadistic, Bowser lifted his claw higher, separating the samurai's neck from his shoulders. The Toad felt all the air leave. Ignoring the fountain of blood splashing into his face, spilling over his body, Bowser moved his claw higher and higher, and without hesitation, decapitated the poor soul. The samurai's lifeless head flew several feet, flinging blood over the assembly like a firehose. It fell into the hands of a girl in the audience. The panic-stricken shroom took one look at the soldier's glazed, lifeless eyes and her hands, wet with the man's dripping blood, and fainted on the spot.
The king took a second to wipe the blood and snow out of his eyes. He flicked his wrist backward through another Toad's skull. Death was instantaneous. Bowser pulled his claw out. His hand was covered in a moist, disgusting glob of the man's brain matter and skull fragments that made even him grimace a little. His face…. Not even a face anymore. Mostly just splintered bone and blood around the claw-shaped imprint.
"As I was saying, it's not about how awesome you, look-"
Whoops. Yet another interruption. Bowser grabbed another soldier by the leg and slammed him against the floor. Every bone in his upper body shattered. He pressed one foot on the floor and the other on the Mushroom warrior's head. Squished it open like a watermelon with a most horrible sound. The king placed both hands on his right leg. Using his right foot as leverage, Bowser flicked his arms upwards. In no time, the sound of bones cracking, joints separating was audible as he ripped the soldier's entire leg clean off. Now entirely numb to the fact that the leg was spilling yet more blood (by this point, there was hardly any brown left on the stage), Bowser used his newfound weapon to fend off another Toad. He spun it in a circle with the grace of a skilled fencer.
The Toad instinctively leaned backwards. Big mistake. The blood from the severed leg flew into his face. Quite literally, he saw red. The acidic, metallic taste was unbearable; the pained soldier felt bile churning up in his throat. He didn't have time to be sick.
He never got to see the oversized hand that bisected him, and threw both his severed halves off the stage.
The crowd was in a frenzy now. Toads everywhere were shuddering, screaming, crying. This was the Underworld personified. The worst part; The King was so nonchalant... about everything. Merciless bloodshed. Screams of a hope. Slain. All his daily sip of coffee. He ate it up. Their eternal panic, their fleeting life. All second hand to him. Disposable like a toddler's broken toys.
"Anyways, its not about any of that!" Bowser continued, sensing a lull in soldier activity. "People always say being a leader is about how nice or caring you are, but you know what I call that? Bull. So, what REALLY makes a leader?"
Yet another foolish Toad tried her luck. She leapt from the ceiling, hurling iceballs left and right. All of them were rendered null and void by the Koopa King's shell. She tried again. Bowser gripped her.
She tried to scream. Her throat shut down.
Bowser drove his claw through her chest.
The pain? Indescribable. Bowser removed his claw from her chest.
She finally opened her mouth, just to let the blood rushing up flood over her chin and onto the gaping hole in her chest. White overtook her vision despite her best efforts, and she joined her other slain comrades in the sky above.
"Here's your answer. its how well you can deal with the crap life throws at you. its a dog-eat dog world out there, so you're always going to suffer, unless you grow a sack-"
This time, a Toad wielding a Goomba's Shoe leapt down from the stage lights. He looked oddly calm. He signed up for this. This was his duty. He knew he was not going to make it. He continued anyhow.
Monotonously, Bowser held up his hand. The shoe gently plopped in his palm. Taking a sweeping glance to ensure everyone was watching, Bowser lifted up the shoe until the head of the rider was firmly inside his maw. The Goomba Shoe bounced off the ground a few times, finally landing on the leg of another soldier, crushing it into oblivion. The second soldier tried crawling over to the street, blood gushing through his leg and soaking the floor. Fear clouded his fading, increasingly dissipating mind; in spite him putting every ounce of energy, every ounce of emotion, all the desire to rejoin, to protect his loved ones into his desperate struggle, it was a wasted effort, and he knew it.
Bowser opted not to speed up his death and leave his final moments to be as painful as possible. He was sanitaton's problem now. He returned to the first of the soldiers.
The Toad closed his eyes in preparation. At least I can die saying I gave it my everything... A happy tear dripped from his eye.
It was good he came to terms with his demise, because there is perhaps no worse way to go out than what he received. To the horror of everyone, Bowser clamped down without a moment's hesitation, ignoring the blood soaking his teeth... and began to chew it like gum.
Nobody could watch; even as near everyone turned away, the sound of Bowser's jaws crushing the man's head into something unrecognizable was still plenty enough to tell the story.
It went on for 30 seconds, but it felt more like a thousand minutes. Bowser decided he had enough of brain juice. He had never really been one for explicit cannibalism. He turned away from the audience and casually spit out the remnants of the head, sparing them a scarring visual.
He muttered something under his breath and slowly turned back to everyone left. His mouth and chin were soaked with red, and a piece of flesh that clung to his lip. For that matter, most of his body was red mixed with melted snow water, in spite of him not having taken any damage at all. In spite of feeling cold and uncomfortable, He continued, not missing a beat.
"Failure is a natural part of life, but whether that puts you down or not depends on how well you can rebound off even your most disheartening failures. Don't let your fears put you down. Fear is a natural part of life, and you can never be truly fearless if you don't have any fears to overcome. There is no bravery without fear."
They were actually taking it in, nods and murmurs aplenty.
"You take your fears, and you stomp on them and use them to boost you even higher. You see a door in your path, break it down. You break your leg, drag yourself home. You only lose the battle when you decide you're done…"
Bowser took yet another break to leap over an attacker. He landed on him ass first with his signature Bowser Bomb, crushing him into paste. Yuck. At least this one was rather quick. He looked around. Already, there were only a few soldiers left. Good. Now he could make the speech his top priority. And belive me, he was just getting warmed up.
"...And from what I've seen today, I'm disappointed in the lot of you. Yes, I'm bigger than any of you. Stronger, more ruthless, just all around better. But you ever hear of this badass named David? He didn't let that discourage him when he took on… what's his name? Ah, yeah-Goliath. He didn't dwell on his massive disadvantages, nor did he rush in willy-nilly. He came up with a plan to overcome his massive physical inferiority, and he stuck with it, and he didn't back down-"
He put his hand up. One Toad had taken this time to fire his last bullet at him. Instead of prematurely ending the ceremony, the bullet bounced harmlessly off Bowser's spiked arm collar. The Toad had no time to process it before the bullet returned straight to the sender. It ripped through his head, splattering blood over the curtain. Thankfully, it blended in well with the redness of the curtain. Bowser waited for the corpse to buckle before continuing.
"The novice who just died exemplifies the problem with you lot- you have NO DRIVE. NOT AN OUNCE OF IT. You fight like naive children. You think that just because you want something to happen, it will happen. You WANT change, you want to kill me, you want to end the blood feud our kingdoms have gotten, but you don't have the BALLS to do it. You just passively sit back pray, or try ham-fisted, pitiful attempts to end me that never work out. Mario stops me all the time, but he never once dreamed of killing me."
Bowser's eyes shifted to the sides of the stage. Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed five remaining Toads in camouflage. All of them locked eyes with Bowser.
He did not return their gaze. Rage boiled in him like a gnashing monster. They though THIS was enough to stop him? Were they not listening to anything he had been saying? What a joke.
"Sheep."
They paid no mind. In their adrenaline rush, all five of them leapt onto Bowser, brandishing differing weapons. No doubt the strongest ones they had available. Just an assumption; Bowser had no idea what they were using, he didn't really pay any mind to their weapons, not that it made any difference.
All he had to do to end the final wave was duck into his shell. They all leaped into the exact same area, so they all landed squarely on the spikes in his shell. Bowser groaned and shook all five corpses off. The corpses crashed on the ground and buckled like ragdolls, bleeding out on the floor.
"All right, so, about Mario. It would almost be a shame to lose him, the target of eternal vengeance I've hated since I was a mere toddler, but nostalgia has to be put aside. You need to move on, and you don't get change by waiting for it-you MAKE it. You BE the change you desire, and you get it. That's why I rule you. I AM the change. You have all paid the price for centuries of being weak, spineless cowards. It is my sworn duty, as your ruler, to fix this. It is time for a new age of Mushroomers. I will turn each and every one of you, into iron-fisted, cold-blooded, productive warriors-right before I kill each and every one of you."
Bowser slowly arched an eyebrow to one final Toad warrior.
Even he could tell this was hopeless. He simply cocked his shotgun, stuck the end into his mouth, and pulled the trigger before Bowser could give him a more painful demise.
"Either this will all work out, and we'll cement our place in history as the greatest, the brightest, and I'll kill you slowly and painfully, or, it won't pan out, and I'll kill you sooner than I would have… it will all depend on how willing you are to learn, and how willing you are to listen. Meet me halfway, and I'll carry you to the top."
He paused, slowly looking back up at the crowd. "Are you with me."
He folded his arms. And thus, his speech concluded.
This was quite a scene to take in-their mortal enemy, red as a hell demon, standing in an inhumanly large pile of blood, organs, and brain matter, asking for their support. Nobody was quite sure how to react.
After a while, half the entire club erupted in applause and cheering. The other half still stood in the snow in shock, but still nodding when people yelled 'THAT WAS AWESOME!' People hollered at the top of their lungs, leaped in front of their chairs, ripped off their shirts, chanted Bowser's name, and overall went crazy. A whole group of Toads even ran up and carried their ruler offstage.
How did it feel to Bowser?
It felt awesome. Fucking awesome. Of course, he knew they were going to return to war soon after, but he had asserted his dominance.
"Yeah, YEAH! This is what I'm talkin' about!" the king chortled. "In no time, we'll be the strongest kingdom that ever was!
As the king excited the room, Maverick could just barely be made out grumbling under his breath. He looked up, shook his undersized fist, and when he made eye contact with Bowser, made a not very subtle throat-slitting gesture.
"This isn't over, Bowser…" he threatened through gritted teeth.
Bowser found that rather cute, and couldn't help but lightly snicker.
And with that, the next step had finally concluded. And the best part? Now he knew exactly what was next…. If they thought life was hell now, then they haven't even gotten a lick of what was to come next….
"King me..."
Meanwhile, at 12:15 PM…..
During the speech, our heroes ambled on their quest to the Beanbean Kingdom. They had continued walking for hours. Of course, there was the occasional request for a break, but Mario insisted they soldiered on.
As of the present, though, it was obvious that it was time for the break. Their feet ached and they needed a rest. Just as well, as the Border between the Kingdom and the Beanbean Kingdom lay right next to them, less than 5 feet away.
"BOY, my legs are stiff as a mother fucker!"
"Chill-a, Toad." Mario stopped walking and held up his index finger. The others didn't argue with him. They just stopped, grateful for the rest.
Quick update. They were currently traversing the purple, rocky, star covered ground of the Stardust Fields. So much had happened the last time Mario had come, and never in a hundred years did he expect to return at the scene of the crime again. Stardust Fields was still as lovely as it ever was; the damp, purple ground had a strangely alluring beauty to it, and seemed a natural complement to the perpetually night sky. Old, antiquated barrels surrounded the terrain, organized in long single-file lines as far as the eyes can see. There was not a sound to be heard but the hero's footsteps, but that was perfectly fine, because anything else would have distracted from the natural beauty of this favorite stargazing location.
The past-a, Mario thought, It really DOES-a repeat itself-a.
"Doesn't this just-a take you back-a, brother?"
"...Yeaah, we don't-a really have time-a for that," said Mario.
"C'mon, lighten up a little." Luigi leaned down in front of his bro, crouching down until he made firm eye contact. "I know-a, we have a lot-a riding on our success-a here. I know, I know-a, the stakes-a are higher than they ever have-a been. But even so-a, you have to lighten up at least a little-a! You've still got to take some time to relax-a. Like, right-a now! We can afford to take a rest-a and count our blessings-a! Trust me on this-a one. Keeping a positive-a attitude will only be better-a for you and your mental state-a. You might be laughing at me silently. You might-a think that's crazy-a. But would I-a tell you this if I didn't feel-a at least a little confident it would help-a? I'm your bro-a. That's what I'm-a here for!" He gave Mario a nice, reassuring smile.
Mario smacked his lips and looked back into his bro's eyes. It took a while, but eventually, he sighed and patted his bro on the shoulder.
"You always-a know what to say to me-a..."
Luigi clamped his bro on the back. "That's-a the spirit."
"Is that…"
Mario had just noticed something. He saw, directly in front of him, the old, beat up castle signifying the border between kingdoms. He smiled.
"Yep. We're-a here. Y'all got your passports-a?"
Luigi took his out and waved it around like it was expensive jewelry. "You know-a me. Never leave home-a without it."
Meanwhile, Toad's perky face morphed into a dumbstruck face instantaneously. "...Shit! I….. Goddammit, I….. didn't think I'd need it."
Mario stared at Toad blankly. "...Really. You didn't-a think you'd-a need it. You.. you just-a left it."
"...Well….." Toad realized it wasn't gonna sound good, no matter what he said. "A..a-actually, I-Fine. Called my bluff. Never had one. Didn't see why the hell I needed it."
Mario groaned and muttered a quick obscenity under his breath.
"...Uh huh-a. I mean, I don't-a blame you," said Mario. "We're only, uh….. Oh-a! Right! CROSSING A FUCKING-A BORDER. Gee, why would-a you need a passport-a for that-a, huh?"
Toad ran out of responses. An awkward stretch of silence ensued. Toad leaned back on one of the barrels behind him, scratched the back of his hand and sheepishly laughed.
Mario sighed. "You're-a hopeless." He shook his head... then flipped his frown upside down. "But I'm-a just joshing ya, pal-a! You don't-a need one!... Well-a, not this-a time!"
"...Huh? Word?" Toad arched an eyebrow and leaned forward.
"Yep-a. Me and Luigi, we're tight-a with the guards of this place-a. Aren't we-a, bro?"
Luigi chuckled. "Yeah, you could say-a that. We're-a real close….. But you're still my number 1.5 friend, Shroom-boy."
"We'll vouch for you," said Mario. "If they-a understand you're-a with us-a, then… well, you're-a golden." Mario clamped Toad on the back and smiled at him.
Toad smiled and held up his hand. He had such awesome friends. "Fist bump?"
"Obliged." Mario and Toad held up their hands. They looked each other in the eyes and nodded. They bumped fists twice, twisted their hands around, stuck out their respective index fingers and pinkies, then pulled their hand back and made an explosion noise with their mouths.
"...Best-a secret handshake ever-a."
"Totes. Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna hit the hay." Toad looked at the floor and grimaced. "...Wherever I can find a comfy spot."
"Good idea," said Mario. "Now, I don't want to sound like a party pooper, but you all should get some rest now. We've got a big day ahead of us."
Big was quite an understatement. Tomorrow, they'd go through the border and into the Beanbean Kingdom proper, and their adventure would truly begin. For now, though, who had time for that? There comes a time in everyone's life where the best thing for one to do is lie a blanket down, stare at the sky, and stargaze without a care in the world, and this sure as hell was that time.
I really should ease up. Take it easy, y'know? Mario thought to no one in particular. How often does he get quiet moments like this to just relax with the people closest to him underneath a beautiful night sky?
Living is temporary. Legacy is forever. This is what life is truly about. These little quiet moments.
This night sky… it felt emblematic of life itself. It was dark, and yet it wasn't dark at the same time. Looking up at the inky blackness of the night sky, it was easy to just completely lose yourself in the all-encompassing beauty. Stars littered the sky. Some red, dull and dying, some white, littering the sky like quality diamonds, and a rare few blue, starting out their journey. This was one of the finest night skies that had ever existed.
Looking at it, Mario felt…. Overwhelmed. He didn't imagine it possible to feel eternity, but now, he learned. It was possible. Very possible. Seeing the limitless universe expanding and stretching beyond the deepest abysses of any mortal being's comprehension; mixed with the pretty stars everywhere and the tints of blue and smoky red at the highest and lowest respective points…. It puts a lot in perspective. It was very much spiritual in nature, like an existential rapture few experience. He waved his hand, and swore he felt it sort of mixing into the sky.
This is bigger than me. Mario chuckled softly to himself.
"What's that?" asked Luigi.
"...Look at all this stuff in the sky. Notice it expanding."
"Yeah."
"It's so odd. Really, I actually kinda feel like an ant-a. Don't you-a feel that? I'm like-a some tiny-ass speck-a in a dream. A Maze Runner-a, except the maze-a is an infinite world-a far beyond perspective-a."
Much to Mario's surprise, Luigi nodded. "Imagine that. A profound thought from you." He laughed at the absurdity.
"..Go to hell-a," Mario responded, lightly shoving his bro away while the latter chuckled.
"But damn-a, this is actually kinda depressing-a. It really reminds-a me how small-a we are-a..." Luigi stared at the sky and sighed.
Mario nodded back. Luigi didn't fully explain himself, but they're brothers, they didn't need to hear everything to understand what they meant. When you look at a beautiful starlight sky and think too hard, you can sometimes feel... tiny. Nobody knew what was going on beyond their pristine world, and perhaps they were doomed to never know. On other planets, mass wars, genocides, armageddons could be going on. Even if all the people on Earth were to suddenly go extinct, it would change nothing in the cosmic realm of things. Is this a bad thing? That's a hard question to answer. There is something wondrous about drawing your own conclusion to a truth you'll never know. Would he love to see those other planet's stories unfold? Hell yeah. But his imagination was the only thing that could suffice to fill those eternally empty blanks. Imagination is a powerful weapon, though, so it was satisfactory. For now. Either way, even on all those other unknown planets, the whole universe's story couldn't be told. It was a much deeper story than that. The blackness everywhere covers up something much greater, like a giant blanket from God's hand on every planet. And that isn't getting into the greater multiverse. Are there even planets in other universes? Is there a link to other universes? Could all become one someday? How could so many universes exist, when this one already stretches well beyond infinity? its an ever expanding universe, contracting without purpose, or reason, just expanding into wherever without a place to expand into. It hurt thinking about it, but he didn't mind. In fact, this was amongst the most fun shower thoughts he had ever had.
And though he never could prove this, he had a gut feeling that somebody on the exact opposite end of the multiverse was lying on a spot on his (her?) world, pondering the exact same question. He waved in front of him, as a goodwill gesture, just in case.
….In another location…
A gun-shy, red-headed, humanoid, green-skinned, thin extraterrestrial girl lay down on the empty, brownish-reddish ground underneath her. There was no life on her world as far as she could observe. Nothing but a bunch of land everywhere and herself, at least to the extent of her knowledge. She knew she couldn't be all alone. She just knew. She had wandered all day, and now she was plum tuckered out.
She had been staring at the sky, wistfully wondering what else there was. She felt something waving at her. She couldn't ever prove it. But she perked up and gleefully waved back into the reddish sky of her universe, in the exact equivalent spot on the opposite side of infinity where Mario lay. In that one split second wave, she felt…. United. To…. something she could never understand. She wasn't quite sure. But if felt damn great. She felt a strange feeling, whoever it was was probably going on his (or her) own adventure.
She let out a heavy sigh. She'll never know the legend that returned her thoughts. She'll never know if anybody really did wave at her. Either way, loneliness struck again. She knew as pointless as her adventure was in the grand scheme of things, on the scale of her little world, it was damn important. Maybe if she found a writer in all this mess, she'd submit this concept of the vast unknown and make fucking millions. Maybe name it "Eternal Vision." Something like that.
For now, though, it was time to hit the hay. Tired wanderers never accomplish much. She patted the leaves on the ground into to something semi comfy, and collapsed onto it. Big day ahead of her tomorrow. Big being an understatement; her whole adventure would truly pick up tomorrow. But why dwell on that now? She still had some good hours left in the night…
She looked back up at the sky, nodding and continuing to wonder what else was happening on other worlds. While this adventure she was going on meant everything to her, her entire life and then some, she knew, for that other adventurer, she and her story would be complete non-entities. He knew of this whole other world she would never be able to even get close to knowing, and vice versa.
"Imagine that…" She shook her head and laughed.
"Just imagine that…"
TO BE CONTINUED...