Hello, everyone. Long time and no updates and I will deeply apologise for that but I am currently going through a difficult time in my life and it is taking some time to get through it. It's hard to explain but that little spark inside of me that inspires me is a little dimmed right now due to some problems and I am trying to push past them to make that spark a big and brilliant flame again. This chapter is hopefully a big step towards that. Enjoy this chapter and I look forward to hearing from you all. Thank you again for bearing with my spaced out updates.

Thank you for all the reviews and for being so patient. You're all amazing. Thank you.

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All mistakes are my own

Rossi held Reid's hand as the fragile man slept in the bed. His fingers occasionally brushed over the bandage wrapped around Reid's wrist and each time he did, the memories of pulling Reid's limp and bloody body from the bathtub kept flashing in front of his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Rossi calmed himself and brushed his thumb over the back of Reid's hand.

"Oh, kiddo," he sighed shakily. "You've got so much more living to do. There is so much left in the world for you to discover and I know that you have a future ahead of you where you are with a wonderful woman and a little one on your hip. I know that Maeve wouldn't have wanted you to have done what you did. She didn't leave this world hating you. She left this world loving you and wanting you to live."

Rossi let go of Reid's hand and tucked it back under the duvet. "Sleep well, Reid. I'll see you in the morning."

The next morning

Reid woke up to the smell of coffee and various foods being cooked. He pushed away the duvet and slowly pulled himself up. His body protested the movement and every cell in his body ached and rejected the idea that he had even rested. Slowly, he rose up and walked to the window. The sun was glittering across the lake outside and he could hear the sound of nature outside. He pulled the curtain across and leaned against the wall as he felt everything dark inside of him trying to take over again. The dark feelings kept telling him to stay inside and stay away from anyone that he could hurt. He closed his eyes and remembered his promise to everyone. A chance was what he had promised them. A chance was what he would give them.

"Reid," Rossi's voice came from the door. Reid turned around but felt dizzy as he went to take a step forward. Rossi's hand immediately came and supported him. "Reid, you're still a little frail from the hospital. Let's get some food into you and then we can talk about what we're going to do today."

Reid remained quiet as he walked with Rossi to the kitchen and seated himself at the table. Rossi brought him an omelette and a cup of orange juice. "No coffee?" he asked.

"Not till you're a little better," Rossi smiled gently. "Eat up and I want a good amount of that omelette eaten up. I'm taking you out onto the lake today."

"Rossi, I don't think I want to do that," Reid protested as he began to poke at the omelette.

"Well, Spencer, we are going out to the lake and we are going to relax. You can take a few books. Well, more than a few," Rossi chuckled gently. "I'm going to do some fishing and you can join me if you want to. Staying indoors isn't good for you. The world is a beautiful place and you need to be out there to experience it. Now, take a bite out that omelette."

"Are you going to be this bossy all the time?" Reid said before lifting a forkful of omelette to his mouth.

"You bet your ass I am."

Rossi helped a wobbly Reid down in to the small boat and made sure he was comfortable under the sun cover he had attached to the boat. Reid remained silent as Rossi placed a bag of books Reid had selected to bring with them. Once all his equipment was on the boat, he turned on the engine and made his way out to part of the lake he knew was perfect for fishing. The engine was almost silent as he went slowly. He let out a small smile as he noticed Reid looking at the trees and the other beautiful houses that had been built along the lake. A few minutes later, he turned off the engine as they came near to his favourite fishing spot and let the boat drift for a few moments before setting a small anchor.

"Fishing isn't for everyone but I find it one of the most peaceful things to do when you need to let out the stress," Rossi said as he prepared his fishing rod and bait. Reid already had a book in his lap and was already turning page after page, his eyes quickly scanning and absorbing the words. "What do you think, Reid? Any interests facts about fish."

"A single American person consumes on average over two pounds of canned tuna a year," Reid spoke without hesitation and without looking up from his book.

"Good to know," Rossi nodded before placing the worm on the hook and casting out the line with a perfect flick of his wrist.

"Rossi, why are you all doing this?" Reid sighed as he looked up from his book. "I'm not worth all this trouble."

"Don't start with those thoughts again," Rossi said strongly as he settled the fishing rod in the holder. "You are not trouble. I said that I didn't want to hear you talk about yourself that way. We care about you and we want you to see how much you really mean to us and how much more you have to live for."

"What do I have to live for?" Reid snapped as he threw down the book. "There are plenty of other agents who can do what I can do and they can save people too. My mother is in a mental institution because I was selfish. I wanted to have a career and I hated that she held me back. I should have looked after her and kept her in a place where she felt safe. Ninety percent of me put her in Bennington because I knew it would give her help and safety but the other ten percent inside of me knew I was putting her in there because I wanted a life and she was the one thing stopping me. I ruin everything."

"You make everything better," Rossi argued as he faced Reid. "This family is strong because of you and you make us all so much happier because you have this light inside of you that makes us smile. You sense when something is wrong with one of us but you can't sense it about yourself. That light inside of you is dim right now because you are struggling with so much pain that has clawed its way into your life and that you've kept buried. Maeve's death wasn't your fault and placing your mother into Bennington was the best choice and even she knows that. No mother wants to keep their son from living a full life."

Rossi carefully knelt in front of Reid and held his shaking hand. "You have a family and yourself to live for."

Reid rubbed his eyes as tears began to come to them. "Rossi, it hurts too much inside. Every thought I have is consumed by this pain."

"Come here," Rossi motioned. Reid was in arms seconds later and Rossi wrapped his arms around him. In that moment, Rossi knew he was Reid's anchor to staying alive and that he needed to keep the pain inside of Reid from taking him over completely.

Rossi had seen Reid when the pain had consumed him and he could never go through holding Reid's bloody and limp body a second time. He wouldn't survive his heart breaking in such a way again.

"I'm never going to let you go to that dark place again," he soothed. "We're going to do this together. We're going to beat this."

Rossi brought Reid out of the hug and wiped away the tears. "Come and sit with me. Some sunshine will do you a lot of good."

The fishing rod rattled and the line began to move. "Rossi, you've got a bite."

"Oh," Rossi grunted as he quickly rushed and grabbed the fishing rod. "Reid, come here, I need you to get the net and scoop this rascal up."

Reid grabbed the net and waited for Rossi to bring the fish closer. His bandages were fine as long they didn't get wet and he had a stable if slightly weak grip on the handle of the net. Reid brought the net into the water and managed to scoop the fish into it and put it on the deck on the boat.

"Yes!" Rossi chuckled triumphantly as he looked at the fish. He gently held Reid's shoulder. "We did it, son."

Reid remained silent but let out a small smile as Rossi's word washed over him. "Yeah, we did."

Later that day

Reid moaned slightly as he came out of his doze at the sound of heels walking over to him. Garcia came above him before leaning down and kissing his forehead. Guilt ran through him as he took in the sad glaze to her eyes and the way her smile didn't shine properly.

"Hey, sweetie," she said as she sat on the edge of the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Mentally or physically?" Reid asked before biting his lip.

"Both. We're all worried about you and we just want to do all we can to help you. I baked cookies and Morgan brought you a casserole."

"Morgan is here?" Reid frowned slightly before listening carefully. Rossi and Morgan's voices reached his ears and he let out a small sigh.

"Why don't you want Morgan here?" she asked before reaching for his hand and holding it. "You're cold. Do you want a blanket?"

"Please," Reid nodded as he tried to collect his thoughts about Morgan being so near. Morgan's voice brought memories of the shouting at the hospital to the front of his mind. The hateful looks of the team and the judgement lacing every word that came from them. Garcia brought the blanket over him and returned to holding his hand and warming it up.

"Morgan hates me, Garcia. You all do but I remember the hate and loathing in his voice the most. He doesn't understand and he never will. I just wanted the pain and the hate to end but I only created more."

"No, no, no," Garcia shook her head as she moved up the couch and cradled his cheek with her free hand. "We don't hate you. We love you and you know that."

"No, I don't," he snapped angrily before moving his face away from her hand. "You won't admit it but you hate me for what I did. Don't deny it because I know that you all couldn't love me for trying to leave the way I tried to.

Garcia gently cradled his cheek again. "We love you no matter what. Hate isn't what I feel. I feel sad because you thought you needed to leave that way. I feel sad because my baby boy couldn't come to me and let me help him through the pain. I could never hate you. I can only ever love you."

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