Hello everyone, long time since I updated and I would like to say that I decided to take a step back from writing for a little while to sort myself out and I'm trying to jump back into it now. Thank you so much for all being loyal readers and for being patient. I will try to get my stories updated in a quick manner and here is a start. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think.

Warning - Some of this chapter may be triggering as it has talks of suicide and descriptions of it.

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All mistakes are my own

Reid tensed as he heard Morgan walk into the room and kept his eyes focused on his hands. "I know you are going to yell at me so just get it over and done with," Reid spoke as he folded his hands on his lap under the blanket. "I know you hate me."

"I don't hate you, Reid," Morgan spoke calmly.

"Don't lie," Reid snapped as he turned to face Morgan. "You hate me. I heard it in your voice in the hospital."

"I don't hate you but I am angry with you," Morgan said as he walked closer to the couch. "I am angry at you for what you tried to do."

"I just wanted it to end," Reid gritted his jaw. "I thought it was the only thing I could do in that moment. The only thing I could do to stop the screams and the nightmares that haunt me every time I go to sleep."

"It wasn't though!" Morgan said angrily. "You know that it wasn't the only thing you could do. You know because you knew you had another option than sticking the Dilaudid in your system earlier in the night. You called me. Reid, you called me because you knew that your family would help you."

"You dumped me on someone else," Reid raised his voice as he brought himself into a sitting position, his eyes full of fury and distaste at the judgement that Morgan was raining down on him. "You called Rossi and went back to your girlfriend."

"I thought you were safe with Rossi. You seemed to be okay when he was taking you to his car."

"I needed my brother!" Reid screamed loudly. "Rossi talked through some things with me but it wasn't enough. Deep down, I wanted you to stay and help me. I needed my brother and he just passed me to someone else. You've always promised that you would help me. I called you because I needed help. There has been so much pain in my life and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take seeing Maeve dead in my dreams every night or hearing Tobias yelling at me to choose."

Reid bowed his head as tears traveled down his cheek. "I needed you."

Morgan couldn't speak for a few moments as he absorbed every word that Reid had just screamed at him. He made his way to the couch and knelt in front of Reid. "I will always help you, kid, but I can't help you if you are dead. I didn't realize how much you needed me that night. You are my brother but you broke my heart when I saw you lying in that hospital bed with IV's and blood transfusions being pumped in to you. It broke my heart seeing those bandages wrapped around your wrists."

"I just wanted it to stop," Reid cried as leaned his head against Morgan's shoulder. Morgan wrapped his strong arms around Reid and held him close.

"I know but there are other ways," Morgan spoke gently as he felt his anger at Reid wilt and his need to keep Reid safe grow exponentially. "Suicide is never the answer."

"I'm sorry," Reid sniffed as he stayed in Morgan's arms.

"I'm sorry too for not realizing how much you needed me."

Reid came out of the hug and wiped away his tears. "I know you can't stay because of the BAU but can you call me every day. Rossi is like a father to me but there are things you can tell a brother that you can't tell a father."

"I'll call every day and we can talk as long as you need to."

"Thanks," Reid nodded. "I know I'm being a little needy."

Morgan gave Reid a sad smile. "You are not being needy. You need support and your whole family is going to support you no matter what. "

Garcia listened from the kitchen doorway as her boy genius and her chocolate thunder began to repair their relationship. It had broken her heart too to see Reid so fragile that night in the hospital but she had vowed that night to bring him back to his old self.

Rossi woke up to a loud banging noise coming from Reid's room. He threw the covers away from his body and rushed down the hall. He opened the door to find Reid on the floor breathing hard. Kneeling next to him, Rossi held Reid's face in his hands and brushed his hair from his sweat covered face. "Kiddo, what's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare and I tried to get out of bed but everything blurred and I got dizzy and I couldn't breathe. I think I had a panic attack," Reid said as he began to take deep breaths. "I thought I was back in the warehouse with Maeve."

"Take deep breaths, in and out, and keep your mind focused on my voice," Rossi soothed as he pulled Reid up into a sitting position. "You are not back there. You're in your room and it was just a nightmare. You scared the hell out me, kid."

"Sorry," Reid said before taking a deep breath in through his nose and letting it out of his mouth. "I just couldn't focus and I fell."

"It's okay," Rossi assured him. "Do you think you'll be able to get back to sleep?"

"I think I'm just going to watch some television. I don't really want to sleep again tonight."

"Mind if I join you?" Rossi asked knowing that he wasn't getting anymore sleep after getting such a fright.

"I'd like that," Reid nodded. He didn't want to be alone after the nightmare and the bad thoughts that came along with it. He needed to be with family.

The next morning

Reid enjoyed the tranquility of sitting by the lake and listened to the sounds around him. He could only hear the sounds of nature and it soothed him. He couldn't hear people yelling at each other or hear news reports of more murder and pain in the world like he did back in the city. He thought he could sit by the lake for the rest of his life and be happy but such a thought was only a fantasy and he knew it. He looked around and let out a deep sigh at the thought of returning to the city and his job. His normal life. He loved the BAU but found himself scared of trying to live a normal life again. He had tried to kill himself because he couldn't take the pain that came with his normal life. Being at the lake provided him with an escape because he felt like he could pretend to be a completely different person. A person who had never tried to end his life and hurt his family.

"Hey kid."

Reid looked up and was surprised to see Morgan walking towards him.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the BAU?" Reid questioned as he straightened himself up in the chair.

Morgan walked over with a box in his hand and took a seat next to Reid. "Hotch gave me the day to come and spend with you. I told him how much you needed us, needed me, and he gave me today to spend with you. To help you. We're not being any cases that require us to go there personally till tomorrow. You might have a few more visitors today. I'm not sure."

"I'm glad you're here," Reid smiled gently.

"Me too," Morgan smiled back. "You looked deep in thought there."

"I was," Reid nodded. "I can think clearly out here. It's peaceful and I feel like nothing can hurt me here. What's with the box?"

Morgan gritted his jaw before looking up at Reid and letting out a deep breath. "Your bandages need to be changed. I offered to do it instead of Rossi. He's still having a hard time from seeing the cuts when he pulled you from the tub."

"I can change them by myself," Reid said quietly as he tugged his sleeves further down his arms. "No-one else needs to see."

"You can't change them by yourself," Morgan shook his head before looking into Reid's eyes. "It's okay. You made me promise to help you because you need your brother. I'm here now. Let me do this."

"Promise you won't get angry when you see them," Reid pleaded.

Morgan brought his chair round to face Reid, put down the box and proceeded to push the sleeves of Reid's jacket up. The white bandages around Reid's wrists and arms became visible. "I won't get angry, Reid. I promise."

Reid nodded his permission for Morgan to unwrap his bandages and steeled himself for the sight. He hadn't seen his wrists yet and let out a small shiver as he remembered breaking the plastic from the blade. Morgan brought up his right arm and unwrapped the bandage. Tears began to fill Reid's eyes as the last of the bandage fell away to reveal a deep stitched cut that traveled from the top of his wrist to middle of his arm. Flashes of the blood running down his arm caused him to let out a sob and breathe heavily.

Morgan immediately stopped and cradled Reid's face in his hands. "It's okay. I'm here and it's okay. I know it's hard to see but you have to see to get better. You have to see."

"They're never going to go away," Reid coughed as more tears fell down his cheeks. "People will see how weak I am."

"NO!" Morgan said sternly before softening his voice. "They will never see you that way and it doesn't matter if they did because you should never give a damn what they think. You are going to get through this and come out stronger. You will look at these scars and know that suicide is never an option again because these scars will scream that you have a family that will never leave you and will keep you looking ahead in life instead of looking back. They will scream that you survived a dark time and that no-one can ever make you feel the way you once did. I'm your brother and it breaks my heart to see these scars but I would rather see these scars then see your grave."

Reid leaned against Morgan and cried into his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh, it's okay," Morgan soothed as he held Reid close and let his own tears fall. "Just let it out. It's okay."

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