I swallowed hard.
"Doctor Cullen," I began, but he held up a hand immediately.
"Carlisle, please." He smiled warmly at me, his other hand still supporting me in case I started to slip again.
"Carlisle… I, well I don't know exactly what was in my medical file about the 'how' but you surely must have noticed the crazy amount of damage I managed to achieve about two years ago?" This was a good a time as any I suppose. And since I suspected he held a secret much greater, and more twisted than my car accident and hearing loss, I decided I might as well explain my answer before I gave it. Carlisle nodded carefully, keeping his face neutral. "Well, I was in an accident while someone else was driving. The kind of accident that should have killed us both, and has left me with some pretty fantastic nightmares. The driver… well she wasn't so lucky, but I made it out with my life. Most of it, anyway."
I took a few deep breaths, staring into the golden irises that were so unusual, so indicative of extra-worldliness, but also so calming and, old somehow. Set in a young face. A line from Romeo's spiel to Juliet popped into mind.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes, To twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
How old would those stars look in a face so young? Exactly like the amber orbs staring at me patiently now. It made me want to continue, to stop wasting air getting to my point.
"I broke my femur, and it pierced straight through the skin, and into my abdomen. I had internal bleeding of all sorts, but the most critical part of that accident was that I managed to score some major brain damage, especially to the part of my brain that processes sound. I'm not entirely sure where the sound drops off, in my actual hearing, processing, or translation of sound, but somewhere along the line, a whole bunch of things just stop. It's made my life a particularly interesting struggle." I ran my free hand along my now screaming thigh muscles, which were not happy with me at all. I still hadn't gotten to my point though, and Carlisle could sense that. He was still patiently waiting, watching.
"The point is, that despite how wretchedly debilitating the entire affair was, and how limiting my loss of most of my hearing is… sometimes that all pales in comparison to my pure, unadulterated fear of cars. I can get by when I'm driving, and when Charlie drives. I think mostly with him it's his avoidance of the speed limit, and other people's avoidance of him on the road. That's the only other person I can really have driving me anywhere." I stopped, looking down to the ground as a felt a blush creeping up my neck. "I don't know if Edward told you, but he offered me a ride to Seattle. I only agreed to go because he promised to let me drive us."
I waited for a while, and then looked up at his lips, in case he had been speaking softly. But his lips remained closed in a thoughtful smile as he gazed into the trees.
"Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it wasn't easy for you. I am glad that Edward was gracious enough to let you drive. Trust me when I inform you that you must be quite special to him, as he rarely hands the keys over, even to his own family members." He chuckled at that and looked back at me. "And from our discussion I can obviously conclude that you'd really rather we didn't drive anywhere together today."
"That's correct. It has nothing to do with you, or your family, or anything like that." I clarified. To this I received a wary and guarded expression, and he stiffened slightly.
"Would you mind if I were to inquire as to the wording of your reassurances?" he asked. Oops.
"Well, you all aren't exactly like the rest of us." I began. Carlisle stiffened dramatically, while trying to maintain a casual smile. I supposed those theories Jacob and his tribe had weren't all smoke and mirrors after all. "You all kind of stand out, despite your incredibly valiant and convincing efforts to blend in. I owe Edward my life, and would do anything to repay that debt, including a vow of secrecy that is driving me kind of insane. But I want you, especially as a doctor, to know that I think you're very compassionate. Doing the job you do must be an active struggle, given your – lifestyle – and the fact that you do it with such vigour, attentiveness, and kindness… It brings me happiness."
Carlisle didn't move. His eyes were darker, brooding, confused. Much like Edward's tended to be when he stared at me. In that instant they looked more similar than any time I'd seen before.
"I ended that kind of strangely I guess. I'm sorry if I've offended or worried you, but I didn't mean to." Another thought crossed my mind and I got saddened instantly. My eyes dropped to my hands as tears brimmed with the next words coming across my lips. "I also understand if Edward would rather not go with me to Seattle this coming Saturday. But I'm still looking forward to it, if he's okay with going with me."
We stood in perfect silence as he mulled over what I had told him. I looked at the car behind us.
"So I don't know if you can just give me directions home, or maybe if you could call the police station and let Charlie know where I am. That would be super helpful. But I can't get in the car with you unless I'm driving, and I refuse to drive something that costs more than my house."
I pushed away from the car, letting myself fall back towards the ground. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I knew it had to be around dinner time. Aside from Carlisle, the lack of individuals on the roads made me feel like people were busy somewhere. Either that or I had been way off the beaten path, and on back roads that I couldn't name, and would probably never find again. I sat in the green gloom that had surrounded me for hours, with the tall rainforest blocking out whatever sun I had seen in the morning. I looked up at Carlisle Cullen, who still hadn't moved since I began my little speech. He blinked once, sighed, and looked down at me. He walked towards me, and sat beside me on the dirt.
"I can of course let you use my phone to call Charlie. I can give you the closest street junction so that he can find us." He held out a small silver phone. I dialed the police station number – a number that Charlie had drilled into me forever, and I got Charlie on the phone. Carlisle ended up doing most of the talking, as I was definitely lost, but between us, I got my ride.
"ETA?" I asked.
"20 minutes Bella." Charlie said, "See you soon."
"Bye dad." I shut the phone and handed it back to Carlisle. We sat in relative silence for a short time.
"You don't have to wait with me, if you have somewhere to be." I said.
"I don't have anywhere to be at the moment," he smiled at me.
"Did you enjoy your camping trip? The weather – at least here – was actually perfect for one. It's why I went running this morning."
"I did enjoy it yes. I came home earlier than the others as I work on Monday. The rest will not be back at school until Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday." He was doing what I loved to do to people. I never realised how adept I was at spotting it before. Half-truths. Things that are true but also not, through pure omission. I wondered what about that was not quite the truth. Before I got to thinking too deeply, Carlisle asked me a question.
"Why did you run for so long today? I understand that your leg probably needs regular strengthening, but this amount of exercise is debilitating. You cannot run marathon like distances without adequate training and build-up, especially on such an injury."
"I started out running, and then I got so wrapped up in my own little world that I got completely lost. I have honestly been running around for ages trying to find my way back. Sometimes I miss the city, as there are so many landmarks and streets and signs you can use to get back to wherever you were. Here it's just green stuff, surrounded by more green stuff." I explained, shrugging my shoulders. He nodded, understandingly, and then we continued to sit in silence until I saw his head turn towards my left. I looked too, and saw Charlie's cruiser pulling up.
Carlisle stood, abruptly, pulling me gently to my feet and helping steady me over to the other car.
"I'm fine dad. Just lost, and tired from running around being lost." I reassured him, as he glared at me in annoyance and worry.
"You shouldn't run out here on your own. There are hunters, wild animals, all sorts of dangers Bells." He looked imploringly at the doctor to back him up.
"There are indeed some dangerous things running around these woods." He nodded, looking at me, his eyes and mouth sparkling with a dark humour. He let go of my arm to shake Charlie's hand, and let him know that it was no trouble at all. Before I got in the car, I called out to him again.
"Oh Carlisle? Could you pass something on to Edward for me? Tell him that technically I did what he asked of me in the note, and that I have a bone to pick with him about it when he gets back from camping." I smiled warmly, and Carlisle nodded sagely, still with a bemused and calculating expression on his face.