Two: Gokudera
After our fight with Rokudo Mukuro was over Hibari and I did not speak a word about what had happened. As far as everyone knew, Hibari Kyouya had crawled out of wherever he had been dumped, fixed his wound and carried my sorry ass into the room where tenth was-since by that time, I had been the one who could hardly breathe and passed out. I had wanted to tell the tenth the truth, that I saved Hibari Kyouya, that I helped him get his courage back, that I was the reason he had still been fighting. But then I recalled the look of resignation in his eyes and the warmth of his hand around my back and I couldn't. I realized I would never betray that trust, even to the tenth, and when he and I met again at Nami-Chu for the first time two weeks later, we dissolved back into our former habit of trying to beat each other up. Nothing changed, and no words of gratitude were ever spoken.
This is why, when the ring battles first began, I was fucking pissed off about Hibari being chosen as a guardian. I heard about it from Kasakube in passing, when I had gone looking for him for a fight and he wasn't anywhere to be found. Of course, I was even more horrified that fucking Lambo was chosen, too. At first, I thought he would refuse, and when I was asked not to tell tenth who the cloud guardian was by Reborn-san I was happy to keep that secret because, after all, he wouldn't actually do it, right?
When I lost my ring in order to live another day I was so angry and mortified and discouraged by what happened- how could I have lost? How could I have given in? Why cant I be stronger?! Why cant I be as strong as Hibari? If I was I would have won, hands down! I pretended to listen to tenths reissuances as we left the arena and I listened to Yamamoto make such a cheeky statement to Squalo but I wasn't actually there- I was still forcing myself not to lose it more than I had already. It was then that I saw him in the halls in Nami-Chu beating up varia members while wearing the ring around his neck. Hibari was actually wearing the ring…?! I was shocked that he would take part in it. By his words, however, it was clear that he only wanted to fight which, to me, is even worse than the baseball idiots' stupid 'mafia game' joke. It isn't a game, after all.
I was forced to stay in the hospital, two rooms away from Lambo, and was made to stay here even after Yamamoto and Mukuro's fights had ended. I was laying in a pile of shame all alone in the hospital room l when I found myself reverting to my old habits of wishing I were dead after all. Its not like tenth wouldn't get over it eventually, I mean, we only met this year and its not even been that long since I stopped scaring him! And then he could find a better, stronger person to be his storm guardian and his right-hand-Yamamoto is clearly more reliable and a better match as the right hand anyway! The intrusive, depressed thoughts only stopped when I could hear footsteps coming up behind me, causing me to turn over to snarl at whoever had made the unfortunate choice to enter the room. But the sound died in my throat as my eyes met those of Hibari Kyouya's. He didn't speak right away and instead looked down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. ''What?'' I finally said, sitting up.
''I saw that both Yamamoto Takeshi and Rokudo Mukuro won. I suppose that is good, my fight is next, after all.'' I rolled my eyes in annoyance. ''Che! You come all the way here to remind me that I failed? Huh?!" I snapped, reaching up and yanking him forward. He didn't fight me, though, he just held my gaze with the same unreadable look on his face and repeated '' My fight is next.'' Again.
I raised an eyebrow. Why is he saying that? He isn't nervous, right? ''And?'' I prompted when he didn't finish. ''I wont lose. Not to them, or to anyone else. I wont die for this.'' He said, holding out the half vongola ring of cloud to me. I was about to snap when he continued ''No one will die for them. Its just a ring, you were right to keep living Gokudera Hayato.''
I felt my mouth open wide with shock at his words and tried-and failed, to keep my eyes from betraying me. I saw his widen a fraction as the tears fell and I gripped his shirt tighter in my fist. ''Fuck you. This isn't a game to me, ok? Its not just some 'fun' fight to take part in, either. Its my fucking life!'' I all but hissed at him. He didn't try to move away, he didn't try to attack me, instead he moved his left hand up and put it over my eyes, pressing just enough to cover them as the tears seemed to fall faster. '' Your right. Its your Life. That's why it matters, and that's what you cant afford to lose - your life.'' He whispered, causing me to bite my lip. I bit harder into my lip as I tried to force the tears back and felt his other hand come to stroke my hair. Why is he being so nice? Why is he touching me? Why does he care how I feel? These thoughts were swirling around in my head and yet, all I could utter was
''Why cant I be strong?'' I croaked out while taking a deep breath to force my tears to stop. This is so embarrassing! What just came out of my fucking mouth! I screamed at myself, horrified. I was about to speak when I heard Hibari make an unhappy sound and whisper ''During the incident with Rokudo Mukuro.. you remember what you did for me? You said I couldn't die, that I'm strong. I'll say that right back to you.'' I didn't respond for a few minutes before letting out a sigh and saying '' Why are you here now- and not when I lost?'' I asked, still feeling ashamed and confused about the perfect-and therefor weird- timing he had. It took him a while to respond, before saying ''This is me repaying the favor.'' And with that I forced out another deep breath and muttered a 'fuck you' before the room fell silent, with neither of us being good at conversations, especially in this situation. I found myself thinking that he would give up and bite me to death for not controlling myself, for the tears I was so pathetically shedding as his words finally sank into my system; He thought I was strong. While I let them sink in, Hibari just kept his hand on my face, the smoothness of his palm distracting me while I took deep breaths of a earthy sent that could only be from his skin. When I pushed his arm away after the tears stopped, he looked down at me and flashed a tiny-hardly noticeable- smile as he said ''we're even.'' Before walking out of the room. I just laid there in mute surprise and snorted before letting the tiredness in my bones finally lull me to sleep.
The next time I saw him would be when he avoided the stupid huddle I tried to get everyone to do before easily winning the battle-just like he promised. Unfortunately, Hibari had to attack Xanxus and the tenth ended up kicking ass- until the horror of the ninth's situation was revealed and we had to prepare for the final battle. He met my eyes, seeming to read my expression of anger while his, too, darkened at the scheme he had unknowingly been apart of. We didn't speak again, he sent me no more glances as the Sky battle began until he suddenly flung my ring up to me to get me the antidote, and I looked down to see him taking on that fucking crazy son of a bitch with an obvious aura of rage before I ran off to help the stupid cow. We met eyes when we stood near the each-other as we surrounded the tenth after the battle had ended, nodded our heads once in acknowledgement, and never spoke of it again.