Four: Gokudera
The next time he touched me was when Yamamoto was nearly dead. I and the others sat in the hospital while we waited for his surgery to end and I did everything in my power to keep myself together while flashes of his wounds played in my head. The blood. I took deep breaths through my nose to keep from getting sick. I had called the tenth and he had come running into the waiting room. I had tried to hold his hand to comfort him but after a few minutes he shook off my hand as the doctor came out of the room. I listened in mute horror beside tenth and Yamamoto's father as the doctor explained that Yamamoto was unlikely to wake up. He was stable for now, but that it could change.. Just the thought that his injury had been that bad made tenth begin to lose it and I couldn't let him down, so I bit the inside of my mouth hard enough to draw blood to keep it together for the tenth until he left with the ninth to discuss what this meant for the vongola. I stood there silently while some of the others walked to the little window into the room, but it took me a while before I walked up to the window and looked in, seeing my long-time friend laying there half-dead; dying, his father crying beside him… I closed my eyes and turned away instantly, all but running out of the hospital because unlike the others I couldn't let myself cry there. Instead I found myself hiding behind a tree in the park across the street. This cant be happening! He cant go and fucking die because the idiot had to trust someone! He likes and is kind to almost everyone! Why?! How could someone betray him?! How could they do this!? I felt tears start to fall and didn't even care, crouching down and burying my face in my hands. I didn't even look up when I heard the all too familiar footsteps coming up behind me. ''Hayato.'' Was all Hibari said before he sat behind me and wrapped both arms around me from behind, pressing himself as close as he could and leaning his head against mine. I cried harder, unable to hide my pain, unable to feel shame as I felt the warmth of his arms- the sent of the woods that had already become the most calming smell in the world to me. He had come for me so many times now, before every battle from the very beginning, and all I could think of was the mutual concern that the fight with Mukuro had stirred inside us years ago. The deep focus on keeping the other alive still burning inside us both.
''He wont die.'' He whispered, softly, almost inaudibly into my ear and I realized that he was holding back tears himself. I turned quickly, so fast that he didn't have time to react, and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head against his chest. He let out a sigh and took a deep breath as he pushed his head against mine again and wrapped his arms around me, this time even tighter.
''He's my best friend- I fucking hate him sometimes, but he's one of the people I love most! I don't- I cant lose those I care about again!'' I whispered between sobs. ''I know.'' He said, pressing his chin onto the top of my head. '' I wont let you lose anyone. I'll think of a way…. so it will be alright. I promise.'' I took a deep breath, too, and let those words sink in. For the life of me I couldn't stop myself from believing in him. The feeling of safety that I had felt just before the final fight in the future returned, stronger than ever. Strength I didn't know I could have seemed to fill me as we held each other, his breathing and his heart beats both different, and somehow similar in rhythm to my own. The warmth of his arms around me all telling me that this was right. That he was going to make it ok, that I am safe. When we pulled back, though only slightly, it happened. Faster than lightening, softer than rain- we surged forward and pressed our lips together at the same time. Hibari's hands moving to my hair to hold me in place, my hands moving up his back to clutch at the fabric of his shirt. I opened my mouth as he licked my lips and he pressed his tongue inside my mouth.
From there it was all a battle of tongues and soft panting between frantic kisses and long, gentle fingers tangling in my hair. The kisses turned deeper, slower, but stronger somehow. We kissed and it felt right, it was comfort and strength and safety and home. It feels like home.
When we pulled back, our breath still mixing together as we gasped for air "You better come home to me-No matter what.'' He whispered, pressing a simple kiss against my neck and all I could do was reply with ''I will-and I'll never forgive you if your not waiting for me'' my voice still thick from the earlier tears. He met my eyes and smiled before our lips met once again as one of his hands began to move to my neck.
I don't know how long we kissed, I don't remember any words beyond those being said. Soft touches and looks, panting, hard breaths, deep kisses that made me lose myself-that stole my breath and caused my mind to go numb. The gentle hands that ran along my spine, slowly, from my neck to the top of my belt and back up again. The feeling of his arms around me and the softness of his hair as I ran my hands through it. 'Please come home to me' seemed to be the message in each movement, in each searing touch.
We heard someone calling for their chairman in the distance, much like the tenth had done in the future. We parted slowly, taking in long, deep breaths of the others sent as our mouths separated and buried in the others necks'. He tightened his hold on me for just a moment before the vice chairman's voice began to get close. Just before we parted we both whispered ''I will.'' Into the others neck. The unspoken feeling of 'come home' so strong that it overpowered everything else.
We didn't say anything else, no other sweet words just that simple promise as he joined the committee VP and I stood up to go back inside. No matter how horrible this fight will be, no matter how many or who we may face, I would come home no matter what- we both would.
When we met next it was during the cloud fight. He had become even more amazing on the battlefield in the short few days we had to train. It was insanely impressive. Still, with each injury-no matter the size, my stomach did an uneasy flop. When he said 'it's the sky that allows the cloud to move about freely' accepting in words his position for the first time, I felt myself blush a little and, when, not long after, Yamamoto really did come back to us, I met his eyes and saw the smile there. I am sure that he knew what Dino had been up to- hell, he might have been the one to ask him to do it. Shit I want to kiss him again.