Note: I actually wrote this a long time ago, back when I was still new to the fandom. So... Yeah, I don't really know what to say about it anymore lol

Also, I just started a new job a few weeks ago and it's been keeping me awfully busy, so I'm a bit behind on everything around here. I'm still hanging around, it just might take a bit longer to get things done since I'm running conspicuously short on free time. Sorry X)

The night was quiet and the air still, but the water trembled as if invisible footsteps skipped across its surface. Yato held himself rigid and watched as Nora seemingly appeared out of nowhere above the water and found her footing on the ground in front of him. Something strange and undefinable curled in the pit of his stomach, like hate and anger and grief and resigned resolve tangled all together.

"Yato," she said with that smile of hers. "Where have you been?"

He wasn't in the mood for games, not tonight. "Tell me something. Was Ebisu killed in Father's place?"

The girl laughed. Laughed like there was something funny about this situation and he should see it too.

"Took you long enough to put the pieces together," she said. "Ebisu was a hindrance to Father because he was also pursuing the art of manipulating ayakashi. But thanks to you, he's been properly dealt with and everyone believes the sorcerer is dead."

Yato had already figured out that much, known it somewhere deep down in his heart, but hearing it laid out—laid out with that stupid smile of hers—hardened his resolve. Father had manipulated him all his life, but this was a step too far. Yato had respected Ebisu. He hadn't really known the other god for long, but it had been long enough to realize that Ebisu was a better god than he could ever dream to be.

He had gone down to Yomi to rescue Ebisu on Father's orders, but he had sacrificed himself because he wanted Ebisu to escape. He had thought that maybe he had done something worthwhile for once, that maybe even a worthless god of calamity like himself had at least done one thing right. And in the end, he had only delivered Ebisu to death on his father's orders.

That was something he couldn't forgive. Ebisu had been the kind of god Yato dreamed of being, and seeing his childlike reincarnation had been like swallowing nails as the truth finally burned clear in his mind.

Things had gone too far this time. Yato was done following orders. Orders like that weren't worth following. He was finally cutting ties as best he could, and he would rather be a god like Ebisu than the god Father wanted him to be.

"You know, you're always the same." Yato's hands clenched into fists by his sides as he stared at that pleased little smirk plastered on Nora's face. "It doesn't matter what happens or what you do, you always smile just like that. But that's fine. You can smile alone from now on, because I won't be there to smile with you anymore."

He extended his arm and stretched his fingers towards her, the power already gathering at their tips. She realized immediately what he was doing, and the stunned look was out of place on her features.

"You can't be serious," she said, as if she still couldn't believe this was happening. "We've been together forever… Yato, let's forget this. Come back home and we'll forget this ever happened."

His fingers trembled, but he didn't back down. "Not this time."

Her ever-present smile was cracking and flaking away like old paint, and he'd never seen anything so close to panic on her face before. "We're all you have! Your little friends? They'll abandon you as soon as they realize who you really are. They won't love you like we do. They'll leave you all alone."

A sad sort of half-smile twisted Yato's lips. "Maybe."

"Don't do this! You belong with us. It's time to give up on your little rebellions already and come home. We can be a family again, and you won't be alone anymore."

"Oh, Hiiro," Yato said with a soft laugh. "I've never been more alone than when I'm with you and Father."

She stepped forward and stretched her hands out as if to stop him. "Yaboku!" she cried.

"Yaboku is dead. My name is Yato." His eyes were steel as he lifted his hand and swept it downward. "Goodbye, Hiiro. Thanks for everything."

"Ya–!"

But Yato's hand was already moving, slashing across his body. "Hiki, I hereby release you of the name I've bestowed upon you."

Her name cracked and shattered and disappeared from his heart, leaving behind an empty void in its place, and the flood of memories from their time growing up together flickered to an abrupt halt. She hunched over as if in pain, loss written across her features, and Yato could only stand there like stone with his arm outstretched, unable to move.

They stood there frozen in a tragic tableau, the only two people in the world, highlighted in the circle of light from the streetlamp with the darkness pressing all around. There was a line slashed between them stronger than any borderline, the jagged remnants of a centuries-long bond that yawned wide like a gulf between them. Yato had severed the childhood names that had bound them together, and although leaving them behind was easier said than done, it was a mortal wound.

"How could you…?" Nora finally looked up. She was still hunched over awkwardly with her hands hovering near her chest as if she'd been trying to hold her name to her heart and it had slipped through her fingers anyway. Her face was black with rage. "Father will hear about this, mark my words."

Yato didn't move, barely even breathed. "Father always hears about everything."

"He'll have to punish you for this," she said. "Your friends have been such a bad influence on you."

Yato's eyes narrowed to slits and went cold as ice, and his voice sliced through the still night air as ruthlessly as steel. "Stay away from Yukine and Hiyori, Nora."

She took a step back and then another, but her furious eyes never left his face. "You're going to regret this. Just remember, whatever happens now is your fault."

And then she was gone as quickly and silently as she had come, as if she'd never been there at all. Yato stood frozen for a moment longer before letting out a breath and dropping his arm. He stared out at the moonlight gleaming on the glassy water, hands clenched by his sides, but she was well and truly gone.

That was…good. But still, they had been together for centuries. She was inextricably bound to Father and he couldn't accept anything with those ties, but he also had the feeling, somewhere deep down in his chest, that he had abandoned her. She had done horrible things and grown into a twisted person, but Father had twisted Yato too, hadn't he? Nora—Hiiro, his heart whispered—was as much a tool as he was. There had been a time once, long ago, when they had been happy together. As happy as they could be with Father praising them one minute and punishing them the next.

Neither of them had ever truly escaped him, but the difference was that Yato had tried and Nora was too brainwashed to ever want to leave. A lost cause, perhaps. Yato had tried before to convince her to run with him, but she had always refused and he couldn't hold himself back waiting on her forever.

It felt like a crushing relief to finally release her, but he also felt an aching sense of loss.

But he couldn't afford to let his heart waver now. Couldn't afford to think of Nora as anything but the enemy, because she always had been and always would be on Father's side.

He took a step forward and then another, his feet feeling like lead as they dragged behind him. He rested his arms across the railing and leaned into it as he stared blankly at the water below.

"Bakagami," he whispered to the night. "Was it worth declaring war?"

Father had tolerated his rebellions over the years because he would still follow orders in the end, but this was as good as a declaration of war. Yato didn't know how his father would respond: laugh it off as before or strike hard? Either way, he would attack eventually. And he knew Yato's weak points.

Yato had drawn the battle lines, and it would force a confrontation sooner or later. It seemed a noble gesture, but Yukine and Hiyori and the others would be the ones caught in the crossfire.

The enormity of what he had done finally sank in, and his arms slipped off the railing as he slid to the ground and folded over his knees. His breath wavered, his body trembled. Nora was right: whatever happened now was his fault. Whoever got hurt, whatever happened to Yukine and Hiyori because of his actions…

He didn't know if he was brave for finally cutting ties like he had wanted to do for so many centuries or foolish for creating an enemy he couldn't possibly beat.

Nora could be right. Yukine and Hiyori might leave him when he told them about the things he had done. Father might hurt them in order to hurt him. Yato might be forced to come crawling back after his punishment because he had declared a war he wasn't strong enough to win.

He rocked back and forth as a single tear slipped free and ran down his cheek.

He didn't know yet, if this had been a mistake. But he had drawn his line and he would stand behind it until the bitter end. Soon he would draw the line for Yukine and Hiyori too and give them the choice of where to stand, but for tonight… For tonight, he could sit here with only the night to bear witness to his fear and grief.

"That's it?" Yato frowned as Yukine materialized into human form beside him on the wooden bridge. "I don't get how I'm supposed to change without…changing."

"But you never know who you can save by doing that," Yukine reasoned. "You can save a lot of lives by cutting down ayakashi, even stop them from being corrupted. You can do a lot of good that way."

"Hmm…" Yato watched the family down the bridge, parents holding their laughing child's hands. They were still laughing, smiling, happy, because he and Yukine had killed the phantom lurking over their heads. He didn't know if it was enough—if anything was really enough to make up for the centuries of killing he had done—but… "Well, you're my guidepost, so it must be the right thing to do!"

Yukine flushed and rubbed at the back of his neck as if embarrassed, but the truth was that if Yato really wanted to change, to become a god of fortune or at least a god who might someday make people happy, he needed all the help he could get. It wasn't like he'd done a good job of it on his own.

Wood creaked beside them and Yato turned to see Hiyori perched on one of the railing's posts, purple 'tail' waving in the air behind her. She smiled at him and Yukine was watching him and…

Maybe it was time to draw the line. He had been putting this off even though he knew they had questions and wanted explanations for his disappearance and foray into Yomi. He didn't know how much to tell them and was afraid of what the consequences of that revelation might be, but he owed them something now that he had cut his ties with Nora and turned them into even more important targets for his father.

To be honest…they deserved some kind of explanation even without that. He had been selfish, tricking them into staying with him by hiding the things he didn't want them to know.

"I… I've been using Hiiro—Nora—to kill people. All throughout my life." His lips curled into the faintest vestiges of a smile, but it wasn't a happy one. "…How do you feel about that?"

Hiyori's smile had disappeared, and both she and Yukine stared at him with expressions he couldn't quite read.

"That was ages ago," Yukine said finally.

Hiyori nodded. "I heard from Kofuku."

Yato looked away, tilting his head down and staring at the wooden planks beneath their feet. He should correct that misconception, but…

He hopped over the railing, and a low-lying tree branch creaked and swayed beneath his boots, nearly dipping down into the water before stabilizing. He stared down into the water as if searching a mirror. What he saw was nothing he was proud of, but it was better than watching Yukine and Hiyori's faces when he told them the truth. He kept his back to them, a thin shield against their judgment.

"'Yaboku' is what I used to be called when I was a kid. My father gave me that name."

"Your…your father?" Hiyori asked.

"You have a dad?" Yukine demanded, shock coloring his voice. "Who is he?"

"He's human," Yato explained, shutting his eyes against his reflection. "But he's managed to survive for centuries through something similar to divine possession. He's gone around taking over many people, endlessly repeating the cycle of life. I don't know what his current form looks like, but…he's probably nearby. I told you, remember? I was born from a wish, not a human being.

"Going to the underworld was also something he made me do. I had no choice but to do as I was told. It's been that way forever. He would shower me with praise when I did what he asked. I think I was…genuinely happy when he was proud of me. So I killed. Again…and again…"

Memories of blood splashing and swords flying flashed through his mind in silver and crimson streaks. Maybe Ebisu's new incarnation had a point about gods wanting to make people happy, but perhaps Yato was the dark side of that axiom. He had wanted so desperately to make his father happy and proud and grant his wishes—before and even after the fear and hatred of him set in—that he had trampled over the happiness and lives of thousands to do so. Funny how you could take the same child god with the same characteristics and turn him into either a god of fortune or god of calamity depending on how you manipulated his innate need to please.

"But I'm done following orders." He stared down at his reflection rippling in the water, the evidence of his father's manipulations in each bandage plastered on his face and wound about his neck and arms. And in the haunted light of his eyes, which stared back at him with heavy accusation. "I want to put it behind me. I hate having to do that so much…"

He let his breath out in something close to a soft, bitter laugh. "…Disappointed?" he asked his reflection softly. The eyes reflected back at him whispered 'yes'. "Are you sick of me yet?"

The silence was deafening, coiling about his chest and constricting his lungs, whispering into his ears: 'What a pathetic, worthless god, full of excuses that don't change anything.'

"But Yato," Hiyori said finally, "isn't that why you released Nora?"

Yato froze and a shock like thunder shuddered through him. He angled his shoulders back to look at his friends so quickly that the branch creaked beneath his boots and he nearly toppled over. How could she possibly know about Nora?

"Hm…" Hiyori held her hand up to her mouth thoughtfully. "I think I recall seeing his hand shaking at the time…"

Yukine turned to Hiyori and held his hand out in a fair approximation of the releasing gesture, and proceeded to throw it about wildly and knock his knees together in exaggerated trembling. "'You can smile alone from now on, because I won't be there to smile with you anymore.'"

Hiyori burst into laughter. "My gosh, Yukine! I'm dying!"

Yato leapt off the branch and back onto the bridge, face burning as he grabbed Yukine and began wrestling with the little imp. "Sh-shut up, you brat! I didn't do that!"

Yukine struggled in his grip, but still had some fight left in him. "You were totally nervous, going all 'I won't be there to–'"

"Yukineee!"

The tussle was brought to a halt by Hiyori's voice cutting through their scuffling.

"I believe in you, Yato," she said, and he froze at the warmth of the smile she gave him. "All the more because you chose Yukine over Nora. You of all people can be anything you want to be!"

Yukine escaped the stranglehold, and Yato let him go. He was too busy staring at Hiyori. He didn't understand what he had done to earn such blind faith, but it made his heart constrict in a strange way.

"I…"

"Are you alright, Yato?" she asked. Her smile faded a little as she studied him with wide, concerned eyes. "You seemed really upset…"

Whatever blood remained in the rest of his body rushed to his face all at once. He turned away, his gaze sweeping across the water again.

"Yeah… It's less that I regret releasing Nora than that I'm worried Father is going to take this as a declaration of war. He's tolerated my rebellions over the centuries as long as I come running back when it's time to follow orders, but in releasing Nora… Well, we'll see."

"But…at least you won't be on your own," Hiyori offered. "She was wrong, you know. We all still love you."

Yato turned, bent down until he was nose to nose with Hiyori, and grinned. "Ohhh? Are you saying you love me, Hiyori?"

"H-huh?" Her face flamed crimson and she jerked back, slapping him hard across the face as she went. "Don't say crazy things!"

Yato rubbed at his throbbing cheek and complained vociferously, and suddenly everything was back to normal, as if nothing had changed at all.

He had drawn his line in the sand, and Hiyori and Yukine had stepped over to join him on his side. It meant more than he cared to admit, a crushing weight off his shoulders. He had bared some dark piece of his soul to them, and still they stayed.

In a way, it felt like he had won some big, indefinable war he'd been only half-aware he was fighting. Whatever the outcome of the conflict with Father, Yato had won something.

But still, maybe there was one more misunderstanding that needed to be cleared up before he could rest easy, so that he didn't feel like he was tricking them again.

Or, perhaps, he just had a masochistic need to poke at things to see if they would shatter.

"Hey, Yukine," Yato said later that night. He sat on the window ledge with his back pressed against the frame. One leg was folded across with the knee sticking out into the darkness beyond the dimly lit room in Kofuku's attic, while the other dangled down to hang along the inside wall. He held the shrine Hiyori had made for him in his bandaged hands and ran his fingers along the rough wood. He didn't look over at Yukine, who was already tucked into his futon and reading a book by the light of his lamp. "I figure I should at least tell you… I never really stopped. I've been killing people all along.

"Up until recently, I've obeyed my father's every word and carried out his demands with Nora. He's a sorcerer, and Ebisu was an innocent pawn who was killed as a scapegoat in his place." His jaw clenched and his hands tightened around the shrine. "I will never forgive him for that.

"I can't even really say that I did it because I was told to. I mean, that's how it started, but in the end I kept at it because I…I enjoyed it. The choice is now yours, Yukine. Will you still remain as my blessed regalia?"

In the silence, Yato stared down blankly at the shrine and waited. He had issued a challenge, and he would accept Yukine's judgment. His hafuri's word was as good as law.

Then, finally, footsteps thudded softly against the floorboards. Yato didn't look up as Yukine approached.

"You can ask as many times as you want, but the answer will always be the same," said Yukine. "I'm your guidepost. I'm not going anywhere. And you're not going to kill anyone ever again, not if I can help it. Why are you asking questions like that now? Saying these things? Why are you trying to push us away?"

Yato hummed softly to himself and traced the name carved into the shrine. "The god Hiyori made this shrine for, the god you became a hafuri for… That god was a mirage, a fake. You didn't understand then, who you were pledging loyalty to. This is your chance to back out with no hard feelings."

Yukine was quiet for a long time before letting his breath out in a harsh sigh. "Stupid god. We'd already heard things. You'd said things to make yourself sound like a scary god. We learned how to trust you anyway. We don't have any reason to back out now, because you're still the same. Forget what Nora said. Aren't you always telling me not to listen to her? You're stuck with us now. Stop being stupid."

The tension drained out of Yato's shoulders like a sigh and his eyes burned. This was the closest thing to unconditional acceptance and love that he had ever received. It was something he had never and would never find with Father and Nora. Whether or not he deserved it was debatable, but if Yukine and Hiyori thought he did, there must be something to it.

He finally looked up and met Yukine's solemn eyes with a funny sort of half-smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I never really enjoyed the killing itself. It was a means to an end to please Father and I didn't understand the significance back then, but I did grow a conscience eventually. I enjoy the freedom of fighting, but I don't like the killing."

He could thank Sakura for that, for opening his eyes. And he might have become desensitized eventually, numbed down the emotions and his conscience to do his work without feeling, but it had never been comfortable. He didn't know if that counted for anything when he had still killed anyway, but he hoped it did.

Yukine blinked at him blankly for a long moment and then scowled. "Then why did you say you enjoyed it? Stupid god! Are you a masochist or something? You keep saying things to make everything seem worse than it is! Make up your mind! Are you trying to push us away?"

A fair question. Yato often found himself saying or doing things to paint himself in a painfully unsympathetic light. Why had he killed Bishamon's shinki? Because he had wanted to, that was all. A thousand little things like that could add up. When contrasted with how desperately he clung to his friends, it seemed strange.

Maybe he was just testing the boundaries, pushing to see if something would shatter. If he said something a little worse than the truth, would they accept him anyway? Would that be the final straw?

Maybe he just wanted to see if Yukine and Hiyori and the others would be able to love him despite everything. Maybe he needed them to hate him as much as he sometimes hated himself and was trying to push them there. Perhaps it was a bit of both, the desire to be loved and need to be hated, but he hoped, somewhere deep down in his heart, that it was more the former than the latter.

He huffed out a soft laugh. "Eh, who knows?"

"Ugh, you're so annoying!" Yukine threw his hands up and stomped off to roll himself up in the blankets on the futon again. "Quit being such an idiot and go to bed already. I want to go to sleep."

Yato smiled at the back of his head fondly before glancing back out the window into the night. Father and Nora were out there somewhere, lurking in the darkness and plotting their next move. But then again, what did it matter? That would come later. For now, Yato was content with the allies on his own side of the line and didn't want to worry about the enemies gathering across the border.

He pulled his folded leg back inside the room, slipped off the sill dividing the house from the night, and closed the window firmly behind him.

Note: I don't really remember why I wanted to write this, aside from often starting out with rewriting/expanding on canon scenes when I first get into a new fandom. This was, and still is, one of my favorite canon scenes. Not sure why exactly I felt the need to butcher it, but hopefully there was a little extra depth or something to make up for it lol