[[ Okay... I had to write this chapter twice. I had eight pages of work done, then my computer crashed, and, when I opened the document again, I only had two... Q~Q I really really hope you like this chapter. I worked super SUPER hard on it, and I feel like it's incredibly important. There's a lot of feels.]]
TW: blood, mild violence, (temporary) character death, angst
It had taken everything he had not to lose it right then and there. The feeling of cold, hard dread that settled in the pit of his non-existent gut the instant he saw a flash of those glowing, menacing crimson eyes was enough that he felt sick. His magic had nearly reacted to his emotions alone, and it was all he could do to keep his magic in check as memories flooded over him like waves of darkness. Were they really memories, though, or was he just losing his mind? It'd been so long that he was finding it difficult to tell anymore.
The movie night had ended without too much of a hitch. Sans had texted Papyrus letting him know he was taking a walk and they continued on without him. His 'walk' ended at the end of Undyne and Alphys' driveway, where he sat and smoked his way through three dog treats, trying to just stop thinking about it. That was the problem with him. (Well, among a million other things, but the biggest one...) His mind never stopped working. Even when he was sitting completely still, even when he was asleep, his senses always seemed to be hyperactive, focusing in on every sound, every slightest shift in magic around him. Every soul's aura, every living being's LOVE, every living being's EXP, all numbers being projected inside his skull and into his mind, was something he was highly attuned to, and he could feel every slightest shift. ...At least, that's how it felt. Sure, sometimes he got a little overly focused on certain things, but he was always aware of his surroundings to an extent.
That's why it was so surprising that he hadn't realized Lena's attention had shifted to him until she touched him. Her hand had been warm and soft, just the barest brush of her fingertips against the back of his bony hand before he'd jerked away. He'd noticed her expression, the tiny dark flicker of hurt that passed over not only her face but also her soul. Was she trying to comfort him? He must not have been doing a very good job concealing how he felt. He needed to work on that. It simply wouldn't do if he started worrying Papyrus. 'Again,' he reminded himself bitterly as he made his way back into the house, closing the door quietly behind him. The television was still playing, though thankfully it was something else.
When he found his way into the living room again, he was unsurprised to find that Papyrus was slumped over on the sofa, fast asleep. A bit of a fond smile tugged up at the corners of his mouth and he sighed. Leave it to his brother to be the loudest about demanding they all stay awake as long as possible and then be the first one to fall asleep. 'My bro's the coolest...' He glanced around at everyone else and saw that both Undyne and Alphys were gone, probably already off to bed. The human was curled up in the recliner, staring through bleary eyes at the tv screen, apparently not yet aware he'd returned from his little 'walk'. It seemed more like she was staring through the television, not really seeing it at all, like her mind was somewhere else entirely. 'I know how that goes.' Taking the moment since he was unnoticed, he tried to force his partially hazed mind to focus enough magic to try and see her soul. Again, much to his dismay, all he saw was an aura, a ghostly green glow. It seemed uneasy, swirling around her chest like someone had stuck a spoon into it and was stirring it without pause.
"Sans?"
His eyes snapped immediately upward and, cursing mentally, he noticed that she was looking directly at him now. He didn't miss the way the pale green swirls seemed to calm, but he decided to ignore it. "Hey," he whispered, voice rough from the smoke, even though he had no vocal chords for it to have affected. Quietly, he cleared his throat and shoved his hands deeply into his hoodie pockets, glancing over the room before his eyelights landed on Papyrus again. "Knew he'd be the first one out." Lena laughed softly at this and nodded, turning to look at the sleeping skeleton with a smile. He stepped a bit closer, though he kept a fair bit of distance between them. He always did. "Didn't think I'd come back to find someone in my seat..." Her green eyes flickered back over to him at that, and she stuck her tongue out at him, to which he gave a soft snort.
"Move your feet, lose your seat."
"Them's the breaks, huh?" he muttered, feeling his tired grin widen when she nodded seriously, closing her eyes.
"Them's the breaks." He shrugged his shoulders because, really, what else could he do? The sage rules of sitting had been stated for so long, he was not one to break them. "Besides, you took so long, I was starting to wonder if you were going to come back..." Was that concern in her voice? He must be imagining it, must be the dog treats. He really should have just had one, but it wasn't working quickly enough.
"Nah, just went on a little walk," he offered simply, and he saw in her face that she wanted to say something, but she didn't. He was grateful.
"Well, since everyone else has gone to bed, that means we get dibs on what movies we put on..." Lena nodded toward the towering book cases full of DVD cases, a slight smile playing on her lips. "Feel like watching a comedy?" He laughed and gave a short nod, walking around the closest couch (and, thankfully, not the one his enormous brother was passed out on) and flopped onto it, sprawling himself out to get comfortable. She hopped up and eagerly began scanning the shelves, and he watched her- or, her soul, rather. How it brightened and dimmed faintly as she got excited about each title she liked. After a moment, she turned away from the case, proudly holding out a single case.
"Sure thing. Put it in." He hadn't seen what it said and, frankly, he didn't really care. If it was a comedy, it was bound to be good- even if it wasn't, bad movies were pretty fun to watch sometimes, too. She moved over to the DVD player and, after only a few seconds of staring at it, figured out how to work it. 'Impressive.' She popped in the DVD and grabbed the remote, quickly hopping back onto the recliner, casting him a glance. "What?"
"I thought you'd take the chance to take your seat back, but I guess you're even too lazy for that." He cocked a browbone and faked a frown, pointing a bony finger at her.
"Hey! I don't have to just sit and take that..." He then immediately scooted himself so he was lying down, propping his head up with one arm, and he couldn't help but grin as she tried and failed to silence her giggles.
"You're ridiculous..." she muttered, pressing play on the remote and settling into the plush cushions behind her, relaxing against them. The title screen popped up and a nostalgic look passed over her face. She noticed him still looking at her and shrugged her shoulders a bit, looking somewhat embarrassed. "This is Brit's favorite movie..." It was fairly obvious to him. She missed her friend. Giving her a small nod, he closed his eyes as she turned back to watch the movie.
He didn't remember much of it, but he definitely laughed at a lot more than he probably should have. Watching her face light up and her lips move as she mouthed the words along with the actors made his cheekbones hurt with a smile, and a funny feeling settle in the pit of his soul that he wasn't familiar with. After about an hour, she had fallen asleep herself, chest rising and falling steadily with her breathing. It was rhythmic and silent, and, somewhere in the middle of his observing, he started dozing off, as well. With the dog treats and the company making him feel comfortable, he decided that he'd be fine to fall asleep in company for once. Just this once...
When he woke up, he found himself sitting in his 'workshop' back in Snowdin. For a moment, he just sat, staring at the blueprint right beneath his folded arms, feeling the smallest sensation of panic fluttering in the back of his skull.
This was a dream. He was going to turn around, Chara was going to be there, Papyrus would be dead, and he would wake back up, like he always did.
"BROTHER! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LAZY BONES? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT YOUR SENTRY POST AN HOUR AGO!" Papyrus' voice came muffled through the thick walls and Sans felt himself tighten his fists, hard, bony ends of his fingers ripping the paper beneath his hand and digging faint grooves into the wood surface it lied against. He would walk outside and be surrounded by darkness. He would have a nightmare, the same as always, and when he woke up, he would be back in Undyne and Alphys' living room.
The door to his workshop opened and Papyrus poked his head in, eyesockets widening slightly as his sights landed on Sans. "THERE YOU ARE! UNDYNE WAS LOOKING FOR YOU! WHY HAVE YOU NOT LEFT FOR YOUR POST?" Sans sat upright, slowly turning his eyelights up to look at his younger brother, watching as he huffed a heavy, irritated sigh and stepped forward. His boots thudded heavily across the floor, and Sans was all too aware of how the floorboards shook underneath the chair he was sat in. "COME ON, SANS!" Papyrus reached out a gloved hand and grabbed his brother's hand, pulling him up and to his feet and leading him out the open door. The brush of cold, winter air against his face was gentle, and the crunch of snow under his worn, dingy house slippers was far too loud. Everything was so bright, the snow acting like a mirror and reflecting the light from the sun shining warmly overhead.
He was back in Snowdin...
At some point, his lack of movement seemed to alert Papyrus, who had dropped the other's hand, stooping down with his hands on his hips, trying to seem authoritative. The look on his face must have taken him by surprise, however, because whatever lecture or scolding he had been preparing never came, the words dying before they left him. "...SANS?" A bony hand reached out, quick as lighting, and grabbed Papyrus' wrist, turning on his heel and dragging him through a doorway. As soon as they both blinked, they were suddenly standing in their living room, and Papyrus had the right to look surprised. "SANS, WHAT IS GOING ON? YOU ARE ACTING STRANGE..."
"This is a dream."
"...WHAT?" Papyrus was looking down at his brother, browbones drawn together in blatant concern, and with good reason. Sans' typical laid-back grin was gone without a trace, mouth twisted down into a grimace, eyesockets narrowed, eyelights dim. "BROTHER... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE AWAKE. I WENT AND WOKE YOU UP, REMEMBER? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT YOUR SENTRY POST. THERE HAS BEEN RUMOR OF A HUMAN BEING SPOTTED IN THE FOREST."
Sans stopped listening, his eyesockets widening, trembling as the words seemed to echo into him. These were words he'd heard before, a scene he's seen before. Despite its familiarity, he found himself struggling to comprehend, struggling to take it in.
'...I'm back in Snowdin.'
A dry bark of laughter that bordered on a sob tore from his chest, and Papyrus flinched in alarm as his brother fell to his knees. "It happened again. Fuck... I knew it would. Why did I ever think it'd be over...?"
"SANS, YOU ARE WORRYING ME..." The towering skeleton's voice was small and wavering with fear as he knelt down in front of his brother, hands reaching out, but hesitating, not sure whether he should touch him or not. A pained sound ripped its way from Sans and he fell forward, digging his bony phalanges into the carpet with such force that he could hear it tearing beneath his fingers. "Sans, please... Talk to me." Another wave of agony crashed over him as he looked up at his now teary-eyed brother, feeling himself torn. What was the point of talking? He would just forget again with the next reset. What would it matter? What would anything matter?
"Why even bother trying anymore?" The voice was familiar, and Sans felt a cool tendril of terror creep down his spine.
"...Chara."
"You're not surprised? Too bad. I was hoping to give you a scare!" Sans sat up, ignoring Papyrus' confused sound as he turned to look at the doorway of there home, now holding the silhouette of a small human being. Gleaming red eyes stared back at him, outshone only by the glint of sunlight off of the knife they held clenched tightly in their hand. "It will happen, you know..." they said simply, voice trailing off as their already razor-sharp smile widened even further.
"No...you're-"
"What? Gone?" They laughed, a high, lilting sound, and Sans poorly suppressed a shudder. "You're more stupid than you look, skeleton. The barrier's gone now!" they shrieked happily, giggling in that manic way as they hugged themselves happily. "Who's to say that I can't escape the Underground, too...? Who's to say...that I can't find you? Frisk? Toriel? Alphys? Undyne?...Papyrus?" The instant the name was said, they threw the knife, sending it whizzing straight for Sans' chest. He raised his arms weakly to defend himself, closing his eyesockets tightly, waiting for death.
"...So predictable. You lot are starting to get boring."
Sans opened his eyes slowly, confused by the lack of pain, only to feel his soul die in his chest. "Lazybones... You...a-always were...a slacker...San-" Papyrus' voice died out as his body disintegrated, his battle body and beloved scarf falling to the ground heavily, covered with his dust. The last bit of his brother's name hung in the air, uncompleted, and it forever would be.
"No..." He sat frozen, horrified, eyesockets impossibly wide, his eyelights dimmed. Were he capable of vomiting, he felt like maybe he would. His magic burned painfully through his bones, his soul weighted, heavy in his chest. "No...no, no, no, no, no..."
"Go ahead! Try to tell yourself this isn't real. I dare you~" Chara cooed, narrowing their eyes as they stepped closer, and Sans immediately threw himself backward, backing away from the approaching threat. They walked over to Papyrus' dust, kicking aside the bulky chest piece carelessly and giggling as it hit the wall, cracking. "You can't escape, Sans. This is your reality. Accept it. Or else..." Holding a hand out, a swirling, deep crimson aura of magic spiraled down and into his precious brother's remaining dust. He watched as it morphed and churned, rising to take a form of its own, living, breathing.
He found himself staring into frightened green eyes, set over freckled cheeks and framed by messy auburn hair. "Sans...?" Lena fell to her knees, reaching out for him with a trembling hand. "S-Sans, I-I-" Chara reached out and grabbed her by her hair, jerking backward roughly, and he tried not to listen to the pained cry that escaped her, hands rising to try and disentangle their hand from her hair. "Sans, help me!" He tried. Stars, he tried. His legs refused to move, his arms were dead weight at his sides, and he slumped heavily against the wall, mouth moving uselessly as he tried and failed to form words. "Please, Sans!" She yelped as she was jerked back yet again, wrenching her head backward, exposing her neck. She clawed at Chara's hand, trying to crawl away from them, only to be torn back as she screamed for him to help her. "Sans, hel-" Her words were silenced easily as Chara brought down their other hand, the blade of their knife sliding through the tender flesh of her throat easily. It was so much, too much, but as the crimson liquid sprayed and flowed from her gaping throat, he found himself unable to look away. Her screams became gurgling cries and broken, watery gasps and she fell forward, hands still reaching for him, him still not reaching back. Tears streamed from her eyes until, finally, they became a faded grey, and she stopped moving entirely.
"Or else...your dreams will suffer," they finished slowly, voice sickeningly sweet, falsely so, and they flicked the blood from their knife easily. "Think about it, Sans." He closed his eyes tightly, feeling the hot trails of tears leaving tracks down his skull and his hands finally moved, bones slick with blood, to grip at his head. "...You're good for that much, at least." With that, they turned and headed toward the front door of his cozy Snowdin home, leaving a trail of bloody footprints in their wake...
When he opened his eyes again, the first thing he noticed was darkness, the panic rushing through his soul, resonating so strongly within him that his magic was already beginning to react. A rift into the Void was open just above him, the cries of creatures unknown echoing from within. His hand was raised, ready to summon forth the powers lying beyond, and he couldn't breathe. He was paralyzed, body frozen in this position, and his mind was racing wildly. Finally, everything clicked. He drew in a jagged, painful breath, closing his open, extended hand and, in the same motion, closing the rift. There was an ache in his skull that made him feel like someone was trying to crush it, and there were tears streaming over his cheekbones.
He was in Alphys and Undyne's living room, on their couch. The television was still on, the music from the movie's main menu playing on repeat and the light casting shadows across the room. He was back.
He sat up slowly, raising a hand shakily to his skull to rest across his face, struggling to steady his rapid breathing. 'It was just a dream...just a dream.' he told himself, eyesockets closing slowly as he released a shuddery sigh.
"...Sans?"
The voice was soft, spoken from not that far away, but its impact on his soul was immense. He felt relief flood through him and he turned his head to see Lena sitting up in the recliner, awake. The room was dark, but he could make out the obvious concern etched across her features. How much had she seen? Did she only just wake up when he did? 'Maybe I can make something up-' He didn't know when she got so close to him but, before he could do anything about it, she was sitting next to him on the edge of the sofa, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. He tensed, eyesockets widening as he tried to think of what to say, to do, to make this situation disappear.
...But before he could think of anything, he felt an immense warmth coming from her, far warmer than any body heat. It wrapped itself around his soul, like a blanket, and he felt his chest clench as he suddenly realized he was fighting back tears.
He sat stock still and, eventually, she pulled away, looking at him worriedly. It was hard to meet her eyes, so he stared down at his hands, trying to ignore the memories of them being covered in her blood from his nightmare. Papyrus' soft snoring caught his attention and he looked over, seeing his brother curled up on the other sofa, and he felt guilt worm its way through his skull.
"Let's go outside for a walk," she murmured softly, and he looked back over to her, opening his mouth to say...something, but she had already gotten up, heading off in the direction of the kitchen. "Meet you outside!" When she disappeared around the corner he felt himself fall slack against the couch, releasing a slow hiss of air between his teeth.
It took him a few minutes to move. He pushed himself to his feet and shuffled even more slowly than normal toward the patio door, which was just on the other side of the living room. The door swung open and the cold air blew on his face, so familiar to his dream that he felt himself jump as if startled. 'Not in Snowdin, 'm not in Snowdin...' Suddenly he wished he had a throat, so that he could swallow past the invisible lump that had formed itself there. Snow had apparently fallen since they arrived, because there was a new layer covering his footprints from before. He was grateful that the clouds had cleared, and his view of the sky was uninhibited. The stars were clear and bright against a backdrop of a deep navy blue, so dark that it almost looked black. Some might say it was, but he could tell the difference. Once you see the Void, you know what true, black emptiness looks like.
The door opened behind him and he flinched, cursing how jumpy he was, and turned to see Lena joining him on the deck, two steaming mugs in hand. She'd bundled herself up and dragged her blanket out with her, wrapping it around her shoulders loosely. She wordlessly held one mug out to him and, silently, he took it. He'd never thought of drinking ketchup any other way than cold, but the rush of warmth he got from the very first sip had him thinking he'd have to start microwaving it in the winter.
They sat in silence for a few long moments, her taking occasional sips of her hot chocolate (he could tell from the marshmallows), him tapping his bony fingers nervously against the ceramic mug. He knew what was coming. She was going to ask him what happened, what his dream was about...what he had done with his magic. It was a mistake and it was accidental, but he'd opened up the Void in Undyne's goddamn living room. She was going to kill him if she found out. The longer the silence dragged on, the more he could feel himself getting jittery, fidgeting, trying to break the constant stream of negative possibilities in his mind. Carefully, Lena set down her mug on the cold cement and sighed, her breath a small, soft cloud in the chill air. This was it. She was going to ask those impossible questions, and he was going to lose everything.
"One time, when I was little, I saw this movie about clowns..." Her words startled him, then confused him, and he turned to look at her with a browbone cocked, mouth twisted down into a frown. "It was called 'It'... Really creative name, huh? Stephen King is one of Brit's favorite authors, but I never could understand why he chose a name like that..." She chuckled slightly and shrugged her shoulders, tapping her fingertips lightly against her knees. "So, in this movie, there's these kids that end up getting killed by this clown. Pennywise was his name. I knew it wasn't a real thing. I mean, it's a movie...but still, for whatever reason, I couldn't get it out of my head. I started avoiding street drains, and I was terrified to go anywhere near the shower or sink drain for weeks after I first saw it...because, in the movie, that was where he came out and got them." She had a slightly embarrassed look on her face as she sent a small smile over at him, then she continued speaking, her voice soft.
"Other scary movies got to me like that, too. I walk really quickly up and down stairs that have openings between each step, because I'd always imagine that hands would reach out between them and grab my ankles... I mean, I'm an adult, and I still do that. Just like how, when I get up to turn my light off before bed, I flick it off really quick and jump into bed as fast as I can, because the scary things can't get you if you're in bed, and they only come out in the dark!" She laughed at her own silliness, and Sans felt his mouth twitch up into the faintest of smiles. After a moment of silence, she sighed. "There are other things that I'm scared of, that don't come from scary movies. Like... I'm afraid of the dark." She stared down at her lap, picking at her sweatpants, then looking up to the stars. "When I was younger, a couple of cousins locked me in a cabinet in a spare room. They turned off all the lights and left me there, for hours, until my parents got home... So, I always had a nightlight. One of those childish little plug-in lights. I got picked on for it a lot when I had friends over, or if my brothers and sisters had friends over...heck, my siblings picked on me for it, too. Youngest of ten. I never had a chance!" She laughed, but it sounded a little forced, and he could see her soul's glow dimming slightly. "...When I moved in with Brit, the first night, I wasn't able to find my nightlight. So I was awake at two in the morning, trying to move out to the living room to sleep on the couch. She woke up and asked me what was up and, well...heh. That was an embarrassing conversation. She didn't tease me for it, though... Know what she did?" she asked quietly, glancing over at him. Sans shook his head slightly, eyelights focused on her face. She smiled. "She hooked up one of their spare televisions in my room, picked out a Jim Carrey film, and slept with me in my room. She said that she sleeps with the tv on all the time, because the light and sound is soothing..."
"She's a good friend," he said softly, his voice sounding rough, even to himself. She didn't pay any attention to that, though, turning to him with a nod and a widening smile.
"Mhm! Friends are really good about that...listening to your fears without judging you. She never pushed me to talk about anything I didn't want to, either, unless I was really hurt..." Pausing, she picked up her mug again, taking a long drink. It was an unspoken thing, but he felt his chest lighten and the panic buzzing within his skull lessen just a bit.
'I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to... But, if I do, she's gonna listen and help...heh.'
"It's hard to talk about... You'd think I was crazy," he muttered roughly, huffing an empty laugh and turning his face away. "Shit, I feel like I'm crazy... No one else ever remembers it."
"...Underground, there was somethin' evil. A monster. A real monster... It killed people. Everyone. Even me. Over and over. Sometimes, it was nice, didn't interfere with things, but then...then there were times where it did, and... Shit." He took a deep drink from his own mug, setting it down with a soft clattering noise as he continued to talk, hands moving as he spoke. "It happened so many times. Over and over and over, and I'm the only one that remembers. It... Days would repeat themselves. It felt like decades when it was probably only really a few months. Things would be going good, and then, the next thing I know, things are back to the way they were. I- ... It's hard to explain..." His hands clenched into tight fists in his lap, and he laughed bitterly. "Y' prolly don't get what I'm sayin'."
"No, it... Okay, I don't understand, but I get it." He couldn't look at her face, he couldn't bring himself to see the disappointment, the disapproval on her face. "Sans, that's...awful. I can't even imagine what that must be like..." 'She thinks it was just a nightmare. Doesn't think it's real.' "If it scares you, Sans, then it's real... If it makes you feel something, then it's real to you, and that's all that matters."
His skull whirls around to look at her, his face slack with surprise, and he was not expecting the warm look on her face. She reached a hand out to rest on the back of one of his closed ones, and he flinched slightly, tensing up for a moment before relaxing. "Yeah... It certainly feels pretty fuckin' real..." They sat like that for a while, her hand rested on his, until a strong wind blew the blanket from her shoulders. She shivered, pulling her hand back and wrapping her arms around herself. He chuckled, pushing himself to his feet and grabbing his mug with one hand, pulling up the blown-away blanket with the other. "Didn't mean to blow you away with my story. Maybe you should head in." She rolled her eyes at him and took the offered blanket, pulling it back around her shoulders as she stood.
"Aren't you coming in, too?" She stooped to pick up her mug and, when she saw he was holding out his, took that, as well. He shrugged a shoulder and shoved his cold hands into his pockets, nodding his head up toward the sky.
"In a bit. Gonna sit out here and look at the stars." She looked at him for a while, as if trying to read his expression, then slowly nodded, smiling. "Promise, I won't stay out too long. Otherwise I'll turn into a numbskull." She laughed and shook her head, turning and walking back toward the patio door.
"You're terrible." She walked inside and was just about to close the door when he turned back to face her, calling her name. "Yeah?"
"Uh... ...thanks," he murmured softly, and he felt more than saw her smile from the way her soul's aura brightened in the darkness. With a small nod and a soft bidding of 'good night', she closed the door, leaving Sans alone the stars and his thoughts.