She looked at me for a second, thinking, then I dizzied back into my own body. Spirit lady sat beside me flexing her fingers.
"Okay, so, remember how I told you about my tribe?" She started. I raised my eyebrow for her to continue. "Well, I told you that I learned how to walk outside my body. With that come certain oddities. Other than being a spirit, I mean."
She stood, and began pacing, tossing her long hair back over her shoulders.
"One of the tribes we fought with had similar powers you know. Spirit walkers. I was excited actually when you said we were close to La Push territory. They're the wolves." She looked off, into the distant forest. "At least they used to be."
"Will you start at the beginning please?" I muttered, as quietly as I could manage. She smiled, and stopped pacing, turning to face me again.
"Okay. I'll tell it in order, but don't interrupt. Save your questions, okay?" She sat, cross legged, facing me on the porch. I mimicked her pose. We sat, as if starting a yoga class, staring each other down.
"Back when I was that female shaman, I learned how to spirit walk. We figured out that certain lineages of people, of those spirit walkers could also connect, with the earth, or elements in certain ways. La Push walkers joined with wolves, taking their forms, and an incredible hierarchy of power, protection and health. I met walkers up in Huron territory, in Canada, who became oniont - serpent like creatures that lived in lake Huron. They could heal themselves and others - not of their lineage. There was only a small family that could do that, and I don't think the line survived."
"My tribe found that a few of us - all my direct descendants and relatives, had the incredible ability to create fire. It's why we were so successful as fighters. With a bucket-load of emotional control and focus, we can emit heat, and sparks sometimes. I'm hundreds of years old don't forget. If I want to I can light cigarettes with the snap of my fingers. I can start a campfire with a clap. I've burned down a house." She stopped, and smirked at me.
"Two houses, if you count yours."
"You did that?" I whispered through my teeth.
"No, you did. I'm not sure what happened in that small time. I was barely a few streets over when I felt the drain of a massive surge of power. I pop back as fast as I can and your whole house is going up like it's cotton." She smiled sadly. "Then later, in the car, you nearly lit your dad's dashboard on fire. I switched out just in time."
She eyed me, and my gaping mouth. "Alright, your turn."
We spun into each other's places and I blinked a few times.
"I had a nightmare." I explained, lamely. She frowned.
"A fucking strong one then." She whispered.
"I guess. I'm sorry. I guess I'm having a hard time. I'm trying really hard. I'm trying to keep things together. I'm struggling more than I thought I would." I admitted. Being the spirit version of myself I actually felt slightly sick. I had more sound around me, but less sensation. I couldn't smell anything, or feel the wind, or the damp. Spirit lady frowned, and I suddenly found myself physical again.
"I'm going to second the Texan blondie on this one actually. You impress me with the depth of your emotional spectrum. I'm still relatively sure that the only reason I ended up in your body is the absolute depravity your body was in when I passed it. In that period you had sucessfully managed to literally numb your entire emotional spectrum so deeply that I thought your soul was gone. It's back now, obviously, feeling painful every time you see anything that reminds you of him. I appreciate the gesture that your family has here, inviting you in again, but I'll be honest, it's painful, and if I'm not on my guard, it could be dangerous."
I tilted my head, to ask how, and she responded instantly.
"Well I'll need to be on you like stink on a skunk while we're here, else you might start a fire."
I motioned for another switch, and she obliged.
"First off, I want to learn how to do that without needing you. Second, if we are going to be stuck together I seriously need to give you a name."
We switched back, and she giggled. "I'll treat you to the Spirit Walking 101 course."
I stared at her for a second. She seemed to be actually enjoying this. I asked for a switch again and clutched my spirit head slightly.
"One more question. You said, back at my house, that you might not be able to disentangle yourself from me now?" I asked. She winced and sighed, dropping her head. I found myself back in my physical body. I rubbed my real temples this time as I tried to focus on not being dizzy. She stood up and moved closer, crouching in front of me. I stared into her eyes, and she began to talk again.
"Twice, I've found myself a body that wasn't one I wanted to live in. Once, I was a vegetable. Quadraplegic. Because I'd only just tied myself down I was able to disconnect - with great effort mind you - out into the void again. The second time, I was actually in my host body for a few days, used my fire talents and such haphazardly. Then I got into a totally unrelated boat accident and lost my spinal control below the waist. I tried to pull away but couldn't. I realised after a bucket-load of introspection that my spirit body had tied itself in a strange chemical way to the actual cells of my host body. The only difference between the two hosts was whether I'd tied myself fully with the use of my powers. So, because we've used my special talents, unfortunately..." She trailed off.
For a second I wasn't sure what she meant. A split, joyful second. Then it clicked.
"You're stuck." I responded, aloud. A small shiver rolled down my spine. I was to live with her, for the rest of my life.
"Until you die." She said, sadly, unknowingly mirroring my thoughts. "I've been thinking about whether I could teach you how to control yourself with the fire part, and try and leave, to explore for the rest of your life. So you'd have some semblance of privacy. But you're quite young. That's potentially 60 years of solitude for me."
Decades of solitude. I had heard the stories of Carlisle's beginnings, of the years he spent wandering alone, exploring the wilderness. His spirituality, and his occasional contact with another vampire was what had kept him sane. What had kept him grounded. She would have less than that. Floating around, unseen, unheard, unfeeling and even unable to smell. She would be as good as dead. Sixty years. Anyone would go insane.
"You'd go crazy." I whispered. Spirit lady smiled back.
"Possibly. But since I am the intruder here, and this is your body, I've half a mind to do it. I've lived a long and fruitful life." She gazed back at the house behind me. "Lots of them, you could even say. What right have I to impose myself on the single precious life that you have?"
She shook herself slightly, looking back at me. "Anyway... we'll burn that bridge when we get to it. For now, you need some privacy, and some lessons."
I raised my eyebrows, and tilted my head back at the house. I would have neither, for a while. She nodded her understanding and stood.
"How about a name for the time being then? I've been playing around with your mothers' names actually. They're both pretty unique. Renee, and Esme... I'd like something along those lines, but also, something truly unique. I am, after all, a singular individual."
We sat quietly for a moment as she studied me, trying to gather my thoughts. I motioned for a switch, and she obliged. Once again I could hear everything, and feel nothing.
"How about Renesmee?" I smashed the names together. "You have aspects of both of them you know. You have the throwaway carelessness of Renee, with the wisdom and agelessness of Esme."
"Renesmee." She muttered, pulling her face into a disapproving frown. I found myself sitting back on the porch, watching her mull it over. The solid wood beneath me was cold and damp, and seeping into my muscles.
"Yeah sure." She finally agreed, sweeping her long black hair over her shoulder. "It's weird. Unique. Like me. And it still isn't as bad as my last host's name."
...
When I went inside, Jasper was eyeing me, peculiarly. We'd never been particularly close before, and he had often kept his distance, but the way he was watching me made me feel as though I were a walking medical mystery. I was guessing that his powers were feeling the flip-flop of neutrally worried, and devastatingly numb beings that switched up inside my body. Perhaps he had never felt anything like this before. Perhaps he thought that his powers were going haywire too. Or perhaps he just thought that I was going insane. I was still - aside from the large chunk of evidence that was my burned down house - only semi-convinced that I wasn't.
Spiri - I mean, Renesmee, turned towards me and irked her head towards the kitchen.
"Dinner's ready. Esme's telling Charlie to fetch you. Might as well head that direction." I envied her hearing in that spirit body. I walked, grimly, towards the kitchen. Would I be expected to make conversation? To tell my epic adventure of escape? Renesmee caught sight of my face as we walked, and reassured me.
"If you need me to step in, just rub your ears, okay? I'll do the talking. You've had a long few days." She disappeared through the door ahead of me and I pushed it open, nearly running smack into Charlie. I took a few moments to regain my balance, as he grabbed my elbows to steady me.
Dinner was a quiet affair, in front of the televison. A careful observer - which Charlie was not, when confronted with a large high definition TV playing sports - would have noticed that the Cullens did not eat. I hardly did either. I pushed my food around my plate, and tried not to sleep. I was tired, but the last thing I wanted to do was set off another nightmare and burn down the Cullen house. I looked around sleepily for Renesmee. She looked straight at me and smiled.
"You can sleep, love. I'm watching."