Neither of us could sleep that night. What was going to happen to Jacob? Was he going to wake up in the morning with four legs and a tail? Renesmee did what she could to minimize my fears. She even delved back into her own story, her own tribe and their transformations. I sat, pretending to read a book, but I thought I was probably doing a bad job of it. I could feel the watchful eyes on me, through the walls. It was just after Charlie had gone to bed that Renesmee spoke up. She pushed me out of my own body, and immediately put the book down.
"I'd like to borrow a car again please." She announced to the quiet and empty living room. Alice appeared at my side instantly, holding out a set of keys, looking troubled. Jasper followed, staring intently at my body. I wished I could tell them everything that was going on. But what could I possibly say? Everything was in absolute turmoil right now. And what could they do about it anyway? Would they even believe me?
"Would you like some company?" Alice asked. I saw Renesmee pause, considering for a moment. It took me a fraction of a second to see that she was actually considering it. What could we possibly be doing? She shook her head.
"No thank you Alice. I'll be fine tonight. Should be back before morning. Don't wake Charlie."
As she left to get into the car, I paused to watch Alice and Jasper. She walked towards him, resting a hand on his chest gently. He winked at her, and she sighed. They both headed upstairs. I quickly ran - through a couple of walls - to catch up to myself headed towards the cars in the garage. It wasn't long before we were speeding out into the abyss of a black night. Renesmee was not - from what I could gather - driving us to La Push. We were headed, instead, to Port Angeles by the looks of it. Out of nowhere, we pulled over to the side of the road, and my body left the car. It was raining, and cold, and so I was very confused.
"What - do you need to pee?" I asked, from the passenger seat. She laughed, audibly, and trudged into the forest. It was so dark out I wasn't even sure if I could follow her, so I quickly sped out of the car and ran towards her. Running as the spirit version of myself was fun. I was unhindered by the fear of falling, or tripping, and I was soundless as I jogged. Renesmee was a much better hiker than I - even in my clumsy body - and we were moving at a quick pace. We stopped, abruptly, and for no reason as far as I could see. We were in a tiny space, where a tree had fallen. Renesmee clambered up it, sitting cross legged on top.
"Since we cannot sleep - we may as well learn." She said, smiling at me before I found myself sitting where she had been, looking down at Renesmee. I couldn't exactly explain it - but as she stood there and spoke, she began looking more regal, more like the shaman she had described herself as in the past.
"The first thing I learned how to do - was warm myself up." she looked at me. "Close your eyes and focus."
I closed my eyes, and listened as best I could. I was getting wetter, and quite cold, sitting there, in the damp. I was beginning to shiver, and my rear end was soaked from sitting on the mossy tree.
"You aren't focusing." She said, her voice sounding close to my ear.
"How am I supposed to focus? I'm freezing."
"Focus on the warmth, not the absence of it. Where are you warm?"
"My chest." My torso felt quite solidly warm still.
"Perfect. So focus on that warmth, really feel it. It's a fire within you, one that we nurse together. It's the Olympic torch, if you must, never going out, and you can draw as much flame as you need to from that source. It's a life-giving warmth. The power of your life, and energy, interconnected with mine now. Reach into the warmth, and draw it out into the cold regions."
It sounded very simple, but doing it was very hard. Focusing that intently was difficult. My brain would wander into the discomfort of the cold, or the fear of being out alone out here. It wasn't until I thought about Jacob that I recognised that flutter of warmth in my chest. It felt like resting my hands on his skin to warm up. He often joked about me being an ice block - I couldn't wait to tell him to hi-five a Cullen one day. I, physically at first, tucked my hands to my chest. It was then that I felt the warmth, not spreading to my hands via contact like I had thought, but slowly seeping out past my collarbones, and trickling down my arms. To be honest, it felt not dissimilar to the sensation of a hot shower running down my arms. It was warm and strange, although very slow. More like honey than water. The warmth seeped out of me at an ever so slightly faster rate than the cold was seeping in. I focused on the feeling, dragging it out to every part of me, and for a while, warming up my cold backside. Once the last of my toes was as warm as the rest of me, I opened my eyes to look at Renesmee. I was immediately startled. The forest had changed colour. Instead of the pitch black and blue that had encompassed me when I had first closed my eyes, everything was a light greyish purple. The morning was approaching, encroaching on the trees. Renesmee was resting, comfortably, on the tree beside me, arms and legs sprawled out.
"That was really, really, really, really well done." She said simply.
"It's almost morning." I said, an obvious statement.
"Well yeah, but I wasn't going to interrupt your progress. That was incredible. I've never seen anyone get the knack of it so quickly. One night! Jesus. I thought it would take days and days of practice for you to learn how to do that." She leapt off the tree, and looked up at me. "Eight hours it took you. I'd be careful when you move - you'll be stiff."
Stiff was an understatement. Although I was warm, I hurt everywhere. My legs and feet were weary and cramped, muscles screamed as I stretched them out.
"How long does that warming up process normally take you?" I asked her, massaging out my legs.
"About a minute. But I've had hundreds of years of practice. This was your first go. And you did it! I'm so blown away. People are normally so inhibited. When I trained my tribe, way back, people were too caught up in emotion to clinically analyze themselves and pull out the soul-fire. That breakup you had did wonders for your self control."
I clutched my stomach in the onslaught of emotion and pain that overwhelmed me, and with my arms free, and my legs numb, promptly fell out of the tree. Renesmee switched with me then, and I found myself staring down at my pitiful body, for the briefest of seconds, curled up like it had been whipped. It was horrifying, anguish and pity inducing. Sparks flicked out of my body's fingers, and Renesmee looked up at me, alarmed. She somehow stood up rapidly, and held out her arms towards me.
"Hey, hey, hey... breathe. Calm down. You're okay. We're okay. I'm sorry." She looked like she was trying to diffuse a bomber, or shooter of some kind. That's exactly what I'd become. I was an emotional time bomb. Everything suppressed and contained, until it leaked. And when it leaked it busted out anguish and anger like a dam break. Emotions that fueled the fires that had burned my house down. I breathed deeply, shakily, inside the spirit version of myself, while Renesmee shook out tiny flickers of heat from her fingers. Wherever the tiny flames landed, the dampness beneath them hissed.
"Come on kiddo, we have to get back to the Cullen's house, before Alice sends out a search party."
She drove us in silence while I floated along in the passenger seat. I was going to have to take this training very seriously. I was glad that I'd had such impressive success with the first night of training, I'd certainly need it to help contain the stupid monstrosity that was my newfound ability to create dangerous house fires. The last thing I needed to do was burn down another house. Someone could get injured next time.
I noticed that, although we were driving, it was not to the Cullen house. It was to La Push.
"I thought you said we couldn't see Jacob yet." I clarified.
"We can't. I'm picking something up." We pulled up outside of the reservation tourist shop. The one the Clearwater's ran if memory served. I watched myself clamber out quickly, grabbing money from the dashboard of the car. I hadn't known that was in there. Renesmee really had done a lot of exploring. She walked into the shop, and I followed her.
"Bella! Good morning. A little early, isn't it?" Sue's voice chimed from over the counter.
"Yeah a little bit. It's looking nice out there today though." I heard myself respond. I was busy looking around the store. I remembered coming here as a kid, Charlie always offering to buy me anything that suited my fancy. I'd always walked out with books.
"What brings you here?" she asked politely, but curiously. I watched in mild panic as Renesmee smiled with my mouth and pointed to a pack of cigarettes behind the counter. Sue, was as unprepared as I for the shopping decision. I at least had the privacy of being in a spirit body to hide my shock.
"Are you... sure?" she asked, as she reached back.
"Yes ma'am. And I would appreciate it if my dad didn't find out. I'm a little stressed out, you know?" Renesmee said, "Keep the change."
Sue nodded her head, still looking perplexed as she handed over the pack. Not one of the three of us spoke as I watched my body leave, and get into our rented car. Renesmee unwrapped the packet and pulled out a cigarrette. She held it flat in her palm as she sat in the drivers seat. I nearly dropped it when I found myself back in my own body.
"Okaaaay?" I managed.
"Keep it in your pocket. Keep it close. We'll work on it tomorrow." Renesmee smiled. "Now - head back to the vamp squad, before they spill that we haven't been home all night."