Eleven and the fam react to Death in Heaven. Once again, it was funnier four years ago.
oOo
Amy: So, is this going to take long?
Rory: He said he's got to go persuade them and get snacks. "Five minutes".
Amy: Yeah, I remember last time he promised five minutes…
Rory: Ouch!
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11: Okay, come on, everybody out!
2: But we want to see…
11: You can watch it elsewhere! Please!
3: Young man, we wholeheartedly approve of your family outings, but you're inconveniencing all of us.
11: Come on, it's my birthday!
10: It's all of our birthdays!
2: And time doesn't work like that here anyway!
11: …It's our wedding anniversary with River?...
3: No, it isn't!
11: Guys, please, I promised, just this once. They want to know the whole story. And this place is the coolest!
2: Look, there's enough space, we could do this all together!
11: No, no, no, River will start flirting with all of you, and nobody will be able to watch anything! It's another thing when we're playing bingo! Oh, and by the way, you cheated last time.
10: In bingo!?
11: Yes!
10: Did not!
11: Did too!
3: Oh, there they go again, acting like five-year-olds…
2: He's right about his wife though. Remember last time with that Time Agent friend of hers?
3: Oh, goodness no!
2: Alright, we are leaving, come on.
11: Thank you! I will buy you all new bow ties!
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Rory: So, did he say why we have to wear these bow ties?
Amy: He did: "Pond, matching bow ties are even cooler!"
Rory: Well, obviously.
Amy: And something about a Bow tie Association, and River having an orange one and him being jealous?…he run off afterwards.
Rory: I suppose one proper explanation a day is his limit.
Amy: I still don't completely understand it though…
Rory: What did he say to you?
Amy: That a soul is different from an uploaded mind copy and it obviously has nothing to do with technology, and therefore it can't really be held by it and moves on. Probably.
Rory: Okay...
Amy: Although the copy is, of course, very important, just as real as the original and all that, and should be handled with care because under special circumstances you can do resurrections. Because time "knows" and keeps the soul in a stasis?...I think… And something about a Matrix. No, not the movie.
Rory: Oh.
Amy: And that it doesn't matter anyway, because once it's deleted you can still remember it in the afterlife, because it is a part of you and you merge with it; or something.
Rory: Hang on, by that logic, shouldn't he merge with his other selves?
Amy: Well, he can do it if he wants to, they're all basically him; and they do have a connection anyway. But they prefer to hang around separately, since they have different personalities. They are in a way, different people.
Rory: Personally, I think they all just enjoy the bickering.
Amy: That too.
Rory: The thing about the copy makes sense to me, though. It's like the way I remember being a Roman.
Amy: Oh, he did mention it was kind of like the alternate reality when River didn't shoot him at Lake Silencio and then I remembered both... Yeah, that makes sense, I suppose.
Rory: That is…surprisingly coherent for him.
Amy: Well, I don't think that he completely understands it himself or really knows what he's talking about. And then he started saying something about River and a library and echoes…and an impossible girl and time streams?... And I couldn't follow.
Rory: Thank God, I was a bit worried there for a second!
River: (enters) Talking about me, mum?
Amy: Yes, what is taking him so long?
11: PONDS! LOOK! FISH CUSTARD FLAVOURED POPCORN!
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Amy: Wait, she's the Doctor?!
11: No, she isn't!...I think…
Rory: You think?
River: Sweetie, she's not even a Time Lord.
11: Chameleon Arch! Clones! Surgery! The Hairdryer of Rassilon! Take your pick!
Rory: I think… it would be safe to assume that she is bluffing?...you know?...to not get killed?
11: Oh. Well, yes, that makes sense, obviously.
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Amy: Well, of course she's wearing a bow tie.
Rory: Great, now that's what we'll be hearing all week long…
Amy: A week? I think he'll be insufferably pleased with himself for at least a month!
11: Oh, look at you people. The universe keeps throwing evidence in your faces and you keep ignoring it! Of course they're cool! Hey Kate! (waves)
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Amy: Hang on, isn't Clara still in that 3W office full of Cybermen?
Rory: I suppose…
11: Oh, by the way? Now that you mention it… Hey, idiots! I'm not trying to be a Grammar Nazi here…but technically, "Don't cremate me" is four words!"
River: Seriously?
11: If you're going to lie and evilly manipulate and deceive everyone, at least be grammatical about it, those people can do nothing right!
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11: Really, what's with everyone around here and handcuffs, honestly!
River: Oh, I don't know, I think she's got the right idea!
Rory: Okay, leaving!
Amy: Oh, come on! (drags him back down)
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11: Blimey, how does he drink that thing?!
River: You know, new taste buds and all…
11: Yes, I know, but still! Any more sugar and he'll bloody regenerate!
3: Ha! He knows what he's doing. It's delicious! And it gives him the necessary energy that every Doctor needs! Well. Looking at the way you move, you wouldn't, I suppose, we don't need you dancing around giggling and licking the walls…
11: How-what are you doing here?!
3: Forgot my drink. Your predecessor makes quite the banana daiquiris! I really ought to ask him for the recipe, sometime. Cheers for the new fellow! (Tips glass at 12 and leaves)
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(laughter)
11: Oh, come on!
(more laughter)
11: It's not that funny!
(much more laughter)
11: Rory, you're spilling the popcorn everywhere!
(much, much more laughter)
11: Et tu Amy, seriously?
Amy: OH GOD, YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF THE WHOLE EA-AHA HA HA HAAA!
River: "Elect an idiot!" Aww, don't worry, you're still cute!
11: Right-
Rory: Those poor people are so doomed, aren't they…
Amy: LOOK AT THE EXPRESSION ON HIS FAAACE!
11: Ponds, you're hurting my feelings. I'll have you know I was president on Gallifrey!
River: Oh, so that's how the Time War started!
11: NOT. FUNNY.
(laughter)
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All together: OSGOOD! NOOOOOO!
11: Seriously, I'll come down there and go Oncoming Storm on your arse!
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River: That fall had style, though.
11: It was okay. Come on, anyone could do it. He didn't even say "geronimo"!
River: Sweetie, you're just jealous. And you'd have been flapping around like a giant penguin shot from a slingshot.
11: I wouldn't have!
River: Seen you.
11: Just-just because you've got practice…
Amy: Well, we all do here…
11: Pond, that is not funny.
Amy: Little bit. Dragged Rory to a bungee-jumping event in the early 60s.
Rory: It wasn't that bad in the end. (shrugs) Really.
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Amy: That is so sad.
Rory: I know…(hugs)
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All together: KATE! YES!
11: Ah, thank God!
Rory: Okay, that was moving. And I haven't even met the man.
River: He looks so weird saluting anyone, though.
11: I know!
Amy: You know, you should go see him. You could do it too.
Rory: Yeah, better late than never, right?
11: Oh, don't worry. I'm glad he got the chance, but I really don't need to, Ponds. I did that 5 times first day I got here.
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11: Well, of course she was lying, what did you expect? (sigh) Serves me right for Rule 1, I suppose.
River: Oh, Sweetie…(hugs)
11: Hey, hey, I know you're upset, but no need to take it out on Sexy, alright?!
River: Bet she's feeling sad too…
11: You have no idea...Oh, Old Girl…
Amy: They both seriously need a hug.
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11: NO. NONE OF YOU IS OKAY. STOP LYING TO EACH OTHER LIKE IDIOTS. Oh, yes, I forgot, silly me, YOU ARE AN IDIOT! Come on, Clara, what's your excuse?!
Amy: That's gotta be the most depressing hug I have ever seen.
Rory: Yep.
11: Dammit, Twelve! You had one job! Nice going, now you'll both be miserable, see if I care!
Amy: You do.
11: Well, of course I do!
River: Well, things haven't gone exactly his way…
11: I told you to find Gallifrey and take care of Clara! So far you're failing spectacularly on both fronts!
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Rory: Was-was that Santa?!
11: Well. Ah. Yes, obviously.
Rory: But... he's not real!
11: Honestly, Rory, after all you've been through, would it surprise you so much?
Rory: But… He can't be!
Amy: Why? Robin Hood was.
Rory: Yes, but-
River: That doesn't mean anything, he could still be an alien, an impersonator, a shape shifter…
11: What I don't get, is why he is so surprised! Come on, we've met Jeff several times! We've got pictures together! Once, he even gave me a new sonic as a present!
River: Well, it has been about a thousand years since last visit… Maybe he's forgotten?
11: How do you forget Santa?!
Amy: I see it more as: "What the hell are you doing in my TARDIS, go away, I wanna be miserable, grrr!"
11: Well, don't you dare! You be as miserable as you like, but Clara's miserable too, and We. Are not. Having. That!
River: You tell him, Sweetie!
11: You're gonna get out of your funk, solve this mess, help Clara, go make toys with the elves if you like, save Christmas! Clear? Good!
Rory: Seriously though, the amount of strange crap that happens on Christmas…isn't it weird?
11: Tell me about it! I've died twice!
Amy: Well, (pulls out laptop), according to TV Tropes, "Horror Doesn't Settle for Simple Tuesday".
11: Oh, no, no, Pond, what did I tell you, not TV Tropes, you'll be there for a week!
Amy: (shrugs) All the time in the world!
11: That is no excuse!
Rory: Hey, you know you've got your own page?
11: I do?
Amy: Yeah, there it is (clicks).
11: Ooooh, it's an index, love an index! (scrolls down) I AM NOT A "COVERT PERVERT"!
River: Yes you are.
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There is only one thing we say to serious matters. Not today!
To be concluded...