Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012 Fanfiction
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the TMNT franchise in any way, shape, or form. No money is being made. This is just a labor of love for the series. Please don't sue me, Viacom!
Alternate Universe fic.
Warning: Only references to very mature themes in this one. If that makes you uncomfortable, please don't continue past the line below.
A/N: Hello, everyone! Welcome back! :D I do hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. It is one of my favorites, even though it STILL makes me cry. :') This chapter is officially the longest chapter yet with this story. Apparently, I am incapable of writing short chapters now. ^^; I hope you guys don't mind. I, honestly, love this chapter too. It's got some very sad moments, but it's also got some really tender ones between the brothers. I really do hope you guys like it as much as I do.
Chapter 14
Michelangelo buzzed around the kitchen in an excited flurry of activity. Today was the day! It had been three days since Donatello had woken up and Splinter finally felt that their brother had recovered enough to be allowed on his feet. Their sensei warned them that Donnie would still have to take it easy and that he needed their help to make sure that Donnie did so. It was a challenge that Mikey happily accepted. He was simply thrilled to have Donnie up and about again. He had just finished washing and slicing some fruit when Master Splinter walked in. "Good morning, Sensei!" he said with a smile.
Splinter looked at his youngest and smiled in return. "Ohayo, Michelangelo. I didn't expect to see you for another hour," the ninja master replied as he filled a teapot with some water and set it on the stove to heat.
Mikey beamed and laughed. "I wanted to get an early start on breakfast. First solid meal Donnie's had since we got him home and I'm gonna make sure it's awesome!"
Splinter chuckled quietly while he fetched some tea leaves. "I'm certain Donatello will be pleased to be able to eat something other than soup."
"Oh yeah!" Mikey blinked as he watched Splinter nearly overfill the teapot's strainer. "Um…Sensei…are you alright?"
"Mm? Oh, yes, my son. I'm fine," Splinter promised the turtle before he sighed. "I'm just a little tired. Your brother's sleep has not been very restful of late."
"Bad dreams?" Mikey asked, his eye ridges furrowing in concern. Splinter closed his eyes and nodded. "How long has he been having them?"
"Ever since he regained consciousness. Though, I suspect he was having them long before then. We were just so focused on his fever that we didn't recognize them for what they were," Splinter replied quietly.
Mikey swallowed hard at this news. He'd hoped that everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be once they'd gotten Donnie home. "Maybe he'll sleep better in his own bed?" he suggested.
Splinter regarded Michelangelo for a moment. "It's possible that more familiar surrounding will help. After all, the four of you have not shared a room with me since you were four. However, I'm ill at ease about leaving him to sleep on his own all night."
His youngest didn't even hesitate for a heartbeat. "I'll watch him! My room's right next to his. I'll totally be able to hear if he's having a bad one."
Splinter smiled faintly at Mikey's enthusiasm. "Michelangelo, unless you sleep like the dead, there is no possible way for you to miss his 'bad ones,'" he said before looking towards the dojo, his ears lifting to attention. He set down the teacup he'd chosen and exited the room without another word.
Mikey silently watched Splinter leave before swallowing nervously. He really wished he knew what was going on. It hadn't been long after Donatello had woken up that everyone started picking up on how quiet he'd become. Sure, Donnie going quiet whenever he was upset was nothing new. He'd done it after the Kraang had taken over Metalhead and tried to kill them with it…same with after Timothy had gotten mutated. But this was different. It made his normal quietness seem earsplitting. "Maybe he's just gloomy about being stuck in Splinter's room? Yeah! That's it! He'll get better once he can start doing stuff again," Mikey convinced himself. "And I know just the thing to cheer him up!" He quickly dug a tin out of the pantry and set about preparing Donnie's most favorite thing in the world.
Splinter slowly opened the door to his room. At first, all seemed quiet. Perhaps he had heard wrong. He was just about to return to the kitchen when he heard a soft moan. It made him hesitate. He looked at where Donatello was sleeping to see his son's brow crease as he made another whimper. The ninja master sighed softly before coming into the room, closing the door behind him. He moved over to the chest of drawers that was off in the corner and busied himself with sifting through the items within. His first instinct had been to wake Donnie up, but he resisted it. Donatello needed to face his demons and he couldn't do that if his well-meaning father woke him every time he suffered through a nightmare. With a little luck, this one would stay small and pass without further incident.
His eyes closed in heartache when Donatello sobbed in his sleep. He turned around and his frown intensified as he watched Donnie struggle under his covers. "No! No, please! PLEASE!" Donnie tearfully implored his assailant.
He couldn't do it. It was one thing to hear his son whimper quietly but he couldn't stand to listen to him beg for mercy knowing that the dream would show none. Splinter hurried to Donnie's side and gently shook him. "Donatello. Wake up. Wake up, my son!"
"NO!" Donnie screamed while he surged straight up on the futon, making Splinter lean back. His eyes were wild with terror and he desperately scanned the room for his attacker. Panic became confusion when his eyes settled on Splinter. "S-S-Sensei?" he questioned unsurely as the dream started to fade and he tried to get his breathing back under control.
"Yes, Donatello. You're safe. It was just a dream," Splinter tried to reassure Donnie while resting his hands on the turtle's shoulders.
Donatello looked relieved before his expression became pained. He drew his knees up to his plastron, rested his elbows on them, and cupped his hands over his nose and mouth. His eyes squeezed shut as tightly as they could while he sighed shakily. "I'm sorry, Master Splinter. Did I wake you again?"
"No. I was already awake when it started." Splinter watched Donnie tremble while he tried to fight down the aftermath of the dream. He gently shifted a hand to rest it behind Donatello's head. "My son. Nightmares are to be expected after what you were subjected to. There is no shame in them. However, they will not get better if you continue to hold everything in. You must allow yourself to feel. It is the only way you will move past this."
As Splinter spoke, Donnie shook his head and tried to make himself as small as possible without retreating into his shell. He didn't want to feel what was threating to escape. All he wanted to do was take everything that was simmering inside, lock it into the smallest corner of his mind, and destroy the key. "With all due respect Sensei, I just want to forget it ever happened," he said hoarsely, shoving back the tears that were trying their best to slip past his guard.
Splinter quietly sighed at this. It was not the answer he'd hoped for but he nodded respectfully none the less. "It is not something I can make you do if you don't want to," he told Donnie as he stood up and moved back over to the chest of drawers so he could gather up a small bundle he'd put together earlier. "Even if it was within my power to do so, I wouldn't." He carried the bundle to Donatello and set it beside him. "You have had enough forced upon you already."
Donnie looked out of the corner of his eyes at what his father had brought over. A weak smile touched his face when he saw the purple strip of cloth that kept the rest of the set tied together. He carefully shifted himself out from under the blankets so he could kneel in front of the package. Before anything else could happen, there was a knock at the door. "Master Splinter! You forgot your tea!" Mikey called from the other side.
"Ah, yes, Michelangelo. Thank you. Set it to the side for now. I will get to it in a few moments," Splinter returned, allowing a small smile to enter his voice.
"Hai, Sensei!"
Donatello swallowed hard as he listened to Mikey's departure. "Do…" he choked on the rest of the sentence. He cleared his throat so he could continue and even then his voice was little more than a croak. "Do they know?"
Splinter slowly shook his head. "It seems they haven't realized it on their own and I have not told them. I felt that you had…that you needed the right to decide if they should be. That being said, I encourage you to tell them, my son."
"No," Donnie hurriedly said while shaking his head vigorously enough to almost set himself off balance. His eyes squeezed closed against the mental image of his brothers and April looking at him with disgust and pity. "They don't need to know."
"I understand how you must feel. But this is not something you should deal with on your own. Your brothers and April…they are concerned about you. They want to help. If it will make you more comfortable, I can tell them for you," Splinter suggested in an effort to calm his troubled son.
"THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW!" Donnie snarled, slamming his hands on the floor in front of him in a sudden explosion of anger. He gasped when he realized that he'd just snapped at Splinter. "I-I-I'm s-s-sorry, Sensei!" he timidly apologized while bowing low enough to touch his head to the floor.
Seeing Donatello practically kowtowing before him made Splinter's heart tighten painfully. "My son, I have never hurt you for speaking your mind before and I don't intend to start now," he said softly as he knelt down in front of Donnie and tried to get him to straighten back up. Even after he'd managed it, Donnie kept his eyes firmly on the floor between them.
"Sensei. Please. I-I don't want them to know," Donnie begged, his voice tremulous.
Splinter swallowed hard at the unshed tears brimming in Donnie's eyes. "If that is what you truly wish, then I will accept your decision." Donnie made a shuddering sigh while closing his eyes; a few tears were pushed out and he hastily wiped them away. "You can always change your mind. Please, remember that. Also remember that I will be here if you decide you need to talk," he told his second youngest as he reached out a hand to gently remove the lingering fragments of tear trails. After Donnie nodded meekly in acknowledgment of his words, he returned to his feet. "It is nearly time for practice. Feel free to join us when you are ready."
"Hai, Sensei," Donnie said, lowering his head in a deep bow. He stayed in that position while he listened to Splinter's soft footfalls. His father was nearly at the door when he spoke again, "Sensei?" Splinter looked over his shoulder at the turtle. "Thank you."
The ninja master allowed a very small smile. "Of course, my son."
Once he heard the bedroom door quietly open and close, Donnie opened his eyes and lifted them to the ceiling with a heavy sigh. Now that he was alone again, he had this overwhelming urge to crawl into the futon, go back to sleep, and never wake up again. It certainly would be easier than facing what lay before him. He swallowed hard and quickly stifled the urge before it had a chance to develop any further. "Yes. Roll over and die, Donatello. Show everyone what an abysmal waste of time it was to rescue your sorry shell. PATHETIC!" he viciously berated himself, nearly bringing tears to his eyes once more. He returned his gaze to the bundle in front of him. "You'll never put this behind you if you don't get up and start making yourself useful." He carefully untied the purple cloth and slid the material over his fingers until he located the eye holes.
Michelangelo could tell that something had happened to change Splinter's mood because their sensei was no longer just tired. He was disappointed and concerned on top of being tired. Mikey was sure that it had something to do with Donnie and he worried about his brother. "Is everything OK, Master Splinter?" he couldn't help but ask their father.
Splinter took a slow sip of his tea before he regarded his youngest. His eyes closed briefly as he carefully considered what to say. When he finally spoke, Mikey could feel the urgency behind the words. "The coming days will be very difficult for Donatello, Michelangelo. His spirit has been wounded far worse than his body. And it will take that much longer to heal. This will also be a challenging time for you and your brothers. I ask that you give him your patience and understanding. It will be tempting to try and press him into opening up to you. However-"
"Donnie needs to be the one that decides to tell us, right Sensei? We CAN'T make him do it," Mikey quietly interrupted Splinter, surprising the ninja master.
Their father stared at Mikey for several minutes before a small but heartened smile graced his features. "Yes. That is precisely what I was trying to say."
"You got it, Master Splinter," Mikey said with a nod. Their father smiled a little more before he returned his attention to his tea and his own thoughts. Mikey swallowed hard as he went back to preparing breakfast. He thought about what Splinter was asking of them. It wasn't going to be easy. They all wanted to know what had happened to make Donnie withdraw from them so much. Mikey knew he had a bad habit of pestering Donnie whenever he wanted something from the taller turtle. So did Leo and Raph…just in their own way. But the way Splinter spoke made Mikey worry that pushing Donnie into telling them before he was ready would only make him retreat even further from them. Mikey's hand clenched around the utensil he was using until its handle creaked in protest. He couldn't let that happen; he decided then and there that it didn't matter how hard it was going to be. If waiting for him to decide to talk to them was what Donnie needed to get better, then that was exactly what Mikey was going to do.
It wasn't long before Leonardo came into the kitchen. Leo was surprised to find that Mikey had beaten him there. The two of them usually woke up around the same time. "You must have gotten up really early, Mikey," he said with a grin which Mikey returned. "Is Donnie up yet?"
Mikey questioningly looked at Splinter. "He is awake, but I am unsure if he will be joining us today. He has had...a trying morning," the ninja master answered. Leo looked downward and sighed very disappointedly.
"That's too bad. I was really looking forward to seeing him on his feet," Raphael said as he and April came into the room.
"Me too," April quietly added. She'd hoped that being able to get up would help him become more like himself. Donnie had become more withdrawn than April had ever seen him. It was as though his mind was still trapped in that cell. She couldn't help but worry about him.
"Come now, my pupils," Splinter said as he stood up from the table. "It is time for morning practice."
"Hai, Sensei," the four of them replied dejectedly. Once they reached the dojo, their mood lifted.
There was Donatello, all geared up and standing just in front of the tree where he was wincing his way through a set of stretches. He stopped when he saw them come in. Then he put his hand behind his head and gave them a small, sheepish smile. "Just figured I'd try and get a head start on limbering up before practice. I'm…I'm a little stiff and I didn't want to hold anyone back," he explained. He didn't get to say anything further because Mikey charged over. He jerked in alarm and had to fight down a horrifying impulse to lash out at the smaller turtle. When his little brother plucked him off his feet, hoisting him up in a massive bear hug, he did his best to not stiffen up completely.
"We're just happy to see you, Donnie," Leo said while he and April came over to greet the taller turtle. Raph chose to stay back with his arms folded across his plastron and a troubled frown on his face. Leo placed his hand on Donnie's shoulder once Mikey had put him down. "We weren't sure you'd be up to training today."
Donnie swallowed a bit and looked downward. "I…I have to get back into the swing of things sooner or later." He returned his eyes to Leo and tried to smile again for his eldest brother. "And I'd much rather it be sooner." Leo, Mikey, and April grinned happily. Even Raph seemed a little more at ease after this glimmer of the old Donnie.
"I know you would, Donatello," Splinter said as he approached the young ninjas. "However, I would rather you work on your strengthening exercises for now."
"But Sensei, I'm-"
"Well enough to resume your training…but you are not back to your full capabilities. You must rebuild your strength before you can spar with your brothers again," Splinter stressed to Donnie. "Do not push yourself too hard. It will only delay your recovery."
Donnie looked stricken for a second before he suppressed it and lowered his head submissively. "Hai, Sensei," he replied weakly. As much as he hated to admit it, it was unreasonable for him to expect to jump back into training as though nothing happened. However, accepting that fact didn't make hearing it hurt any less.
He started to move off to the side so that the others could have the majority of the dojo when April grabbed his hand. She pulled him to a stop and he looked at her quizzically. "You'll be back to normal in no time, Donnie. I know you will," she tried to reassure him. He blinked a couple of times before his fingers curled around her hand. His small smile returned and he nodded quietly. She smiled back and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting him go so that they both could train.
By the time morning training was nearly over, Donatello was exhausted. Sweat dripped off the end of his nose as he braced himself against the dojo wall. He could tell that tomorrow he was going to pay for pushing himself as much as he had. Certain parts of his body were already cussing him out. He didn't remember his strengthening drills ever taking quite this much out of him. Was it because he had been out of commission for so long?
He forced himself to straighten back up and wiped the sweat from his face. He couldn't let it discourage him; he had to get back to full strength as soon as possible! Splinter hadn't called for an end to training yet, so Donnie decided to sneak in a few of his katas. Everything seemed to be going fine until he got to the kicks. Even though it had been complaining all morning, he ignored his right leg's protests and went to pivot on it so he could do a roundhouse kick. It was a rookie mistake and if Donatello wasn't being so pigheaded about getting back to normal he would have known better. Sharp pain shot from his leg, ripping all the oxygen from his lungs. He collapsed to the dojo floor with a sickening thud.
Everyone immediately stopped training to look. The purple clad turtle lay where he fell, clutching at his leg as he gulped air. "Donnie!" Mikey yelped and rushed over to his brother with April following close behind. "Donnie? You OK?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm fine," Donnie hissed out while trying to get his legs back under him.
Mikey rested a hand on Donnie's arm. "Are you sure? You don't seem that-"
"I SAID I'M FINE!" Donatello snapped, pulling a startled squeak from Michelangelo and making him lurch back into April. The two of them stared at Donnie, their blue eyes wide with shocked confusion. Donnie glared at them both for a few moments longer before his sudden anger dwindled. Once it had, he deflated like a balloon that had just sprung a slow leak. First, he'd almost attacked his little brother without provocation and now this? "I-I'm…I'm sorry," he murmured miserably, shame twisting itself around his heart.
That was all it took to calm Mikey. "It's cool, bro! But promise you'll leave the angry outbursts to Raph from now on," Mikey replied with a laugh. His cheerfulness faded when Donnie turned his head away. Donnie was clearly not willing to forgive himself quite so easily. Mikey moved to give his brother a soothing hug only to have Donnie press a hand against his plastron.
Donnie shook his head and slid away from Mikey and April until he'd settled against the dojo wall. His actions just made his brother and friend look even more worried about him than they already were. Just past them, Leo and Raph were watching with the same concern engraved onto their faces. It made his stomach do flips. He could tell that soon…soon the questions would come; questions Donatello didn't want to answer.
Splinter cleared his throat to try and draw everyone's attention off of Donnie. "That is enough practice for now. Let us go and enjoy the breakfast Michelangelo has worked so hard to prepare." Leonardo and Raphael were reluctant to leave, but they quietly obeyed their sensei.
April wasn't nearly as compliant. "That was a bad fall, Donnie. Let me take a look at your leg. Make sure you're alright," she appealed to her friend as she edged closer to him. She looked stunned and then hurt when Donnie put out a hand to keep her at bay.
Mikey grasped April's shoulder and used it to tug her away from his brother. "If Donnie says he's good, he's good," Mikey said with what he hoped was a believable smile. He hauled himself back to his feet, pulling April up with him. "Let's go eat! I'm starving!" he said while he herded April towards the door.
"Ok! Ok, Mikey! You don't need to get so pushy!" April griped at him. She gave Donnie one last uneasy glance and swallowed hard when he refused to meet her gaze.
After April had left, Michelangelo returned his attention to Donatello. He'd never seen Donnie quite like this. Not to mention that Donnie had never denied him a hug before. It all really upset him. He wanted so badly to convince Donnie to trust him with what had happened. "No. I won't do that," he told himself while he took a centering breath. "Sensei says Donnie needs us to be patient with him. And that's what I'm gonna do." Mikey smiled encouragingly when his brother finally, tentatively, looked back at him. He reached a hand down to Donnie. "Don't worry so much, Donnie," he said gently, trying to reassure his brother. "It's all good!" Just when he started to think that Donnie was going to bat his hand away, the taller turtle accepted it. His smile broadened happily and he pulled Donnie back to his feet.
Once he was up, Donnie leaned against the wall while he waited for his leg to stop throbbing enough for him to walk. "No, Mikey," he said weakly, firmly fixing his eyes back to the floor. "It's not."
Mikey's smile fell for a moment but he buoyed it back up. "Then it will be," he declared confidently. Donnie snapped wide, incredulous eyes back to him. "I know it will. Until then, I'm here, bro. Always will be." He carefully moved closer to Donnie and presented his shoulder.
Donnie stared into Mikey's honest blue eyes until his vision misted up. He forced back the building tears before managing a frail smile. Then he clasped a hand onto the offered shoulder so that he could use his brother as a brace. "Thanks, Mikey," he said quietly. Donnie didn't think his little brother's smile could get any bigger and seeing it bolstered his own.
Splinter stroked his beard as he watched his youngest sons leave the dojo. "It seems that I may have advised the wrong turtle to have patience," he thought before he followed them. He would have to ensure that Donatello took the time he needed to become whole again. Mere physical recovery was not enough.
Leo's irked voice could be heard just beyond the kitchen doorway as Mikey and Donnie approached. "Cool off, Raph! I'm worried about him too, but we need to take a step back on this. After what he's been though, Donnie not wanting to be touched is nothing to freak out over. He probably just needs some space."
"What happened just now is not the only thing that's off! Donnie came this close to belting Mikey before practice. He tried to cover it, but I know you saw it too, Leo. There's no way YOU missed that!" Raph shot back.
Mikey's eyes widened and he looked at Donnie. He'd been so excited to see his smartest brother this morning that he'd totally missed anything like that. Surely Raph was just seeing things. He watched as Donnie's expression filled with guilt and he hung his head, proving that Raph wasn't being paranoid. Mikey could feel a pain building in his chest. "Why would Donnie do something like that? Did he think I was gonna hurt him? But…he has to know that I would NEVER do that!" He quickly took another deep breath. "Patience and understanding." Instead of putting the questions he wanted to ask into words, Mikey gently rested a hand on top of the one Donnie had on his shoulder. He felt his brother twitch at his touch before he looked at him. Mikey gave Donnie another optimistic smile that just made the taller turtle's eyes visibly tear up before they blinked the moisture away.
"Mikey just spooked him," April spoke up. "We may not know exactly what happened to Donnie in that Kraang base, but it's a pretty safe bet that being rushed at was a bad thing."
"That's my point!" Raph growled. "We know he was tortured, but beyond that we know nothing. Something else happened to him in there…something he's trying to hide from us. And it's eating him alive! That's why we've gotta find out what it is!" Mikey's smile plummeted and he glowered at the kitchen. He could feel Donnie's hand quivering beneath his and he gave it a comforting squeeze. No way was he going to let Raph bully Donnie on his first day back!
Thankfully he didn't have to come to Donnie's defense because Leo beat him to it. "Leave him alone, Raph. Donnie's already had a rough day today. He doesn't need you busting his shell!" Mikey heard Raph grumbling, but he couldn't make out what was being said. He had a feeling that he didn't really want to know.
Meanwhile, Donnie wanted to be as far away from Raph as possible. "I-I'm not…I'm not really all that hungry, Mikey," Donnie spoke up, making Mikey turn to him in shock. "I-I think I'll go work on something in my lab."
Before Donnie had a chance to pull away, Splinter's hand rested on his shoulder. "You must eat if you are going to heal, my son," the ninja master said. Donnie looked at Splinter imploringly before lowering his eyes to the floor in defeat and nodding. He knew he couldn't afford to hinder his recovery by doing something as foolish as not eating. Splinter gently gripped Donnie's shoulder for a moment. Then he guided both of his youngest sons into the kitchen.
The remnants of the argument that was raging only moments ago died the second Donnie walked into the room. When he saw how Donatello looked, Raphael swallowed hard against a sudden flood of regret. Their brother must have heard them talking and now he was clearly nervous about being in the same room with them. The reaction only served to strengthen Raph's resolve to figure out what Donnie was hiding from them. However, it also made Raph realize, even though he hated to admit it, how right Leonardo was. Raph did his best to stow his frustration and walked over to his little brothers. He could see Donnie tensing up, so he gave the taller turtle what he hoped was a reassuring smile. When the anxious look on Donnie's face didn't budge he knew that he hadn't quite managed it. He hated trying to be gentle; he was never good at it. "Hey Mikey, why don't you go fix Donnie a plate? I'll help him to the table," Raph suggested. He was startled by the suspicious scowl Michelangelo shot him but fortunately, his baby brother nodded and moved so he could take over being Donnie's brace.
"Actually, Raph…I think I can make it myself now," Donnie quietly suggested. Raph blinked but his smile became more genuine. He stepped aside to give Donne space but he didn't completely back off. Instead, he walked alongside Donnie so that if the taller turtle lost his footing Raph could catch him before he hit the ground. His smile got a touch relieved watching Donnie limp his way to the table. That stubborn determination was more like the Donatello he knew. Once Donnie had settled himself at the table, Raph reached over to give him a quick noogie.
Donnie flinched and yelped at the sudden friction. He stared at Raph in confusion until he saw the roguish smirk on Raph's face. Somehow, that expression calmed Donnie's nerves more than Raph's attempt at being soothing and the small smile he'd managed to summon up for Mikey earlier returned with a little more confidence. A quiet cough made him look to his right. April had changed seats so that she could sit next to him. A worried frown pulled at her face. "Are you…sure you're alright, Donnie?" she couldn't keep herself from asking him.
He looked downward for a moment. No…he wasn't alright, but he couldn't let her know that. He'd worried them all enough already. Besides, maybe…maybe if he said it enough even he would start to believe it. "I'm sure, April," he said as he looked back at her while trying to give a little more life to his smile. "I'm fine. Sorry I worried you so much."
"No! It's OK. You have nothing to apologize for," she told him. "I, on the other hand, have everything to apologize for," she thought as she watched him lowers his gaze from hers again. The sorrow in his eyes that he was trying so desperately to hide from them…it was all her fault that it was there. She was just about to say as much when Mikey interrupted them.
"Here you go, Donnie! Eat up!" the orange clad turtle said in a chipper tone as he set a plate down in front of his older brother.
"Thanks, Mikey. I really appreciate all the…" Donnie started to say but stopped short when he saw what Mikey had brought him. "…trouble you went to." There was a long pause as Donnie stared at his plate with huge eyes. He quickly turned that stunned expression to Mikey. "This…this is all for me?" he questioned, the disbelief loud and clear in his voice.
Mikey blinked in confusion. "Of course, bro. Why wouldn't it be?" He watched as Donnie's eyes managed to get even bigger before he stared back down at the plate. "Something wrong with it? No prob! I'll get you another!" Mikey cheerfully said as he reached for his brother's plate.
"NO!" Donnie shouted and hurriedly hunched himself over his food. When he realized that everyone was staring at him, he felt his face go hot. "I-I-It's just…" he stuttered awkwardly as he straightened up so he could look at the plate in wonder. "I'd forgotten what a normal portion looks like."
"Dude! How much were they feeding you?" Raph exclaimed. He'd never seen anyone get so distraught about having a plate taken away.
Donnie swallowed nervously; he'd unwittingly opened the door. He couldn't very well slam it shut again that quickly. Not without arousing too much suspicion. "It's not too bad a question. Maybe if I answer some questions about the little things it will satisfy their curiosity enough to keep them from asking more…difficult ones." After an analyzing moment, he brought his hands up and shaped them until they formed a circle less than half the size of the plate in front of him. He kept his hands in that position, raising them so that he could peer at Raph through the circle. "About this much once a day," he gingerly answered.
Raphael looked truly appalled. "How are you alive?" Leonardo asked in not much more than a whisper before Raph could say another word. "You haven't eaten like that since before you hit puberty. And even then it was more than once a day."
Donatello's eye ridges drew together as he brought his hand to his face thoughtfully. "At least, Horse told me it was for the day. I don't see why he would lie about that. It was my only way of telling time and each, for lack of a better word, feeding felt too far apart to only be a few hours."
"That doesn't make it LESS disturbing, Donnie," Raph said sourly. Donnie shrank a bit before he meekly turned his eyes back to his plate.
"What Donatello was given was probably just enough to keep him alive," Splinter quietly explained. "Such a thing is not an uncommon tactic. It keeps the captive weak and less able to attempt escape. Withholding food in exchange for information is also a possibility."
"Horse didn't do that," Donnie feebly spoke up even though he kept his eyes down. "It was a line he didn't seem willing to cross."
Raph snorted loudly. "Oh, how nice. A monster with a conscience," he snarled out with a healthy dose of contempt. "Not much of one from what I saw."
"Yes, Raphael," Splinter said, a slight growl coloring his normally composed voice. He reached out a hand to soothingly stroke it down Donnie's head. The distress this conversation was starting to bring Donatello was obvious. His expression darkened when his son reflexively cringed from his touch. "This…Horse…does not have many reservations at all."
"Is that seriously that mutant's name?" Mikey asked, trying to change the topic, if only a little bit, so that Donnie could have a chance to calm down. His brother looked up at him for a moment before nodding timidly. "Jeez! I didn't think that bad guy names could get any lamer than the Rat King!" A bright grin spread onto his face when Donnie looked startled and then began a soft chuckle.
"Mikey, it's the Kraang. What did you expect?" April asked with a smile. It was so nice to hear Donnie laugh again. Even though she really wanted to know more about what happened to him, she was much more interested in keeping him from retreating into his mind like he had been doing so much.
"Something better than THAT!" Mikey declared.
His little brother's antics coaxed another chuckle from Donnie. "Well, what did YOU call him? I'm sure you named him something."
Mikey beamed proudly as he handed Donnie a set of chopsticks. "Nightmare!" he proclaimed dramatically, making Donnie blink rather stupidly. "You get it? Because he's a-"
"I get it, Mikey. Really, I do," Donnie quickly interrupted. "But…um…you do realize that a mare is a FEMALE horse, don't you?" April covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. Donatello, Mr. 'It's important to be accurate', would be the one to not let that go so easily.
"Really?" Donnie nodded. "Oh. Well, what's a boy horse then?"
"A stallion."
"Nightstallion," Mikey tested before pouting. "That doesn't work! You sure he's a dude?"
Donnie flinched before he could stop himself. He hastily tried to cover it. "Yeah. I-I'm sure."
Leo, Raph, and April furrowed their eyebrows at Donnie's abrupt subdued tone. The way he said that really bothered them but Mikey didn't give them a chance to question it. "Well, I'm not calling him something as boring as 'Horse'. I like 'Nightmare' so that's what I'm calling him!" Mikey stated defiantly.
Donnie smiled as he adjusted his grip on his chopsticks. "That's your call, Mikey. I certainly won't stop you," he said, quietly thankful for Mikey's ability to distract him. He was equally thankful when Mikey dropped the topic of Horse entirely to chatter on about the latest episode of his super sentai show. This allowed Donnie to focus on the task of deciding just where to start on the embarrassment of riches in front of him. Once he had, he dove into his meal with such gusto that he almost choked himself.
"Slow down, Donnie! It's not gonna go anywhere!" April tried to reassure her friend when he burst into a coughing fit.
"I know! But…it's…it's all so good that I…I just can't help myself!" Donnie managed to get out in between coughs. April's eyes widened before she smiled sadly at him.
"OH! I almost forgot!" Mikey suddenly said as he rushed over to a set of cabinets. When he came back to Donnie, he set a white pill in front of him. "Here's your medicine, bro!"
Donnie glared at the pill as though it had affronted him somehow. He didn't want to stop eating just to take that thing! "How much longer do I need to take this stuff?" Donnie grumbled even as he obediently dosed himself. "They may be helping, but my stomach sure doesn't like them."
"You must be feeling better," Raph said with an amused smirk. "That's the first time you've complained about…anything since we got you home." A light pink colored Donnie's cheeks, making Raph and Leo grin.
"You got me, Donnie. Maybe you can figure it out?" Mikey said as he handed over the pill bottle to his more scientifically minded brother.
Donnie studied the label for a moment. "Hmm…with an antibiotic the soundest course of action would be to finish the bottle. Thus preventing any potential relapse as well as minimizing the risk of bacterial resistance. Unless, you'd rather we keep the remaining pills for treating future infections, Sensei."
Splinter shook his head. "As difficult as it is for us to acquire such medicine, I would rather you safeguard your own health, my son. However, you are the one who knows best."
Donnie hummed thoughtfully before he opened the bottle to examine the remaining pills. "I'll finish them, then. There are only four doses left anyway. That's not enough for a proper treatment course with this class of antibiotic."
Mikey tugged Donnie into a hug, making the other turtle squawk in surprise. "I so missed hearing your science talk, dude!" he exclaimed while nuzzling his brother's cheek.
All of Donnie's muscles went rigid as he struggled to contain the surge of panic at the unexpected contact and restraint. He squeezed his eyes shut so he could focus on slowing his breathing. "No! Don't…don't freak out! It's Mikey! It's…just…Mikey," he tried to drill into his head.
It didn't take long for Mikey to pick up on his brother's anxiety. He let go of the other turtle so fast you would swear that Donnie had just become a pillar of fire. "Sorry, Donnie," he apologized quietly and was relieved to see his brother relax with a heavy sigh. Mikey's relief was short-lived. He noticed Raph watching Donnie with this intense single-minded look in his eyes. "Oh jeez. That was dumb. Not only did I upset Donnie, I totally gave Raph even more of a reason to try and grill Donnie later. Come on, Raph! Just let it go, bro. Give Donnie a chance to chill!"
"It's…it's OK, Mikey. I'm sorry too," Donnie replied miserably. He hated that he was having such problems handling his little brother's spontaneity. Mikey had always been so vivacious that asking him to contain himself was like asking the Earth to stop rotating on its axis. That liveliness normally drove Donnie crazy. It inevitably meant that something of his was going to be broken, contaminated, or go missing. But while he was at Horse's mercy, every aspect of his brothers became something he'd longed for. The ones he had missed the most were Leo's composure, Raph's audacity, and Mikey's cheerfulness. Now that he was free, it broke his heart that he was unable to completely enjoy that exuberance.
Mikey could see how upset Donnie was in the way his brother had gone from chowing down on his food to picking at it. His first instinct was to hug Donnie again, but he was pretty sure that wouldn't help at all. "But…but…I can't never hug Donnie again! That's just wrong!" he thought in alarm. There had to be something he could do. His eyes narrowed thoughtfully when he remembered what Splinter told him the day they'd gotten Donnie home. 'He MUST be given a choice in this' he'd said. And again this morning, Splinter had stressed how important it was to let Donnie make his own decisions…his own choices. His eyes widened when an idea came to him. He wasn't sure if it would help, but it had to be worth a try. "Donnie? Um…can I hug you again?" he questioned unsurely as he tapped his forefingers together.
Donnie immediately looked up from his food to stare at Mikey. Just when Mikey was starting to worry that he'd made things worse, Donnie gave him the most wonderful smile Mikey had seen from his brother since he'd woken up. "I'd like that, Mikey," Donnie said while trying not to tear up. Mikey's grin could have outshone the sun. Within seconds, he had wrapped Donnie up in a wholehearted hug. Donnie sighed contentedly as he returned his little brother's affection. It may not have been the impulsive merriment Michelangelo was famous for, but it was a compromise Donatello could handle.
"It worked!" Mikey thought with glee once he'd let Donnie go so he could get back to eating. "This is awesome! I just have to remember to ask Donnie if I can hug him before I do it. That way he doesn't freak out!" Mikey grinned brightly for a few moments before he thought a little more about what he'd just discovered. "Man, doing that's gonna be harder than being patient!" he whined to himself.
Fortunately, Mikey didn't have to fret too long on what lay ahead of him. "So," Donnie began. "You guys break anything while I was gone?" he asked, pulling startled and flustered looks from the other turtles.
"What!? No! Of course not!" Raph answered a little too quickly.
"Yeah, dude! Who do you think we are?" Mikey hurriedly backed up Raph.
Donnie's eyes half lidded at them, making Mikey break into a nervous sweat. Even Raph shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. Then Donnie gave Leo a sidelong look. "The arcade cabinet?"
Leo sighed and covered his eyes as though he were in pain. "Yup."
"Late night Skullorax run?"
"Oh yeah."
"Pizza sauce or soda?"
"Both."
"Where'd it end up?"
"Everywhere."
There was a long pause. "Anything else?"
Leo grimaced. Why did Donnie have to know them so well? "The obstacle course."
"How bad?"
"Decimated."
Now it was Donatello's turn to sigh in pain. He glared at Raphael and Michelangelo, each of whom had the decency to look embarrassed. Even Leonardo, who had ratted everyone out, looked sheepish. After all, Raph had had help tearing up the obstacle course. A few moments of silence followed before a quiet chuckle worked its way out of Donnie and he shook his head. "I'll get to work after breakfast," he promised them with a gentle smile.
The others relaxed with a sigh and grinned back at him, relieved that he wasn't too mad at them. "Don't feel like you have to do it right away. You only just got back on your feet," Leo told him. He felt terrible to throw all this on Donnie so soon after they'd gotten him back. Until Donnie had brought it up, Leo had had no intention of telling him about ANY of it. "You should relax some!"
Donnie finally, truly laughed and amusement danced with the now ever-present sorrow in his eyes. "Leo. That is how I relax. Remember?"
Leo chuckled softly as he tried to lighten up some. The details and hints they'd managed to glean from Donnie about his time with the Kraang made Leo very anxious about his little brother. However, he was certain that Donnie's outburst in the dojo was a sign that he didn't want to be coddled. The least he could do was respect that. "Alright, Donnie. If you're sure."
"BUT before you do any of that!" Mikey said brightly as he hurried over to one corner of the kitchen. After a few minutes of clattering around, he came back holding a mug with the words 'My Blood Type is Coffee' emblazoned on its side. "Your favorite cup filled to the top with your favorite brew!"
Donnie grinned enough to expose the gap in his teeth. "Seriously, Mikey! You're gonna spoil me," he warned.
"Well, if you don't want it…" Mikey trailed off.
"I didn't say that," Donnie said as he eagerly reached for the cup, clasped it in both hands, and took a slow, deep breath to savor the aroma. "Man, did I miss that smell!"
"I'll bet!" Mikey laughed while he finally sat down to eat his own breakfast.
As much as he wanted to just dive into the coffee, Donnie forced himself to be cautious. It had been such a long time since he'd had anything like coffee in his stomach. What if the acidity was too much for him to handle right now? The last thing he wanted to do was make himself sick. It would be such a waste of food! He sniffed the drink more carefully this time. It seemed that Mikey had brewed it to his usual level of potency. Donnie considered watering it down some, but he worried about how that would make Mikey feel. His little brother had gone to such trouble for him…he didn't want to seem ungrateful. So, he disguised his restrained sips as savoring ones until he was certain that his stomach wouldn't rebel against him. Only then was he was able to enjoy his favorite pick-me-up in peace.
He mostly kept to himself for the rest of breakfast. April tried to coax him into a few conversations and he made a token effort for her but he really didn't feel like talking. He was content to let everyone else's words washed over him. It was a melody that he'd ached to hear for so long and he relished it far more than his coffee.
Too soon Donnie realized that couldn't eat another bite even though he'd only managed to get through half of his meal. His diet during his captivity must have caused his stomach to shrink. He rested his head on the table and looked wistfully at his plate. It was such cruel irony to finally have access to all the food he could ever want yet still be locked into eating hardly anything at all. Splinter noticed the disappointment in his second youngest's eyes and he reached out a hand to tenderly smooth it over the young ninja's head. Then he reached for the unfinished plate. "You may finish it later," he promised Donatello when the turtle started to protest the removal of his meal. "It seems that you will have to eat smaller portions more often before you can eat normally again."
Donnie sighed quietly as he watched Splinter put the rest of his meal in the fridge. "Hai, Sensei," he said submissively. Something else he would have to work on to make normal again. How much more would there be? He could feel the discouragement that wanted to settle in his chest. His eyes squeezed close as he struggled against it. He couldn't allow it in; nothing good would come of it. Instead, he focused his thoughts on something more constructive. He downed the final sip of his coffee and stood up. "Guess I'll get to work," he announced with a small smile. "I'll be at the obstacle course if anyone needs me."
He hadn't gotten more than four gingerly taken steps away from the table before Leo stood up. "Wait a sec, Donnie!" he called after his little brother. Donnie stopped to look over his shoulder. "How about an extra pair of hands?"
Both of Donnie's eye ridges arched up. "You want to help me fix the obstacle course?"
Leo chuckled at the disbelief in his brother's voice. "I meant it when I said it was demolished," he said with an embarrassed smile. "I played a part in it, so the least I should do is own up to my half of the mess, right?"
Donnie huffed amusedly before he moved off towards his lab with Leo right behind him. "You don't have to help if you really don't want to. I'm sure I can handle it no matter how bad it is," he tried to assure his eldest brother as he fetched his tool kit. He paused to rest his hand against Timothy's jar in greeting. The other mutant seemed genuinely happy to see him. He hoped his brothers hadn't forgotten to feed him while he was gone.
"I'm sure you could," Leo said as he watched Donnie shake some of the dried flakes they used to feed the Pulverizer into the gelatinous mutant's tank. "But why should you? Besides, if there is one thing I've learned from this whole ordeal…" He came up behind Donnie to rest his hand on his brother's shoulder. A troubled frown crossed his face when he felt Donnie jolt at that simple, but unexpected contact. "…it's that you are too important to not have someone who can be a stopgap until you're back in action," he continued softly when his brother turned so their eyes could meet. "I'm not asking you to teach me everything because I could NEVER replace you. And I would never want to. Just…show me enough so that you don't have quite as big a disaster to clean up should, heaven forbid, anything like this happen again."
Donnie stared at Leo in dumbfounded silence. A painful lump built in his throat. He had always teased his brothers that they would be lost without him, but this was the first time any of them had openly agreed with him. "Alright," he said after he'd gotten a handle on himself again. "If you are sure about this, I guess that the obstacle course is the best place to start. Let's do it." Leo grinned that winning smile of his and Donnie felt himself returning it.
After making sure that they had everything they needed, the two turtles headed off to the section of the sewers that their sensei had long ago established as the obstacle course. Its sheer size demanded that it be separate from the dojo and the lair, but it wasn't too long a trek away. When they walked in, Donatello could feel his eyes widen in shock. Leonardo hadn't exaggerated one iota. Ripped open sandbags littered the floor; the ceiling gears for said sandbags were jammed to heck and back; the automated katanas, in addition to being jammed, had been torn up in ways he couldn't even dare a guess; even the arrow launchers had suffered. He stared in stunned shock for several minutes before he shot Leo an indignant look. "Seriously? You guys couldn't even sew a sandbag closed?" Donnie chided.
"To be fair, we kinda tore those up yesterday…and then flaked on putting them back together," Leo admitted while rubbing the back of his neck. Donnie's eyes narrowed. "Don't worry about those! Raph and I can get them later. Let's just focus on the stuff with mechanical parts?"
Donnie nodded acceptingly before giving the room a more thorough look over. "Pretty sure the ceiling gears won't take long to fix. That means our priorities should be the katanas and the archers," he informed. Without further delay, he hauled his kit over one of the auto-katanas and cracked open its casing to see how much damage had been done to the inner workings. That was when Donnie realized that, despite the fact that he'd built the things and that he'd been fixing them for years now. Despite all of this, somehow, he had no freaking clue of how to proceed.
He stared at its guts, hoping that the answer would jump out at him if he looked long enough. Plus he was hoping that he would figure it out before Leo realized that his 'teacher' was having one massive brain cramp. He wasn't that lucky. "Donnie?" He yelped when Leo's voice interrupted his thoughts. "What do we do now?" Leo pressed curiously.
"Um…well…obviously, we start by-" Donnie stated as he reached out to adjust a connection and got a nasty little shock for his efforts. "OUCH! By unplugging the blasted thing from its power source. Yes. 'Cause that's where you should ALWAYS start!" he grumbled as he grabbed the power cord and aggressively yanked it free from its socket.
Leo's eye ridges furrowed fretfully while Donnie returned to scowling at the machine's innards. He'd never seen Donnie look so…so lost while examining a piece of equipment. Not even when they were little kids and Donnie was just starting to discover his gift with all things mechanical. He didn't want to aggravate his brother, especially when he could tell that his temper was on the rise, but the words came out before he could stop them. "Donnie, are you-"
"I'm fine!" Donatello cut in, not even letting Leonardo finish and making the other turtle wince. When the silence between them extended to uncomfortable levels, Donnie sighed and lowered his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered miserably. Leo smiled sympathetically at Donnie while he rested his arm soothingly around his brother's shoulders. He could see the frustrated, dispirited tears shimmering in the taller turtle's eyes. "I guess my body is not the only thing that's not firing on all cylinders yet."
"It's OK, Donnie. You'll get there," Leo gently tried to reassure him. Donnie's bitter snort at his words made Leo's smile become a concerned frown. "Cut yourself some slack. You've been through more than anyone ever should. You can't expect to just get over it instantly."
Donnie made a quiet, resigned sigh before finally looking at Leo again. "May I ask a favor?" he asked weakly.
"Name it."
"Could you go to my lab and get me journals forty-five through forty-eight? It seems that if I'm going to get any work done, I'll need the schematics in front of me. At least for now."
"Sure thing, bro," Leo said with a small smile.
Donnie watched Leo leave before he returned his attention to the machine in front of him. Both Mikey and Leo seemed so confident that everything would be fine. That, with time, things would go back to the way they were supposed to be. Donnie hoped they were right. He shook his head vigorously and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to push back the moisture that wanted to fall and with it the depression that was trying to choke the life out of him. No…they WERE right. He would make sure of that. His brothers needed him and he wasn't about to let them down.
A/N: And so begins Donnie's long and rocky road to emotional recovery. What did you guys think? I do hope you liked it. Please feel free to let me know! I've said it time and again, but it bares repeating...I LOVE to hear from you guys! :)