Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012 Fanfiction
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the TMNT franchise in any way, shape, or form. No money is being made. This is just a labor of love for the series. Please don't sue me, Viacom!
Alternate Universe fic.
Warning: Violence and very mature themes are ahead! If you aren't comfortable with the idea of reading such things, please do not continue past the line below!
Are we good? (looks around for a bit) Good. OK. So, apparently, chapter 15 is jealous of chapter 14 because it totally decided that it needs to beat chapter 14's record as the longest chapter. But I don't want to make it into two chapters. So instead, I decided to split it up into two parts. Sorry about that everyone! This one just seems to have a mind of its own, but considering how long it's been since I've been able to update, I wanted to share at least part of the chapter with you guys. Plus, I suspect that if I leave it as one big chapter, then it might be a little much to read in one sitting. I hope you can forgive me!
This chapter is definitely an emotional rollercoaster and it has some of my favorite moments in it. I really do hope you guys like it! I'm not going to put an author's note at the end of this part because I don't want to take away from ending. So, please remember to follow, favorite, and/or review if you guys like what I'm doing! It really, truly means the world to me. :)
Chapter 15 (part 1)
"So, after you do the conversions from feet per second to miles per hour, the boat is traveling approximately…55 mph," Donatello stated as he finished writing his calculations. April watched Donnie work with apprehension written all over her face. His small smile fell when he saw it. "What's wrong?"
"Um…Donnie," she started gently. "That's not the answer according to the book."
April watched Donnie's eye ridges crease in a puzzled manner. He returned to his work so he could retrace his steps while murmuring to himself. "The balloon is 800 feet in the air, which remains constant. First observation is at a 20-degree angle. Second observation is at 65 degrees 25 seconds later. X equals 800 divided by the tangent of 20 degrees. Y…is 800 divided by the tangent of 65 degrees." He stared intensely at his work before he smacked a fist on the table, making April jump. "Miscalculated for y and everything snowballed from there. You'd swear I'd never solved a simple division problem in my life," he scolded while penciling in corrections.
"'Simple division', he says. Last time I checked simple division didn't have weird symbols in it." April commented with a very light chuckle. She was hoping that if she didn't take it too seriously it would help Donnie to do the same.
"It is simple division once you replace the symbols with the appropriate number values that they stand for," he insisted, refusing to allow himself any leeway. He paused in his self-rebuking long enough to double check his results. "50 miles per hour?" he cautiously questioned. April nodded and Donnie sighed while hiding his face in his hands. "Some tutor I am."
"You're the best tutor I could ever ask for," she told him as she draped her arm around his shoulders and rested her temple against his. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone goofs up once in a while."
Donnie swallowed hard at her gentle words and touch. How he wished he deserved them. He dropped his hands and shifted his head so that their noses nearly touched. Yet he refused to meet his eyes to hers. "I have been doing trigonometry since I was seven. And division even longer than that. I don't make these kinds of mistakes!" He gently freed himself from her embrace so he could get up from the table. "At least…I didn't used to," he continued bitterly as he left the kitchen.
April watched him with such concern on her face. It had been two weeks since Splinter had judged Donatello fit to train again. Even though Donnie had made progress with his physical recovery, every day seemed to bring a new reminder of how far he was from a mental one. And each reminder only served to dishearten him more. She'd tried to coax him into talking about his experience, hoping that it would help bring him SOME peace. But at every attempt, Donnie would either blatantly avoid the topic or he'd fall silent, retreating into his mental shell.
Of course, that only happened when she managed to get past Michelangelo. The orange clad turtle was unyielding when it came to protecting his older brother from any discussion about his time with the Kraang. He could be sneaky about it too! April had encountered more than one time where she was trying to talk to Donnie only to have Mikey jump in and completely derail the conversation. By the time she managed to get the shorter turtle to stop, the taller one had long since disappeared. She tried to reason with Mikey, but he simply wouldn't budge. 'Donnie will talk to us when he's ready,' was all Mikey would give her.
"Yeah, and what happens if he decided to hurt himself before then?" she mentally grumbled. She closed her eyes and tried to push her frustrations out with her breath. Yes, Donnie was depressed and withdrawn but that didn't mean he was suicidal. Maybe Mikey was right about waiting for Donnie to want to talk. It was just that waiting made her feel so helpless. Donnie had always been there for her. For crying out loud, the reason he was like this was because he had been there for her! All she wanted to do was help him get better.
She pulled the paper Donnie had been instructing her with close. Not all of her homework problems had given him trouble. Just every so often, he'd make some absentminded mistake that would completely unravel what he was working on. As she started to put her notes away, she caught sight of a folded piece of paper sticking out of her textbook. When she tugged it free of the pages, she realized it was a scrap paper that Donnie had used to tutor her a week prior to his capture. There wasn't a single correction on it. "Oh Donnie," she whispered dolefully as tears burned in her eyes. "Why won't you talk to me? Please, let me help you."
Donnie instinctually headed towards his lab but stopped short of going inside. Lately, no matter how much he tried to motivate himself, he just didn't feel like working. He'd completely lacked any enthusiasm to design or build anything for several days now and it disturbed him. No. Disturbed was the wrong word. Terrified was more accurate. He sucked in a cleansing breath to force down the distress before it had a chance to get any worse than it already had.
"I should be training anyways," he told himself. He was still behind and it aggravated him to no end. Splinter would not let him leave the lair until the ninja master was confident that he had recovered from his ordeal. Meaning, as long as he continued to lack the will to invent… His hands clenched at his sides. Yes, training was the answer. Everything would fall into place once he could help his brothers in the field again. He marched into the dojo and ran through a set of stretches before moving onto his strengthening exercises and katas.
"CHECK IT OUT, DUDES!" Leo and Raph glanced over at Mikey as he popped his head out of the dumpster he'd been scrounging in. "The latest issue of Mutant Pus Monsters! And it's practically in mint condition! Why would you throw this out!?" he exclaimed while waving the comic book at them. "Some people just have no taste."
"Look who's talking," Raph muttered under his breath, annoyed that their patrol had been interrupted for something so asinine. As he and Leo turned to scale the alleyway wall so that they could get back to work, he spotted something else in the dumpster that made him pause. After a closer look, he realized it was a hardbound book. He fished it out and brushed off the bits of trash that were stuck to it. "The Fundamentals of Mechanical Engineering," he read the title aloud. "You think Donnie has this one?"
Leo chuckled some and walked over to his red clad brother so he could see the book in question. "I gave up on keeping track of what he has a few years ago. Why do you ask?"
"I was just thinking that maybe a new book will help him feel, you know, more like himself," Raph replied quietly.
"I'll give it to him!" Mikey offered cheerfully and plucked the book from his older brother's grasp.
Raph growled while trying to snatch the book back. "Let me give it to him, Mikey!"
Mikey's face became uncharacteristically stern and he pressed the book tighter to his plastron. "Why? So you can harass him while you do it?" Raph had managed to keep his questions to himself for the entire first day Donnie had been back on his feet. However, every day since then Raph had hounded Donnie to the point that Mikey barely trusted the larger turtle to be in the same room with their brother.
"What?! No! I wouldn't do that!" Mikey's expression darkened until it was a harsh glare. Meanwhile, Leo gave Raph a skeptical eye ridge arch. "Ok, so normally I would, but not this time!" Raph insisted. "Look, I just…" Raph paused to swallow the embarrassing emotional tremble that was beginning to color his voice. "…I want to see him smile. REALLY smile for once." Mikey's glare faded and he looked down from Raph. Their genius brother smiling without any trace of the suffering he'd been through was something they all wanted to see. Raph could feel the sting of tears in his eyes and he bared his teeth, shoving them away by seizing a firm hold on his anger. "And why am I the bad guy here? Don't you want to know what happened!?"
"Of course we want to know, Raph," Leo said evenly while placing himself between his little brothers in an attempt to calm them.
"Oh really?!" Raph snapped, turning his temper on Leo as well. "That's news to me! 'Cause every day Donnie slips further away and you two seem perfectly fine with just letting it happen!"
Mikey looked up, his expression hurt at the accusation before he bared his own teeth. "Not cool, bro!" he growled.
Leonardo held his hand up in front of Michelangelo to keep him from saying anything more. He then took a moment to keep his own anger in check. They didn't need him and Raph to get into one of their notorious arguments. Not about this. "I know you're angry, Raphael. We all are. But save it for Nightmare and the Kraang. They are the ones that deserve it," he managed to get out with a fair amount of calm. Raph glowered at him for a few tense moments before he snorted and turned his back on them while crossing his arms over his plastron. "Mikey." The smaller turtle looked at his eldest brother. "Raph is the one that found the book. Let him be the one that gives it to Donnie." Their baby brother set his face into a stubborn scowl making Leo sigh softly. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. "If Raph promises not to bring up the Kraang or Nightmare to Donnie, will you give it to him?"
Mikey thought about Leo's suggestion for a moment. "ONLY if he promises!" he declared adamantly.
Leo returned his eyes to their prickly brother. It was up to Raph now. Was he so hell-bent on finding out what happened that he couldn't call a truce even this one time? Raph glared at them out of the corner of his eyes. "I already said I wouldn't, didn't I?" Leo gave him this weary look that screamed 'humor me'. Meanwhile, behind Leo, Mikey watched Raph expectantly. Raph rolled his eyes as he growled in exasperation. "Fine! I promise," he snappishly conceded. Mikey's scowl dissolved into that joyful grin of his. He came over to Raph and handed the book over without any further resistance. Then the smaller turtle quickly scrambled up the wall to resume their patrol with a newfound bounce in his step.
"Thanks," Leo said with obvious relief before he moved to climb the wall as well. He stopped when Raph rested a hand on the rim of his carapace.
"Why are you going along with this?" Raph asked. "After that spar of yours, I figured you'd be even more determined than me to find out what happened!"
Leo looked pained at the reminder of last week's disaster. Splinter had been refusing to let Donnie spar with them. Even if it was just to see how much strength Donnie had regained. The whole situation understandably frustrated the taller turtle. Leo could tell that frustration had reached its peak when Donnie asked him for a spar after one of their tech lessons. His little brother wanted to prove to Splinter that he was being over-protective…that Donnie had finally healed enough to join the team on patrol and missions again. Leo had been unsure about the idea, but his brother had asked for so little lately that he hadn't felt right refusing him.
At first, everything seemed to be going great. Donnie's strikes were still weaker than what he'd come to expect from the taller turtle, but Leo had felt it was within an acceptable range. He had been about to comment as such when he felt his brother's aura change. Donatello's façade of calm had given way to something awful festering beneath the surface and his attacks had become forceful, violent…real. Leonardo quickly recognized that their spar had somehow twisted into a fight for survival.
Leo didn't want to hurt Donnie, so he ended the fight the only way he could think of at the time. He grabbed the taller turtle, hurled him to the floor, and pinned him. He'd hoped that the jarring impact would knock Donnie back to his senses. Instead, it fed into whatever had hijacked his brother's mind. He watched in alarm as Donnie's pupils dilated to the point that the black nearly engulfed the brown before the other turtle screamed. It was a scream that Leo hoped he'd never hear the likes of again: one of unbridled terror.
Suddenly, Donnie was frantically struggling against him. It never even occurred to Leo to let go. He had been too worried that Donnie, in his blind panic, would hurt himself. So he'd gripped tighter while desperately trying to help Donnie snap out of it. He had no idea that it was the worst thing he could have done. More screams intermixed with hysterical pleas echoed through the room.
It felt like an eternity had passed by the time Splinter rushed into the dojo. The moment he'd caught sight of what was going on he snapped at Leo to release Donnie. Leo flinched at the harsh command from their sensei but quickly moved to obey it. Leonardo could only watch in guilt-ridden confusion as Donatello scrambled into the nearest corner where he whimpered and trembled in fear. He and Splinter ended up spending the next twenty minutes trying to help Donnie realize that he was safe.
Leo shook his head to push back the awful memory before soberly answering Raph's question. "Donnie spent a month with someone who tortured him in the name of forcing information out of him. I don't want to be anything even remotely like that to our brother." Raph's eyes widened before he looked regretfully thoughtful; he hadn't even considered that. "I don't like it, but I'm willing to let Donnie keep this to himself for now," Leo continued. "So long as whatever he's trying to hide doesn't make him do something to put himself at risk."
"And if it does?" Raphael pressed.
Even though Leonardo expression hardened, his eyes remained pained. "Then Donatello will have to answer some questions. No matter how difficult they may be."
The rest of their patrol was mercifully uneventful. Every day the Foot/Kraang alliance grew stronger and it was getting harder for the three turtle brothers to hold their own against such a force. So a night where they didn't come home bruised and battered was a long-awaited respite.
Raph was pretty sure it would be welcomed break for Donnie too. There was no way any of them could miss the troubled look in their brother's eyes while he treated their injuries. Each time, Raph could almost hear Donnie blaming himself for not being there. He glanced at the book that was tucked under his arm and smiled lopsidedly. No patch jobs and a new book? Surely THAT would cheer his little brother up!
While Mikey flopped onto the couch to read his new comic book and Leo moved off to find Splinter so he could make his nightly report, Raph made a beeline for Donnie's lab. The doors groaned as he pulled them open. Much to his surprise, their resident genius was nowhere to be found. He glanced at the clock on the far wall and narrowed his eyes in confusion. Donnie was always in his lab at this time. Maybe Donnie had gone to bed for the night? He almost immediately rejected the idea. Even before his dreams had become plagued with nightmares, Donnie was a night owl. The scrawny turtle never hit the sack before midnight.
Raph scanned the main room for some sign of where Donnie could be. A flash of movement from the shoji screens that separated the dojo from the main room caught his attention. He watched his little brother's silhouette dance across the partitions. When he peered through the dojo's doorway, he saw that Donnie was running through a set of his weapon's katas with a single-minded efficiency. "Keep that up and you'll be out on patrol again in no time," Raph thought proudly before walking into the dojo.
Unfortunately, Donnie was so focused on his katas that he didn't notice Raph's approach until he nearly took his brother's head off with a wide arcing backswing. Raph yelped and ducked his head into his shell just in time. "RAPH! I'm sorry! A-Are you OK?"
"I'm fine. Just watch where you swing your stick!" Raph scolded after he'd pulled back out of his shell.
Donnie winced and lowered his head. "Sorry."
"Donnie, I said I'm fine. Don't worry about it. K?" Raph insisted. He tried not to sigh impatiently at the docile nod his brother gave him. Instead, he put on his best smile as he announced, "I brought you something." Donnie blinked in surprise and looked up at this. Raph stooped down to retrieve the book from where he'd dropped it. "Hope you don't have it already," he admitted as he held out the peace offering.
The taller turtle looked even more surprised before he took the book so he could get a better look at it. He smiled slightly the moment he saw the cover. "Actually, yeah," Donnie said while opening it to a random page. "Yeah, I have this one."
"Oh. …well…that bites."
The quiet statement pulled Donnie's eyes back to his brother. Raph was trying to hide his disappointment, but Donnie could still see it clearly. "Not at all," he assured the red clad turtle. "It's been one of my most useful references, so my copy looks like it's been through a war zone. Torn pages, oil splatters, burn spots. I think it even has a few blood stains. It would be nice to keep a clean copy in my room. That way I don't have to worry about getting anything like metal filings in my bed if inspiration strikes in the middle of the night." He chuckled softly after turning the text to its title page. "It's even the same edition as mine." Donnie closed the book and smiled as he hugged it to his plastron. "Thanks, Raph."
Raph's fists clenched at his side as he tried to return the smile even though it wasn't the one he'd hoped to see. Donnie did truly appreciate the gift, that much Raph could tell, but his mild smile in combination with those sorrowful eyes only served to irritate the temperamental turtle. Raph fought back the urge to grab Donnie, shove him into the dojo tree, and demand that he tell him everything. Then he really wouldn't be any better than Nightmare. "No problem," he managed to get out instead. A few moments of awkward silence passed between them before Raph couldn't stand it. "So, what are you doing here?" The question had nothing to do with Nightmare or the Kraang. There was no way Mikey could get mad at him for it!
"Training," was the simple response.
"I can see THAT!" Raph snapped before taking a deep breath. "What I mean is I thought you'd be in the lab by now."
Donnie shifted anxiously from one foot to the other at the mention of his lab. "Well…I-I need to get back up to par as soon as I can. And I really didn't feel like working on anything. So I thought-"
"Hold up a sec! Mr. Wizard didn't feel like tinkering? I didn't think that was possible," Raph interrupted incredulously. Before Raph even realized he was doing it he stepped closer to his brother as he continued, "Come on, Donnie. You haven't been yourself since we got you home. I know something's wrong. Tell me what it is so I can help!"
"N-nothing's wrong," Donnie stammered. "I-I'm fine."
"That's a load of bull!" bellowed Raphael, jabbing his finger at Donatello's plastron. He'd had it with this pack of lies! "Have you forgotten that me and April got to you first? You were cowering in a corner the minute the cell door opened! And don't even get me started on what happened between you and Leo! Someone who's 'fine' doesn't do that stuff!"
"I thought you were Horse!" Donnie fired back as his own exasperation at Raph's constant badgering finally reached a breaking point. "How else was I supposed to greet the guy that'd been torturing me? 'Good morrow to you, dear jailer! How are you on this fine day? Shall it be foot whipping or electric shock today, sir? Or perhaps you would prefer a good, old-fashion thrashing? Please! Allow me to assume the position!'" Sarcasm dripped from every word and Donnie flung his free arm out wide to accentuate the sheer absurdity of what he was saying with a bit of melodrama.
The words barely had enough time to leave Donnie's mouth before his mind was overwhelmed. He was no longer in the dojo with Raph but trapped in the Kraang base. Pain tore into him as he was flung against the wall of his cell. He collapsed to the floor where he lay on his side, struggling for every breath. Horse approached to loom over him. "Where…is April O'Neil?" the other mutant demanded of him. Donatello remained silent causing his tormentor to narrow his eyes and order, "Hands and knees." Donnie whimpered yet still shook his head, refusing to comply. Horse's resolve appeared to falter for a brief second before his face returned to stone and the chill in his eyes reached subzero levels. "You only have three options, little colt: tell me where April O'Neil is, do as I say, or find out what happens when this," he brandished the business end of an electric rod in front of the petrified turtle's face, "goes somewhere it is not supposed to." Amethyst energy arced within the device, making Donnie's eyes fill with dread. "Choose. Or I will choose for you." The first choice was no choice at all. And with the power those rods could put out, the chances were high that the third choice would mean death. The idea of freedom from his suffering was so tantalizing that he considered calling Horse's bluff, despite having learned ages ago that Horse didn't bluff. But then he thought of his brothers. What if they finally came for him? They would be risking their lives…for a corpse. Donnie made a choked sob before struggling to do as Horse had commanded. He screamed as his world became the too familiar ball of agony and shame.
Even though Raphael was livid, he couldn't repress a smirk at the bite in Donatello's words. The other turtle had been entirely too meek ever since he'd woken up. It was about time that one of them dragged a tongue lashing out of him. Raph was more than a little proud that he'd been the one to do it. His smirk vanished instantly at the sound of Donnie's book hitting the dojo floor and the sight of his little brother turning ashen right in front of him. "Donnie?" Raph questioned, the tone of his voice changing from irritated to worried. The other turtle didn't respond. He just continued to stare straight ahead without really seeing anything.
"DONNIE!" Raph shouted while grabbing his brother's arms to give him a shake. Donnie shrieked and Raph gasped as he realized that he'd made the same mistake as Leo. He lessened his grip on Donnie to something the taller turtle could easily break free of. "Donnie, it's me! It's Raph. No one's gonna hurt you. You're safe. I promise!" He watched the panic-filled haze ever so slowly lift from Donnie's eyes. The taller turtle panted while looking at Raph with obvious confusion before turning his head and eyes to the floor between them with a trembling sigh. Raph made a sigh of his own. It seemed that this time Donnie had been snatched from whatever had taken his senses hostage instead of being plunged deeper. "Are you alright? You went somewhere else, bro. And from what I saw it wasn't a good place to be."
Donatello shook his head and frantically tried to keep from falling to pieces right there. "M-Maybe you're right, Raph. I-I-I should be in my lab," he said shakily, pointedly avoiding the question. He pulled away from Raphael before the other turtle had a chance to react. Raph stared after his little brother while blinking stupidly. Exasperated anger quickly rose up to shove aside his confusion and he gave chase.
Michelangelo glanced up from his comic book in time to see Donnie hustle out of the dojo with Raph right on his tail. "Dang it, Donnie! Get back here! We're not done yet!" Raph snarled as he tried to catch up with the taller turtle's long strides. Mikey's eyes widened in alarm when he saw the haunted, bordering on panicked look on Donnie's face.
He had to stop this before any more damage could be done. "HEY RAPH!" Mikey shouted, startling the hot-headed turtle. He bounded over to his red clad brother and enthusiastically waved his comic book in Raph's face. "You should totally read this part! It's EPIC!" Raph growled at Mikey in annoyance. The lair abruptly filled with the resounding clang of the lab's heavy doors being shut and locked. Donnie had taken full advantage of the distraction Mikey had provided. Raph stared at the doors in complete disbelief before turning his flashing green eyes to the turtle in front of him.
But this time Raph's fury wasn't met with the usual nervousness. "You promised you wouldn't upset him." The quiet statement was like a gut punch to Raph's anger, knocking the wind out of it. Unshed tears wavered in Mikey's eyes even though the expression on his face was more like quiet rage. "You promised…and you still did, didn't you?"
Raph felt like a stone had settled in his chest and he swallowed hard as his hands curled into fists. He quickly turned from Mikey's accusing eyes and reentered the dojo where he tried to get himself under control again. A growl of pure frustration slipped out as he started into a set of katas without even warming up. He had to get out his anger or he was going to start punching something…or someone. It took an hour for him to finally begin to feel in control again. That was when his foot brushed against something. He glanced down at what touched him and a shiver ran through him. He slowly sank to his knees in front of the book. All he had to do was hand it to his brother. No questions…no demands…just a little something to make Donatello smile like old times. And he hadn't even managed to do that. Raphael gritted his teeth as braced his hands on either side of the book before he punched the floor next to it and closed his eyes so he could fight with his tears.
Donnie leaned against the lab doors while he tried to regain his composure. He was still shaking and felt lightheaded. His hands went to his plastron so he could focus on slowing its rhythmic rise and fall. Another flashback. At least this time he hadn't become so caught up in it that he attacked Raph like he had with poor Leonardo. He sacrificed a bit of air so he could make a contemptuous snort. It was pretty bad when THAT was the good news.
He nearly jumped out of his shell when a crackling voice echoed through his lab. "Donnie OK?"
An embarrassed flush immediately crossed Donnie's face. It was only Timothy. He'd almost forgotten that Tim could talk again. It was a minor miracle that he'd managed to finish the other mutant's voice box before his motivation to build completely seized up. "Yeah. Yeah, Timothy. I-I'm fine," he reassured his friend as he approached the jar.
"Donnie sure?"
Donnie's eyes squeezed shut briefly and he rested his hands on the jar. "Honestly? No, I'm not sure. But it's the best I can give you right now." He watched Timothy's mouth frown as his eyes took on a worried appearance. Donnie offered up a weak smile and patted the glass in an attempt to comfort the other mutant before he sighed.
He had to stop these flashbacks before he hurt someone. So he went over to his computer to consult the endless treasure trove of information that was the internet. It didn't take him long to find several creditable sources on the subject. After a couple hours of engrossing himself in his research, Donnie felt he understood enough for him to know when a flashback was building as well as how he could ground himself in the present.
His chair creaked noisily as he stretched his hands over his head to work out the kinks that had settled in while he'd been hunched over the keyboard. He could feel exhaustion pulling at his eyelids but he stubbornly shook it off. He didn't want to sleep. Not yet…not when he knew what waited for him. Donnie's eyes casually flicked to his monitor to check the time. He was surprised to find that it was only one in the morning. His brothers must have gotten home early.
That was when it occurred to him that none of his brothers had sought medical care from him. "Good," he thought with a sigh of relief. "That means that tonight went smoothly." Whenever his brothers went on patrol or a mission he got this tightness in his chest. It made him feel as though he was letting them down by not going with them. And every time they came home hurt was a confirmation of that failing.
"Of course, you did lock yourself in the lab almost as soon as they got home. Maybe they did need medical attention and you were too wrapped up in your own crisis to notice." The thought was like a knife made of ice stabbing into him. He leapt to his feet and bolted for the doors so fast his chair was left spinning. "One job. You only had one job to do and you screwed up on that too!"
As he raced into the main room he felt his foot catch on something. Whatever it was got pulled up into his stride where it tripped him. Donnie squawked as he and the item went tumbling end over end. He landed right on his face at the bottom of the stairs. Then, as a final indignity, whatever had tripped him up bonked him in the head. "Smooth, Donatello. Real smooth," he thought while clutching at his head.
"Dude, you OK?" Donnie's eyes peeled open to see a pair of sky blue eyes peering back at him. Mikey had sat up from where he was relaxing on the couch so he could stare in concern at his brother.
"That's what I was about to ask you," Donnie returned while he pulled himself up enough to tuck his legs under him.
Mikey blinked before he smiled. "I'm good, bro. No worries."
"Raph and Leo?"
His little brother's smile got even bigger. "They're good too. Chillax, Donnie! If something was wrong, we'd have told ya'." Donnie sighed in relief. It was only then that he allowed a small groan to slip out as he rubbed his aching head. "I'll get you some ice," Mikey said before heading off to the kitchen.
Once Mikey was gone, Donnie turned to find out what had caused his moment of clumsiness. His eyes fell on the book Raph had given him in the dojo. His older brother must have set it outside his lab before going to bed. As he picked it up to rest it in his lap, his thoughts drifted back to Raph and his eyes screwed shut as a terrible sense of shame washed over him. He shouldn't have snapped like that. Sure the constant prying was infuriating, but Raph was only showing his concern. "And I showed my appreciation for that concern by lashing out at him," he thought miserably.
"You wanna hug, bro?"
Donnie blinked his eyes open and looked at where Mikey had crouched next to him. He tried to dispel the unease on Mikey's face with a small smile. "Not right now, Mikey." His little brother returned his smile and nodded before presenting an ice pack. "Thanks," he said as he delicately rested the pack on his head. He watched as Mikey hopped into the pit so he could recline on the couch again. "What are you still doing up? I would have thought you'd be in bed like everyone else by now."
"What time is it?"
"A little past one."
Mikey shot straight up. "Dude! I'm gonna miss it!" He threw his comic book to the side and started looking for something.
"Miss what?" Donnie asked curiously as he watched Mikey search the entire length of the couch.
"The re-run of the tonight's Mythsmashers! We were out on patrol so I couldn't watch it. YES!" Mikey crowed when he dug the TV remote control out from a small hole in the beanbag chair. Apparently one of their brothers had decided it was a good hiding place for when they didn't feel like sharing the remote.
"Since when do you watch Mythsmashers?" Donnie asked with a hint of amusement.
"Since while you were caught, bro!" Mikey stated before lowering his eyes and voice. "I missed you, so I wanted to do things that reminded me of you." Donnie made a quiet gasp. That was the first time any of his family had mentioned what they'd been going through during his imprisonment. It was as though all of them had decided that he had enough problems without having to listen to theirs too. He watched Mikey quickly put his smile back in place. "Didn't think it would be awesome, though!"
"Of course it's awesome! Educational doesn't automatically mean boring, you know."
"Dude, you wanna watch it with me? Maybe you can explain the stuff I don't get."
"I'm sure I can explain it to you. It's getting you to understand it that's the problem," Donnie said with a chuckle as he plunked down next to Mikey. His little brother laughed good-naturedly at his teasing, helping him to smile a little more.
Michelangelo was, by far, the one Donatello was the most comfortable around. The smallest turtle seemed content to let Donnie decide whether or not he wanted to talk about he'd been through. Donnie was certain that Mikey wanted to know just as much as the others, but somehow his impulsive little brother managed to keep his questions to himself. It was such a relief to have someone he could spend time with and not have to worry about getting the third degree. Someone he could feel almost normal around.
Leonardo had been a close second until the dojo debacle. Donnie swallowed hard at the memory. The disconcerted look on his eldest brother's face once he and Splinter had managed to pull Donnie out of his flashback still haunted him. He would never have suggested the spar if he'd known he was going to put Leo through that. Tears burned at his eyes and squeezed them shut to fight the wetness back.
"So how'd Raph do?" Mikey's voice pulled Donnie away from his thoughts.
"What?" Donnie asked nervously. Fear dug into his heart. Had Raph actually convinced Mikey to join in the quest to drag what happened out of him?
Mikey pointed at Donnie's lap. "Is it one you have or not?"
Donnie looked down in confusion and his eyes widened when they landed on the book he still held. "OH! Um, it is, but I don't mind a spare," he answered quietly.
"Cool!"
Donnie watched his little brother flick the TV to the right channel until tears stung at his eyes again. He could feel guilt pressing on him for even starting to distrust Mikey, but right now it was held at bay by the undeniable relief that he'd been wrong. "Mikey?" The orange clad turtle turned to him inquisitively. "Think I can take you up on that hug now?"
Mikey blinked then grinned even bigger than he already was before wrapping his tallest brother up in an enthusiastic hug. "For you, dude, my arms are always open," he cheerfully declared. An emotional lump rose in Mikey's throat when he felt Donnie tremble against him while returning the hug. It was obvious that his brother was fighting tears and it killed him to see Donnie like this. "Come on, bro. I know you're hurting. All of us know. You can't keep doing this! Just…let go. No one's gonna make fun of you for it, if that's what you're worried about," Mikey mentally implored Donnie, hoping that his brother would finally stop bottling everything up inside.
His pleas went unanswered as he felt Donnie's trembling stop and the firm grip his brother had clutched him in lessen. It was a sure sign that Donnie had gotten himself under control once again. He swallowed and he could feel tears building in his own eyes. For a moment, he thought about letting Donnie see him cry. Maybe it would guilt Donnie into giving up on this crazy need to hide everything from them. Mikey's breath hitched and he shoved that urge into the farthest corner of his mind. That was just another way of pushing Donnie into talking before he was ready. Besides, wasn't that exactly what Nightmare had been trying to do? Make Donnie give up? The memory of Donatello curled in on himself, broken and without hope, as he wept on the floor of the Kraang base flashed through Mikey's mind. No. No, he wouldn't do that to Donnie. His grip on his brother tightened protectively. He wouldn't let ANYONE do that to Donnie ever again!
Donnie grunted at the unexpected force behind his little brother's hug. "Mikey? Are you alright?"
Mikey twitched as the concern in Donnie's voice snapped him back to the here and now. He quickly pushed away his tears and let go of Donnie so he could smile up at him. "Sure thing, bro!" he tried to reassure the other turtle. Mikey didn't want Donnie to add worrying about him to his list of problems. The fretful expression on Donnie's face told Mikey that his brother didn't quite believe him, but he didn't try to press him either.
"Pirates. They were ruthless plunderers. The scourge of the seven seas. They were also completely awe-inspiring! The mythos that surrounds them is like no other. But how much of it holds water? Let's find out…tonight on Mythsmashers!"
"Did they say pirates?! SWEET!" Mikey squealed in delight and bounced away from Donnie to kneel right in front of the TV, his eyes wide with child-like wonder. Donnie blinked a few times in surprise before the small smile returned to his face. He slid off the couch so he could crawl closer to Mikey. Once he'd gotten within arm's reach, he made himself comfortable, grabbed Mikey's shoulder, and gently pulled his little brother back to a more eye-friendly distance from the TV.
"Oh, come on, Donnie! PLEASE?" Mikey whined.
"No! I am not making a sail just so you can knife your way down it in a futile attempt to prove the Mythsmashers wrong. You'll break your neck first!"
"But pirates HAD to be able to slow a fall by cutting a sail!"
"Why?"
Mikey faltered a bit while he grasped for an answer. "Because…because it's cooler that way!"
"Coolness doesn't factor in when it comes to scientific accuracy, Mikey. No matter how badly you want it to," Donnie replied with a gentle smile.
"It should!" Mikey grumped as he and Donnie made their way towards the bedrooms. It was two in morning now and even though Mikey was pretty wired, he knew that he needed to get to sleep or Splinter was going to have his shell at practice. "I'm totally bummed now!"
Donnie's eyes half-lidded amusedly. "Man, if the pirate episode has you this upset, you're gonna be inconsolable when you finally see the ninja episode."
"WHAT?! They do ninjas?! How do they bismarck us?"
"'Besmirch'," Donnie corrected. "And you'll just have to wait and see. No spoilers allowed!" Donnie laughed quietly at Mikey's disappointed moan. His chuckles trailed off with a heavy sigh once the two of them came to a stop in front of his bedroom. He was thoroughly exhausted and at the same time utterly terrified of what he knew awaited him inside. "You know, Mikey. If someone had told me two months ago that I would come to dread such a basic biological function as sleep, I would have laughed in their face," he murmured miserably while he stared at his door as though he expected it to transform into a venomous snake and strike at him.
A sympathetic frown pulled at Mikey's face. Lack of sleep had to be one of the reasons Donnie was having such trouble. But his nightmares had driven him to the point that it was easier to convince Raph to not touch the practice dummy for a month than it was to coax their resident genius into going to bed for the night. Mikey couldn't blame him. He didn't have any idea what the dreams were about and he never asked. The heartbreaking, terror-filled whimpers told him all he needed to know. Mikey would always wake Donnie whenever it sounded like things were getting out of hand, but he wished he could do more. Just as Donnie reluctantly opened the door to his bedroom, Mikey remembered something. "Hold up, Donnie! I got an idea!"
The taller turtle blinked a couple of times as he watched Mikey hurry off into his room. Then he sighed with a touch of amused exasperation and shook his head. "Mikey, as much as I appreciate the offer, I don't think your teddy bear is gonna help," he called after his over-enthusiastic brother.
"What about an old friend then?" Mikey asked as he came out of his room holding a plush brown rabbit with purple trim inside of its ears and on the pads of its feet.
"No way." Donnie wasn't sure he should believe his eyes. "Mr. Lepus?" he asked as Mikey came back over. An amazed laugh bubbled out of him as he tucked his book under his arm so he could take the well-loved stuffed toy from his little brother. "Where on Earth did you find him?"
"He never left the lair, bro!"
"But…I gave him to Splinter so he could take him to the local thrift store YEARS ago!"
"Dude. We both know that the only reason you did that was because Raph kept giving you grief. 'Only BABIES need plushies.' Remember?" Mikey chuckled while watching Donnie turn the old stuffie over in his hands. "I asked Splinter if I could hold onto him for you. In case you changed your mind, you know?" He shrugged a bit. "You never did, but I kept him. Almost forgotten about him till now."
Donnie laughed at this admission as he grasped one of the stuffed rabbit's ears so he could gently roll it between his fingers. Mikey beamed joyfully at the smile on his brother's face. It was the first time in so very long that the taller turtle's eyes held no sign of distress. Then, it all came crashing down. Michelangelo watched in dismay as that ever-present sorrow came rushing back, making Donatello screw his eyes shut and lower his head. "You can keep it, Mikey," Donnie choked out while trying to hand the worn out plush back to him. "I-I'm...I'm too…tainted for something so innocent."
Mikey pushed back the tears building in his own eyes as he stared at Donnie in shock. His older brother kept his head downcast, refusing to meet his gaze; he did too much of that. "You really believe that. Don't you?" he questioned quietly. The only answer he received was a hard swallow as Donnie turned his head away in addition to lowering it even more than it already was. What in the world had happened to make Donnie think such a horrible thing? Mikey took hold of Donnie's hand in both of his and gently pushed the stuffed rabbit back to his brother until he felt the toy touch Donnie's plastron. "That just means you need him more than ever." He smiled when Donnie turned back to him with such bewilderment in his tear plagued eyes. Mikey sniffled a bit and reached out a hand to rest it on his genius brother's shoulder. "If you ever decide you want to talk about anything, he's not the only one who will listen." His grip on the shoulder tightened. "You're not alone, Donnie. Don't you ever forget that." Mikey then moved off to his room so his brother could have some privacy.
Donnie watched Mikey go in silence. Part of him wanted to call Mikey back. To finally trust someone with what happened, but his voice refused to work. His throat had closed up to the point that it was painful to breathe. Instead, he ducked into his own room and allowed the door to close behind him. He took a shaky breath as he braced himself against it. Perhaps it was for the best. After all…Mr. Lepus wasn't the only one that was too innocent. He looked down at the plush rabbit he still held in his hand. His eyes narrowed sharply before he looked away with a scoff as a feeling of foolishness struck him. It was just a stupid toy and he was an idiot for getting all sentimental over it.
He set the toy on his nightstand along with his book so he could focus on preparing for bed. That was when he noticed that the stuffie had acquired some holes over the years. He tried to ignore them and turned his back on the toy while he pulled off his gear. He managed to strip himself of everything but his mask before he couldn't take it anymore. Even though it was absolutely ridiculous, he just didn't feel right leaving the rabbit in that condition when he could do something about it. He went over to his desk and pulled out the sewing kit he used for mending his gear. The large needle was a quite the overkill, but it would still do the job. He sat cross-legged on his bed with the plush bunny in his lap. Once he had settled, he patiently and methodically stitched up every hole and developing hole he could find.
After a while, he realized that his efforts to repair the rabbit had eased some of the tightness in his throat and chest. He huffed amusedly. "Some things never change. Do they, Mr. Lepus?" he murmured with a small smile, remembering the days when the only thing that would calm him was this scruffy bunny. When the last hole was closed, he tied the off the thread and used his teeth to cut it. "There! Good as new!" he chuckled while he held up the plush to examine his handiwork.
As he stared into the scuffed buttons that were Mr. Lepus' eyes, he no longer saw an old, worn toy. He saw his childhood friend. The one person in this world that he knew would never condemn him…no matter what. He pulled Mr. Lepus close and buried the side of his face into the plush bunny while drawing his knees up to his plastron. His whole body trembled at the gentle caress of Mr. Lepus' belly fluff against his cheek and suddenly he couldn't hold it in any longer. With a grief-stricken sob, Donnie finally allowed his tears to flow.