Don't Pretend.
I was in a situation I was all too familiar with. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I was sitting in my Town's local Mexican restaurant. This was where my church would go for lunch every single Sunday, and this was where I met her. Her name, was Joy. This is ironic because she was anything but a joy. She made my life and absolute living hell. Granted, she was the person who introduced me to tfp. I felt like I owed her something because she gave me something that I can feel purposeful about again. However, she was by no means nice about it.
You see, I really like to write Fanfictions about things I get really into. The thing that I wrote about was Transformers. Would you believe me if I told you she hated that? That's weird right? After all, she did introduce me to Transformers. Yet, she's still absolutely hates the fat that I want to write fanfiction about it. It's like I step in and take over her world, which is by no means true. If I even think about coming up with an idea that she doesn't like, she sits there and berates me like Megatron would berate Starscream. Long story short, it ain't a pretty picture. Here I was again, going through the same thing I was going through every single Sunday.
I was telling her about my latest story. In this story, I decided to give Megatron a sparkling. I did it in such a way that he was in perfect character, but as soon as the word about Megatron having a sparkling left my mouth, she started instantly yelling at me. She started saying things like how me writing Megatron out of character shows that I'm not worthy of being a Transformers fan. How I shouldn't even consider myself a Decepticon for thinking such nonsense about him. She was going on and on and on, and as usual, I held it in. I held it in because I wanted to listen to her. I wanted her to know that I cared, because I did. Even after all the emotional abuse she put me through, I still felt like I owed her so much because she introduced me to something I love so much. I still wanted her to be my friend, because she was the only friend I actually had in my town. I literally spent months fighting for her friendship, and earning nothing but criticism and hatred in return. Long story short, it wasn't pleasant. However, I just held it in. That was all I could do.
That was, until something hit the restaurant we were in like a fireball, and I blacked out.
on the Nemisis.
CTH was just about the sweetest, kindest, and most loyal vehicon out there. Despite the fact that she was a Decepticon, she did everything that everyone asked of her. She cared about everyone, and she had the sweetest kind of tone in her voice when speaking to everyone. Basically, she was a cinnamon roll. She really enjoyed Earth culture, and even managed to make a few Earth friends, using some holoform technology, and a human persona. In short, she loves everyone.
on this particular day, she was sitting in the cafeteria, drinking her Energon cube, when she noticed that the commander, a small silver Seeker name Starscream, was sitting all alone at a table. Ever so nervously, she got up and approached him, hoping to sit with him. It's not that she liked him in a romantic way or anything, in fact, she had her eye more on the blue Seeker known as Dreadwing, she just wanted to see if the commander was okay. He always looks so downtrodden, despite the fact that he had the second highest ranked position aboard the ship. Though he carried himself with an air of Grace and confidence, she could always see those sad look behind those red Optics.
"Excuse me, Sir?" she said in her sweet, tiny little voice. "May I sit with you? You look quite upset and lonely. I just want to cheer you up."
the commander made only a gesture of agreement, and it was thus that this sweet little cinnamon roll of a vehicon Trooper sat down. they talked for a few moments about different things here and there. This actually happened a lot more often than anyone ever knew. The commander would often vent to this sweet little cinnamon roll about everything that would go on. She would listen, and take it well. She quite enjoyed being able to help him whenever he needed her. However, she noticed something odd. The commander seemed angry while he was speaking, but tears were flowing from his eyes. The oddest thing, was that the commander did not even seem to notice.
"Sir," the little trooper said. "Are you all right? Why are you crying?"
the commander was indignant in insisting that he was not crying, until he realized that he was. Knowing that he himself was not crying of his own regard, he realized exactly what this meant. He felt the sad tug at a bond he had long thought dead, and it was thus that he bolted from the cafeteria of the Nemesis leaving a half-finished Energon Cube, and a very confused little trooper behind.
My POV.
the first sense for me to come to life was my sense of feeling. I noticed something immediately. I was not asleep in my bed. Rather, I was in some sort of seatbelt. Had I fallen asleep in my grandmother's car? I tried to move around, and noticed the seatbelt felt different. It was then that I opened my eyes. I was not sitting in my grandmother's car, or a car at all. Rather, I was sitting in a one seater plane. This plane, was very familiar to me. A falcon F-16..
"Heh. I'm having that dream again." I said, not thinking too much of it.
"You are alright." said a voice that was familiar to me, yet at the same time far more gentle than I ever expected.
"Yes. I am quite all right." I said, getting a bit more comfortable in my position.
"I thought you were gone." the voice I knew so well said. "We all did. I am quite sure everyone will be glad to see you back, even Lord Megatron. You were one of his best warriors. To have lived as a human for so long must have been so miserable for you. I know that for sure. After all, if I had not felt the sad pull at our spark Bond, I never would have been able to find you. However, I did. Your star came to your rescue as usual. I found you weeping in that horrid looking human eating establishment. I destroyed it, and picked you from the rubble."
Something hit me with those words he was saying. The last thing I remembered, I was sitting in the horrible Mexican restaurant, getting yelled at by Joy about my Transformers fanfiction. I was holding in all my emotions. Next thing I knew, something made the restaurant explode. Was this all a dream, I needed to know for sure.
"You know me?" I asked.
"What in the Universe do you mean?" Starscream said, barely being able to hide an obvious sadness in his voice. "Of course I know you. Or, do you not remember? After all, if the crash was hard enough to split our spark Bond, and make us all think you were dead, then perhaps you really do not remember. I we'll ask you this. Who are you? Who are you really?"
"I'm Rowan." I said. "I Emma severely visually impaired human. I always have been. for as long as I can remember, that's always been who I am. The only reason I know you now Starscream, is because I had someone introduced me to a show about you called Transformers Prime. Other than that, I'm lost."
I felt something like heartburn hit me very hard. Enough to where I doubled over. I wasn't sure what this feeling was, until I realized something. Starscream had mentioned that we were once Bond mates. Was this thing that I was feeling, a sad tug at the spark Bond? I had to know for sure, so I approached him with this.
"Who am I to you?" I asked.
"You," Starscream said. "Are my spark mate. We have been together for eons. We have known each other for longer than this war has existed. Obviously, when you were sent in stasis to Earth to protect our energon reserves along with Skye quake, you crash down so hard that your memory systems were damaged."
"How does that explain me being human?" I asked.
"Before the loss of your memory," Starscream said. "You we're a pretender. Meaning, that you could take the form of any creature, be them organic or cybertronian. You are one of Megatron's great masters of Espionage, right up there with Soundwave. It is most likely, that when you crashed on Earth, your stasis pod automatically scanned a form for you to transform into to blend in with the indigenous life of this planet. With the loss of your memory, it resulted in you thinking that you were human."
I thought to myself that in order for that to have been the case I must have crashed in my grandmother's backyard. Being that she helps innocent creatures on a daily basis, she decided to take me in and raise me. It would explain why my parents were the way they were to me, and why my grandmother was the only human other than my best friend who ever seems to care about me.
"If I am truly a pretender, then I must have forgotten how to transform. With the loss of my memory, came a loss of muscle memory. Right?" I said, hoping I was making some good points.
"Perhaps you have not lost all your memories after all." Starscream said, the slightest hope in his vocalizer.
"No. like I told you, there's this show called Transformers Prime that talks all about things like cybertronian anatomy and things like that." I said, trying to gently get it across to starscream's head that my memories were still lost.
This was frustrating for me, as I was used to having a photographic memory. If I had lost four million years worth of memories, and I had forgotten being the spark mate of someone so wonderful as Starscream, that really saddened my heart, or Spark.
This would explain however, why I felt so closely connected to the Decepticons.
When I first watched Transformers Prime, I was automatically in awe of the Decepticons. I chose them immediately over the Autobots. No one ever knew why, and I could not explain it myself. At least now I know the true reason. Upon asking Starscream if anyone had survived the explosion at the restaurant, he said the only one who survived was me. This took a huge weight off my shoulders, as I really hated most of the people in that restaurant, and I was happy not to be human anymore. Being Human, and being on Earth, were the most miserable things I had ever felt. It was thus, that I was all too happy to see the nemesis. Hopefully, being here, among people who I was meant to consider friends, my memories would hopefully be triggered.
knockout and breakdown were the happiest to see me. They recognize my voice immediately, and knockout knew exactly what was wrong. He told me that Starscream missed me so much. He said that for the first years after I was gone, Starscream would do nothing but think about me to them. He would tell them everything about me, good, and bad. I guess I was the pink diamond to his blue Dimond to put it in Steven Universe terms. In any case, knockout told us that the best cure for my memory loss, would be for Starscream to tell me things all about our past, and how we met.
he told me that we first met because when he bumped into the Gladiator megatronus accidentally at a cybertronian Energon hole, megatronus was about to offline him, but I stepped in, and being a tiny seeker myself, far smaller than Starscream even, I challenged megatronus to a fight. Megatronus didn't know that I knew how to use my claws well, and in the end of the fight, though he remained alive, I was the one who clearly emerged Victorious. Starscream was so in awwe of my warrior spirit and energy, that he immediately knew he wanted me for the rest of his life. We started corresponding and talking, and years later, we spark bonded. Even in the war, we never left each other side. That was, until that fateful day when Megatron decided to sent me the planet Earth to protect his energon Reserves. Starscream was Furious about this. He wasn't sure if I'd be able to handle it on my own. However, the last thing I had said to him, was that I loved him, and I assured him, that I would be safe.
While I did remain safe, I couldn't remember any of that other than the fact that he had just told it to me. This sat in my heart heavily. I could feel the sad pull at our bond too. I asked Starscream the question that would change everything.
"Starscream," I said. "What was my name?"
after a long pause, Starscream finally said the name.
"Monnotone."
I froze. It was as if a wave had been let out of a small door. So much came flooding in at one moment. And I knew immediately to sing a song We both knew.
"With you,I fly faster then the wind.With you,I am happy on a whim.with you,nothing's ever grim.With you.my spark will never dim.So with me,do not ever pretend.Stay with me,until the very end.unto me,it is you, did Primus send.our love,I ever shall defend.so love me.don't pretend.""Monno." Starscream whispered happily.
"Star." I said. I jumped off the desk in our quarters, and for the first time in 4 million years, I transformed.
I was finally back in the Seeker form I knew so well. I was in the Seeker form that I had sadly forgotten. I held my star, and my star held me. I still had the vision issues, but that didn't matter. What mattered now, was that Humanity was nothing more than a miserable piece of my life, a piece that I could now forget, since I remembered so much more. As I laid with my star that night, we colminated together in a Sea of Love and Happiness. Sharing all that we missed with one another.
Starscream still had our flat harp. That is a seeker instrument, that is very much like an Earth piano. I played the flat harp, and he and I both sang. We sang Our music for the Decepticons. Starscream was right. Megatron was ever happier to see me back. I was welcomed back with open arms. I even discovered that my best friend on Earth turned out to be one of the Troopers, so I literally didn't lose anything. I did missions again. I fought for the Decepticons again. I was me again. Because for once, after all this time, I didn't have to pretend.
A. N: I'm literally crying tears of joy right now. I was finally able to get so much emotional trauma that I have been going through for 8 months off of my chest thanks to this story. If you have stuck around for the end, thank you so much for the support. You have no idea what that means to me. If at all possible, I would very much appreciate a kind review. It would help me a lot. Thank you.