Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012 Fanfiction
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the TMNT franchise in any way, shape, or form. I am not making any money on this. It is just a labor of love for the series. Please don't sue me, Viacom!
Alternate Universe fic.
Warning: This chapter is a very emotional, very charged one. The boys are in for one heck of a ride. If you are uncomfortable with the mature themes and language, you may want to stop here. Though, I suspect that if you are this far into the story, those things aren't an issue for you. :)
A/N: Hello everyone! I know it's been another "forever" since I've updated. I do apologize for that. Thank you so much for your patience with me while I worked on this latest chapter. I'm...thinking about going back to shorter chapters to see if that will allow me to update more often. Plus, I imagine that these long updates are not the easiest things to read in one sitting. ^^;
What do you all think? I would love to hear your opinions!
Before I let you all head on to the main event, I want to take a moment thank CJtheStoryteller for her advice with this chapter. Thank you so much, CJ! You really helped pull me out of a literary bind!
I know I've said this before, but I really can't say it enough. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this chapter. If you enjoyed it, please feel to let me know with a favorite, follow, comment, and/or review. I would love to hear from all of you!
Chapter 18
The three turtle ninjas stared at their purple clad brother for what seemed like an eternity before they yelped, "WHAT?!"
"Are you insane?" Raph cried then gave his head a hard shake. "No. Lemme rephrase that. YOU'RE INSANE!"
Donnie looked away from his brothers while gritting his teeth and clenching his fists tighter. He already thought that of himself; he didn't need to hear it from someone else. "If I can spy on the Kraang, I can get all the intel we'll need to shut them down," he insisted. "I might even be able to get some info on what the Foot is planning."
"It's too risky!"
Donatello whirled on Raphael. "Inside information is worth the risk!" he snarled down at the other turtle. Then he pointed towards his lab, and Timothy within, as his voice dropped into an ominous hiss. "Or does that only apply when someone else is taking that risk?"
Raph bristled at having his own words thrown in his face. However, before he had a chance to respond, Michelangelo interrupted by wedging himself between them. "What makes you think you can even get in, dude?" he asked their genius brother. "You've got a big brain, sure, but I don't think there's any way you're gonna pass for a Kraang."
For several agonizing minutes, Mikey watched his two middle brothers glare at each other over his head. He could feel the fury radiating off his smartest brother. Even though Donnie had the second most volatile temper of the four of them, it tended to show itself in sarcasm. Sometimes he'd throw in a bit of shouting and exaggerated hand gestures for added effect, but that was usually all that happened. You knew you'd really screwed up if Donnie got in your face over it.
Fortunately, Mikey's interruption helped Donnie reign himself in. Until this moment, he hadn't realized how tender the topic of Timothy was. Of course, considering his current instability, Donnie suspected everything had the potential to be a tender topic. He sucked in a shaky breath and slowly let it out to force down his anger at Raph. Behaving like this would not convince anyone of anything.
The purple masked turtle took a couple of steps back so he could better make eye contact with Mikey while answering his, for once, perfectly valid question. "There is a type of traumatic bonding that can happen to people who go through extended periods of captivity and abuse, such as hostages and prisoners of war. It's when a captive begins to identify, even sympathize, with their captor."
"You mean Stockholm syndrome?" Despite the seriousness of the situation, Leo found himself smiling at the stunned expression on the genius' face. "You don't hold the patent on studying, Donnie," he teased. "After we got you home, I became worried about the challenges we might have to face when you woke up. So, I looked up the potential side effects of long-term imprisonment." He paused to let out a soft scoff. "Fat lot of good it did me. Your flashback two weeks ago still caught me completely off guard." Leo paused again to swallow down the regret he continued to feel about that day before stepping a little closer to Donnie. "So, what does Stockholm syndrome have to do with you infiltrating the Kraang?"
"Um…i-if I can mimic the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome, I-I might be able to trick the Kraang into thinking that I've switched sides," Donnie managed to get out once he'd shaken off his surprise. "If I convince them that I want to work for them instead of against them, I can insinuate myself into their ranks. From there, I can feed you guys as much information as possible without blowing my cover."
Leo raised an eye ridge. "You really think the Kraang are gonna trust you?"
Donnie snorted. "No. Not even. But I have an idea for how I can manipulate their distrust of anyone who's not Kraang and use it against them."
"But…what if they don't buy it?" Mikey asked fretfully.
Donnie lowered his head and swallowed hard. "Then I'll...have to make a break for it and hope I can escape. If I can't..." his voice trailed off as he swallowed again.
"You'll need us to bail you out," Raph gruffly finished for Donnie.
The purple clad turtle looked at his fellow middle brother for a moment before lowering his eyes again and giving a meek nod.
"And in the meantime, they get to torture you all over again." Raph shook his head vehemently. "No way! They've messed you up enough!"
"I have to agree with Raph," Leo said as he tried to rest a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "I'm not about to give them another chance to hurt you."
Donnie pulled away before Leo could touch him. "You said it yourself: we need information. If we're going to have a chance in hell to win this war, I have to do this!"
"No, you don't," Leo insisted while trying not to raise his voice. "Look. I know you're impatient to get back out there, but this isn't a plan. It's suicide!"
"No, it's not! If you let me explain before dismissing it, you'll see it's not!"
Leo let out what he hoped wasn't a too exasperated-sounding sigh, folded his arms across his plastron, and closed his eyes. There was no doubt in his mind that Donatello expected them to need convincing. The genius turtle surely had a litany of well thought out details to help his plan sound less like madness. Unfortunately for him, Leonardo only wanted to know one thing right now.
A determined frown settled on his face. "Alright, Donnie," Leo said as he opened his eyes. "We'll listen to this plan of yours." The relief settling onto Donnie's features made guilt tear at the leader's heart.
"You cannot be serious!" Raph squawked. A low, menacing growl rumbled out of him when Leo dared to raise a hand in front of his face to shush him.
"But," Leo continued, undaunted by Raph's anger, "…only AFTER you tell us what happened to you while you were captured."
All color fled from Donnie's face. He hadn't planned on that. "W-what?" he barely managed to gasp out as he took several awkward steps away from his brothers until he could sense the dojo's wall behind him. His chest felt tight. Each breath hurt more than the last. Was this what cardiac arrest felt like?
"I want you to tell us what happened to you in that cell. And I'm not listening to another word of your plan until you do," Leo repeated while trying to keep his voice calm and measured. He hated himself for doing this to Donnie. The intellectual turtle looked to be on the verge of the mother of all panic attacks, but instead of this deterring Leo, it only strengthened his resolve. He wasn't about to even consider letting his traumatized little brother do something this crazy without knowing the motivation behind it.
Raph stared back and forth between Leo and Donnie before letting out a heavy sigh. Finally! Leo had come to his senses! Much to Raph's annoyance, the same could not be said for their orange clad brother.
"NO!" Mikey yelped and quickly went to stand in front of Leo, putting himself between Donnie and the eldest turtles. "Leo, you can't do this!"
"I'm sorry, Mikey," Leo said, trying to plead for their youngest brother's understanding. "I wanted to wait for him to open up on his own. I really did!" Then the eldest turtle's eyes and voice turned stern. "But I can't anymore. I'm not going to sit here and listen to a plan that might get him killed! Not without knowing what's driving him to do this!"
"We can't make him talk about this stuff!" Mikey insisted while tears began to build in his big, sky blue eyes. "He has to tell us on his own, or it's gonna make things worse!"
"This keeping quiet crap is already killing him!" Raph snarled as he moved to get in Mikey's face. "It can't get any worse!"
Mikey's tears vanished instantly, his eye ridges forked downward, and his eyes locked with Raph's. The orange clad turtle then stood as tall as he could, putting himself nose to nose with his red clad brother, as he barked, "How do YOU know it can't?!"
"STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC!"
"HOW ABOUT YOU STOP BEING SUCH A JERK?!"
"BOTH OF YOU, CALM DOWN!"
Donnie gaped at his brothers in utter horror as all the tension building between them over the last month erupted. "No!" he cried and rushed over to them. "Stop it!" He frantically tried to pull them apart only to have Raph shove him away so hard he bumped into the wall. "Please," the tall turtle begged as he pushed himself away from the wall and took a single step towards his brothers. "Stop fighting!"
"See what you've done?" Donnie's mind hissed at him, making him cringe from his family. "What your silence has done to them?" He covered his ears with trembling hands in a futile attempt to block it out.
"MIKEY, I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T BACK OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW I'M GONNA SMASH YOUR FACE IN!"
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO BACK OFF, RAPH!"
"STAY OUT OF THIS, LEO!"
The purple clad turtle looked away from his brothers with a whimper as they continued to rage at one another, each too involved in their argument to notice his distress. He could almost see the doppelgänger from his nightmare standing before him. Could almost feel its hands wrapped around his throat once more as it sneered, "Are the tattered remnants of your pathetic pride worth watching your family tear itself apart!?"
A sob slipped past Donatello's lips.
No. Nothing would ever be worth that! He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could and raised his voice to shout over the others.
"I WAS RAPED!"
Silence crashed over the dojo so quickly that if it weren't for the echoes of his announcement still reverberating through the lair, Donnie would have sworn he'd just gone deaf. His brothers had become statues, too stunned to even breathe. The anger and frustration they felt towards each other had been wiped clean from their faces to be replaced with shock and confusion.
Raph found his voice first. "What?" he gasped as he turned his bewildered face to the purple masked turtle.
Donnie let out a short, mirthless laugh. "Are you really going to make me say that again?" he asked as he returned his gaze to his brothers and wrapped his arms around his midsection. Tears began to trickle out of his heartbroken brown eyes, dyeing the lower part of his mask a darker purple.
Swallowing thickly, Raph shook his head as he took a few unsteady steps away from the other turtles. Donnie couldn't tell if his fellow middle brother was indicating no about repeating himself or simply refusing to believe what he'd just heard.
"Sonna," Leo whispered in their father's native language as Mikey let out a soft whimper and covered his mouth with both hands. "Donnie…I…" The blue clad turtle's voice caught in his throat. He wanted to say 'I'm sorry' but the words wouldn't come out. They seemed so…so hollow and inadequate in the face of what his brother had gone through.
Leo struggled against the myriad of emotions warring for expression inside him as Donnie's panic attack during their unauthorized spar rushed to the forefront of his mind. He now understood that what he'd witnessed had been a taste of what his little brother had endured. Of the fate Leo had forsaken him to. How could he have been so blind?
"When did it happen?" the leader asked miserably as he turned away from Donnie in an attempt to hide his own building tears.
"It…it s-started about six days before you guys got me out," Donnie answered while lowering his head, his voice little more than a weak whisper.
Leo clamped his eyes shut in a pained grimace. Six days. If only they'd been…if only he'd been…six days faster. "Wait a minute," he said as something in Donnie's words made his stomach drop and his eyes snap open. "It started six days before we showed up?" The eldest turtle moved to face his broken little brother again. "'Started'...implies this happened more than once."
"No..." Mikey croaked out his first word since Donnie's admission and he turned horrified eyes to Leo at just the idea of their brilliant brother being assaulted multiple times. "…no way."
Meanwhile, Donnie flinched, realizing the blunder in his wording too late. If it had just been Raph and Mikey, his slip probably would have gone unnoticed. But Leo? Leo was too sharp for that.
"How many times, Donnie?" the blue clad turtle asked, his voice hushed but with a dark edge to it as he began to stalk closer to his brother.
The tallest turtle swallowed hard, fighting the tears trying to choke him. "Wha…what does it matter?" he stammered as he dared to look up again, his doe eyes begging his brother and leader to stop this line of questioning. "It happened! I-Is-Isn't that bad enough?"
Donatello's reluctance to answer combined with the growing outrage at what they'd just discovered made something inside Leonardo snap. He finished closing the gap between him and Donnie in two strides as he roared, "HOW MANY?" His genius brother lurched away from him with a yelp, slamming himself into the dojo wall in the process.
"DUDE!" Michelangelo rushed over and put himself between his tallest brothers once more. He thrust out one of his hands to shove Leo back a step, keeping him from getting any closer to Donnie. The youngest had never seen their eldest brother like this before. The turtle in blue seemed to be channeling Raphael at his worst…and it scared Mikey out of his shell.
Meanwhile, Donnie shrank to the floor. Tremors raced through him as panic sought to overwhelm him. Leo would never hurt him! …right? The rage blazing in his leader's cobalt blue eyes made the genius question that belief for the first time in his life. The purple clad turtle squeezed his eyes shut while drawing his legs to him and crossing his arms in front of his face to shield himself.
Desperate to placate his eldest brother, Donnie did the only thing he could. "I don't know!" he sobbed out miserably. "Twice a day? M-maybe more." Self-loathing twisted deeper in his gut. He never wanted them to know the depths of his shame.
Horror swallowed Leo's anger whole. He knew the truth about what happened to Donnie would be bad, but this? This made his worst nightmares seem like the sweetest of dreams. Once the sudden rage blinding him cleared, his heart stopped at the sight before him. Mikey stood in a defensive stance between him and Donnie, though the tears swimming in his eyes made it obvious the orange clad turtle was in no condition to fight.
A couple of Leo's own tears slipped out when he saw his genius brother cowering from him behind Mikey. The blue masked ninja had done exactly what he swore he would never do. He'd terrorized Donnie into telling him what he wanted to know. Bile rose in Leo's throat and he pressed the back of his hand to his lips to swallow it back. Then he shakily held both hands out in front of him. "I'm sorry," he whispered while backing away. "I didn't mean-" He choked on the rest of his words; he could never excuse what he'd done. "I'm so sorry."
As the entire scene unfolded before him, Raphael stared at his brothers in stunned silence while trying to wrap his mind around what they'd just learned. "It…it can't be true. It just...can't." He gave his head a hard shake to push out these thoughts. "Why would Donnie lie about this? To hide something worse? That isn't possible because there isn't anything worse!"
The red clad turtle's thoughts drifted back to the night of Donnie's rescue. He remembered how his little brother reeked of blood, sweat, and the trace of another scent he couldn't place at the time. His breath caught in his throat as where he'd smelled that mysterious odor before finally clicked into place. It was the same one that lingered in his room after he'd…needed a release.
"Please! Allow me to assume the position!"
Raph's blood ran cold when the final words of the purple clad turtle's rant last week cut through his mind. With Donnie's admission still ringing in his ears, those seven sarcasm-laced words took on a new, horrifying meaning. Had…had Nightmare forced his little brother to do that? Raph knew everything else in Donnie's outburst had happened; the injuries the tallest turtle suffered lined up too well with each torture he listed.
The idea of his kindhearted, brainy brother going through something so despicable filled Raph's vision with red. "I'll kill him," he hissed loud enough to draw the other turtles' attention. He turned on his heels and marched towards the dojo's exit as he roared, "I'LL RIP HIM APART!"
Donnie's eyes went wide. "NO!" he cried. He surged to his feet and shoved past a surprised Mikey and Leo to dart in front of Raph. The purple clad turtle placed himself in the dojo's doorway and gripped its frame as tightly as he could to stop the other turtle from leaving. "You can't!"
"Like HELL I can't!" Raph shot back, the sight of his tallest brother's tear-soaked, bloodshot eyes incensing him further. He grabbed Donnie's shoulder strap to yank him out of the way. "I will make that monster bleed for this!"
"You don't understand!" Donnie persisted as he locked his arms and widened his stance, attempting to turn himself into an immovable object against Raph's unstoppable force. "I need him!"
Those three words knocked some of the wind out of Raphael's wrath and left him staring up at the turtle in front of him. "What?!" He shook his head before grinding out, "What do you mean you need him?"
"If my plan is going to have a chance to succeed, I need him alive," Donatello answered while trying not to let Raph's rage intimidate him.
"Why?!"
"Because you can't form a trauma bond with someone who never laid a hand, or in this case tentacle, on you."
"You mean…" Leo began while he approached his middle brothers as slowly as he could to remain unthreatening to the tallest turtle, "…the Kraang never did anything to you?"
Donnie shook his head. "They only gave the order to make me talk. Everything else...they left to Horse."
"Nothing about what you've said makes me want him dead any less," Raph growled.
Donnie locked eyes with Raph as he continued, "If I approach the Kraang directly, I will be back in that cell the moment they see me. However, if I can get to Horse first, I know I can trick him into thinking I've switched sides. From there, I use him to gain access to the lead Kraang of the facility."
Leo made a soft, disbelieving huff as he shook his head. "From what I saw, he didn't seem like someone who could be reasoned with."
"You didn't spend a month with him," the purple clad turtle returned before he turned his gaze to Leo. "If he thinks something is in the Kraang's best interest, he will go out of his way to make it happen." Donnie rested a hand on his plastron. "All I need to do is convince him that letting me work for the Kraang is in their best interest."
"What makes you so sure he'll listen to you?" Leo persisted.
"Before he…" The purple clad turtle had to stop for a moment. Even though he had told them what happened, he couldn't bring himself to say that awful word again. He knew if he did, he risked losing what little emotional control he had left. "Before he did what he did, Horse and I were building an…odd kind of rapport. I was able to use it to keep him from torturing me." His eyes drifted to the floor as he murmured. "At least…until the Kraang forced the issue…"
Leo's hands clenched into fists at his sides and he turned his head away from his abused little brother for a moment. As he returned his gaze to Donnie, he said, "Do you know what you're ask-"
"I know exactly what I'm asking! And I pray to everything even remotely holy that I know it better than you ever will!" Donnie snapped, baring his teeth and locking an outraged glare on his eldest brother. Of course, he knew what he was asking! What kind of question was that!?
After seething for a few moments, Donnie noticed the grief etched into Leo's face. The genius' whole demeanor deflated as shame returned to the forefront. Once again, he'd lashed out at someone who didn't deserve it. "I-I-I'm…I'm sorry," he said haltingly while returning his gaze to Leo's feet.
Leonardo swallowed hard. His little brother was so broken, he thought standing up for himself was something to apologize for. The blue clad turtle pushed his way past Raph so he could reach out to Donnie. The tallest turtle cringed from him as though he were bracing for a beating. Leo's heart clenched, but he didn't stop. He curled his hand around the back of Donnie's head.
Even though he could feel Donnie quivering beneath his fingers, Leo pulled his little brother's head down so they could touch foreheads. His eyes slid closed as he made a shaky sigh. "You're asking us…to hand you back to the very one who did this to you while hoping he doesn't do it again," the eldest turtle said, and for once, he didn't even try to keep the emotional tremble out of his voice.
The two of them stayed like that for several long, agonizing moments before Donnie replied with a weak, "I know."
Leo opened his eyes when he felt moisture drip onto his upper plastron. His little brother's tears had finally soaked through his mask and were making their way down his face.
"But I… I need to do something," Donnie said thickly. "Every day I feel more lost than the last. My motivation to do anything I did before this happened is…is gone. I'm so scatterbrained, I can't even repair something I built when I was a kid without the schematic in front of me! Without my focus, I…I…" he paused to swallow down a sob.
Leo's eye ridges creased together at his little brother's hesitation. "Donnie?"
Donatello squeezed his eyes shut as he forced himself to press on. "…I can't be what you all need me to be!"
Leonardo's eyes went wide before his other hand joined his first one to hold his genius brother's head in a gentle, but firm grip. "You are our brother, Donnie! Not some tool in our arsenal," he declared, making his brother's red-rimmed eyes fly open. "All we need you to be is healthy!"
The blue clad leader wanted to kick himself. When he told Donnie how important he was to the family on his first day back, the eldest hoped it would help his second youngest brother regain some lost confidence. Instead, the purple clad genius took it as a sign that he had to prioritize their needs over his own.
Leo wanted to tell Donnie that he'd never meant to put such pressure on him, but he could feel himself on the brink of a total breakdown. So, he paused and broke eye contact with the purple clad turtle in an attempt to collect himself. He couldn't afford to lose it. His brothers needed him to be strong. Now more than ever.
The shock on Donnie's face faded to sorrow as he watched his eldest brother struggle to keep his emotions under control. He could practically hear the other turtle blaming himself for everything that happened and it just wasn't so. "Leo…"
"Now that we know what happened, we can better help you," Leo interrupted, his voice cracking some despite his best efforts.
"Leo…"
"Together, I know we can beat this!"
"It will take weeks…months…possibly even years for that to happen," Donnie said, interjecting a bit of cold reality into Leo's desperate attempt at optimism.
"Then that's how long it takes!" Leo retorted while locking fiercely determined eyes onto Donnie's.
A new round of tears began to make their way down Donnie's face at his leader's conviction. "You and I both know we don't have that kind of time. I wouldn't be suggesting this if we did. If something doesn't change soon…" the genius turtle's voice trailed off, leaving the rest unspoken.
Leo swallowed hard. "I can't let you do this."
"And I can't stay down here and watch as the enemy picks off my family one by one!" Donnie snapped, startling his eldest brother into silence. "Not when I can do something about it!"
Leo stared at Donnie, his blue eyes scrutinizing every inch of his brother's face. Everyone knew Donatello's stubbornness could rival Raphael's at times. But this...this was something more than a desperate attempt to be useful to the family.
The blue clad turtle made a soft intake of air as his eyes widened more than they already were. "You've known how bad things have gotten for a while now...haven't you, Donnie?"
The genius turtle let out a heavy sigh and his eyes closed as the corners of his mouth made a single twitch upward. "I've been patching you guys up for the last three weeks," he answered, his voice dropping to a whisper. His eyes opened to meet with his brother's again. "What do you think?"
Leo sighed while lowering his head. His hands slid from Donnie's head to settle on his second youngest brother's shoulders before he looked to the side. "I think you realized how much trouble we were in before any of us."
Donnie's eyes softened at Leo's miserable tone. He brought a hand up to rest it one of Leo's forearms and give it a gentle squeeze. "Do you remember Splinter's favorite saying for us to practice in our calligraphy lessons?"
"'Wazawai tenjite fuku to nasu.'"
A small smile ghosted over the purple clad genius' face at his leader's instant answer. "'Turn misfortune into fortune,'" Donnie translated the phrase more out of habit than need. Then his face returned to somberness as his eyes became imploring. "Please, Leo. Help me take this misfortune and turn it into fortune." The tallest turtle's grip on his brother's forearm tightened. "Let me turn this into something we can use."
Leo felt as though Donnie's reddish-brown eyes were boring into him. Behind all the pain and sorrow there, he could see and feel his younger brother's desperate need to do something. And Donnie was right. They all needed to do something about their current situation before it was too late. Leo attempted to shift the lump trapped in his throat while lowering his gaze thoughtfully.
Meanwhile, Raphael watched his blue and purple masked brothers intently. When Leo's contemplative expression lasted longer than he liked, the hothead's eyes went wide before narrowing sharply. He stomped closer to them, put a hand on Leo's shoulder, and yanked his taller brothers apart so he could glare up at their blue clad leader.
"You," he said in a low, dangerous tone that grew in volume as he continued, "…are not seriously considering this!"
Leonardo squeezed his eyes shut and took a shuddering breath, attempting to not react to Raphael's anger. "Donatello," Leo started softly. When he opened his eyes, they met Donnie's and he immediately felt even more like the worst brother in the world as he said, "Could you give us the room for a bit, please?" The sensation only got worse as his taller brother lowered his eyes to the ground and made a docile nod.
He watched the purple clad turtle walk out of the dojo without another word. The slump in his little brother's shoulders made the knot in Leo's stomach double. They couldn't leave Donnie alone right now. "Michelangelo…"
"Waaay ahead of you, bro," Mikey said as he hurried past the other two turtles to follow their broken genius.
The eldest allowed a soft sigh to slip out. Just the thought of Mikey being there to watch over Donnie eased some of his anxiety. Leo tried not to let his tension level rise again as he turned to face Raph. The red clad turtle scowled at him, his acid eyes demanding answers.
"I'm not saying we're going to do this plan of his," Leo began, trying to keep his voice calm.
"But you are actually thinking about it!" Raph cut Leo off before he could say anything more. "I don't believe this!"
"I said we'd hear him out if he told us what happened."
"FUCK THAT!"
"Raph!"
"He violated him, Leo!" Raph snarled, not letting his older brother's scandalized yelp at his language slow him down. "That...that son of a bitch violated our brother and you want to let him have another shot at it!?"
Leo's eye ridges drew together as he shook his head. "You think I'd be willing to hear him out if I thought there was any other way?"
"I think he's our brother and that we should be protecting him! Not throwing him back to the wolves!"
"WE'RE LOSING, RAPHAEL!"
Those three words stopped the temperamental turtle's rant cold and left him staring at his older brother. They all knew how dire their situation was, but this was the first time any of them had dared give voice to the truth.
"If this war were just about us, I would never give Donatello's idea a moment's consideration!" Leo declared, using his brother's moment of silence to his advantage. "We would all stay down here and help him work through what's happened."
"Sounds good to me! You let me go up there long enough to gut that bastard for what he did. Then we'll stay down here until Donnie gets better."
"You know we can't do that!"
"Why the hell not?!" Raph snapped, throwing both arms out wide. Then he pointed in the general direction of the Foot Clan's headquarters. "The Shredder can wait!"
"But the Kraang can't," Leo returned. Raph made a sharp scoff, turned his back on his brother, and stalked deeper into the dojo as Leo continued. "We are the only thing standing between the Kraang and the destruction of humanity. If we go into hiding now, we give the Kraang free rein to do whatever they want to the world. We can't allow that happen." Leo paused to swallow the tremor he could hear building in his voice before saying the phrase he'd been desperately trying to avoid ever since their genius brother's capture. "And I don't think we can stop them without Donnie."
As Leo spoke, Raph kept his back to him. The red clad turtle's shoulders had drawn up and his hands were balled into fists tight enough to make his knuckles turn white. Just as Leo opened his mouth to continue talking, Raph finally broke his silence. "We..." the hothead rasped out in a small, tremulous voice that sounded nothing like his brash self. His eyes slid closed as he began to quiver from the effort of keeping everything he felt pent up inside. "We were supposed to protect him."
Raph didn't realize his words were the final blow Leo's spirit could take. What Leo wanted to say turned into nothing more than a strangled mess.
Moisture stung the leader's eyes as he began to mentally scold himself.
"Raph is right: you were supposed to protect Donnie. Instead, you failed him. No. No, you did more than just fail him. You abandoned him! You left him at the mercy of an enemy who you knew had none to give." Leo's face scrunched up and his eyes clamped shut, sending tears burning down his face. "And now...now you're talking about letting him go back to the same fiend who assaulted him."
The guilt-ridden ninja brought a hand up in a desperate attempt to hide his breakdown even as he choked out the only response he could offer Raphael, "I know."
Raph's eyes snapped wide open before they narrowed to slits and his lips peeled back from his teeth. And everyone called him heartless?! He whipped around to thunder his absolute outrage at his brother.
The ugly remark died in his throat.
His older brother stood there with one hand over his face, the other at his side, clenched into a fist tight enough to draw blood. The blue clad turtle's whole body trembled. His shoulders made spasmodic jerks in time with his barely muffled sobs.
Raphael's eyes rounded once again as his lips parted in a soft gasp. Then he looked away from his brother and gritted his teeth together. Of course, Leonardo knew they were supposed to protect Donatello. He knew that responsibility better than any of them. Even before Splinter officially dubbed him their leader, Leo had always done everything he could to keep them – all of them – safe. But this time, there was no way he could. Not then…and not now.
The red clad turtle swallowed around the building knot in his throat before he made his way to his blue clad brother. Leo sensed his approach and tried to retreat. However, Raph caught him and pulled him close.
Before Raph could envelop Leo into a tight embrace, the taller turtle lowered his head so that the top of it pressed against the brawny turtle's upper plastron. He didn't want Raph to see him like this. As leader, he was supposed to be the one who could weather any storm they faced. The rock his brothers could rely on to be stable when they couldn't be. Instead, he'd failed them...just like he'd failed Donnie.
"I never should have left him," Leo barely managed to shudder out in between sobs.
Raphael lowered his head, leaning his cheek against the back of his brother's head as he whispered, "You did what you had to do, Leonardo." The red clad turtle's vision wavered as tears began to build in his eyes. "You did what you had to."
The hotheaded turtle bit his lower lip in a desperate attempt to choke back a sob trying to work its way out, but he couldn't. It was all too much for him to handle. It was too much for any of them to handle.
How could Donnie have kept this from them for so long?
With another choked sob, Raph tightened his embrace on Leo. Then, he buried his face against his older brother's head as he finally joined him in grief.
A/N: I'm not afraid to admit it. I bawled my eyes out while writing and editing this. Oh, my poor, sweet boys. Hang on to your hats, everyone, because Mikey and Donnie's chapter is next and it's not going to be any less emotional!
Thank you all for reading! I really do appreciate you spending your time here. Please don't forget to leave a like, favorite, comment, and/or review. I always love to hear from you and really do appreciate your support. Oh, and if you like my writing enough to want to read more, please stop by my profile page. I have a few more stories, including a couple set in the same universe as "Donatello's Strength."