An I love you wasn't spoken, but I felt it.
1
"You doing okay, kid?" Alex semi-yells over the crowd of people. We decided to go to the high school's football game because my friends wanted me to make an appearance and even though my friends and Alex aren't fond of each other and Alex doesn't even go to the high school anymore, we still show up together. Package deal, no refunds.
"Yeah, it's just..a lot of people in a cramped space is getting to me. No big deal." I try to give her a smile but the corners of my lips couldn't make the trip upwards and it was a failed attempt. But Alex slides her hand over my shoulder and leans closer so I can bury my face in her neck. Her hair smells like citrus and warmth and I lean into her. I wanted to be closer. I wanted to melt into her warm embrace until I couldn't hear anything but Alex's heartbeat and the steady flow of her breathing.
"Com'ere, babe." Alex says. When I move my head to see her properly, she puts her hands around my arms and positions me so I'm sitting in between her legs. She starts to play with my hair, which she knows always relaxes me no matter where we are. I space out for awhile, thinking about how I got to the place I am now, happily in love with my gorgeous girlfriend and accepted into the college of my dreams. I'm pulled out of my reverie when I start to notice the small tugs on my scalp. I turn my head and Alex looks bewildered.
"What did you do?" I giggle while touching my head, feeling an attempted braid (more like a bunch of knots) in my hair and Alex looking positively adorable with that pout on her lips.
"I don't know what happened, okay..I promise I know how to braid hair I just...your hair is REALLY against the idea. I also wasn't paying very good attention. I'm so sorry, I'll try to fix it."
I start to laugh uncontrollably despite the pressure on my head from the knots, and Alex starts to laugh with me and we're both doubled over with laughter while the crowd watches the rest of the game, unaware.
2
"...and I don't think that guy ended up alive. I bet your ass he died, and they just didn't show it onscreen, because wouldn't that be so fucking awful? The main guy who saves everyone else's ass gets murdered? Still a better ending than that bullshit, that's for sure." Nicky remarks about the movie we just got done seeing at the theatre. She came with her girlfriend, Lorna while I came with Alex for our usual double date, "let's go see a shitty horror movie".
Nicky and Alex are smoking cigarettes while we sit outside, Lorna's giving me the latest updates of her sister Frannie dating some douchebag, and it starts to get colder outside. I'm trying to listen while also burrowing myself further into my small jacket. Alex noticed my teeth chattering slightly after I made a comment, and she put out her cigarette and took her jacket off and draped it over my shoulders.
"Put your arms in so you can get the full warm effect, Pipes." Alex quips when I don't move so I put my arms into the holes and look down at myself, noticing how the jacket was too big for me.
"I look stupid, Alex." I jut out my bottom lip and look up at her.
Alex just laughs and agrees with me and I couldn't control the exaggerated eye roll that came after. She grins widely at me and I punch her in the arm. All she does is pull me close to her and kisses my forehead.
3
I'll pick you up from school today, back parking lot, on the dot. x
The bell rang and I walked out towards the parking lot and saw Alex's car and I picked up speed.
"Hello, princess. You good to go?" Alex says with a lazy smile and a sloppy kiss to my lips. I nod my head and put on my seat belt and we're off.
We head to the burger shop and order burgers and shakes and sit on the green picnic tables outside. We talk about our days, and our plans, and at one point Alex asks me about the future.
"It's all coming so soon..I'm scared. I don't think I'll make it into Smith." Smith is the college I've always dreamed of going to.
"It's okay, babe. Because you know something? You're going to do big things. You're going to do so well no matter where you end up at and I will always be proud of you. Always." Alex looks me deep in the eyes with a smile that proves to me that she means every single word and I take her hand into mine.
"I'll always be proud of you too, Alex..always."
4
My clock was flashing at me. 3:57 AM.
Some nights, I won't sleep because the aching from the weight of my fears and insecurities are too much to bare and it's all I can do not to scream.
Tonight was one of those nights. My hands haven't stopped shaking in two hours but I controlled it enough to pick up the phone and dial the only number that means anything.
"Hello?"
.
.
.
"..Piper?...Pipes? What's wrong? Talk to me."
"...Al. I'm falling apart." I don't know how I managed to speak loud enough or coherent enough for her to understand me but I hear rustling on the other side.
"I'll be over in fifteen."
I see her car pull up eleven minutes later. I pull on a sweater and head out to her car, and when I get in the car, I broke. She held me as I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into her shoulder. She held me until I stopped shaking and crying, and my breathing started to regulate. And she held me even closer when I felt okay. And when I started to shake from laughter, she kissed my face over and over again.