"So, why exactly where you naked in the river?"

"I'm an exhibitionist and bathing naked excites me."

That stopped him in his tracks - well they were mostly her tracks in that he was following her - his brain trying to override his built-in obliviousness. It didn't help that when she said that she turned back to give him a smile so wry he developed childhood trauma from it. The smile was also hot, trauma and a fetish all in one sexy bag, that sounded completely healthy.

The forest that he found himself in was pretty much exactly like any other forest he'd ever been in: Trees, everywhere, some even grew from the corpses of dead trees. They weren't as big as the trees that were around Konoha, but they were close, and this was all just a distraction to keep his mind off of the fact that Madara Uchiha, was a girl.

Not just any girl, a hot one. A hot girl that found him cute. And wasn't trying to murder him. Nor did she seem crazy - well she did, but not the whole taking over the world crazy thing he remembered - maybe she was just his mother or something? Maybe his daughter? "So you're sure you're Madara?"

"Asking that question again will only accomplish in annoying me," her voice carried an edge sharper than the sword at her hip. "And I tend to, remove, things that annoy me."

"But I'm cute enough to not be removed. Right?" He didn't want to fight Madara again, that wasn't fun. Though things might go a bit differently without the whole sage steroid thing going on.

She spun on him, that sword drawn so that the flat of the blade rested against his chest, she really liked to get up close and personal. She smelled like the river. Her face hovered inches away from his, close enough that she could bite him with the slightest movement. "Cute, yes, but you can live without your tongue." Her smirk appeared once again, and the sword sheathed itself. "Be glad that I have use for your tongue."

"Right, I need to tell you about Konoha," He gave a nervous laugh as she continued to walk forward.

Another chuckle that sent a ripple down his spine like it was a tranquil pond. "Oh yes, that as well."

Wait. What? He scrambled forward nearly losing his footing on a root slick with moss. "What else can I do with my tongue?"

She laughed, her hips swaying just that extra bit more as she rounded a corner along the path. "You'll have to find out. Tonight if you're lucky."

He spent the next five minutes failing to figure out what she meant, much to her amusement.

The forest came to an abrupt end and a village sprouted up out of the earth, only a band of rocky and charred earth separated the two worlds. This was the Uchiha village, the clan symbol he had chased after for much of his childhood was stretched between two logs stuck into the earth, marking the entrance to the village, behind it towered a wall made out of vertical logs that spanned as much of the village as they could.

It was impressive for a single clan but still smaller than he expected. And less dark and broody, less fires too.

"Welcome to my village, Naruto." Madara held her arms out for a moment, head held back in pride. "It's not as big as some of the larger clans like your Uzumaki or the Senju, but one of our ninja is worth five of theirs."

Because the Sharingan was cheating. But maybe there was a ramen stand or someplace to eat in there. He was kind of hungry, and he didn't have to think so much when he was eating. His brain was still trying to wrap around the fact that Madara Uchiha was a girl with a really really really nice ass. And great legs.

"It, uh, looks great."

"You have only seen the entrance and the gates, if this impresses you then perhaps your Konoha isn't worth hearing about." Her gaze snapped to his just long enough to flash a smile at him. "Now, stay close, and do try to ignore the look my clansmen give you."

"Are outsiders rare or something?" He asked following after her, eyes focused on the sway of her hips and the way her robes kind of hugged her butt. It was odd, he didn't remember being so into butts before, maybe hers was that good. No really, why was the hottest girl he's ever seen Madara Uchiha.

Who was supposed to be a man!

"Not exactly, but people won't ask questions if you're near me, also stop staring at my ass." How the hell did she know? She wasn't even looking at him!

"What happened to being an exhibitionist?"

"You truly have a death wish don't you?"

"No, I'm just stupid and my mouth moves on its own."

"Your honesty is admirable, your idiocy not so much, now silence your tongue."

The inside of the village was somehow less impressive, most of it looked like those super old buildings in Konoha that didn't get rebuilt, kind of like the Hyuuga place, or Shikamaru's home, kind of like a shrine or temple. With paper walls and tatami mats, it was all kind of, what was the word again? Traditional?

Most of the people, well they looked like they were related to Sasuke, and not just look wise, they all had that same grumpy scowl on their face Sasuke was probably wearing right now. Well maybe not right now, he was still in the future. How did he even end up here? And why was Madara a girl?

While dark hair like Madara's was the norm there were a few more vibrant colors, purples, blues, and even a few deep reds. They were all dressed in simple robes, with the clan symbol on the back, some even wore that cool looking armor that Madara and the first Hokage wore. A tall angry looking man - angry even by Uchiha standards - walked up to them, with a sword on his hip and long black howl, and those hateful eyes, he looked more like Madara than Madara did.

"Lady Madara," his voice a black storm seething on the horizon, ready to swallow up any who would challenge it. His bow was curt, straddling the lines of mockery. "It is good to see you are well." The Uchiha's eyes flickered to him, he eyed him up and down and grunted. "And it appears as though you've brought a stray dog home."

With a hand on her hip Madara turned back to face him, she rolled her eyes and smiled. "Naruto, this is Sanosuke. He's a strong shinobi but a pig-headed bastard that thinks that he should lead our clan because there is no way that a woman could do such a job."

Sanosuke snorted, shrugging his arms, his frown only growing. "You only lead because-"

"Because you can't best me." Madara interrupted turning to face Sanosuke, "And until you do, I will continue to deny you."

A growl escaped him and his lip curled into a snarl as he directed his anger towards Naruto. "And what business could our clan have with a weakling such as this?"

Weakling? "Hey, I'm not-"

The back of her hand against his chest silenced him. "He has information that could benefit our clan far more than you ever could, now hold your tongue before I put you back in your place." She turned away from him, eyes scanning the crowd. "Do you all have the luxury to stand to and gawk at me?"

Only Sanosuke remained standing.

Madara sighed. "What else Sanosuke?"

"We need to talk about your agreement to meet with the Senju, it's a trap." The man continued to glare at him. This guy was worse than Sasuke ever was. "And if it is not then they are fools and we should crush them."

"Hashirama maybe a peaceful fool but he is an honest one, besides, I want to know what the peaceful fool has to say. You are welcome to remain here and watch over the crops. It would be no problem in finding another escort," she paused, her face void of all emotion, she looked tired, and finally managed a smile. "Of your caliber, I'm certain even Naruto here could fill that role despite the fact that he. Is. No. Uchiha." She let each word drip like a venomous honey.

With a huff Sanosuke left them, stomping off towards further into the village.

"So, uh, you didn't mention you were the leader of the clan," Naruto said trying to change the subject, he didn't exactly do well in situations that were about to break into a fight. He was great at the everybody happy, or everybody fighting atmospheres.

Her smile came back, "Oh, did I not say that this was my village?" She leaned in close one hand on her hip, the other resting on her sword. She was way too fond of that thing. "Or did you just assume that I could not be the leader because I am female?"

"No?" He leaned back, hands putting up a meager defense. Did she not know what personal space meant? "What I mean is that we had a female Hokage before? She was super strong! And I know a lot of other strong girls, like Sakura? And umm, oh! The Mizukage is also a girl!"

"It sounds as though you're asking me the questions," She spun on her heel, hair nearly smacking him in the face, "Hokage? Mizukage? These are leadership titles?"

"Yep, granny was super strong, and I heard that if I didn't want to become the next Hokage than Sakura would probably be asked." It kind of hurt that it came from Shikamaru saying that Sakura would make a better Hokage than him, but he had more than a few points. "It normally goes to the strongest ninja."

She laughed, a cruel mocking sound that was still filled with joy. "The more I hear about this Konoha of yours the more I am beginning to like it. Now come, my home is not far I am hungry."

AN: I'm enjoying writing this Madara. She's a troll and I love her.

Also, how the hell did this get 100 reviews and 500+ followers in one week? Ya'll spoiling me! Thank you all for the support and I hope I can keep up with the hype.

Special thanks to Fan of Fluff for his donation to my Ko-fi, it really does man a lot.