Madara's home was smaller than he thought, and it didn't have a future-super-evil-bad-guy-that-wanted-to-take-over-the-world vibe he expected it to. If anything it was just kind of plain, save for the collections of swords, kunai, scrolls, and ninja weapons that were displayed - some proudly in proper racks, others were just kind of left nearby - and the giant Uchiha flags that flanked either side of Madara's seat.

She sat on a large pile of multi-colored pillows, looking every bit the warlord. But, that wasn't at all the person he had been seeing, instead, he saw a beautiful woman with tired eyes and a smile that was filled with a twisted sense of humor. A bowl half full of the same gruel-stew-slop (actually it was awful and she should never be allowed to cook again) rested on her knee as she digested his words carefully. Is this what it felt like to have someone listen to him? No wonder Iruka-sensei always wanted him to listen.

"So, uhh that's pretty much everything." He scratched his head, a bowl of the somehow still warm stew stuff was clasped in his other hand. It was a refill, Madara was with her cooking as she was with all things; prideful. Despite the protests of his mouth his stomach had no complaints about the substance, Sakura was a better cook.

Hell, he was a better cook.

Still given the lack of instant ramen, grocery store, ramen stand, or anything really, this was probably the best he was going to get any time soon. That and he didn't want to piss Madara off.

"I see, so if I understand this correctly, you bested me while I had the combined might of all the tailed beasts, as well as a creepy Hashirama, face in my chest adding his considerable strength on top of my own all of which I did was to force the world into an endless dream where they'd be happy all for the name of peace. But, I was betrayed by some kind of shadow man that proceeded to summon some kind of chakra goddess that wanted to eat everything." She ran her finger along the rim of her bowl, staring at the liquid. Even she wasn't immune to the taste of her own cooking with the way she shivered after another mouth full of the gunk.

He nodded. "Well, I had help. Sasuke was there, Sakura, and Kakashi-sensei too!"

"And do you still hold this power?" her smile was the flash of a dagger, but much more dangerous. She licked a bit of stew that clung to the top of her lip her eyes not once leaving his.

"Well, I don't have all the tailed beasts inside me, but Kurama's still here," he shrugged. "And I can still do sage mode and awesome stuff like that."

"Ha!" She tossed her bowl to her right, sending it into the kitchen sink without breaking it. Both of her hands gripped her knees and she rocked on her cushion. "Cute, Strong, Honest, Resourceful, you have many," she paused wiping her mouth one last time, his body burned under her gaze of fire. "Desirable traits Naruto. Did you not think that telling me of the future would be a bad idea?"

"No?" He asked scratching his head, trying really hard to not to look at Madara. At least this time she didn't have her sword out. "I mean it was the best way to get you to believe that I wasn't trying to kill you or anything right? And hey, you're the one believing that I'm from the future."

Another laugh, this one overflowing with mirth. She rested the back of her hand against her forehead, pushing against some of the more defiant wild raven colored hair. It died down quickly enough. "Indeed, either you are too honest, or I am two trusting. Perhaps both." She stood, her black eyes like charcoal ready to combust to life once more bore into him. "But, I am no fool Naruto, and you are no liar."

Madara sat down next to him, leaning in close. One hand on his leg, the other pulling on his jacket. "While there is much of your story that is lacking, and much more that seems impossible, there are traces of truth to be found elsewhere."

He felt so powerless to stop her as she unzipped his jacket, letting it fall to the floor behind him. "What are you doing?"

"Exploring," she answered, her eyes looking at his stomach, around where the seal would be. He could feel her hand grazing his stomach without touching him. A twitch escaped him, making him groan. "Ahh, there you are, Kurama was it? Yes, that is indeed the nine tailed fox. Time has tempered his rage, and strengthened his spirit."

"He says that if you try to control him again he will kill you." It was easy to ignore Kurama, mostly because he was like a giant cat and normally slept most of the day away.

"Does that apply to the Nine-Tailed beast that roams my time or just him?" She chuckled pulling away and turned her attention to his jacket. "Not that it matters, I am beginning to see the merits of this peace that fool Hashirama speaks of, especially if your Konoha is the result." She pulled out his wallet, thumbing open his ninja I.D. "Your truth about the nine-tailed fox, the honesty in your voice, this photo, and the material of your clothing, your armor, are all the evidence I need to believe you."

"Oh, good. So you're not going to try and kill me?"

"You used the word try that time?" The edge in her voice was hard to miss, mostly because she whispered it into his ear. One of his kunai was in her hand, resting just above his heart like a snake basking in the sun. "But yes, I have no intent to kill you, provided you stay on my good side."

"How do I do that?" And why did she keep holding onto weapons?

She spun the kunai in her fingers and gave it back to him. Her smile faded when she stood, her hands flat against her back. "A question with no answer. But you are off to a good start. Continue to treat me as a woman and as an equal and I won't 'try' to kill you." She smirked taking her seat once more, "Oh and help me of course."

"With what?" He put on his jacket once more. Probably not a good idea to tell her that her cooking was bad any time soon. And what did that even mean? He was just treating her the same as he would any cute girl that was at least mildly violent - which growing up was most of them.

"Your history, my future, leaves much to be desired." That knowing smirk appeared once more, he could see the ambitions growing in her eyes. "First, instead of that fool Hashirama, I shall become this Hokage you speak of, then I shall find and kill this Shadow Man for daring to think that he could use and betray me. From there we shall see."

"Wait, you want to be the Hokage now?" He stood pointing a finger at her. "I want to be the Hokage, I was going to be the seventh Hokage!"

"And I will be the first!" She stood with him, hand on her hip. "Instead of the seventh, you could become the second, or perhaps I will find some other use, for you." Her hand slid along his chainmail shirt, sending a wave of excitement through his body. Once more she was close to him, her body coiling around him like a python a mere thought away from a lethal strike. "I'm sure I can find many, many, uses for you."

It was impossible to face her, her brilliance shined like the early morning sun blinding him from his goals and forcing the weariness from his body. "I'll help you kill, Zetsu, but I won't help you become Hokage?"

"Oh?" She purred, her breath hot on his ears. She pushed him away with a laugh and a smile. "Very well Naruto, just know that those who compete with me tend to have their ambitions cut short. Now then, allow me to show you to my spare room, you will be staying with me for the time being."

"That is if you can stomach my horrible food."

How the hell did she know?

"You wear your emotions on your sleeve."

Damn mind reading Uchiha.

XXXX

Being in the past sucked for many reasons. One was that there was no running water, another no electricity, he didn't have any of his friends, he didn't even have his own home, but by far the worst part was that there was no ramen! Sure Madara had heard of it, but no ramen stand in the Uchiha village. And the whole no instant ramen thing was a serious bummer.

It was those thoughts that were preventing were chasing away sleep. The comfort of Madara's spare bed had long since vanished. It didn't help that he had gone to bed so early, but there was nothing else to do! How did people entertain themselves in the past? Training probably. Maybe that was how the First Hokage and Madara got so strong? Training to not be bored?

Maybe they read? Nah, it had to be the training thing. But he couldn't do that now, mostly because Madara was asleep. And he was in a village that was literally crawling with angry Sasukes. Why was Madara a girl anyways? Had she always been a girl? Does she turn into a grumpy dude?

Sure the hair was the same, and if he kind of thought about it they had the same face, but they were completely different people! Especially personality wise. This Madara laughed, and sure she was mostly laughing at him, but it was still kind of a cute laugh. No really why the hell was Madara Uchiha a girl! A hot one too!

At least he wasn't thinking about ramen anymore.

Crap.

With a sigh he flopped his arms and stared up at the dark ceiling. He used to be so good at sleeping when he was bored, now he couldn't sleep because he was bored. Growing up sucked.

His door slid open, flooding the room with moonlight, Madara's silhouette stood in the entranceway, her shadow swallowing him whole. And her eyes glowing with the soft red of the Sharingan.

He strained his neck to look at her more directly. "Madara?"

"Ahh, you're awake, that's good." She strode into his room, and closed the door behind her, covering her in a shroud of darkness. He could feel her every step on the tatami mats that made up his floor and could see the sway of her hips even as darkness clung to her every motion.

"Why are you-" He followed her hand as she pulled her sache loose. But it was the sound of her robe falling brought a clarity to his darkened vision. She was naked in front of him, modest breasts sat high on her chest, her stomach was toned, and long, stretching downwards before it flared out into her hips. Then there were her legs, long, wonderful pillars of feminine power. "What are-"

She kneeled down next to him, placing a finger on his lips as she tossed his blanket to the side. "It should be obvious Naruto, we are going to have sex."

Somehow the hardest boner he ever had just got twice as hard.

"Sex?" He asked, grabbing onto her arm. Why was he stopping this? Was he stupid? Well yes, but at the same time sex. With a hot girl that might be only slightly evil. "Shouldn't we be dating or something first? Or like in love or something?"

"Love?" She snorted into a chuckle, even as she proceeded to pull his boxers off. His shirt was quick to follow. With one leg on either side of him a hand on his chest to keep him pinned she angled him for entry. "Love has nothing to do with it. I find you attractive, you find me attractive. That is all there is to it."

Her kiss spread like a wildfire through his mind, burning away any resistance and leaving his mouth tasting of blood.