Look who found a decent wifi to upload this for you? The next one will be only by Sunday... Enjoy part one of the House-elf Job-Shadowing.
If this chapter brings you fun, share the joy with me xxx
oh, and once more thank you, my dear Magzillasaurus, for your beta work. Always a pleasure.
Chapter Seventeen
He cut the mushrooms with precision, while she peeled the potatoes.
"Don't you use Potter's trick?"
"This goes much faster, all the fuss with boiling water…" The knife carved its way between peel and potato at a skilful rate. "I wonder… what did you mean about my stressy knots?"
"From work, when someone infuriates you as I did at Hogwarts. I'm an expert at riling you up, but I'm not unique."
"Prat." She shoved the peeled potatoes to him, "Can you cut these in cubes?"
"How big?" Her spread fingers showed him the size, and he went to work.
"You don't mind that I have a job?"
"One, you would wither away if I forced you to lead a life like my mother or any other Pureblood witch. Two, if I did force you, I wonder how many hexes you would send at me, for suggesting it alone. Three, and probably the most important, you're an incredibly talented witch, you're capable of changing the old rusty laws and leading our wizard world into the modern era." He leaned against the counter, arms crossed.
"Draco, those are big words."
"It basically comes down to this: whatever you decide to do with your professional life, I'll be your biggest supporter. If I would cage you, the only thing you would want is to escape me. I choose to hold my hand open and let you decide like a free bird."
"What are your plans? We haven't talked about our future plans."
He watched her boil the potatoes, his gaze all of a sudden distant, "I'm not a person who's welcome to a Ministry job, my father saw to it. They'll not be looking for me to join their Auror's team or any other; I've been adrift if I'm honest. I love potions, yet I don't see myself brewing them the rest of my life. I enjoy runes, but curse breaker? Won't they always expect me to abuse the power within the cursed item, instead of trusting my ability to break the hex?"
"Draco, those are dark thoughts," his tone of voice scared her, the proud man made room for a man who lost his self-confidence to a certain extent.
"It's the reality, Hermione." Pushing himself off the counter, he moved to the window and stared outside without seeing. "I don't need to work, my family heritance ensures me a stable life; however, I don't want to be a loser either. I want to have a place inside society, but which one?"
She turned off the heat, walked to him and leaned on his back, arms around his waist, "I don't like to see you so dark and moody; you can be so much more if you want to. If they did give you the opportunity to fulfil a function inside the Ministry, what would your choice be?"
"Pff, I don't know, I have no idea, Hermione. I try not to think of possibilities to avoid considerable disappointment."
She pushed him briskly by the arm, turning him towards her, "I hate to hear you talk this way, Draco. Where's your will to fight? You were always right behind me in the grades. You tell me that I'm a talented witch, but you are nothing less than a talented wizard either. Is the Ministry your ultimate goal, or would you prefer to stay out of it?"
"I do hate politics. My father reveled in it, I hate the game."
"Potions is a hobby for you, but not what you see yourself doing on a daily basis?" He shook his head, "Then we figure out together where your passion might lay; just keep this I'm not worthy -bollocks out of your head. You made mistakes, yes. We all have some specks of dirt on us, but you didn't commit any sort of crime that justifies a life sentence."
He jerked away from her, "Draco, hey!" Grey eyes stared toward the brown pair which bore into him, after her hand jerked his head back towards her, "You are worth it."
Eyelids shut down to hide the emotions inside, only bobbing his head in acceptance.
"I, for instance, don't know if I'll join the Department for the Regulation of Magical Creatures, or if I'll be aiming for a seat on the Wizengamot to change the pro-pureblood mania into a more tolerable community."
"I'll one day be, the husband of the first female Ministry of Magic." His thumb was tantalising her cheekbone, with every rub.
"Uh, as if I would get so far up the food chain." On her tippy toes, she pressed a kiss into his lips, "We have a meal to finish, I'm starving."
-oOo-
They finished working on their meal, with him setting the plates ready for her to scoop their food. Serving a glass of red, she chose to tackle less serious subjects, "What's your favourite dinner?"
"Salmon with lemon sauce and treacle tart."
"I love a good spaghetti with meatballs. My mother used to do it each time I returned from Hogwarts, as my welcome home meal."
"It sounds like something I would like to try…"
"Not with a white shirt on, the red stains are a pain in the arse to remove, even with magic." She smirked at the memories, "Molly hexed Ron often when he came home with tomato spots on his clothes."
"I'm not the Weaselbee." He refrained from correcting, "He calls me the ferret, I return the favour." She caved in with a shrug. "What can I expect tomorrow? Help your wizard a little."
"Nope."
"You're mean." Draco pouted, "I've never cleaned in my life."
She felt giddy, "Then it will be double fun for me to watch, haha."
"I thought you loved me."
"Fishing are we? Poor wizard, his girl is evil. Will your father hear about this?" Her fun died at the intensity of his eyes."I probably shouldn't have said that."
"You're reading me wrong, woman." Draco snatched her off her seat to settle her on his lap, her legs straddling his hips. "My hands are tickling to teach you some manners, a lesson in how to treat your wizard."
"Bah, all words no deeds." Her waving-off started a cat and mouse game; she jumped out of his lap to put the sofa between them, and he feigned going to the right and moving to the left. They ran like kids through the living room and the kitchen, waves of laughter and giggles loudly between breaking free during his attacks. Draco finally tackled her, both panting, while his body blocked her escape with its full weight.
"All words and no deeds, eh?" He raised up and sat on his knees, sandwiching her legs in between his, to avoid freedom of movement. A mischievous glare, her only warning, before his hands launched a tickling attack on her waist. She fought to evade, contorting in all ways from laughter and tickles, face red as a tomato.
"Stop, I yield!" She pushed his hands away, but in vain. Draco caught her both hands, and pinned them over her head with one hand, while the other resumed its previous task. "Draco, please. I can't anymore."
"Admit it."
"Admit what precisely?"
"Admit that I'm your wizard."
"You're the god of all ferrets and gits." He tsk'ed at her words and taunted her once more; she cackled, "Oh, Draco! PLEASE, STOP!"
"Repeat after me, I'm…"
She went along, "I'm…"
He couldn't finish. He couldn't force her to say what he wanted to hear, the words he longed for. She wasn't ready to speak them up, not that he doubted her feelings. Her passionate speech from a few hours ago spoke volumes.
Hermione used his temporary loss of focus to wiggle herself free and sat on her knees just like him. Her face carried traces of pure joy, eyes gleaming in delight. She inched closer, palms on his cheeks, "I'm falling in love with you, Draco." A kiss followed; one of those that you stay glued on each other's lips, tenderly. His hands rose, in slow motion, to hold onto her waist. Time stood still as she released him, eyes opening slowly to see his stunned features. It woke a smile on her face. "I'll see you tomorrow." Hermione kissed him quickly and apparated away.
"I'm becoming a bloody Hufflepuff." Draco remained a while in his position, yet he couldn't avoid the giddy smile that came.
-oOo-
Tuesday morning, worried looks on the wizard's faces, wide grins on the witches. The tiny detail about how the roles would be reversed in the afternoon was temporarily ignored by the women.
The same house-elf army waited for their victims. Yes, victims if you paid attention to the looks on the small creatures' faces. It seemed as if they considered this challenge as the final payback for yearlong servitude with the lack of respect for the performed duties. With the help of the Headmistress McGonagall and an equally eager Molly Weasley, a long row of small rooms - with a series of household tasks - waited for its assigned wizard.
On the plan: vacuum, dusting, lavatory cleaning with a disgusting toilet included, and finally, wash pots and dishes. At their disposal? A frilly apron, a pair of gloves and all the necessary items to bring this mission to completion. For the last part, the nappy change, a row of benches was set up with real size dolls.
Harry approached Hermione, "Did you bring it?" Her boombox exchanged hands, "Thanks, 'Mione."
"Is music also of vital importance?" Pansy wondered, halfway aware of the tasks ahead of her. It was the only challenge she disliked the most and feared above all. Cooking was hell on earth, but cleaning? Purgatory. Rather pamper a dragon.
"Pansy, it makes the job more bearable." Hermione was shocked at how the elves had turned their job-shadowing into a torture session, it really felt like retaliation.
Surrendering to the inevitable, the wizards put on the gloves, pulling them up as far as possible - some were annoyed it didn't cover their elbows.
"My dears, we want you to start with the dishes and the pots. It's the washing task of one house-elf after a meal in the Great Hall. Our head house-elf made sure the pots were extra dirty, full of stuck-on remains." Hermione heard the humour behind McGonagall's voice, the woman enjoyed an inside joke, apparently at the expense of the purebloods. The house-elves didn't hide their amusement at all, some even visibly rubbed their hands.
What was meant as a challenge about the ability to adjust, was turning into the revenge moment of the century. Not Hermione's original plan.
Lukewarm water filled the sinks, "Use your muscles, my dears. You'll need them to scrub those pots clean." Molly was no better than Minerva.
Harry turned the music on and sighed, "Good old fucking times."
"What did you say?" The tune in the background was contagious, but Draco was resisting the beat.
"I feel like I'm back at the Dursley's. Scrubbing and cursing."
"I suspect my arms will feel like lead by the end of the day," Theo whined.
Harry suggested, "Use the hot stream to soak up the stuck-up bits, it will make the scrubbing easier."
-oOo-
"What did Harry suggest, just now?" Daphne was paying attention, the initial fun disappearing and the feeling of doom sinking in. Like all the other Slytherins, they were paying attention for later.
Ginny translated, "To soak up the worst. It helps in the scrubbing."
"But, Miss Weaslette, my nails?" Pansy complained.
"Will grow back." Hermione shrugged, "I didn't expect the elves to be so bloodthirsty."
"They are having the time of their lives, aren't they?"
"The bloody creatures will be laughing harder than we planned."
"Theo can't help it, he's wiggling his arse to the beat." Luna giggled, "He's so cute…"
"Ron is dancing as if he as a stick up his arse."
"He needs his witch to guide him, so much is obvious." Ginny laughed at her brother, unabashedly.
-oOo-
The pile of dishes seemed not to diminish, "I suspect the elves are making us suffer for every meal at Hogwarts." Draco dried with the back of his sleeve, the drops of sweat on his forehead.
"It very well may be." Harry was going to have a talk with Hermione about this test. It wasn't as funny as it initially sounded, by the looks of that toilet. The nappy was also an unknown factor.
Ron fumed, "I'm about to break dish by dish."
"If yous breaks a plate, yous will have to wash ten mores." An offended house-elf declared the punishment, fists on waist.
"Just kidding." The elf walked further, and when the coast was clear, he mimicked "Bloody bastard, if yous breaks..."
"Don't let Hermione hear you, Ron. Or she'll give you hell for it." Ron turned to the stands and grinned at said witch, innocently.
-oOo-
"That didn't look suspicious at all, did it?" Pansy could not make out what happened between the elf and Ron, but by the way he looked, she bet he was fuming.
"Pretend you didn't see it. It works best." Hermione returned the smile with an angelic one of her own.
-oOo-
The loud general sigh that reached the women, meant foremostly that their wizards were happy to be freed from the dishwashing task. It only emphasised how glad they were, to leave the job up to the slave drivers of the day: the house-elves.
Minerva announced the next chore, "Now your arm muscles are all warmed up, you can use your new found ability to scrub the lavatory and deal with this revolting toilet." She scrunched her nose, "Believe me, this is not the elves imagination. Some of you have left the pot in this repulsive state."
"That brush with a long handle will help you further," Molly spoke between contained snickers.
Harry knew which brush Molly meant, and picking it up from its container, he raised it, taking a duelling stand, "Malfoy, I challenge you to a duel."
Draco sneered, lacking conviction, "Should I turn this brush into a snake too?"
"No, bro. My parseltongue ability is turned off and we don't need a basilisk to keep us company. Enough snakes in here already. Now, fight back or yield." He wiggled the white brush, pushing Draco several steps back.
"Oh, bloody hell." Draco let his handle collide with Harry's, and the two entered a hilarious duel, laughing off the frustration from their scrubbing.
All the other men watched it unfold but decided to challenge the nearest wizard, and soon the whole room was duelling with dry toilet brushes. The sounds of laughter and crashing handles mixed with the howling from the stands.
"GENTLEMEN!" Molly ended the hilarious moment, pressing her lips together to contain the chuckles.
As if they were a groomed army battalion, the men fell in formation but cracked double at the thoughts of their previous battles. Harry and Draco snickered, covering their mouths, "We need to do this again, Potter."
"I prefer another item over these things." They roared once more but went all serious under the glare of McGonagall.
"The lavatories wait for you… NOW!" Molly was unrelenting.
The goofy wizards returned to their stations, looked at the offending pot and gagged in unison, Harry included.
"Bloody hell!"
"Salazar's saggy titties!"
"I'm gonna puke."
"Holy fuck." Immediately Harry fastened a towel around his head turning it into a mask, an action that found resonance within the entire group. "Not even Dudley made such a mess."
Using the sponge, he tackled the sink first, leaving the most disgusting task for last. I'm brave, but not that brave. Everyone without exception followed his example, under the not-so-hidden snickers coming from the elves.
The white porcelain shined brightly, much to the general satisfaction after a good scrubbing. And then came the nightmare.
Not one soul tackled the toilet in the typical fashion. The handle was kept far away from their bodies, stirring around the walls chaotically. Looks were thrown to check on the progress, while the hand pinched the nose closed and prevented any more gags.
The girls howled, acknowledging only too well that in the afternoon, the laughter was on the boys. But the sight was too funny to show compassion.
Theo and a few others appeared to have weak stomachs and vomited, embarrassed. Luckily, there was a friend at their side to hand them a glass of water in support. It did smell awful. Between the gags and the stirs, they succeeded in getting the toilet clean.
Two down, one to go.
-oOo-
"I don't care about the order of tasks that Molly suggests. I'm doing that awful one first." Hermione based her decision on the way Harry handled things. It really looked like the task from hell.
"Can't we ease it up?"
"Have you saw those wanna-be Auror's of elves? We deal with the nasty first, leaving the less filthy for last." Ginny concluded.
"Did you see Theo puke? It must stink like dragon dung."
"Pansy, you'll figure it out." Stealthily, Hermione sent Draco a fresh air bubble to ease his discomfort, receiving a smile of gratitude.
-oOo-
Harry adjusted the cd to the right track gesturing to Hermione wordlessly, watch me! He took his duster, flipped the music on and impersonated Freddie Mercury while dusting away. Mouthing I want to break free!
"Potter, are you for real?"
"Yes, Malfoy, this is how you do it."
The hilarity in the stands grew, as they watched the group of friends brush left and right, the opposite arm outstretched. Even Minerva and Molly doubled over in laughter but didn't intervene, nor did the elves.
To aid in the fun factor, Harry took the magical version of a vacuum cleaner and showed how it was done, shortly followed by every wizard around, who were oblivious to the ridiculous and far from efficient method employed.
But the loud bursts of laughter became suspicious, Blaise and Draco exchanging sceptical looks, "Mrs Weasley, are we doing this correctly?"
"Oh, yes, definitely." Her shoulders shook, while she tried to keep a stern face. Minerva had to turn away before she cracked in front of the Slytherins.
The reassurance ended in increasing the suspicion, especially as Draco watched Hermione double over in laughter.
"Potter, are you messing with us?"
"I wouldn't dare." Harry cracked, "Oh man, look at your faces!" He roared in laughter. It brought even Ron to a stop, "You took it meekly. Merlin, this is too much." He slapped his thigh, "Ha ha."
"You'll pay for this, you know?" Draco threatened him, but even he could see the fun of it.
"Wait, give me a minute to put on my face of fear for the Death Eater." His seriousness lasted precisely two seconds.
"Don't fear me, fear her!" Draco jerked his head towards a certain witch.
"I'm sorry to break your bubble, mate, but your girl is nearly peeing her pants in laughter." Indeed, Hermione's smile couldn't be more extensive.
-oOo-
It took them a while to regain control, but the dusting was brought to an end; the men approaching the bench with the lifeless dolls which became nasty little brats upon touch.
The elf explained, "Remove nappy, clean the little behind, sprinkley talc powder and put on new nappy."
"Why are all these dolls boys?"
Molly answered Blaise's question, "You'll find out soon enough."
Removing the slacks went relatively well, but then began the nightmare. The babies wiggled away and kicked with their legs, turning the simple task into torture.
Draco wrinkled when he held the nappy by a corner, throwing it into the basket decisively, "Can't you stop moving?" Alas, instead of keeping it still and give him the chance to clean the area with a wet towel, the doll sprayed him wet full on the face. "Oh, son of a banshee, what the fuck?"
A quick look to the left taught him he wasn't the only lucky fellow. "Lesson learned, Mrs. Weasley." Blaise sounded defeated, "Never change your son's nappy without covering the little bits."
"Correct, Mr. Zabini, it's a lesson I learned when I changed Billy's first nappy." Molly felt satisfaction, watching the event unfold. Arthur had somehow always known how to escape such accidents. "Beware, gentlemen. Little girls do the same…" Ginny didn't like to be exposed in such a way, but she took the advice to heart.
Multiple profanities and pleas later, the dolls finally stilled when a dry nappy was around their little arses. The last hurdle was: lift the baby to show the nappy was securely fastened. Unfortunately, Ron's and Theo's weren't, both being flooded with a new spray as a result.
-oOo-
Pansy sighed, "We are definitely getting an elf for the nursery care. No way my offspring is going to attack me."
"It's all about technique, Pans. Don't leave their little crotch out in the open, and you're safe."
Ginny added to Hermione's advice, "Be happy if my mum doesn't make us change the other type of nappy, the smelly one."
Daphne decided, "I'm bringing a mask, and those gloves are only coming off after all is done."
"Great idea, Daph." Pansy did a mental list: the music, no wine, better gloves and a double thick mask.
-oOo-
In the end, all wizards felt exhausted as if they had run ten miles. Luckily, most of them found comfort in the arms of one witch or another who came to pat them for the courage shown.
"Love, please. Let us keep Tibby for the cleaning." Draco let Hermione cuddle him, deciding this was a task he prefered not to do manually. "He's a free and paid elf. I promise to increase his salary!"
"Didn't you like cleaning the pot?"
"Tell me what you think of it after you're done. I'm certain you'll despise it as much as I did."
"What did you think of the nappy?"
"I'll use a sticking charm on the kid, I'm a wizard!"
"Poor wizard, defeated by a little one who can't even walk."
"Witch, I have already a bone to pick with your spectacled brother!"
"You make a nice blond Freddie Mercury, you know?"
"Funny. Now give me a decent kiss, I'm scarred for life."