The votes are in, and Pervzuma is the winner. Really, could it have been anything else?

Harem Ending: Pervzuma

Oh yeah. It was all coming together now. Kazuma had carefully been raising the girl's affection for him for months. He'd also made sure they were getting along with one another too, didn't want to leave that out of the equation. Each of them not only got their personal time with Kazuma, but also had a chance to get to know one another. They did the usual stuff, like go drinking, but he had them each participate in other team building activities.

The team poses were a great way to manage that, and really built up Megumin's affection not just for Kazuma, but for their comrades as well. He got Aqua to do more cooking, as she was excellent at that, and after all, was not the way to a woman's heart through her stomach as well? As for Darkness, he made sure she saved everyone from certain death on quests, because that was a certain path to improved relations.

And, he'd hit all the flags on each route. He'd spent quiet moments with each of the girls, talking about their interests, and positively reinforcing affection for him with praise and other little things. Clearly, it was working, for life at the mansion had never been so harmonious. It was time for the harem ending.

First had been Darkness. Really, how could it not have been? He was already pleasuring her, it was only natural she return the favor. It had started innocently enough. Ok, well, no, it had never been innocent, but one night, when she'd been chained up, she'd finally done it.

"M-master, I-I, I need more!" Darkness had begged, straining against her chains where she was bound against the wall. She'd been doing amazingly lately, taking Advanced 2-Handed Sword Skill, Charge, Battle Cry, and Power Strike. She was cleaving monsters in half like a champ, and Kazuma was being generous with the points.

"Playtime's over, Darkness," Kazuma had grunted, putting away the whip and reaching to unlock the restraints. "Master has his own needs to take care of, and he's getting tired."

"K-kazuma, I think...I think it's time..for us to go...to the next level," Darkness had gasped.

Slowly, Kazuma raised the blindfold, meeting Darkness' eyes. "You mean that?"

Darkness had nodded eagerly. "I need more! Please, master, give it to me! Let me loose, I'll give you what you need!"

That had worked out extremely well. It had just been a hand job, and Darkness had been awkward, but it had been way better than the sock, and they had time to improve.

The very next day, Kazuma and Megumin had been practicing their poses together, getting in sync to the music. She'd been getting closer and closer, until she was pressing herself up against him practically. He'd 'tripped' and ended up on top of her on the ground.

She'd looked up at him, blushing. "That wasn't very coordinated. We need more practice."

"Yeah, I know," Kazuma said, giving her a wink. "But you're cute when you're flustered."

"P-pervert," Megumin had muttered. She eyed him. "Do you think I'm cute? Really?"

"The cutest," Kazuma had said, and he'd leaned in for a kiss. She'd kissed him back, and it had taken a while before they'd managed to get back to practicing poses. First had been the kiss, and then, she'd moved his hand under her shirt. Flat really was justice.

Last came Aqua.

"Kazuma, I'm so close! Please, isn't there anything else I can do for more stickers?! I really want that next bottle of bubbly!" Aqua had begged while Kazuma had been relaxing in his room.

He looked up from the book he'd been reading, frowning. "We just got back from a quest, Aqua. Maybe tomorrow. Don't worry, you've been doing really awesome lately. I really appreciate all the hard work you've put in. Tell you what, maybe we can share a bottle tonight, the four of us. A special treat for how amazing you've been. You wouldn't mind that, would you?"

Aqua had closed the door behind her, flushing as she entered. "What if it were just the two of us?"

Kazuma had shrugged. "I mean, maybe, but you'd have to do something special to earn that."

"Uh huh," Aqua had walked over, sitting on the bed next to Kazuma and eyeing him. "Like what?"

"I dunno. Maybe something for me," Kazuma teased.

"I see." Aqua gave Kazuma a shrewd look. "You know, Darkness and Megumin are gone out for her Explosion since she just used Intermediate Magic today. We've got the place to ourselves."

Kazuma's heart thundered in his chest. "Oh? What do you have in mind?"

"Well...I am a goddess of water," Aqua mused, then gave Kazuma a coy grin. "So...how about a bath?"

The bath was great. Aqua had an even more rocking bod than he'd thought. Darkness was hot and all, and Megumin was fun, but Aqua...Aqua was just perfect. She'd washed his back, let him wash hers, and then they'd shared a long kiss. Then she'd looked into his eyes, breathing heavily.

"Y-you know, if we go any further, um, well, this is fun, Kazuma, and...and I think I'm really starting to like you. I mean, and being here is great. I don't even know if I really care about defeating the Devil King anymore…"

"Yeah?" Kazuma had said, pulling Aqua close. "You think so?"

There was a sudden slamming of doors, and pounding feet, then the bath door banged open, and Megumin and Darkness stalked in.

"Gah!" Aqua wailed, jumping to cover herself with a nearby towel. "What are you doing!? I thought you'd be gone for longer! And Megumin, how are you walking? Did you-"

"Aqua, we need to talk," Darkness growled. She hauled the failing Aqua out of the water and hustled her off.

Kazuma made to get out of the bath, but Megumin pointed a finger at him. "Paralysis."

Kazuma had a long time to think as he floated in the cooling bath. Where had he gone wrong? He'd made sure to trip all the flags, do everything right! What was going on? He'd been about to seal the deal with Aqua! Darkness had given him a hand job, and Megumin had let him get to second base, but Aqua had been about to go all the way!

He would finish up her route, then he'd work on the other two. Harem ending, here he came!

The spell wore off at last, and Kazuma quickly got dressed. He hurried out to find the girls sitting around the fire. Aqua had been crying, her face stained with tears. Megumin looked like she was about to blow something up, and Darkness was stalking back and forth in her armor.

"Girls, what's wrong?" Kazuma asked, slowly moving into the room. "I thought we were all friends?"

"I thought we were more than that!" Darkness snarled, suddenly Charging Kazuma and grabbing him with both hands by the collar. "I was falling in love with you, Pervzuma! I thought you had changed! That you loved me, and accepted who I was"

"N-not so hard," Kazuma gasped. Darkness picked him up and bodily hurled him to the floor of the living room. "Come on, what's the problem? We're all in the same party! Haven't we been growing close?"

"We have," Megumin growled, clutching her staff in both hands, a sneer of disgust on her face. "Which is why I talked to Darkness about my growing feelings for you. And she told me what had happened between the two of you. Before we shared our moment of passion, I might add."

"I was going to become mortal for you! I thought you actually liked me, that you didn't just want something from me!" Aqua wailed. "I was going to let you…" She dissolved back into sobs.

"Hey, it's alright! There's enough Kazuma to go around! Besides, you like each other, right? We can all be together, one big happy party!" Kazuma said, slowly standing and giving the girls a smile. He could salvage this, he was smart!

Darkness' expression somehow got grimmer. Megumin's eyes began to glow. And Aqua stopped crying, a dangerous gleam entering her eyes.

"He is unapologetic," Darkness said, slowly drawing her sword. Kazuma felt ice go down his spine.

"Ladies," Aqua hissed. "I think I know just what to do."

"Indeed," Megumin agreed, standing. "I'm gonna blow him up. He has disrespected the Crimson Demon plan, and blasphemed against the path of Explosion."

"Oh no," Darkness laughed. It was an ominous, throaty sound, and Kazuma tried to back away. "He's not worth it."

"W-wait! Come on, you all love me, right?! Wait, no, I'll just choose one! We can work this out I-"

"Sleep!" Megumin roared, and Kazuma slumped over.

Some time later, Kazuma awoke. He felt strangely weightless and groggy, and he hurt all over. One of his eyes wouldn't open, and he coughed and spat out a tooth and blood. His vision slowly cleared, and he looked down to see Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin looking up at him. After a moment, he realized he was suspended by ropes, slowly rotating in the air. Darkness really had gotten good with restraints. He tried to talk, but his lips were so swollen he couldn't manage it. That was when he noticed the sign hung around his neck.

"Woah, just what the heck did he do this time?" Chris asked, coming over, looking up at Kazuma. She grimaced and shook her head. "I mean, it was bad enough when he would steal panties, but you girls always stuck with him even then. But beating him black and blue then hanging him from the tallest tree in the square with a Pervzuma sign on him? Man. That's harsh."

"He deserves it," Darkness proclaimed, sneering at Kazuma. "We're kicking him out of the party."

"Definitely," Megumin growled. "We don't need him."

Aqua snarled and shook her fist at Kazuma. "Screw you, you stupid NEET! I hope you stay a virgin forever!"

"Wow, OK. Sheesh," Chris said, shaking her head. "I mean, I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened. He tried to put the moves on all of you?"

"Yes," Darkness said, turning her back on Kazuma. "He could have had any of us. Instead, he gets nothing."

"You should have let me cut it off," Megumin muttered as she too turned away from Kazuma. "He won't ever need it."

"Hey, Chris, you're a thief, right? Feel like joining our party?" Aqua asked, walking away from Kazuma for the last time. "We could use someone with some stealth skills and stuff. Plus, you remind me of a friend of mine."

"Sure, why not. I think you girls could use some help," Chris agreed. She looked back at Kazuma and shook her head. "Sheesh. Even I wouldn't push my luck that far, Pervzuma. Hopefully you won't be such a creep in your next life."

The four girls walked away. Eventually, someone cut Kazuma down, though not before every girl in town came by and smacked him with a stick Darkness had helpfully left by the tree. After licking his wounds, he fled town, leaving Belzerg completely. He ended up in Elroad, where he tried his hand at the casinos. But once again, Kazuma just didn't know when to quit. He ended up winning just a bit too much, and one night, he ended up dead in an alley after fleecing a casino one too many times.

Eris reincarnated him as a cockroach before he could even try to explain himself.

BAD ENDING ACHIEVED. TRY AGAIN?

Authors Note:

I really don't know what you expected. It was called Pervzuma for a reason. There is no way Kazuma is going to get those three girls to agree to live harmoniously with him split down the middle. They're all extremely possessive and jealous, and while they might be good friends, they'd sooner kill Kazuma than be willing to share. Even Smartzuma in this story isn't that good at social engineering.

If you want to try another route, leave a review with your choice, and the winner will get posted first after a week or so. Since this got a bigger reaction than I ever dreamed it would, I'll go ahead and write those extra endings. Let's try for a good ending this time though, OK?

Either way, I hope you enjoyed Kazuma's suffering.

Voting is now closed, and-

I WIN AGAIN! HA! ONLY THE SUPERIOR MAGIC OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN WAS WORTHY OF THE TRUE GOOD ENDING!

The Eternal NEET (Sock ending)

Do girlfriends get stickers too? (Aqua Ending)

Safe and consensual, but sane? (Darkness Ending)

Love is an EXPLOSION! (Megumin Ending)