Oh, how embarrassing! D-don't look at my lewd tale! K-kazuma, they're all looking at me!
The Darkness Path 1: Safe and Consensual, but Sane?
"Where are you hiding the princess! Tell me, or face my wrath, you foolish Crusader!" Kazuma snarled.
"I'll never talk, never, no matter what you do to me!" Darkness wailed, straining against the ropes that bound her to the wooden and steel frame.
"Then you shall pay for your insolence!" Kazuma cackled, and cracked the whip, scouring Darkness' back. He had to go all out, his muscles straining, to even leave a slight mark on the durable knight's flesh. Even bound and near naked, her defenses were such that most blows were simply absorbed or deflected.
Still, she was obviously enjoying it, shuddering and moaning under each blow. Verbally, she played along of course, protesting that the pain was too great, or that she couldn't take much more, but she never uttered her strange safeword even once.
"Still you won't talk?" Kazuma hissed, lifting Darkness' head up roughly by jerking her hair. She seemed to enjoy that, so he tried to be as harsh as possible. "I've heard you've been a very wicked Crusader."
He held up Darkness' Adventurer card, which showed her newest skill: Greater Cleave. "You didn't even tell me you had such wicked abilities."
"I...I am sorry master! I didn't know better!" Darkness whimpered, but her eyes were dancing. She had, of course, told him several days ago, but it was all part of the game.
He really had turned into Pervzuma. The problem was, he was loving it.
"Such actions require...punishment," Kazuma growled. He reached into his pouch and pulled out the items he'd ordered from the succubi. Apparently, they knew what nipple clamps were. He wasn't quite sure this would work out, as Darkness had told him to surprise her, but from the way she reacted when he whacked at her boobs, she'd probably love this.
Indeed, Darkness gave a throaty groan as Kazuma affixed the toys and twisted them a little. She shuddered and cried out, her face flushed. "I...I have reached my limit, master! P-please, free me, and I shall talk!"
That was Darkness' way of telling Kazuma she wanted to try something else. They still had a while left in their session, and truth be told, Kazuma was really getting into this. Quite obviously, in fact, as his leather breeches were growing increasingly uncomfortable.
"Fine, slave, I shall loosen your bonds, but you must give me what I want!" he undid the ropes easily, as the knot was designed to slip free with a simple tug.
Darkness collapsed to the ground, crawling towards him. "Master, please, let me...help you," she cooed. "I shall give you what you want."
That was new. But Kazuma was willing to play along. "Oh? And what is that, you pathetic creature?"
In answer, Darkness slowly reached up, and touched the lacing on Kazuma's leather breeches. "Master...may I?"
"I, um, shall allow it, slave, for now!" Kazuma stammered, sweat breaking out on his brow.
"Does this please you, master?" Darkness whispered, slowly tugging Kazuma's pants and then undergarments off.
"It...it does," Kazuma admitted, his heart thundering.
For a moment, Darkness paused, then she looked at him. "Um, master...I do not know what to do. I have, er...never…"
"Use, use your hands," Kazuma gasped, and then, he found himself explaining to Darkness how to give him a handjob. It didn't take long, he'd been rather close to the edge already, and he felt embarrassed and elated when the end came, to Darkness' shock.
"S-sorry," Kazuma groaned, gasping for air and leaning on Darkness' broad shoulders to support himself. "I wasn't-"
"Master mustn't apologize," Darkness crooned, wiping herself off with a cloth. "This one is just a pathetic slave. May I kiss you, master?"
Kazuma leaned down, and his lips locked onto Darkness'. They separated, both gasping for air. "I think...I think that's enough, Kazuma."
That signaled the end of the play session. "Um, yeah. That was...wow. You er...you um, ok with that?"
"Well, it's only fair that I return the favor, isn't it?" Darkness giggled, and drew Kazuma over to the bed, cuddling against him. Something else new, but Kazuma didn't mind. "I've been enjoying myself for months now. Time you did as well."
"I sort of have been. Just, er, you know, by myself, afterwards. I guess I'm a lot more into this kinky stuff than I thought," Kazuma admitted, running his hand over Darkness' bare flesh. He'd done that before, but he'd been rough then. Now he was gentle, fascinated.
"Yes, well, um, I know we're just friends, but, well, I have started to develop feelings for you, Kazuma," Darkness laughed. "Or should I call you master?"
"You can call me anything you want," Kazuma said, and kissed her again. "But I think we might not just be friends anymore."
He left after a cuddle session, which had been very nice indeed. He whistled as he walked back to his own room, feeling on top of the world. Nothing could go wrong now.
The next day, the party followed their usual routine, heading into town and selecting a quest to go out and fight some more monsters. Lately, more and more high level threats had been showing up, a result of the winter weather. He found himself sneaking more glances than usual at Darkness though.
Over the past couple of months, he'd realize he was starting to develop serious feelings for her. Sure, at first, their "play sessions" had just been a way to motivate her to be a better tank, but Kazuma found he was really starting to get into it just as much as she did. He noticed her eyeing him back, smiling demurely and blushing. In public, she was increasingly able to hold in her more perverse tendencies. It might have been that she had an outlet now, or it just could have been she was maturing. Either way, Kazuma was fine with it. He didn't need anyone calling him Pervzuma.
Well, except Megumin and Aqua. They teased him and Darkness about it in private, but it was just that, teasing. Aqua seemed remarkably on board with Kazuma and Darkness' relationship, saying "All Love is equal in the Axis church, even BDSM love. So long as it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, who doesn't want it, then it is healthy and good!"
Megumin was more succinct: "As long as you keep that away from me, I don't care."
The day's quest was easy enough, go out and fight a pack of winter wolves that had been stalking farmer's sheep. The hardest part of the quest was finding the wolves, but Kazuma brought along some bait to use, and after a few boring hours of sitting around, they easily slaughtered the pack. Megumin even got off an Explosion to kill the ones that tried to run away, and everyone seemed satisfied with the results, as Darkness had gotten beaten up a little, and Aqua had been helpful enough to earn herself six stickers and a bottle of booze.
They were heading back into town when Darkness suddenly let out a cry and jumped off the road, diving into a snowbank. Kazuma crouched, drawing his sword, trying to shield Megumin who was riding on his back. He thought there had to be some monster, but instead a carriage pulled by four elegant white horses pulled up to them, and the door opened.
A young girl with long blond hair held back by a clipped shaped like a cluster of grapes peered out, looking worried. "Lalatina? Is that you? Oh, are you injured? Please, Ms. Claire, you have to help her!"
"I do not think anything is wrong with Lady Dustiness, your highness," a woman with short blonde hair in a white suit sighed, leaning out of the carriage. "This seems to be that party of miscreants she galivants about with."
"G-greetings, y-your highness," Darkness stammered, lifting herself up out of the snow bank. "I, um, well, we were just returning from a quest, and-"
"Oh, a quest! You simply must tell us! We can give Lady Dustiness and her companions a ride back into town, right Ms. Claire?" the girl asked, smiling sweetly.
Claire, who seemed to be some sort of bodyguard or aide, wrinkled her nose. "Very well. So long as the others ride up top with the help."
"That is not necessary, Lady Iris, we can quite manage-" Darkness began, but Megumin cut her off.
"I want a ride. Kazuma's back isn't very comfortable."
That seemed to settle things, though what on earth was happening Kazuma hadn't the slightest clue. Aqua somehow weaseled her way into riding inside the carriage, while Kazuma and Megumin rode up top like a bunch of luggage. He didn't mind overly much, though he was feeling rather confused.
"Do you know who that kid is?" Kazuma asked Megumin as they rattled down the road towards Axel.
"Not really, some noble probably," Megumin said with a shrug. "We don't really care about outside nobility in the Crimson Demon village. You'll have to ask 'Lalatina.'"
"Yeah...that was weird. That's our-well, it's something Darkness told me she would never willingly say," Kazuma said, scratching his head.
They arrived in town, and Darkness jumped out of the carriage like it was full of live snakes. Well, actually, considering it was her, if there had been live snakes, she would have been more likely to remain. She quickly hauled Kazuma and Megumin down, and bowed to the carriage. "Thank you, Lady Iris, I must go now. Farewell!"
"Goodbye, cousin! Shall we see you at Lord Alderp's party later?" Iris called back, waving.
"No, definitely not, very busy, being an Adventurer," Darkness babbled.
"Bye!" Aqua said, smiling and waving to Iris. "It was super nice to see you, Iris! And remember what I told you: The Axis Church is way better than Eris'. We don't mind if little girls want to become Adventurers."
"Well, I simply must call on you later, Lalatina. Your companion's stories were most entertaining! But you haven't introduced me to-"
"Sorry I must go bye!" Darkness wailed, and bodily hauled Kazuma and the others inside of the guild, slamming the door behind her and panting heavily.
"Darkness," Kazuma said slowly. "Who, and what, was that?"
Darkness groaned, resting her head in her hands. "Nothing. Come. Let us turn in this quest." She stalked towards the receptionist, her armor clanking.
Outside, the carriage rolled away, Iris leaning out of the window and waving merrily. Kazuma frowned, but decided he'd ask Darkness about it later in private.
That evening, Darkness grabbed Kazuma after dinner and hustled him off to her room. He expected her to be eager to start in on the fun and games and that he'd have to "torture" answers out of her, but instead she slumped on her bed. "No games tonight, Kazuma. I think...I think it's time we had a talk. Our relationship is built on trust, correct?"
"Well yeah, that's a big part of it," Kazuma said, going over to sit on the bed beside Darkness. "You have to trust me that I won't do anything you're not actually up for, and I have to trust you to know your own limits."
Darkness nodded, biting at her lip and looking away. "I have...been less than truthful with you and the others."
For once in his life, Kazuma managed to keep his big mouth shut and simply waited.
"My name...it is not Darkness," she finally said.
"Well, I kinda guessed that, even before today. But I figured you had a reason for going by a pseudonym. Lots of Adventurers do that," Kazuma pointed out.
"True, but in my case...it is because I hate my name. Which, as you now know, is indeed Lalatina Ford Dustiness. I know you have to be furious with me…"
"Honestly I'm mostly just confused. Who was that chick today? She some noble you worked for once?" Kazuma asked curiously.
Darkness leaned back, stunned. "You mean, you do not...Kazuma, how can you not know my name?!"
"Should I?" Kazuma asked, now feeling embarrassed. "Honestly, it doesn't ring a bell. You er, know I'm not really from around here, right?"
"I had gathered you were foreign, but...Kazuma, the Dustiness family is one of the most powerful noble houses in the kingdom. We are second in prominence only to the Royal Family of Belzerg. Which...that was my cousin, Lady Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg. The Royal Princess."
Kazuma blinked. "Wait, your cousin is a princess?!"
"The, ah, king is my uncle. Iris' mother was my father's sister," Darkness explained. "And, um, the ties go deeper than that. My house is quite closely related to the royal family."
"You're royalty!?" Kazuma cried, jerking away. "Holy shit, I've been ERPing with a noblewoman!?"
"Um, yes. And...and we're going to have to stop, Kazuma," Darkness said with a heavy sigh. "After last night...well, that was a line that we crossed. One that...one that someone in my position should not. And...and I would be lying if I said I did not wish for us to continue even further past that point."
"Well then why stop? What's the big deal? I mean, now I know sure, but-"
"Kazuma...this...this isn't who I'm supposed to be," Darkness whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "My father indulges me, true, but...Kazuma, one day, I am going to have to return to that world."
The bottom fell out of Kazuma's stomach. "And you...you don't think I can…?" he swallowed. No, of course not. He was just a commoner.
"Kazuma, you do not understand, I-"
"Oh, I get it!" Kazuma snapped, standing and glaring at Darkness. "I'm just your fling! The common filth you use to get off on! Well, I hope you enjoyed it, Lalatina. Maybe this was just a way for you to get off, but it was starting to mean something to me, dammit! I should have known better than to trust my heart to a filthy pervert like you!"
He stormed out of the room as Darkness began to weep behind him. He stalked to his room and slammed the door behind him. Then, he slowly slid down until he was sitting with his head between his knees, and started to sob.
After a minute or two, he forced himself to get up. He didn't know what he was going to do. He had to do something though. Dammit, he loved Darkness! He had really fallen for her, and he wasn't going to just let her go like that, was he? He flung open his door, and was startled to find Darkness standing there, her hand raised to knock.
"Might I...come in?" Darkness asked hesitantly. She swallowed. "M-master?"
"Don't call me that," Kazuma sighed, but stepped away from the door. "I know you don't really mean it. Come in."
"B-but I do!" Darkness protested, tears welling up in her eyes again. "Master, Kazuma, I...I do love you! It's just...please, we must talk."
"Ok. I...I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry," Kazuma admitted. He grabbed a chair and sat down as Darkness settled down on his bed. "Ok. So. You're a noblewoman."
"Yes," Darkness admitted, fidgeting. "I wish I was simply Darkness, the perverse crusader. And...and I forgive you. Your anger is...understandable. What you said...it likely hurt me as much as the lies I told hurt you. And not in the way we enjoy."
"What hurt the most was thinking that you didn't really love me, that I was just as much of a toy as the rest of the stuff," Kazuma admitted. "Even before last night...I was falling hard for you, Darkness."
"And I you." Darkness hesitated, then swallowed. "I was...I was considering abandoning my family and responsibilities. Running away with you, becoming naught but a common Adventurer."
"What!? Are you crazy!? I'm not worth that!" Kazuma protested.
Darkness hugged herself and shook her head. "You are, Kazuma. Do you realize what you have done, to me, to the others?"
"Er, well, I mean, I've only been doing that kind of stuff with you, I'm not a pervert. Or, well, not that kind," Kazuma protested.
"Not that, Kazuma. I mean, you took three hopeless individuals, and forged us into a team. Do you know how many Adventuring parties I had been kicked out of?"
"Twelve, you told me. Which is kind of impressive, except that Megumin got kicked out of eighteen…" Kazuma sighed. "I don't get it. I mean, yeah, you girls had your issues, but you're still scary tough and strong, and Megumin really is a powerful Arch Wizard."
"And Aqua is a hopeless drunk who thinks she's a goddess," Darkness added.
"Um, she doesn't think she's a goddess," Kazuma said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Er, while we're on the subject, I really should be honest with you too."
"What are you implying, Kazuma? Do not tell me...are you secretly a noble in exile?!" Darkness asked excitedly.
It really hurt to have to tell the truth, but, well, she was being honest with him. "No, I really am an ordinary guy from Japan like I said. Thing is...that's not another country, Darkness. I, um, well...I sort of died…"
"Oh? Well, it wouldn't be the first time. Aqua's brought you back twice now. It really is quite remarkable how skillful she is at that," Darkness mused.
"Kinda. Um, you see, Japan...it's another world, Darkness. Like, out there in Space, somewhere. There's no magic in Japan. It's, well, it's very different. I'd call this a Fantasy World. I didn't think a place like this really existed if I'm honest," Kazuma explained.
It took a little while, but he finally got Darkness to understand that he was, in fact, from another world, and that Aqua really was a goddess he'd accidentally dragged along for the ride. She had trouble grasping that there were worlds with no magic, levels, or skills, but then again Kazuma had at least had the idea of a fantasy world before he'd arrived, and it had still been pretty wacky.
"This is...Kazuma, that is incredible," Darkness gasped, clutching at her head. "I believe you, but...Aqua is truly a goddess?"
"Yeah, she really is, hard as it is to believe," Kazuma sighed. "I know she's dumb and all, but-"
"We HAVE to convert!" Darkness proclaimed. "I will be sad to abandon Eris, but- she accepts our proclivities! Her church would actually marry us!"
It felt as though a hand had just reached into Kazuma's chest and squeezed his heart. "M-marry us!? Whoa, Darkness, what are you talking about!? I don't- are we really ready for marriage?! We've only known each other for a few months!"
"Kazuma, since you are not from this world, I will accept that you perhaps do not understand the gravity of my situation. Kazuma, I am nearly 19. I am in my prime childbearing years, and am from a noble house. For someone in my situation, it would not be unusual to have a marriage contract signed upon my first flowering, and to be wed by the time I was 16. For a woman of my station to be just shy 20 and be unwed...it is unseemly, and scandalous."
"...and you're up to some pretty perverted stuff with me," Kazuma realized. "If people found out-"
"My family reputation would be ruined. Seeing her highness today...it reminded me of my duty to my family," Darkness admitted.
"So...you're calling it off then," Kazuma said, feeling utter despair. "You're going back to your family. I'll probably never see you again."
"What? No! I would sooner die than be parted from you, Kazuma! You are a man who not only satisfies my needs, but does so in a caring and loving manner! I had thought I merely wished to be abused and knocked about, but I have learned that is not the case! I want a man who will treasure me, but also respect and fulfill my needs. I could never marry some uptight noble who only saw me as a way to raise his family's standing, or even just a simple kind hearted man who could not love the true me: Darkness, not Lalatina!"
"Wait, then, I don't understand. What's the problem?" Kazuma asked.
"We cannot be wed," Darkness said slowly, holding up a hand. "Wait. As we are. Lalatina Ford Dustiness cannot marry a no-name Adventurer. She could, however, marry the man who helped slay the Devil King, or perhaps several of his generals. Such a man could be given honors by the crown. Knighted, or perhaps even granted a minor title."
"Well, I mean, we already planned on defeating the Devil King," Kazuma mused. "So, that's covered."
"That is true, and we have been gaining levels quickly. I am already level 47, which is quite powerful. And you yourself are level 28, Kazuma. No mean feat. However...I do not wish to wait. Do you?"
"Um, no, though er, this rushing into marriage thing...that's pretty heavy, Darkness," Kazuma admitted. "You sure that's smart?'
"No, but frankly I do not care," Darkness said, her eyes glowing as she took Kazuma by the hand. "I finally, finally, see a chance for me to be both Darkness and Lalatina. In public, I can be a proper noblewoman with a heroic husband, but when we are alone, I can be your slave, Darkness, and you my cruel master. So, do you accept my proposal?"
Kazuma considered that. "Alright. I'll do it. I mean, hell. When am I gonna get a better offer? A smokin' hot babe, who's noble? I'll be able to retire to a life of luxury, and get kinky on the downlow every night."
"Good. Then it is settled. I am afraid we cannot exchange rings or offer any other visible signs, but know my heart belongs to you, Master."
"And mine to you, Darkness," Kazuma said, and leaned in to kiss her. He let his hands wander, squeezing and pinching just where she liked it, and she moaned deep in her throat.
"Kazuma, I-"
"Aren't you supposed to call me master?" he whispered, caressing her.
"We-we should not-"
"Hey, I just agreed to get married. We'll save going all the way for when it happens, but for now...I think you've earned yourself a spanking."
That, of course, was too much for Darkness, and she eagerly let Kazuma paddle her with the flat of his sword. Then she returned the favor, much more proficiently this time, crying out in delight as he made a mess of her. When they were done, laying on the bed, panting, Darkness let out a long sigh.
"Of course, this means we shall have to attend the part of that damnable Alderp. I must begin the process of introducing you to society," Darkness groaned.
"Huh? You sure?" Kazuma asked, sitting up and looking down at Darkness, feeling more than a little worried.
"Yes, it is tomorrow night. I shall have to request an invitation. He should be more than happy to oblige, he's wanted me to marry his son Walter since we were both small," Darkness explained. "I cannot stand the boy. He is everything I do not want in a partner: deferring, polite, gentle, and worst of all, pure. Nothing like you."
"Oh wow, so what does that make me?" Kazuma teased.
"Domineering, rude, rough, and perverse as I am," Darkness giggled. "In a word: perfect."
The next day, Darkness assembled the party, and after explaining who she really was, began frantic efforts to instruct them in basic manners and politeness. Kazuma did his best, and he could tell that Megumin and Aqua were trying as well, but it was a lot to learn, and aside from Darkness none of them had any clue about how to behave at a formal banquet.
"Perhaps I can excuse your behavior as eccentric," Darkness sighed. "Normally I enjoy public humiliation, but the goal here is to establish you as a credible suitor, Kazuma."
"Well then what are we coming for?" Megumin complained, making a face at the dress that Darkness had bought for her. "I don't want to marry you."
"Why, as my close friends and companions, you are both invited to attend as well. Besides, we do defeat the Devil King, you're going to have to get used to such things," Darkness said in exasperation.
Megumin flushed, but it was Aqua who spoke up. "You think I'm your close friend?!"
"Er, yes, I know it is a tad presumptuous to consider myself friends with a goddess, but-" Darkness cut off when Aqua jumped up and gave her a hug.
"You really want me around?" Aqua asked, tears in her eyes.
Darkness seemed a bit surprised by the sudden show of affection, but nodded and gently squeezed Aqua back. "Why, yes. I do enjoy your company, Aqua. I...I consider you amongst my closest friends."
"Ok." Aqua spun about, a wide grin on her face. "Learning these manners can't be too hard for a goddess like me!"
"...perhaps you shouldn't say such things, Aqua. It would be best if you were incognito." Aqua looked like she was about to pitch a fit, so Darkness added, "If you do, Kazuma and I will consent to convert to your cult. Though ah, we shall still have to acknowledge Eris in public."
"Really!? You mean it! That's great! But why do you have to still act like you worship Eris?" Aqua demanded suspiciously.
"As a noble house, my family has certain duties and obligations to the goddess. Though you will hold the highest place in our hearts, in public we must be seen as dutiful followers of the national faith."
"Well that sounds boring. But whatever. I won't tell anyone else I'm a goddess."
"And I promise not to let anyone know my party members are all insane," Megumin sighed. "But I can't say they won't figure that out on their own."
After that, a hired carriage arrived to transport the party to Alderp's mansion. Kazuma felt stiff and nervous in the suit Darkness had gotten for him, but then she smiled at him and adjusted his collar.
"You look very dapper sir. Be careful, or you may just sweep a lady off her feet."
That made Kazuma puff out his chest, and he grinned as they stepped out of the carriage. He couldn't take Darkness' arm, as they were supposed to be simple companions at this point, but he felt proud to walk in alongside her.
"Presenting Lady Dustiness and her companions," the servant at the door proclaimed.
Kazuma boldly stepped through the door, only to hear a squawk of panic behind him. He had just enough time to turn around and see Megumin's scarlet face as she crashed into him, having tripped over her the heels she'd never worn before. That of course made him tumble into Aqua, who fell on her face then slid across the slick marble floor like a curling stone and slammed into a table, knocking over what had to be an expensive vase, which shattered on the floor.
"Oh no," Kazuma groaned, turning in time to see Alderp's scarlet face as he glared at them, his eye twitching.
While that was certainly the most embarrassing incident of the evening, Kazuma knew for a fact that he screwed up innumerable times afterwards. From using the wrong fork and dinner, to despite his best efforts, talking crudely to the refined nobles.
Just when Kazuma was about to give the entire thing up as a bad job, change his name, and move to Elroad to live as a hermit out of sheer embarrassment, Princess Iris approached him.
"Excuse me, Mr. Kazuma, Lady Dustiness tells me you are a most accomplished Adventurer. Could you perhaps share with us a story of some of your exploits?" the petite princess inquired.
"Oh, I don't know, I'm afraid my stories aren't as interesting as the heroic feats you've heard about," Kazuma sighed. "To me, Adventuring is a job. I mean, we spend our time doing things like hunting giant frogs and kobolds, not slaying dragons."
"You will address Lady Iris as 'your highness,' commoner," Claire the bodyguard hissed, but Iris seemed interested.
"Oh? I have not heard any stories about fighting giant toads. Tell me, how does one defeat them?" Iris inquired, ignoring Clair as much as Kazuma had.
A crooked smile formed on Kazuma's lips. "Well, for one thing, you don't try punching them, um, your highness. Just ask Aqua. You see, I'd just started off as an Adventurer, and-"
Sometime later, Kazuma found himself in a small sitting room with his companions, Iris, and her minder, regaling the princess with stories of their exploits. Aqua ended up passing out, drunk, while Megumin sat playing chess with Darkness, gloating as usual over her superior (and what Kazuma believed to be illegal) tactics.
"-and that was how we managed to defeat three Beginners Banes, using only basic magic and Darkness' sturdiness," Kazuma finished.
"Your tactics are most uncouth," Claire muttered. "A true knight would simply use his prowess at arms to win. I can hardly believe Lady Dustiness would stoop to such a level."
"Oh yeah? Well, I'd like to see YOU try beating three banes and a horde of goblins, then miss hoity toity!" Kazuma snapped, losing the last of his patience. Claire had made pithy remarks like that throughout his stories, and he was fed up. "Darkness DID hold them off so I could weaken them enough for her to take them out, since Megumin had used her spell to wipe out hundreds of goblins. A bunch of dumbass knights would have charged in and gotten their asses handed to them!"
"You oaf! How dare you speak that way in front of her highness!" Claire roared, drawing her sword.
"Claire, sit down. I have quite enjoyed Mr. Kazuma's stories," Iris scolded. "His method of speaking gives them an earthy flavor that is sorely lacking in the capitol. In fact, we shall extend a royal invitation to Lady Dustiness and her party to visit us and share more of her and Mr. Kazuma's exploits."
"But Lady Iris-!"
"Claire, is not Mr. Kazuma the boon companion of our royal cousin? Surely such valiant heroes deserve a chance to be honored at the palace."
Those words made Claire grind her teeth and glare at Kazuma, which meant she missed it when Iris giggled and winked at him.
Though it was still relatively early, Darkness decided it was time for them to depart before anything else disastrous happened, and they made their polite(ish) farewells to Alderp and headed back to their own mansion. They had just pulled out from Alderp's gate when Megumin let out a screech of frustration, peeled her heels off, slammed open the carriage window, and tossed the shoes into a bush. Then, for good measure, she pointed a finger as the hapless shrubbery and snarled. "FIREBALL!"
Panting, Megumin turned back to Darkness, and smiled sweetly. "Darkness, I love you dearly, but if you ever make me wear such hideous footwear again I will use you and Kazuma's toy collection as target practice for my Explosions!"
"Well, I guess that was a disaster," Kazuma groaned, slumping in his seat.
"Not at all. It went far better than even my wildest dreams," Darkness said, bending down to kiss Kazuma on the cheek.
Kazuma jerked upright. "Wait? What? How!?"
"True, you alienated Alderp, but the man is an ass, so that is no small loss," Darkness said with a shrug. "You did, however, earn the favor of the person who was by far the most influential and important person at the party."
"Iris? But she's just a kid who wanted to hear stories," Kazuma said. Then blinked. "Oh. But she's the Princess."
"Indeed," Darkness said with a throaty chuckle. "Kazuma, you earned an invitation to the royal palace. I let that slip a few times before we left to the other guests. That is no small feat, and will ensure Alderp will be forced to continue to invite us to his parties, no matter how many vases we break, as you have the royal favor and a pathetic little ladder climber like Alderp would lick my boots to try to earn such attention."
"Well he wouldn't get very far with that. Maybe if he tried to make you lick his," Kazuma laughed. "Well. I guess I didn't earn myself a spanking then."
"No, but perhaps another reward is in order, Master," Darkness purred, draping herself over him.
"Keep that up and my shoes won't be the only thing getting Fireball'd tonight," Megumin deadpanned.
Checkpoint Reached! Game saved. Continue?