Darkness Route 2: Hit Me One More Time
They did not, thankfully, have to attend more of Alderp's parties any time soon, according to Darkness. They would have to pay a visit to the capitol as soon as the party had done something significant enough to merit royal favor, however. Kazuma and Darkness continued their little play sessions, though they didn't progress beyond the sort of stimulation they already gave one another. Not because they didn't want to, but because they both agreed that if they went too far, it could cause them problems down the road.
However, it wasn't long before opportunity literally came a-knocking, in the form of the Mobile Fortress Destroyer approaching the town of Axel, resulting in an Emergency Quest being declared. Kazuma quickly formed a plan, and using all of the party's skills and some help from Yunyun and Wiz, they managed to take down the Destroyer. Their victory pose at the end felt especially sweet, as Kazuma felt like they'd actually defeated a serious threat, and one they weren't even responsible for causing.
He and Darkness celebrated that night together with some especially inventive techniques, culminating in both of them gasping for breath, naked and sweaty in one another's arms, certain that they would soon earn the royal favor they needed for their marital plans to proceed.
Which was why when envoys from the capitol arrived in the form of a bureaucrat and a company of knights, Kazuma was elated to see them in the guild hall.
"Sato Kazuma?" the leader of the group, a stern looking woman demanded. "Are you the one who ordered the teleport of a mass of Coronatite?"
Kazuma swelled with pride, stepping forward with Darkness. "I am, though really, I can't take sole credit for the act. The rest of my party helped as well. Without them, we'd never have managed to get rid of that Core."
"I see. You all admit to being party to this act?"
"But of course, without my incredible Explosion magic, we never would have gotten access to the Coronotite in the first place!" Megumin said, twirling her staff and grinning smugly.
"Don't forget me! I dispelled the barrier, and gave lots of buffs! I got a whole ten stickers for it!" Aqua added.
"I did not contribute as much, but I was proud to stand alongside my comrades," Darkness said, planting herself firmly at Kazuma's side.
"I see. Very well. You are all hereby charged with treason. Arrest them immediately!" the woman ordered.
The knights moved in, and Kazuma could only let out a gasp of shock, while Megumin recoiled and Aqua blinked in confusion. Darkness, however, stepped forward, blade in hand, a snarl on her face. "Hold! How dare you bring such a charge against us! We saved Axel and her people with our swift action! By what right do you charge us with treason?"
"That mass of Coronation destroyed Lord Alderp's mansion. By ordering the teleport, you attempted to assassinate an important peer of the realm," the bureaucrat stated coldly. "Such an act can only be one of treason. Drop your sword, or face the consequences!"
"Lord Alderp has no right to levy such a charge!" Darkness roared, sweeping her sword to keep the knights at bay. "How dare he send mere lackeys to arrest me! This is an insult of the highest order!"
"Lord Alderp is well within his rights to send knights to arrest lowly Adventurers. Now drop your sword, Adventurer! You are Darkness, yes, a known associate of Sato Kazuma?"
"I," Darkness growled, reaching under her breastplate to withdraw a pendent, "am Lalatina Ford Dustiness, Heir of House Dustiness, Knight of the Realm, and niece of the king! This man acted under my authority. By attempting to arrest me and my retainers, Lord Alderp insults the Throne of Belzerg itself, and my uncle, his Grace the king!"
The sight of the pendant made the knights gasp, and they immediately sank to one knee as the guild hall erupted in shouts and cries of surprise.
"Your pardon, Lady Dustiness!" the knights said.
"A Dustiness? Her!?"
"She is powerful, and her party did take out Beldia…"
"Should have known, blonde hair, blue eyes, how could she not be a noble?"
For her part, the bureaucrat paled, then immediately bowed deeply. "F-forgive me, L-lady Dustiness! I am Sena, Royal Prosecutor. I had no idea this act was done under your command! I...I still have an arrest warrant for Sato Kazuma, however, signed by your uncle...I...I am honor bound to arrest him for trial…"
"Very well," Darkness growled, sheathing her sword. "But if you arrest him, you must place me under arrest as well."
Sena gulped, and looked nervously at her knights. "But...but we cannot...you are the scion of a one of the most powerful noble houses in the land, second only to the house of Belzerg. I...I do not have the authority to arrest you."
"What took place was done with my knowledge and approval. If you will not arrest me, I shall not allow you to arrest Kazuma," Darkness barked.
"Er, um, v-very well, I, um, suppose we shall place you under house arrest then, while the others are taken to prison-"
"No! I shall not parted from my companions! Where they go, I go!" Darkness ordered. "Now are you going to do your duty, prosecutor, or must I relieve you of your position here and now?"
Kazuma wasn't certain if Darkness could actually do that, and from the way the knights shifted nervously, they weren't entirely certain either. Apparently though, Sena didn't want to find out. She sighed, and bowed again. "Very well, Lady Dustiness. Then...then I must place you and your companions under arrest. Will you comply?"
Slowly, Darkness unbuckled her sword belt, and handed it over to one of the still kneeling knights. "Indeed. You may escort us to the local prison, but I demand the right to petition the crown before the trial."
"Such is your right, messengers will be dispatched straight away," Sena agreed hastily.
"What, we're going to jail!? But we helped!" Aqua wailed. "This isn't right! This isn't fair! We saved everyone!"
Her outburst as the knights rose to take them in hand made the already excited crowd start to boo and cat call.
"They didn't do anything wrong!'
"They saved Axel!"
"Free Lady Dustiness!"
The Adventurers were growing restless, and several put hands to weapons, making the knights form a nervous circle around Sena, blades drawn.
"Good people of Axel, I must ask you to stand aside for now," Kazuma cried, stepping between the Adventurers and the entrapped officials. "This is a matter between our party and House Alderp. He harbors a desire to steal the honor of Lady Dustiness, and force her to bend to his will! It is not right, but we must comply for now. After all, our duty as Adventurers is to see to the safety of the Kingdom of Belzerg. If that means we must do so from a prison cell, then so be it."
Even though in teleporting the Coronatite, we only sought to save Axel from destruction, it seems Lord Alderp seeks to find fault with our actions! I only wish innocent bystanders did not have to suffer, as Axel is deprived of its best defenders. One would almost think Alderp was in league with the Devil King himself…"
That brought angry mutters, but the Adventures backed off, allowing the knights to escort the party from the guild hall.
"Thank you," Sena sighed as they exited the building. "That was well said, Master Kazuma. I did not realize I was being used as a pawn in a game of politics between nobles…"
"I'm sorry you were caught up in this," Kazuma said, giving Sena an understanding smile. "I'm sure you're just doing your job. The one to be angry at is Lord Alderp."
"Yes. I shall have to look further into this matter. Not all can be as it seems if what you said about saving the town is true," Sena agreed.
The party was placed in the jail cells, though not long after that happened, the knights came back with extra blankets, cots, pillows, wine, food, stoves for heating, and various other amenities.
"No! If we are to be arrested, then we should be treated the same as other common criminals!" Darkness snapped when they tried to give her the luxuries they'd procured. "Let the crown see how heroes of the realm are treated by Lord Alderp when they arrive! Dispatch a messenger to my cousin, Iris. She has a fondness for Kazuma, and will be most displeased to hear of his treatment!"
Reluctantly, the knights left, though Aqua looked like she was going to cry again when they took away the alcohol.
"Don't worry, I understand what Darkness and Kazuma are doing," Megumin told Aqua. "They're trying to make Alderp look bad. It is like doing a cool pose to intimidate your foes. When the truth is revealed, they will look especially cool and Alderp will appear to be nothing but a brute!"
"But I still have to spend the night in jail!" Aqua wailed, tears streaming down her face. "I'm a goddess *hic* w-why are people so mean!? We were just helping! They should be nicer to us, like Kazuma!"
"Some people are just assholes," Kazuma sighed, slumping in his cell. "You sure this is going to work, Darkness?"
"Honestly I have no idea. If we did indeed accidentally destroy Alderp's mansion, it would likely be considered an act of treason, moreso with me involved. Perhaps seen as an attempt to start a civil war. I just...I could not bear the thought of you being arrested," Darkness admitted.
"Why, because you'd enjoy it more?" Megumin demanded.
"N-no! Well, um, not just that," Darkness protested, blushing. "I just...care for you, Kazuma. You know I love you, right?"
That made Kazuma's throat go dry, but he managed to nodd. "Yeah. Yeah, I love you too, Darkness. Perversion and all."
"You're one to talk," Megumin grumbled. "I'd tell you too to get a room, but we seem sadly confined at the moment."
"Yeah," Kazuma sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned against the wall of his cell. "We'll get out of this though, Megumin. Don't worry."
That night, Kazuma slept better than he thought he would in jail. After all, Darkness was there, and so were Megumin and Aqua. With them around, it really wasn't much of a prison at all.
The next morning, they were served what Kazuma was fairly certain was a much better breakfast than most prisoners got, consisting of bacon, eggs, warm bread, hot porridge, and honeyed tea. It was actually quite satisfying, and Kazuma was pretty content to just lay in his jail cell, exchanging barbs with his party members and generally just taking a day off. Sure, it wasn't as nice as the mansion, but it also wasn't nearly as bad as the stables he and Aqua had lived in.
That all came to an end when the wall of the prison was suddenly shattered by an incredible blow, causing Aqua to wail in terror. Darkness was on the opposite side, and proceeded to rip the door to her cell right off of its hinges with a roar, then punch a bare handed hole in the wall to Kazuma's cell and drag him out before he even knew what was happening.
"What's going on?!" Kazuma cried, clinging to Darkness in panic.
"Cousin," a sinister voice growled. "It is time you were freed."
Which was when the party realized that Princess Iris was standing atop a pile of rubble and panting, her eyes blazing with fury. She wasn't wearing a formal dress, but rather a full set of elaborate plate not all that different from Darkness', though it was tinted blue and had the royal crest upon it. Sena and the other guards were kowtowing in blibbering terror, while a lathered horse heaved for breath out in the prison yard.
"L-lady Iris!" Darkness gasped. "What are you-"
"I was informed last night you had been arrested by the fool Alderp," Iris said, dusting her hands off and stepping down off the pile. She gave Megumin, who was cowering against the door to her cell in panic, a sweet grin. "Hello! I do hope you all have more stories for me. Please, let us adjourn to a more comfortable place. I am quite certain my minders shall be hot on my heels."
"Iris," Darkness said slowly, carefully setting Kazuma back down. "While we appreciate your coming to our aid, isn't this a tad, er, extreme?"
"Oh." Iris looked at the devastation and frowned. "Perhaps. I was very cross when I was informed that you had been arrested, and for saving the kingdom from one of its greatest threats! You know the Mobile Fortress Destroyer was responsible for the death of my mother, yes?"
"I, ah, do recall that fact, Lady Iris, yes," Darkness agreed. She swallowed. "I take it you are ah, pleased at its destruction?"
"Pleased? I was going to insist that father knight Mister Kazuma, but now I have something better planned. I have half a mind to ride over to that wretch Alderp's abode and give him a piece of my mind!" Iris declared.
"I think that's an excellent idea," Darkness snarled, her eyes blazing with pent up aggression, among other things. "It's time to teach the fool a lesson he shall not soon forget!"
"Very good! You there, servant, I require five fresh horses!" Iris barked to Sena.
"Y-yes your highness!" Sena wailed, then sprang up and ran off to fetch the required mounts.
"Are all the women in your family both insane and freakishly strong?" Megumin asked Darkness as they climbed over the rubble out to the prison hard.
"M-megumin! Iris is the Princess!" Darkness hissed.
Iris however, laughed at the question. "It is true that the scions of both our houses are renowned for their combat abilities, and for our ah, somewhat violent proclivities when roused to wrath. I have rarely been given cause to be angry, but upon hearing my favorite cousin and her most entertaining companions had been unjustly jailed, I felt compelled to act. Besides, I had quite wanted to have an adventure myself ever since I heard Master Kazuma's stories! I took something of an inspiration from his novel methods."
"Won't Uncle Melarc be upset?" Darkness asked, sounding worried.
"Father? Perhaps. But he has been lamenting the fact that he hasn't had time to take me on a proper hunt yet, like he did Jatis when he was younger. Why, I've never even slain a dragon, let alone a manticor a hippogriff. This isn't quite the same, but perhaps it shall do," Iris said with a shrug. Then she grinned impudently. "Besides, it was most amusing to give Rain and Claire the slip. I put points into Teleport without telling them. I had been saving up for learning another Divine Weapon Skill, but this seemed a prudent use of my points as well."
"Wait, if you don't go on quests and kill monsters, how'd you get enough points for teleport?" Kazuma asked as Sena hurried over with the requested mounts, already saddled.
"As royalty, I am given access to the most exquisite meals," Iris explained as she mounted her horse. "I'm already level 20, though I've never slain any foes."
Darkness had to help Aqua onto her horse after she utterly failed to manage to mount herself. Kazuma and Megumin figured it out easily enough, though Megumin looked slightly nervous at being atop the animal.
"Onward!" Iris cried, drawing a shining sword and waving it over her head. "We shall bring righteous justice down upon this villain's head!"
It was only a few kilometers to where Alderp was currently staying, but in that time Aqua managed to fall off her horse three times, until Darkness finally simply picked the weeping goddess up off the ground and slung Aqua behind her in the saddle. Iris found the entire thing terribly amusing, and seemed positively delighted at Aqua's antics.
"This is exactly like Master Kazuma's stories!" Iris giggled. "You simply must allow me to accompany you on your next quest, Lalatina."
"Only if you don't call me that," Darkness muttered.
"Oh! Yes, I forgot. You much prefer your Adventurer name, Darkness, yes? Well, I shall be the brave Alice! Yes, I think that is a most satisfactory Adventurer name. Don't you, Master Kazuma?"
"Er, yeah, perfect, your highness," Kazuma agreed. He decided it was his personal policy never to disagree with someone as cute as Iris, and also apparently capable of knocking down stone walls with her bare hands on a whim.
They rode up to Alderp's mansion late in the afternoon, while the sun was still shining coldly on the frozen ground. The guards at the gate were initially alarmed at seeing five armed riders approach, but upon seeing that Iris was dressed in royal battle armor, quickly opened the gate for them and bowed low.
"Let's maybe try knocking on the door before we go destroying any walls, er, your highness?" Kazuma asked as they dismounted, servants rushing out to take the horses.
"Oh, very well. That was rather satisfying though. I didn't actually think I could knock that wall down, I was merely making a point. It was rather impressive, however, was it not?"
"That's one word for it," Megumin said. "If she can't, can I just blow up the place? One Explosion, and the world will be less one annoying Nobleman."
"Ooo, yes, I have rather wanted to see one of Miss Megumin's Explosions!" Iris agreed. "And a team pose! I shall require a team pose as well! This shall be most exciting! Can I be a part of the pose as well? I've been practicing in my room."
"Darkness, I'm starting to like your cousin a lot," Megumin said with a wide grin. "She should come with us next time we're on a kill quest."
"Yes! Please, might I, Master Kazuma? I would be ever so well behaved. I am certain father would not mind if I slew a dragon or two, so long as I did not miss any of my lessons," Iris begged as they walked up the steps to the mansion.
"Er, I suppose it's up to your dad?" Kazuma said, glancing at Darkness.
"I always just ran away when my father told me I couldn't adventure," she admitted. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to bring Iris along, she is rather capable with a sword, and it would be good for her to get some practice in. I shall ask Uncle Melarc the next time I see him, Iris."
"What is the meaning of this?" Alderp's voice bellowed as the party tramped into the main hall. He spotted Kazuma before the others, and grinned viciously. "Ah ha! So, you think to escape from prison and confront me in my own home, do you? Well, boy, even Lady Dustiness cannot save you from my wrath! You destroyed my home, and I will see you ruined for it!"
"Really?" Kazuma asked, folding his arms over his chest. "You, and what army? Darkness and the others are here too, you know."
"Oh ho. Well, then you've played in my hands!" Alderp chuckled, rubbing his hands together. Iris was standing behind Darkness, and apparently Alderp hadn't noticed her yet. "I shall slay you three miscreates, and hold Lalatina hostage! You've violated the sanctity of my home once more and-"
"You stink," Aqua interrupted, wrinkling her nose. "Really bad."
That brought Alderp up short. "I...what? How dare you, young woman!"
"Kazuma, he smells like demons and undead," Aqua whined. "I bet he's one of the Devil King's generals or something. Blerg, he smells worse than Beldia or even W-"
"I shall have your head for this!" Alderp raged. "Guards, seize them at once, I-"
"Do tell, Miss Aqua," Iris said, walking around into Alderp's field of view. "I am most interested to hear your accusations."
Upon seeing the princess, the blood drained out of Alderps' face, and he let out a croaking sound, not unlike that of a giant toad.
"Phew! Yeah, he really reeks!" Aqua said, walking up to Alderp with her nose pinched and waving her hand through the air. "It wasn't so bad last time we came to his party, just the usual whiff of corruption you get from scummy nobles. But now? Man, it's BAD. I think it's coming from upstairs where he just was, too."
"I, princess, er, what an unexpected honor!" Alderp babbled, rubbing his greasy hands together nervously as sweat began to trickle down his brow. "Please, let us adjourn to the dining room, I shall have refreshments prepared and-"
"Cousin, kindly take Lord Alderp in hand," Iris said, her eyes glimmering with a malicious light. "I have a rather sudden urge to investigate the upstairs of this manor house."
Darkness easily took Alderp by the collar, then bodily hauled him upstairs after Aqua, who streaked up the steps like a hunting dog, weaving her way through halls until she came to a locked door. "In there! It stinks real bad in there!"
"T-that's my study! Very private, I don't think-AH!" Alderp wailed as Darkness expertly twisted his arm to cause pain, but no harm, a trick Kazuma used on her rather regularly. Though Alderp didn't seem to enjoy it.
The door was locked and sealed with powerful magic, and despite Iris' attempts to batter it down it wouldn't budge. That was when Kazuma suggested she try the wall. That proved not to be nearly as sturdy.
"Huh? Who's there? Why am I here?" a man with long white hair, dressed in old style mens wear asked. He also, Kazuma saw with a feral grin, had two long black horns poking out from his forehead.
"A d-demon!" Alderp babbled. "Someone, someone must have summoned it here to destroy me! Yes, I bet it was that damnable half breed there, the Crimson Demon! They are renowned for their wickedness and eeerrrrrkkkk!"
Megumin lowered her leg from between Alderp's legs, glaring at him. "How dare you insult the honor of the Crimson Demon Clan! We fight for truth, justice, and massive Explosions!"
"Oh, I remember you!" the demon said, suddenly smiling. "You're the one who summoned me, Alderp Barnes Alexei! Have I fulfilled my contract yet? I do so wish to go home."
"Kill them, Maxwell!" Alderp suddenly babbled. "Kill them all, and I shall free you of your contract!'
"I don't think so!" Aqua snarled. "SACRED EXORCISM!"
The demon wailed as blinding light consumed him, then he vanished in a puff of sulfur.
"Well, well, well," Iris purred. "It seems that we've uncovered a most treasonous plot against the kingdom. Been summoning demons, have you, Master Alderp?"
"T-that's Lord Alderp!" the obese man stammered. "I'm a nobleman! I demand to be tried by the throne!"
"Oh, not anymore. I, Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg, Princess of the Realm, do hereby strip Alderp Barnes Alexei of all titles, lands, and incomes, for the crime of treason. You shall be executed when we return to the capitol," Iris pronounced.
Alderp dissolved into a sobbing, quivering mess, until Darkness cuffed him over the head none too gently to silence him. Which had the result of knocking the former noble senseless.
"Well," Iris said, grinning widely as they descended the stairs, Darkness dragging Alderp along. "That was a rather thrilling Adventure! I see you have chosen your companions well, Cousin Darkness! I do so wish I had been given an opportunity to slay a beast myself. Not that it wasn't spectacular to see Lady Aqua perform such a thrilling feat."
"Pff, banishing a demon is easy for a goddess like me," Aqua bragged. "The Axis Church gets things done!"
"Indeed," Iris agreed. "Lord Kazuma, you simply must allow me to accompany you when you set out on another Adventure. This was the most fun I've had in ages!"
"Um, wait, Lord Kazuma?" Megumin asked. "And why did you call Aqua 'Lady?' She says she's a goddess, but I really doubt it."
"Why, Lady Megumin, one should always address members of the peerage by their proper titles," Iris giggled. "Did I forget to mention? I'm bestowing Lord Alderp's lands and titles upon the three of you as a reward for not only defeating a General of the Devil King and the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, but also for uncovering a most heinous plot against the throne and banishing a fearsome demon."
"Lady Iris!" Darkness gasped. "That is, that is most kind of you!"
"Well, I shall have to inform father, but I do not think he shall mind," Iris said with a sniff. "He has been lamenting that the nobility has grown soft of late, and that too few of us have returned to our roots of defending the kingdom with sword and spell. I think you three shall do quite nicely."
"A noble?!" Megumin gasped. "B-but, I'm just...I mean, yes! At last, the world has recognized my true genius! I shall not fail you, Princess Iris, and shall not only defeat the Devil King, but aid Belzerg in conquering the entire world!"
"Y-you're serious?" Kazuma gasped. That was all he had time for before Darkness swept him up in her arms, spinning him around like a small child as she giggled and wept.
"Kazuma! Kazuma! Do you know what this means?!" she cried, wrapping in her arms and nearly crushing him in a hug."
"That's my name," he gasped. Then he wrapped his arms around Darkness and kissed her. "And yeah, I think I do."
"Oh!" Iris gasped. "My, I did not realize-I see! Ooo, cousin, do not tell me an illicit romance has blossomed between you and Lord Kazuma?"
"Um, yes," Darkness said, grinning broadly as she bobbed a bow to Iris. "I fear during our adventures, I have fallen for Kazuma. He is truly the only man I wish to wed."
"Well, then I am pleased to have assisted you," Iris said, giving them a dazzling smile. "Come! Let us return to the capitol! I shall teleport us. Oh, this has been a most splendid Adventure!"
Upon returning to the capitol, the general bedlam took quite a while to die down, as everyone had been frantic with worry when Iris had simply teleported away. Kazuma's party was nearly arrested again, until Iris put her foot down and informed everyone that they were national heroes for saving the kingdom twice, and foiling a plot to assassinate her.
Once the chaos died down, the king put in an appearance, having come home from the front to deal with his missing daughter. At first Kazuma thought he would be furious at Iris running off, and perhaps that the party would even get in trouble. Instead, the king found the entire situation hilarious and even remarked, "About time you ran off and had an Adventure of your own! I was beginning to worry you weren't a proper Belzerg, Iris! By the time I was your age I'd run off and slain half a dozen monsters! And to take out a demon on your first outing! Capital, capital! Of course, I'll confirm the titles. And what of you, my niece? What reward do you ask?"
"Only that I be permitted to wed the man I love, your Grace," Darkness said bowing. "I have known for some time now that Kazuma was the man who had captured my heart."
"Hmm," the king mused, twirling his long bristling blond mustache. "Well, he's helped slay Beldia, the Destroyer, and taken my daughter on her first Adventure! You have my blessing. Let me know when the wedding is, I'll send a gift!"
The final obstacle was Darkness' own father, but Lord Ignis turned out to be thrilled at the news that his daughter was finally to be wed. "Grandchildren! I'll finally have grandchildren of my own! Oh happy day!"
And so it was that only a handful of weeks after the execution of the rarely lamented Alderp that Lord Sato Kazuma wed Lady Lalatina Ford Dustiness at a lavish wedding ceremony at his personal mansion. Aqua performed the ritual herself, and even managed to do a bang up job of it.
There was something of a scandal that two nobels were wed by an Archpriest of the Axis church, but it died off when it was pointed out that said Archpriest was their close friend and companion, and Iris personally threatened to duel anyone who "insulted my dearest friend Lady Aqua." For some reason, no one seemed keen on that idea.
That night, Kazuma unveiled his wedding present to Darkness, a custom made torture rack with plenty of whips, chains, flails, screws, and other implements of pain.
"Oh, master, it's horrible!" Darkness panted, her eyes gleaming with delight. "You must undress me at once, that I might be punished with it!"
After a long grueling session, Darkness looked up, sweet trickling down her body onto the wooden table. "It is time, slave," Kazuma growled. "I shall make you mine, and foul you forever!"
"No, please, anything but that, please!" Darkness wailed, but wiggled so that her hips were spread wide, grinning in eager anticipation.
After the long buildup, Kazuma was somewhat disappointed at his final performance, but Darkness groaned with pleasure along with him, and when he unhooked her after he was done, she slumped into his arms, a look of ecstasy on her face.
"I love you, master," she whispered, pressing her face to Kazuma's chest.
"And I you, Darkness," Kazuma said, stroking her hair.
"That was everything I'd ever hoped for," Darkness sighed. Then she suddenly stood, picking Kazuma up in her arms. "Now, master," she purred. "Let us go to bed. You appear tired. Fear not. I shall tend to you faithfully, all night. I bought extra stamina and healing potions for you."
Their wedding night lasted into the next day, at which point, even potions could no longer keep the two of them awake, and they passed out atop their rumpled and soiled bed sheets.
Their efforts seemed to have paid off in ways Kazuma hadn't quite anticipated, as nine months later, he was able to present the first of many grandchildren to Lord Ignis. Of course, even pregnant, Darkness was insatiable both on the battlefield and in the bedroom, and aside from a month before and after the birth, insisted on regular quests against fearsome foes, even taking down two generals of the Devil King while with child. They did manage to hold off on having their second child long enough to finish defeating the Devil King for good, though only through the use of several spells Aqua was more than happy to teach Kazuma.
Iris ended up joining the party for several of their victories, including the final battle against the Devil King, where she and Megumin competed on who would get the final blow, earning themselves a tie. She was rather delighted to finally get to slay strong monsters, but ended up complaining that the Devil King himself was "too easy." She eventually ran off to another continent and fought another Devil King there, and returned a triumphant heroine of two lands. Her brother Jatis would always remark it was fortunate she was merely the princess, as her propensity to sneak off to fight powerful foes would become legendary.
With their quest completed, it was time for Aqua to depart. She wasn't gone for more than a few hours before "Mizu" the Axis priestess showed up. Iris was a bit baffled as to why Aqua wanted to change her name, but she agreed to transfer Aqua's titles to the "new" Lady. Apparently, Aqua had decided that it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of her, especially not when she still had more stickers to earn. Not that Kazuma minded that much.
As for Megumin, she settled down as "Dark Lady of Axel" if by "settle down" you meant "constantly rocked the countryside with explosions." She ended up forming a traveling improv/mercenary troupe made up of Crimson Demons and other wackos, who wandered the land, causing mayhem and bringing entertainment wherever they went. She never did settle down completely, though Megumin did somehow find time to marry someone who was nearly as chuni as she and have two children of her own.
As for Lord and Lady Dustiness (Kazuma having been formally adopted by Ignis), they had long and successful careers as the kingdom's premier problem solvers, so long as that problem could be solved through gratuitous amounts of violence. There were rumors of dark and profane acts that took place at the Dustiness mansion behind closed doors, but as House Dustiness enjoyed some of the strongest and most influential connections in the kingdom, and Lady Dustiness was capable of bench pressing a dragon, those rumors were never said very loudly.
Together, Kazuma and Darkness raised four lovely children, who were kind, bright, intelligent, and polite in public, and some the most perverted and violent individuals ever born in Belzerg when they let loose in private. If it weren't for the fact that they all inherited their mother's strength and their fathers cunning, that might have been a problem. As it was, the only ones who ever suffered for it were the servants of evil, so that was all right.
Of course, Kazuma and Darkness were not content to go gracefully into that good night, and ended up tackling dangerous quests even into their golden years. They were fighting a resurgent Demon King when they were finally defeated, slain together even as they managed to put down yet another threat to the peace of Belzerg. They were mourned, though their children all agreed that their parents wouldn't have wanted to go out any other way.
Indeed, when Kazuma and Darkness found themselves facing Aqua in the Divine realm, they refused her offer of resurrection, and Darkness was absolutely adamant that heaven was not for them.
"Reincarnate us somewhere with vicious, strong monsters for us to fight!" Darkness demanded. "Someone even stronger than the Devil King!"
"And make sure we're lovers again. I wouldn't want Darkness to get bored and horney without me," Kazuma teased.
"Well, alrighty then, I've always got new places that need saving from evil. Off you go then, have fun you too! Just, you know, be safe about it, and nothing too crazy."
"We'll be safe, and certainly consensual," Darkness chuckled as they stepped into the light.
"But sane?" Kazuma laughed. "Never that!"
Good Ending Attained. Route Success! Play again?