Aqua Route 2: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
"Behold, Archenretia! My holy city!" Aqua cried as soon as they got out of the carriages the next day. "Darkness, I know you're an Eris disciple, but you just have to meet some of my followers! They're great!"
"Your followers? You mean the other members of the Axis Church?" Darkness asked. "Sorry. I'm loyal to Eris. And Walter and I rented a manor of our own. We're going to be spending some...time...together."
"You bring all your toys?" Kazuma teased.
Darkness blushed, but nodded. "He is everything I wanted. The rest of you have fun. Enjoy the hot springs." She and Alexei left, with Darkness hauling several rather large suitcases with her. Her and her freakish strength. Oh well.
"Hey there, welcome, are you here for the hot springs?" a cute girl called to Kazuma's group as they were heading for the resort where they'd be staying.
A man shouldered his way in front of Kazuma. "Might you be tourists? Adventurers? Or looking to convert to the Axis faith?"
"Yeah bud, already a follower of Axis," Kazuma said, his eyes sliding over to Aqua. "Just ask her."
"Yep! I'm a super powerful Archpriest of the Axis church," Aqua giggled. "These are my friends! We're here to party!"
"Oh! Lady Aqua's blessing on you, then travelers! Please, enjoy our wonderful city! And have some of our special soap on us! You can eat it!"
"Er, thanks," Kazuma said, taking a bar of the stuff skeptically. He looked over at Aqua, who was already chewing on hers.
"I love this stuff! Best idea I've ever had!" Aqua proclaimed as she munched away.
Kazuma and Megumin shared a look. Tentatively, he lifted it to his mouth, and Megumin raised an eyebrow. He took a nibble, then made a face.
"How is it?" Megumin asked, obviously trying to fight back laughter.
"Tastes like soap," Kazuma groaned. "Literally."
"You are hopeless, you know that?" Megumin sighed. "Come on, let's go relax in the bath."
"Mixed bath for me," Kazuma said eagerly, rubbing his hands together. "Care to join me, ladies?"
"Nice try, you pervert," Megumin sniffed.
"Sure! That sounds like fun!" Aqua agreed cheerily. "Come on!"
"Wait, seriously?! You're supposed to get angry and try to slap me or something!" Kazuma exclaimed, completely unprepared for this scenario.
"I will do that if you try anything on me," Megumin sniffed. "She can do what she wants. You're both clearly perverted idiots."
"Hey, I'm not a pervert!" Aqua protested. "But a bath together sounds fun, don't you think, Megumin?"
"Not happening. I don't need your gag boobs waved in my face," Megumin said, walking away from the other two. "You two morons enjoy your obliviousness."
"Well that wasn't very nice," Aqua huffed. But then she grabbed Kazuma's arm. "Come on! My hot springs are famous! I'm excited to show you how wonderful my city is!"
"Er, I'm um, sure I'll enjoy it," Kazuma said, feeling both nervous and very excited. Why was he acting like this? He'd slept next to Aqua for months and he'd never felt even a little attracted to her. Nothing had changed. They were just two buds, sharing a bath together. A sexy bath-no! No, a normal bath.
Still, it was more than a little titillating to undress in the same room as Aqua, then enter into the same bath as her. He was just growing concerned he was going to get a little too invested into the whole thing when Aqua suddenly splashed him.
"Hey, quit moping, we're here to have fun!" Aqua scolded.
"Yeah, well, that's hard when people keep splashing me!" Kazuma snapped, and swung his arms wide, siding a wave of water over at Aqua.
"Ack! No fair! Take this!" Aqua cried, and kicked and splashed at him.
They went back and forth, laughing and splashing, until Aqua started controlling the water and using it to dunk Kazuma. He fought back with Create Water, which sent a stream of cold waters splashing down on Aqua.
"Pff! That's COLD Kazuma! Take this! Sacred Create Water!"
"Wait, no! Aqua d-"
But it was too late. A deluge of water roared down on them both, flooding the hotsprings with cold, clear water.
And so, Aqua and Kazuma found themselves kicked out of the baths, unceremoniously tossed out into the streets in nothing but a towel each.
"Damn morons! You ruined our hot spring! It will take days for the water to go back to normal!" the owner ranted.
"Hey, you can't do this! I'm the goddess of this city!" Aqua ranted, standing and planting her hands on her hips. "You should be grateful to me for blessing your bathhouse with my-oof!"
The owner threw Aqua's clothes in her face, then tossed Kazuma his. "Get out! And quit blaspheming against our holy lady! She gives sacred blessings, unlike you, you blue haired bimbo." With that, he slammed the door in Aqua's stunned face.
"But...but you're my follower. You're supposed to like me," Aqua whimpered, her shoulders slumping.
"Hey, it's OK, he's just an asshole. Even your church has to have a few, right?" Kazuma said, picking up their clothes. "And, well, we did sort of ruin his hot springs."
"Did...did I screw up?" Aqua asked, looking worried.
"It's really my fault," Kazuma admitted as they slunk off to a nearby alley. "I sort of started it by using Create Water. I kinda forgot you um, sort of have me beat in that department."
"Well duh, I'm a goddess of water!" Aqua giggled. "Well, I won't let this ruin our day! Come on! Let's explore!"
They got dressed and headed out, making their way through the town. Everyone was delighted to meet two new Axis followers, and before long Aqua took Kazuma to the main Axis temple. She was greeted warmly there as an Archpriest, especially for a small cult like the Axis Church, was relatively rare. They spent most of the day there, with Aqua conferring blessings, giving healings, and offering absolution to her followers. She was actually pretty good at it, even if her advice was strange. Everyone who came to see Aqua left with a smile, their ills cured and their worries forgotten, even if her pronouncements were weird and baffling even to Kazuma.
Though that bit about Eris was interesting. Kazuma wasn't in a hurry to die again, but if he did…well. Some questions needed answering.
After that long day, Kazuma and Aqua met Megumin at a different hotsprings, as they had been exiled from their previous one. This time, Aqua wisely went with Megumin to the women's side of the bath. Yawning, Kazuma stretched himself out, then stowed his clothes and headed out to the baths. He was just about to get in when he heard Aqua's scream.
"KAAAAZUUUMMAAAAA!"
"What!?" he snapped, irritated. To his shock, Aqua's head popped up on the other side of the barrier, and she scrambled over. With a wail, she fell, though Kazuma managed to get under her im time, he mostly only succeeded in having her fall on top of him.
"Urg," Kazuma groaned. The men's bath had gone quiet after a sharp intake of breath; it wasn't often that a woman, especially not a young, beautiful one, intruded into the men's side
"Thanks. Don't get in the water!" Aqua warned him. Behind her from the women's bath, there were sudden shouts of anger and alarm.
"Aqua, what did you do?" Kazuma groaned as he slowly stood.
"The water! It's been tainted!" Aqua explained as she hurried over to the large hot spring pool.
"Hey honey, you lookin' for some company?" an older man with a hairy gut called.
Another yelled, "Lady, get out of here, this is the MEN'S baths, or didn't you notice!?"
"I know, but you're all going to get sick! This water is tainted," Aqua snapped, then jumped right in with the men, which resulted in a mixture of elated wolf whistles and shouts of anger.
"Purification! There. That's better!" Aqua said, tossing her wet hair over her shoulder and grinning around at the stunned bathers. "You should thank me for being such a wonderful goddess; I just purified the water, so you won't get sick! Alright, Kazuma, you can take a bath now," Aqua said as she made to climb back over the fence.
Instead, Kazuma grabbed her and hustled Aqua out of the bathing area as bedlam erupted behind them.
"Put this on," Kazuma hissed, tossing Aqua his tunic as he hopped into his trousers.
"What? Why? I'm just going back to the women's bath on the other side," Aqua said, tugging the tunic over her head despite the protests.
"No, you're not, we're getting out of here!" Kazuma urged. "We have to run!"
"Huh? How come? Everyone should be super grateful! Everyone bathing in that water would have gotten really sick if I hadn't purified it. The poison wasn't too concentrated, but it was definitely there, I could tell. Enough to make a regular human pretty sick, maybe even kill them," Aqua said.
"That's great, but they don't know that!" Kazuma cried as he pushed Aqua ahead of him. "Now come on! We've got to run!"
Behind them, the former Hot Springs had been transformed into cool, clear water, perfectly clean, and free of any contaminants. Like minerals. Or heat.
"Get her! She ruined our bath!"
"Run!" Kazuma yelled, grabbing Aqua's wrist and hustling her away.
"But those are my followers!" Aqua wailed. "They won't hurt me! They love me!"
"They don't know you're you! And you've pissed them off!" Kazuma panted as their wet feet slapped on the stones of the street. "We've got to get out of here!"
"But I was helping!" Aqua cried, tears starting to trickle down her cheeks.. "People are supposed to like it when I help them!"
Spying a convenient side street, Kazuma hauled Aqua down it, then pressed her back into an alcove. Moments later, the angry mob howled passed them, clamoring for blood.
Kazuma's heart was pounding, and he tensed as the rioters streamed passed. He let out a sigh, and turned back to face Aqua, then froze. They were pressed up close together against the wall, and Aqua was flushed, wearing only Kazuma's shirt, her face very close to his.
"K-kazuma," Aqua whispered. "W-what are you-"
"Sorry! Sorry," Kazuma said, jerking back. He half expected Aqua to haul off and slap him or begin a rant about his being a perverted NEET, but instead she blushed and looked away.
"I-it's ok. Um, did I screw up again? I didn't want my followers to die, I really do care about them…"
That made Kazuma frown. "Aqua, what was wrong with the water? You said it was poisoned? But that poison had to be really diluted."
"It was, I swear! You have to believe me!" Aqua pleaded. "I could just tell as soon as I got in the water! There wasn't very much, but if you spent more than a few minutes in that water, you'd get sick! You remember how many people I had to heal today? That must be why! People are spending a long time in the baths and it's making them sick instead of better. If this keeps up, my followers could all die. I can't let that happen, I'm their goddess!"
"Well, you are the goddess of water. If anyone could tell if water was tainted, it's you," Kazuma mused. "Alright. Come on. Let's sneak back to the inn and get your clothes. We'll pick up Megumin and go back to the Axis church."
"You...you believe me?" Aqua gasped.
Kazuma gave her a smile. "Of course. You're a terrible liar, Aqua. That's one thing I love about you."
Aqua was beaming as they returned to the inn, sneaking inside and getting her things. Megumin, however, refused to listen.
"You ruined my bath, Aqua!" she snapped. "The whole baths are ruined! They're just normal water now!"
"Hey, she saved your butt Miss Boom-booms," Kazuma argued. "You should listen to her. If she says the water is bad, I'd believe her."
"Oh, of course, YOU would believe her!" Megumin said, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm going to bed. When you two calm down let me know. Sheesh. You can have the other room."
"What? No, you and Aqua are supposed to have the other room, don't kick her out because you're mad!" Kazuma snapped.
"Whatever. She snores, you know," Megumin said, and walked away.
Kazuma turned to Aqua, who was looking rather depressed. "She didn't believe me…"
"She's just mad about the baths, and tired after a long day," Kazuma sighed. "Come on. Let's try the Axis church."
They found only an older priest on duty this late at night, but Aqua hurried up to him. "Sir, please, you have to listen to me! Someone is poisoning the hot springs! The Axis Church itself is in danger!"
"Poisoning the Hot Springs? Don't be silly, young miss. We appreciated your work today, but don't think that gives you any authority here. You're just an out of towner, even if you are a priestess of Aqua," the old priest said.
Aqua swelled up in anger, but Kazuma put a hand on her shoulder. "Tell him. Who you really are."
"Right!" Aqua gave Kazuma a dazzling smile, then drew herself up. "Ok. This is supposed to be a secret, but to save my followers, I shall reveal myself! You see, I am none other than Aqua, Goddess of Water herself, in the flesh! I have come, to save my church, in its-"
"Snerk."
Aqua stiffened, her left eye twitching slightly as the old priest sniggered at her.
"You? The goddess? You're far too dumb to be our blessed lady herself. I heard about what you did, having a water fight in the baths. You're just trying to get out of trouble, young lady. Go take your lover and bother someone else, I don't have time for you right now."
"WHAT?! I AM Aqua, you stupid old pervert! Don't think I don't know about that collection of ladies underwear you keep in your drawer!" Aqua ranted. "Or the fact that you take naps during confession and just recite stupid platitudes instead of actually listening to peoples problems!"
That made the priest angry. "Get out, before I call the guards. How dare you accuse me of such things!"
"Well they're true, you dirty fogey! I know because you confess them to me, but you never change!" Aqua raged. "Well, if you think I'm going to keep giving you blessing's after you treated me like this, I-"
"Aqua, hold on," Kazuma said gently. He put his hand on Aqua's shoulder, and she flinched.
She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears. "...Why won't anyone listen to me?"
"We're not going to get anywhere with this guy, Aqua. Come on. Let's see if we can get to the bottom of this ourselves," Kazuma said gently. "In the morning, after we've had some rest. You're tried."
"I'm NOT tired! I don't GET tired! I'm a GODDESS!" Aqua shrieked. But then she deflated. "But you're right. Ok. We'll look around in the morning."
They walked back to the inn, Aqua looking listless and defeated. Kazuma tried to cheer her up, suggesting she should get stickers for her efforts to keep the city safe.
"Thanks, but I don't think that will help," Aqua sighed. She seemed to force a smile onto her face as they returned to the inn. "You really do try to make me feel better, don't you, Kazuma? You really do love me, more than my followers anyway…"
"Oh, well, you know, um, they say to love your friends," Kazuma chuckled nervously. "And, well, you're my best friend, so…"
"Yeah. I'm sorry I can't be more than that. Huh. I actually am," Aqua mused. She leaned in and pecked Kazuma chastly on the cheek. "If I was going to love a mortal, Kazuma, it would be you. Thanks. Good night."
That evening, Kazuma's sock got quite the workout. He tried to get Aqua's kiss out of his head, or the feel of her body pressed up against his, but he couldn't. It was stupid. He'd known Aqua for a long time. How could he start thinking of her like that now? She was just a friend, and she wasn't sticking around. Once the Demon King was gone, she'd leave.
Maybe that was why Kazuma had avoided taking any more challenging quests, and had taken so many days off with Aqua. Every day they weren't fighting the forces of the Devil King was another day he'd have with his best friend. Thinking of her leaving...well, he'd just have to get over it. She was leaving. After all, she was a goddess. She couldn't be happy here. Especially not with a NEET from Nagano.
In the morning, Megumin was a little less grumpy, apparently feeling better after a good night's rest. She was, however, rather reluctant to believe Aqua's tale of poisoned water. "Aqua, it's fed from the same hotspring as the rest of the city. If this hot spring was poisoned then they all are."
"What!? But my followers-we have to help them, Kazuma!" Aqua wailed. "Come on! We have to visit every bath in the city!"
"Woah, slow down," Kazuma said, catching Aqua's arm. "Let's think about this. If you go out and purify every bath house, that will piss people off, and it will take forever. We have to go to the source to put an end to this. What do you think could be poisoning the Hot Springs?"
"It has to be the Devil King!" Aqua declared. "He knows that the Axis church is super powerful and strong and hates all demons and undead, just like me! If the Hot Springs go away, they'll lose their money! All my followers will be super poor and that would deprive me of a lot of power. We have to stop him!"
"Well, I suppose if this is a general of the Devil King, we should at least make an effort to get rid of them," Megumin agreed. "Besides, I'm sick of the baths now. I'll help you out, even if this is a wild goose chase."
Darkness and Alexei were harder to pry out of their own quarters, for obvious reasons, but then Kazuma suggested there was a "big strong monster about." That motivated Darkness, and Alexei was willing to spend a few hours touring the city at least.
They made their way up to the source of the Hot Springs, where they found a polluted bubbling mire.
"Oh no!" Aqua cried, racing over. "This is terrible! This poison is from a Poison Slime! Even a little is enough to make someone sick and die, and a lot is enough to kill anyone! Don't worry, I'll take care of this! Purification! Purification!"
"She really was right about a strong monster," Darkness growled, drawing her sword and looking around warily.
"You sure? I mean, it's just a slime," Kazuma said with a shrug. "It's dangerous and she was right the water was poisoned, but a slime? Even I could defeat that."
"Are you crazy? You, defeat a Poison Slime? Even I am not certain my Explosion Magic would be enough to take care of one," Megumin told him.
"What? Slimes are just low level enemies, they're not a threat," Kazuma laughed.
"Kazuma, I believe you are rather mistaken," Walter said with a shake of his head. "Darkness tells me you are foreign, so perhaps where you are from Slimes are not dangerous. Here, they are a serious threat. And one is even the most feared general of the Devil King. I believe that this must be the work of Hans, the Poison Slime general."
"You'd be right!" a man snarled, stalking towards them. "You're interfering with my plans! I was nearly finished! I want out of this crazy town and it's stupid, useless goddess!"
That, of course, pissed Kazuma off enough that he tried to deck the guy. Only for Hans to transform into a giant monster slime, and attempt to eat Kazuma.
"YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Aqua roared when she saw Kazuma fleeing in terror from Hans. "GREATER! SACRED! CREATE! WATER!"
The deluge that followed nearly washed the party off the mountain. Hanz was swept away, but not defeated, only shrinking from the dousing. However, that made him a perfect target for Megumin's Explosion. After that, it was all over, and another general of the Devil King was dead.
There was just one tiny problem. Aqua, by purifying the Hot Springs and summoning a holy deluge, and utterly ruined every bath house in Archenretia. The display at the Hot Springs source also let everyone know exactly who was responsible for the disaster too. Aqua tried to explain herself, and reveal she was actually the Goddess come to save everyone.
If anyone believed her, they were too enraged for it to matter. The party had to flee Archenretia before they were unceremoniously lynched by the angry mob.
"Why are they so mean!?" Aqua wailed, crying into Kazuma's shoulder. They were back in a carriage, fleeing to Axel as the howls of the rioters faded behind them. "I was just trying to help my followers! Everyone always just acts like I'm dumb and kicks me out! I got kicked out of the Divine Realm, and now my own holy city! No one likes me!"
"Hey, it's OK, we know the truth," Kazuma said, gently rubbing Aqua's back as she blubbered. "You did good. I knew you weren't just being crazy or weird. We like you, and we're your friends. That's what counts."
"You were the only one who believed me," Aqua sniffed, rubbing her snot into Kazuma's cloak. It was disgusting, but also sort of cute in a weird way. "Not even Megumin or Darkness took me seriously, but you listened!"
"Hey, I knew my best friend wouldn't lie to me about something important like that. Besides, you're the goddess of water! If you say something's wrong with it, I know I can trust you."
"J-just about water?" Aqua asked, looking up at Kazuma with a hopeless expression. "I know I'm not that smart compared to you or the others…"
Kazuma smiled and shook his head. "Nah. You're not the world's brightest, but you're kind, and honest. Really, I think that's better. I'd rather be with you then those lame Axis Cultists anyway. I don't know what you see in them, Aqua. But hey, they're your followers, so I guess they have to be good for something, right?"
"Um, I guess," Aqua said, drying her tears at last. She cuddled up to Kazuma, sliding next to him and wiggling until his arm was over her shoulder. "At last you appreciate me. Thanks, Kazuma."
"Hey, don't mention it. I'll be with you until the end, Aqua," Kazuma said, giving her a friendly squeeze, and trying not to think lewd thoughts. He really didn't need Aqua getting offended and crying again. Besides, it really had hurt him to see her so miserable, and if he hadn't known how much her followers meant to her, he'd have beat up a few of them for how they had treated her. They had no right to be so cruel to his best friend.
"Until we beat the Devil King, you mean?" Aqua asked, sounding worried. "We've taken down five generals now, if you count Wiz and Vanir. There's not that many left…"
"Yeah. I'll miss you, but I know you want to go home. And hey, as long as you're happy, I'm happy. Right, partner?" Kazuma asked, smiling despite how much it hurt to think about Aqua leaving. Bad enough that Darkness wasn't around as much now. What he'd do without Aqua...best not dwell on that.
"Happy," Aqua mused. She suddenly scooted away from Kazuma hugging herself. "Sorry. I just...I need to think, Kazuma." She looked out the window, looking anxious and lonely. Kazuma bit back a quip about Aqua's mental facilities.
"Sure thing, champ. I'm here if you need me." Kazuma resisted the urge to cheer Aqua up. She looked like she needed to spend some time by herself.
When they got back to Axel, Aqua did indeed spend a lot of time alone over the next few days. She wandered off into the woods by herself, or spent some time at her dilapidated shrine. Kazuma tried to go along with her, but Aqua politely asked to be by herself, so he let her be. He tried to relax and hang out with Megumin, but she was spending more and more time with Yunyun, preparing for her grand return to the Crimson Demon Village, and she didn't seem to have time for him either.
So, Kazuma hung out with Dust and some of the other Adventurers. He thought about paying a visit to the succubi, but for some reason, he chickened out at the last minute. That was weird. Normally, he was all about living it up, but lately the thought of a dream girl left him feeling a bit sick. Maybe he was coming down with something. He should ask Aqua about that, but he decided not to. Best to just relax for a few days.
After about a week of mutual sulking, Aqua came to Kazuma on a day Megumin had left with Yunyun, and Darkness and Walter were spending time at their own mansion.
"Kazuma?" Aqua asked, coming over to him on the couch. "Can we talk?"
"Huh? Oh, sure, what's up?" Kazuma said, putting down his book as Aqua sat next to him. He felt a bit embarrassed being caught reading Kazuma the Hero, but it did make him feel better to go over it. At least someone cared about him in this crazy world.
"Kazuma, I...I need to ask you something," Aqua said, blushing and looking away.
"Oh man, is this about the stickers? I've totally forgotten to give you some lately," Kazuma groaned. "I'm sorry, you've been really great, I just-"
"No, no stickers. I don't think I need them anymore," Aqua admitted. "I wanted to know something: Are you in love with Megumin?"
"What?" Kazuma considered that. He and Megumin were close, but there wasn't any real spark in their relationship anymore. "I mean, I like her, but I don't know that like-like her."
"That's good," Aqua said, sounding relieved. "I was worried. You two spend a lot of time together. And I think she does like you.
"I mean, yeah, she's my friend, and we're in a party together. Of course I spend time with her. Maybe someday, but well, not right now. And I don't know if I'm really into the whole chuni thing," Kazuma sighed. Maybe he was destined to be alone forever.
"Kazuma...are we… am I really your best friend?" Aqua asked nervously. "Do you want me to stay?"
"What? Of course! Like I said, together until the end! Don't worry, once Megumin and Darkness get back, we'll go on more quests, and beat up more generals. You'll be back in the Divine Realm in no time!" Kazuma said, trying to smile.
"You want me to go?" Aqua whispered, her eyes filling up with tears as she drew her legs up, hugging herself.
"Honestly? No, I don't. I've kinda been dragging my feet, lately," Kazuma admitted, blushing and looking away. "I'm sorry, Aqua. I just...when I think about you leaving for the Divine Realm again...I dunno. I start to get a little depressed. I do want you to stay, but I want you to be happy with where you are. And I know that isn't here with me, as much as I want it to be."
"What if it was?"
Kazuma's head snapped around, and he froze. Aqua's face was only millimeters from his own. She was flushed and breathing hard. He tried to pull away, but couldn't.
"Kazuma, what if...what if I wanted to stay?" Aqua whispered. "Would...would you like that?"
"I...yeah," Kazuma answered, his voice a hoarse rasp. "I'd like that a lot." He swallowed, and forced the words out. "I...I think I love you, Aqua."
Aqua leaned back, and took a deep breath. "Ok." Then she practically tackled him, forcing her mouth onto his, clutching at his shirt.
For a moment, Kazuma was so stunned he couldn't move. Then, almost on instinct, he wrapped his arms around Aqua, pulling her even closer, returning the kiss passionately.
They were breathing hard when they separated, but Aqua had a determined look. "Ok. I'm staying."
"I...Aqua, that was-" Kazuma trailed off as Aqua began to unbutton his pants. "...what are you doing?"
"Staying," Aqua said firmly. "Now are you going to help me get out of this dress or not?"
They ended up on the plush carpet in front of the roaring fire, their bodies slick with sweat, their clothes strewn about them. When Aqua pulled Kazuma down to her naked body, spreading her legs, he felt something he'd never thought he would. "I love you," he whispered, then grunted as he passed the final frontier.
"I know," Aqua moaned, her fingers urging Kazuma on. "Kazuma. Do it. Make me stay."
To his embarrassment, Kazuma didn't last very long. They cried out together, gasping each other's names only a minute or so after they'd begun.
"Wow, Kazuma gasped as he rolled off of Aqua onto his back. "That was...wow. I love you, Aqua. You're the world's greatest goddess. No matter what anyone says."
For some reason, she started to cry. Panicked, Kazuma lifted himself up onto his elbow, then jerked back, swearing. "Holy shit! What happened?! Aqua, is that you?!"
"It's me," the black haired, brown eyed girl sniffed. "I'm...I'm Aqua. Only...I'm not Lady Aqua anymore. I'm just...Aqua."
"What?" Kazuma asked, slowly moving towards Aqua as she curled up on her side, turning away from him. He hesitantly put out a hand. "Aqua, what...what happened?"
Then there was a blinding flash of light, and a panicked looking Chris of all people appeared. "Holy me! Oh no! Oh no oh no oh no! I'm too late! Aqua, what have you DONE!?"
"I quit," Aqua mumbled as Kazuma hastened to grab a blanket off the couch and cover both of them.
"Chris? What are you doing here! Get out!" Kazuma snapped. "We're, um, look, we just-"
"Had sex," Chris groaned, slumping into the couch and rubbing her nose. "Oh my self. I seriously can't believe you've gone native, Aqua. You, of all people?"
Aqua sat up, glaring at Chris as she covered herself with the blanket. "Oh shut up, Eris. Don't pretend you don't like running about as a mortal. Thought you could fool me. I knew it was you all along!"
Chris, or was that really Eris? gave Aqua a flat look. "Really?"
"Um, no, I just realized it when you showed up," Aqua admitted, blushing and looking away. "Ok, Eris, I just...I'm staying. With Kazuma. I had him make me mortal. So I can stay with him, and Megumin, and Darkness, and all the rest of my friends forever."
"There are easier ways to hang out with your friends, Aqua!" Chris said, throwing her hands up in the air. "You could have just done what I do! Make yourself a mortal vessel and screw around for a while! If you're really horney or whatever, you can even have the vessel get pregnant if you really want to and have some dumb prophesy. That's how the rest of us do it!"
"Wait, hold on, I'm lost," Kazuma said. "What happened? Why isn't Aqua, you know, blue any more?"
Aqua started to cry again, and Kazuma awkwardly tried to hug her. She flung herself into his arms, blubbering and burying her face in his chest.
"She's mortal now," Chris sighed. "She gave up being a goddess. Why, I don't know. I mean, you're kinda dumb, Aqua, but this takes the cake."
"He's the only one who likes me!" Aqua wailed. "No one else does! Not my followers, not you, not the other gods! You all think I'm stupid and useless! You don't want me around! But Kazuma does! He says he loves ME! Not Lady Aqua or the goddess, ME! Not because I give him blessings, but because we're friends! So, I'm going to be mortal, like him!"
Kazuma felt stunned. "Aqua...are you…are you serious? You're not a goddess anymore?"
"Uh-huh," Aqua hiccuped. "P-please, don't be mad, Kazuma. I know I was dumb, but...I didn't want it to be with an avatar or something like Eris uses. I wanted it to be me, with you! I'm sorry, I know you'll probably hate me now, but-"
Kazuma shut her up with a kiss. When they separated, they were both breathing hard again. "Aqua, that is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me. I...I don't know if I'm worthy of it. You really love me that much? To give up immortality, being a goddess, your powers, all of it? For me?"
Aqua nodded, tears trickling down her face. "Yes. I just...I understand if you don't want to do it again, but...thanks, Kazuma. I...it was wonderful. I hope we can still be friends."
"I don't think so," Kazuma said, and hurried on before Aqua started crying. "I think we're lovers now. You're stuck with me, Aqua. Forever."
She giggled, and climbed up on top of Kazuma, pushing him over onto the floor again. She looked over her shoulder, grinning coyly at Chris, who was, apparently, also the goddess Eris. How Kazuma hadn't seen it before, he didn't know, but there it was. "Eris, you're gonna have to leave. You can have my followers. They're really nice, even if they can be mean sometimes. Take good care of them. Now you better go. Kazuma and I have some things to discuss."
"Right, well, great," Eris said, flushing. "Your choice. Sheesh. Never thought we'd lose you to the no boinking rule. Well, I guess I have a religion to fold into my own. Er, and Aqua?"
"Yes?" Aqua said, pausing in her efforts to get Lil' Kazuma up and running again.
"I'm glad you're happy. I'll check in on the two of you from time to time. Just, er, don't tell anyone about Chris, OK?" then Eris vanished in a spray of light.
"Hmph. Well, I hope she has fun with her stupid cult," Aqua grumbled. Then she grinned as Kazuma came to attention once more. "Oh ho. You know, I used to think sex was super icky, but this is actually really fun!. Let's see, it goes...ah!"
To Kazuma's surprise, Megumin didn't seem all that bothered or shocked when she learned that Aqua had moved into Kazuma's room. Though she was curious about the makeover.
"Um, I dyed my hair?" Aqua offered. "Cause, um, Kazuma says he liked black hair better."
"And the eyes?" Megumin prompted.
"I was...wearing...contacts?" Aqua said, sounding more like she was guessing.
"I do not think you're telling the truth," Megumin said with a shrug. "But we're going to have to get you new sunglasses. Yours don't match anymore. And a new outfit. Color coordination is the key to a good team pose!"
As it turned out, Aqua hadn't lost her powers, though they were slightly reduced. It seemed she retained her divine lineage to some degree, and while she wasn't quite a beacon for undead and demons now, she was still a powerful archpriest. It was probably a good thing she converted to the Eris cult, even if she did grumble about having to get spells from her junior.
Over the next few years, Kazuma and his party did manage to defeat the rest of the Devil King's generals, and in the end, they even banished the Devil King. Kazuma died a couple of times along the way, but it turned out Aqua was able to bring him back as always. Despite the fact that Eris was now the Senior Goddess over Belzerg, she returned Kazuma to life each time calling it her "honeymoon present."
With the Devil King defeated, Kazuma and Aqua finally got married, and settled down. They moved out of the mansion, settling into a cozy little home in Axel. Aqua still kept many of her artistic gifts, and gained quite a bit of fame as a local attraction, producing paintings, sculptures, pottery, and other various sundry works of art. As well as a dozen children. Apparently, former goddesses weren't big into contraception, which was fine by Kazuma.
For himself, Kazuma retired and became a homemaker. He spent his time raising their children, focused more on being a father and husband than anything else. It wasn't quite the NEET life he'd thought he'd have back in Japan, or the wild life of Adventurer he thought he'd live either, but it was pretty great all the same.
Lalatina Ford Dustiness Alexei gained fame as the foremost knight of the realm, and if there were rumors about that Darkness came out to play behind closed doors, well, that was a private matter, and Walter was happy to beat the stuffing of anyone who insulted his wife, provided she didn't get to them first. They had four children, who were sweet, well behaved, and adorable in public, and had a reputation for bloodlust and perversion in their own Adventurers.
To no one's surprise, Megumin set herself up as the next Devil Queen. She recruited a massive army, and at first, everyone was worried that the Mistress of Explosions would conquer and/or destroy the world. Until, that is, it turned out that this Devil Queen went around the land with her cadre of minions and performed complex song and dance routines for adoring audiences. Any rival Devil Kings that arose found themselves on the swift receiving end of a massive Explosion, and Belzerg knew 'Peace' for the first time in centuries. Megumin had three children, who were even more dramatic and insane then their mother, if that were possible.
Darkness and Megumin visited often, bringing their own children over frequently. Occasionally the party would get together, leaving their kids with friends and going to explore some dungeon or other to relieve the good old days, but they never took it very seriously, and it wasn't much more than an occasional fun weekend every year or two. It was no surprise when several of their kids married each other eventually, some going off to become Adventurers, others performers in Megumin's Army, and some walking their own paths in life.
Eventually, Kazuma and Aqua grew old. Their children moved away, and they were left alone in their house together. He still called her his goddess, and she still liked it when he gave her little presents, though they saved the stickers for the books they had packed away with other objects of fond memory.
One day, they lay down together in bed, and didn't wake up. They found a smiling Eris waiting for them.
"Well, it's good to see the two of you again," Eris said. "You lived a long, good life. I must tell you, Aqua, some of us in heaven are starting to miss you. I could reinstate you as a goddess, if you want."
"No," Aqua said, smiling and looking at Kazuma. "I think we want to go around again."
"Send us to another fantasy world. Make sure we get reincarnated as lovers," Kazuma instructed. "It'll be fun."
"I thought you'd say that," Eris chuckled. "I know just the place for you. Good luck, you two. Guess you really knew what you were doing back when you picked your bonus, huh Kazuma?"
"No," Kazuma admitted. "But it all worked out in the end."
After all, it was better to be lucky than smart.
Route Success! Start New Game+?
Well. Only one ending left. I hope you all got some Zoloft on you, because I damn well needed it after writing the Sock ending.