For one whole day, Kazuma and Megumin didn't speak to one another. Even Aqua noticed that there was a dark cloud hanging over them. At first, she tried to play peacemaker, offering them both tea, or suggesting they all go for a picnic where Megumin could let off an Explosion.
"You guys go. I…I need to talk to Yunyun," Kazuma said.
"Fine, you go talk to that traitor!" Megumin snapped. "Come on, Aqua! You and I can go. You would never two time someone, right?"
Aqua made a face. "I don't like multiplication, can we just not do math?"
"Yes. No math," Megumin agreed.
"Ok! Come on, Kazuma, you can worry about Yunyun later," Aqua offered.
"Yeah…I don't think so. Megumin and I…um, we're a little hurt…I'm not mad at her, per se…but…" Kazuma trailed off, swallowing.
Megumin blew out a heavy sigh. "I suppose I'm not really mad at you either. But you tell Yunyun this: She has to pick."
"Pick what?" Aqua asked, obviously confused, but Megumin led her off to do an Explosion, and Kazuma trudged into town.
He wasn't really sure WHAT he would say to Yunyun, and everything he could think of came up blank. Well, not blank, but probably not a good idea to say out loud.
"You're the hottest girl I know, we should date."
"You're my new best friend, I never want to leave you."
"What we did in that rug was the best ten minutes of my life and I want to do it again forever."
All of that rattled around in his head, and he soon found himself at the boarding house. The matronly woman was out sweeping the porch, and she frowned up at him as he came near. He'd been by a few times, so she had grown to more or less tolerate him, but she still frowned at him.
"What did you do to her, Scumzuma?"
"Nothing!" Kazuma protested. Then he blushed. "Um, well, it er…wasn't just me…"
The woman raised her broom and took a swipe at Kazuma. "You lout! No wonder she hasn't left her room since the day before yesterday! Did you break her heart?"
"No! I swear!" Kazuma swore, dodging the broom easily. He might only be level 15, but he had plenty of skills to help him survive: Dodge had been one of the first he'd taken. "I just- Look! I need to talk to her!"
"Over my dead body!" the woman swore. "I won't let you mess with that girl's heart or head! She's been visiting that vile shop on the other side of town! You're a bad influence on her!"
"She's friends with Lolisa! She's just…look, she's awkward and didn't know anything about…well, stuff…so she asked the succubi because they're friends! It's normal, you old prude!" Kazuma snapped, growing increasingly irritated with the attempts to shoo him away with the broom.
"I could have told her all she needed to know about that sort of thing: Don't jump into bed with a man, they'll just break your heart and fill your belly! Men are good for nothing but-"
Kazuma decided he was done. Especially with not being an active participant in his own love life. He rolled to the side, snatched up a scarf that was hanging out to dry, and threw it at the boarding house landlady. "BIND!"
In moments, she was trussed up, squawking in outrage. Kazuma pulled a sock off the line, and shoved it into her mouth.
"Listen. Yunyun's my friend. Probably my best friend, now. And I'm not going to let her slip away. So you can lay here and shut up until I've had a talk with her." Then he stalked off into the boarding house, and paused. He had zero idea which room was Yunyun's. He briefly considered going back outside and questioning the landlady, but he figured that would be non-productive.
"Kazuma? What are you doing- oh, never mind. Don't let Mrs. Figg see you. She'll have a conniption. She's not a bad landlady, but she's strict."
Kazuma turned to find Rin standing at the foot of a nearby staircase, her tail swishing back and forth as she gave him a lopsided grin.
"Hey, didn't realize this was your place too. You, um, know which room is Yunyun's?" Kazuma asked hopefully.
Rin shrugged. "Sure. Up the stairs, third hall on the left, last door on the right hand side. Better be carefully though. Most of the girls would flip if they found out someone was actually sneaking their boyfriend in here."
"Why, jealous?" Kazuma teased.
"Some of 'em, sure. A few are just prudes," Rin explained.
"Well, I promise not to tell when you sneak Dust in here," Kazuma promised.
Rin's face went bright red, and she attempted to kick Kazuma. "You jerk! Dust is just-"
"Lurk." Kazuma snuck past the irate wizardess, and soon found Yunyun's door. It was fairly obvious, as it had a big sign on it that said "Yunyun's Room" and "Friends Welcome!"
He knocked, and a moment later heard, "G-go away. I-I'm not hungry…"
Yunyun sounded exhausted, and like she'd been crying for several days, her voice hoarse and listless.
"And what if I refuse?" Kazuma demanded. "Come on, Yunyun. We need to talk."
"K-Kazuma? N-no! I-I…I can't! I-"
Kazuma took out his lockpicks as Yunyun rambled on and broke into sobs intermittently. He fiddled with the lock for only a minute or so, then popped it open. Yunyun's stream of words cut off with a hiccup, and he found her laying on her bed, dressed in a nightgown and looking very disheveled, her hair loose about her head.
But to Kazuma, she still looked great.
"Hey," Kazuma said, closing the door behind him as he stepped inside. "Like I said: We need to talk."
"N-no! I-if Megumin finds out you're here, s-she'll hate me!" Yunyun said, hiding her face in her pillow and whimpering.
"She knows. I told her I was coming here," Kazuma said quietly.
Yunyun peeked up, looking both hopeful, and concerned. "I-Is she here?"
"No. She said…" Kazuma sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look. You know Megumin. She's…a bit territorial. I don't think she really ever even wanted to share you as a friend. And now that she's thinking of you as a lover…she definitely doesn't want to share. She's kinda hacked off at you just now."
"W-what about you?" Yunyun sniffed. "D-do you…do you hate me now too?"
"No, definitely not," Kazuma said, and Yunyun smiled.
"T-then we can still work on the p-plan! M-maybe…maybe you could s-seduce Megumin, and, um, then…" she trailed off as Kazuma shook his head.
"Yunyun, to be blunt, which, I guess, I usually am…finding you and Megumin, well…having sex…it hurt. I…I did feel betrayed."
"B-but…but I thought…I thought you'd, um, like it. L-Lolisa s-said you, um, ask for dreams of us…t-together."
"Yeah, I mean, I do, but…those aren't real. And, well, it was sort of hot to find you two together. But…I also didn't know, Yunyun. If we'd talked about it first, and we were having a threesome…yeah! That's hot. Or, even if you know…we talked about it before…maybe? I dunno. But, well…I did think we were lovers. And…and that it'd be just the two of us," Kazuma said, reaching out and taking Yunyun's hand and giving it a squeeze.
"S-so you do hate me," Yunyun wept, burying her face in her blankets, her voice becoming muffled. "I-I screwed up."
"Yeah, you did," Kazuma agreed, and Yunyun sobbed even harder. Then he reached down, lifted her up, and kissed her on the forehead. Her tears stopped abruptly, and she gazed up at him in confusion. "But I forgive you. I mean, I've screwed up. You know I'm a pervert. That I've stolen other girls' panties, and not just Megumin's. And, well, I guess some of what I said could be counted as permission."
Slowly, Yunyun reached out and hugged Kazuma. "I…I don't know…what to say."
"Just…say you'll still be my friend," Kazuma pleaded. He squeezed Yunyun tightly. "You are my best friend now, you know?"
"M-more than Aqua?" Yunyun asked. She tried to make her tone light, but Kazuma could tell there was real pain in her voice.
"If I had to pick between spending my life with you, and the rest of my party…I think I'd pick you, Yunyun," Kazuma told her seriously. He sighed. "You're just…peaceful, you know? You're not a fight like Megumin is. You're not someone I'd have to look after like a lost child like Aqua. And, um, well, I think our ahem…sexual appetities…match up better than mine and Darkness'. I'm comfortable with you. The little competitions are fun, you know? But I always get the impression you care less about winning, and more just about spending time with others."
"I-I do like to win," Yunyun admitted. "B-but…it just means so much more to Megumin…a-and I was always worried if I won…s-she wasn't going to keep spending time with me."
Kazuma considered something, and blurted out, "Do you even actually like girls?"
"T-that's p-private!" Yunyun gasped. Then she relented, and squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out. "I-I…I love Megumin. I…I thought…the only way I could have her…w-was to become her lover. T-then there was you, a-and I wanted you too…S-so…if I had to pick…I-I think I'd rather…I'd rather b-be with you…"
"Then you need to tell Megumin that. How much did you, you know…mess with her head?" Kazuma asked.
"Um…I'm not…sure? I-I had B-Becky g-give her some dreams, o-of the two of us…b-but…um, I'm n-not really sure," Yunyun admitted. "I-I didn't use a love potion, or anything like that. Just, um…you know…b-bubbly."
"Well, thanks for being honest," Kazuma sighed. He broke the embrace, and used a finger to brush away some of Yunyun's tears. "You know…I would pick you. Over Megumin."
"You…you mean it?" Yunyun asked, looking up at Kazuma.
In response, he kissed her. She melted into him, and he pushed her back onto the bed, gently. She moaned softly, shifting beneath him, and spreading her legs. Kazuma reached down to where her tattoo was, and felt that Yunyun was more than eager for him, especially as she was trying to unlace his trousers.
And that was when the door banged open, and Kazuma and Yunyun both jerked upright. For an instant, Kazuma feared that it was Megumin who'd caught them.
But instead it was just the landlady, her nostrils flaring, eyes full of rage.
"I SAID NO BOYS IN MY BOARDING-"
"SLEEP!" Yunyun shouted, pointing a finger at the woman. She instantly toppled backwards, crashing into the floor in the hall, and began snoring loudly.
"Um…you don't have to stop," Yunyun said, trying to pull Kazuma back down.
"I think we have to," Kazuma sighed, standing up. He looked around the room. "How long would it take you to pack?"
"Um…why?" Yunyun asked, confused.
"Because if I can't come see you here, then you need to come live at the mansion. Not like we don't have room," Kazuma said with a shrug.
"B-but…what about Megumin?" Yunyun asked, still clearly nervous.
"Well….I'm on board for an OT3," Kazuma said with a smile.
Yunyun blinked and tilted her head to one side.
"One true threesome…I mean…if you're um…OK with getting freaky with Megumin…and, well..me and her doing it…"
"I…I'm ok with it," Yunyun said slowly. "Are…are you sure you…"
"Heck yeah! It's every man's dream!" Kazuma saw a series of very conflicting emotions race across Yunyun's face, from delight, to horror, to disgust, to hope, to guilt, and fear. "But…Yunyun…I'd be happy with just you. I want…I want what makes you happy. And I know you'd never want to stop being Megumin's friend. Or…lover."
"I…yes… I think…that is what I want," Yunyun agreed. She looked around the room. "Um…I just have some clothes and a few keepsakes…I-I just, well…I Teleport everything I want to keep back to the Village…"
"Oh wow, you mean you're a REAL Crimson Demon who knows more than just the one gag spell?" Kazuma joked as he helped Yunyun gather up her meager belongings.
"Yes! I love Megumin, b-but…I was really glad w-when you got her to learn more spells…e-even if it's Intermediate Magic. Explosion is, um…"
"Mostly useless outside of extremely narrow circumstances?" Kazuma prompted, and Yunyun nodded. "Yeah. A lot of my party members have that problem, actually."
"W-where as you are so much of a generalist y-you're n-not really good at anything?" Yunyun asked.
Kazuma paused, and gave Yunyun a very wounded look.
"Um, I don't mind if you want to stay an Adventurer…b-but you have to admit…you're not much help in a fight…" Yunyun said, then seemed to realize what she was saying. "I'm s-sorry! D-don't hate me! I, I just…"
"No, you're right," Kazuma admitted. "I guess…I was too lazy to specialize, and, well…I didn't want to have to make a decision. So…I didn't. But, well…now that I've picked you…maybe the journey of Kazuma the Adventurer is over."
"Only if you want it to be," Yunyun said, standing on her tiptoes to give Kazuma a quick peck on the cheek. "I-I fell in love with an Adventurer. N-not an advanced class. Now, um…I need to change."
"Good point." Kazuma kicked the still snoring Land Lady's legs out into the hall, then closed the door behind her and turned to watch Yunyun.
She blinked, then blushed. "O-oh. Um…w-well…I-I haven't bathed in a few days…"
"You still smell great. If it bothers you, I can step outside," Kazuma offered, feeling a bit deflated.
Yunyun considered that, then shook her head. "Um…w-why don't you help me…i-is there an o-out fit you'd like to see me in?"
It took Yunyun rather a longer time than they'd planned to change, and she ended up having to help Kazuma put his clothes back on as well. It had, unfortunately, not taken much time again, but they left quite a mess on the bed for the Landlady to deal with.
"Old hag," Kazuma muttered, aiming a kick at the sleeping woman.
"N-no! She, um, she was nice to me…I just…didn't appreciate h-how she treated you," Yunyun told him. She wrinkled her nose at the woman. "S-she doesn't like men very much. I-I don't know why…h-half the world c-can't be your friend if you don't like m-men…"
"You're a very open minded and progressive person," Kazuma laughed, and they headed back to the mansion, carrying Yunyun's bundles and talking. As they came within sight though, they fell silent, and moved a bit closer to one another. Kazuma knew they were both thinking of the conversation they were going to have to have with Megumin.
She and Aqua were not back yet though, but Darkness met them at the door. "Kazuma! And Yunyun. Ah, with all those clothes…what are you planning?"
"Yunyun's moving in with us," Kazuma said bluntly. "We could use a fifth party member anyway. Any objections?"
Slowly, Darkness shook her head. "No, not from me…though…Megumin…"
"We'll talk with her. For now…I think you'll need your own bedroom, Yunyun," Kazuma suggested.
"Um…OK. I…I just need a small one. M-maybe a servant's bedroom?" Yunyun suggested.
At that, Darkness looked mortally offended, and drew herself up. Despite the fact that she was wearing only a black bodysuit, she managed to look every inch the noblewoman. "Yunyun, as my friend and guest, I demand that you take a suite appropriate to your station. As the future chieftess of the Crimson Demon Clan, you shall have our finest rooms."
In the end, Yunyun talked Darkness down to a more modest single bedroom, one that was situated between Kazuma and Megumin's rooms. It didn't take her long to unpack her belongings, and then, the three of them sat and talked for a bit over a game of cards. Darkness seemed delighted to hear about the juicy details of Kazuma and Yunyun's relationship, though they kept things somewhat vague.
"We, um…we haven't crossed…that line," Yunyun said. "D-don't get any ideas in your head…"
Before the salivating Darkness could probe further, the door opened, and Aqua carried in Megumin.
"Hey, guys! Whatcha playin'?" Aqua called, rousing the drowsing Megumin.
"You two!" Megumin hissed. "What are you-"
"She's moving in," Kazuma said. "Hold up. I'm going to transfer you some mana. Darkness, if you would?"
"My pleasure!" Darkness agreed eagerly.
Megumin glared at Kazuma, but let him give her enough mana with Drain Touch to get her back on her feet.
"Alright. Let's go up to my room and talk," Kazuma said.
"But I wanted to play cards!" Aqua whined.
"Not today," Darkness said firmly. "Come. I will treat you to dinner at the guild."
"Oh? Will you buy me all the bubbly I can drink!?" Aqua asked eagerly.
Darkness opened her mouth, then hesitated. "I will buy you…as many rounds as I can drink."
"Well you've got the stamina of a bull, so that's plenty! Come on! I'm thirsty!" Aqua laughed.
Then it was just the three of them, standing there awkwardly.
"I'm not going up to Kazuma's room," Megumin huffed, looking away. She walked over to the couch and sat down, taking off her hat and putting it beside her so no one else could sit beside her.
Yunyun glanced at Kazuma, and he reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. She squeezed back, and held on. They walked over to the loveseat, and sat together.
Megumin looked crushed for only a moment, then her expression firmed. "So. You did win. And I lose."
"You…you don't h-have to," Yunyun said quietly.
"What are you suggesting?" Megumin asked, her tone soft. Kazuma couldn't tell if it was pain, anger, or both, but her eyes were burning a bright Crimson.
"I-I love you, M-Megumin. S-so does Kazuma," Yunyun explained. "W-we could-"
"No!" Megumin snarled, jumping to her feet. She pointed an accusatory finger at Kazuma. "He put you up to this! Didn't he?!"
"No!" Yunyun gasped at the same time as Kazuma said, "Yeah."
"Well?! Which is it?!" Megumin demanded, spittle flying from her mouth.
"Y-you didn't! It was my idea!" Yunyun protested, her tone pleading.
Kazuma shrugged. "It's…kinda both our faults. I taught Yunyun about behavior modification…and, well…um…she used the techniques I used on you…"
Pain filled Megumin's eyes, and she flinched. "You…you what?"
"I…sorta…tried to…well…"
And it all came out. Everything. How Kazuma had used the sticker book to get Aqua to quit being so useless. How he'd done some erotic roleplay to get Darkness to stop putting all her points in defense. And…and how he'd manipulated Megumin with trinkets to get her to take intermediate magic.
Then Yunyun told it all. How she'd gotten the succubi to give Megumin dreams about her, specifically. And Kazuma. How she'd hoped to turn the three of them into lovers, who would never be apart.
"I just…I didn't want to give up either of you," Yunyun admitted. "I…I hope…you can forgive me…"
Megumin sat there, head in her hands. At last, she spoke. "I…I can't…I don't know what to think."
"We don't need an answer right now," Kazuma began, but Megumin looked up, her eyes full of pain and anger.
"The answer is easy: would either of you give up the other one for me? To have just me."
Yunyun swallowed, and silently shook her head. Kazuma managed only a curt, "No."
"Then there's your answer. You love each other. Not me. And I'm not your toy." Megumin stood up, put on her hat, and walked out the door.
Yunyun stood up, hand reaching out, but the door closed. She slumped into Kazuma's arms.
"So…now what?" Kazuma asked.
Yunyun just pressed herself against him, trembling slightly. But very clearly not willing to let go.
"Um…my room? Or yours?"
In response, Yunyun just leaned into Kazuma even harder. He ended up leading her upstairs to his room, which was both bigger and had the bigger bed. As soon as they were inside, Yunyun reached over and tugged Kazuma's belt loose, then pulled down his pants. Next came Kazuma's shirt, and then he helped Yunyun out of her clothes.
"You're beautiful. I love you," Kazuma whispered, then hugged her tight, pressing his mouth to hers.
Yunyun clung to him like a limpet, and for a long time, they didn't break their kiss. After that, Kazuma led Yunyun to the bed. She pulled him down onto her, then, into her.
To Kazuma's surprise, he lasted longer than he had before, Yunyun clinging tight to him and gasping the entire time. After he'd spent himself, he tried to keep going, and he felt Yunyun shudder beneath him.
"M-Megumin!" Yunyun gasped.
Kazuma paused for a moment. That had hurt. Badly. He pulled out, and Yunyun gasped for breath along with him, laying beside him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. She put her hand in his. "D-drain me."
"What?" Kazuma asked, uncertain of what she was saying.
Yunyun straddled him, lacing her fingers through his. U-use Drain Touch. Again."
Kazuma did, until he rose once more. Since he was young, even though this was Round 3 in one day, it didn't take much.
This time, Yunyun rode Kazuma, and hard, grinding against him until it was both painful and more pleasure than Kazuma could imagine. This time, at the climax, she leaned down, and whispered into his ear, "Kazuma. I…I pick you. Kazuma."
There was still pain, but Kazuma held Yunyun tight to him. They fell asleep in one another's arms. Kazuma dreamed of Crimson Eyes, but he could tell that he didn't just see Yunyun in the dark, and felt horrible for it.
In the morning, they went down to find a pained Aqua and Darkness waiting for them.
"Megumin is gone," Darkness said quietly. "She had Wiz teleport her to the Crimson Demon Village last night. She said…she said there was only room in our party for one Arch Mage. And it wasn't her."
Yunyun looked around, horrified. Aqua shook her head. "We told her she didn't have to go, but…ugh! Why can't the three of you just get married?! I told her that was fine in the Axis Faith!"
"I, um, I am an erisite, but, er…" Darkness glanced at Kazuma and Yunyun and blushed.
"No," Yunyun said with a shake of her head. "E-even if Kazuma wanted to…no. I could s-share him with Megumin…b-but not you. I-I'm sorry."
"No, I understand." Darkness hugged herself. "I-I don't think I'd really want to share either."
"Ugh, who cares! This gross mortal stuff doesn't matter. Are we going after Megumin or not!?" Aqua demanded. "Because if you all aren't, I am!"
"We can," Kazuma agreed, then paused. "Hey, Darkness…how into girls are you?"
"I-I need a big strong man!" Darkness protested. "S-someone that will rule and dominate me, who will demand I cater to their every whim, and horribly abuse me! A-also…um…I don't…I don't really like girls…"
"Oh well. Worth a shot," Kazuma said with a shrug. "Come on. Teleport us already, Yunyun."
When they arrived, they were several miles from the village. A group of female orcs attacked, shouting their lust for Kazuma.
"HE'S MINE!" Yunyun screamed, and killed them all.
Then she found the orc village, and burned it to the ground.
And salted the earth.
Kazuma probably should have been more concerned, but they were all more worried about Megumin.
They made their way to the village, where they found that the Devil King's army was attacking.
"Ah, Yunyun, good, you got my letter!" her father said happily when he met them at the village entrance. "And my goodness, you really do have an Adventuring party!"
"Um, daddy…t-this is Kazuma. Um…my…fiance…" Yunyun said.
Kazuma blinked. They hadn't discussed that, but, well… "Er…I sorta…forgot to ask your permission to marry your daughter, sir, but, er-"
"Ah, I'm just glad she found someone! You're strong, right?" Her father prompted.
"I don't care if he's strong or weak, daddy. A-and neither should you," Yunyun said quietly. "W-where is Megumin?"
"At her house, probably. She used that silly gag spell and passed out. Killed a lot of enemies, sure, but we had to rescue her before she got herself killed. Seemed like she had a death wish…"
"Thanks, that's all we needed," Kazuma assured Yunyun's father. He was ten steps away before he realized something.
"Um, Yunyun? What's your dad's name?" Kazuma whispered.
"Hiropon," Yunyun whispered. "Um, next time…w-would you mind um…introducing yourself? I-it would mean a lot to him…"
"Sure, right after I get you a ring," Kazuma joked.
Yunyun blushed. "Um…I'd like that. S-sorry, um, about telling him you were my fiance…but he's really strong…a-and if he found out we were sleeping together…"
"Understandable," Kazuma said immediately. Considering how powerful Yunyun was…if she thought her father was strong…probably best not to piss him off.
They found Megumin sleeping in her room at her house, which was more of a hovel. Her little sister was home alone, and showed them inside, after a small bribe of all their travel rations, which she happily consumed.
"Wakey wakey. Eggs and…mana. Damn, that doesn't rhyme," Kazuma said as he gave Megumin a bit of Aqua's mana.
Megumin's eyes shot open, and she glared around at them. "What do you want!? Was my running away not clear enough!?"
"M-Megumin…K-Kazuma and I…we're together. B-but we're still your friends," Yunyun said.
"Yeah! Don't be dumb! Just because you're still single doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for you still!" Aqua scolded. "You're my buddy, and you can't just run off! Who will play Wizard Chess with me!?"
"You have an archmage. One that Kazuma didn't even need to bribe to learn proper spells. Why do you need me?" Megumin demanded, trying to roll over and cover her head with her threadbare blanket.
"Because it was never about your spells, Megumin," Darkness told her. "You are our friend. Kazuma and Yunyun getting together…it hurt me too. But…I still care about them. And I'll still be their friend."
Megumin peaked out at Darkness, uncertain. "You…you loved Yunyun too?"
"Um, er…m-mostly Kazuma…" Darkness stammered.
"Well, I did have a crush on him," Megumin muttered, blushing. "I just…"
"Hey. Who's going to kill the bosses for us?" Kazuma prompted. "We need our chuuni little Explosion maniac."
"I am not little," Megumin grumbled, but a smile tugged at her lips.
"I…I'm sorry, M-Megumin. F-for…everything," Yunyun said, tears trickling down her face. "C-can you forgive me?"
Megumin squeezed her eyes shut. "Ask me that…later. But for now…we can still be party members. Friends will have to wait."
Kazuma and Yunyun nodded, and they talked together, the five for them for a while. Then, Kazuma and Yunyun bid their farewells, and headed back to her own house.
"How long before you can turn Darkness into a lesbian?" Kazuma whispered as they walked hand in hand under the twinkling stars.
"Um, I learned a lot from m-my last attempt…and, um, trying to make myself…gay…" Yunyun admitted. "G-give me two w-weeks. A month at the most."
"Seriously? That fast?" Kazuma asked, shocked.
Yunyun giggled. "B-Becky's been working on her already. S-she wants to, um…never mind. B-but I think she a-and Megumin would be good for one another. A-and Darkness r-really needs to get laid…"
"You said it," Kazuma agreed fervently.
When they arrived at Yunyun's own manse, they found Hiropon waiting for them.
"Ah! How's my baby girl? Why don't you go freshen up! Kazuma, I hear you have the cooking skill! I'm awful at it! Help me make dinner," Hiropon ordered.
"Er, sure," Kazuma agreed, and Yunyun scurried off to freshen up and change for dinner.
Kazuma went over to wash his hands, as Hiropon got out some ingredients and tools. "So, um, what sort of dinner do you-"
*THUNK*
A massive butcher cleaver embedded itself into the wall by Kazuma's head, and he spun about, blood draining from his face. Hiropon was right there, his eyes blazing, expression stormy.
"What, exactly, have you done to my little girl, outsider?" Hiropon said coldly.
"Um…the ring…is on backorder?" Kazuma offered.
Hiropon's nostrils flared, and his expression darkened.
"I…I do love her…" Kazuma took a deep breath, and struck a pose. "MY NAME IS KAZUMA! FOREMOST ADVENTURER OF AXEL, HE WHO HAS DEFEATED THREE GENERALS OF THE DEVIL KING, AND THE MOBILE FORTRESS DESTROYER, AND WILL SOON MARRY YUNYUN, MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD!"
Hiropon took a step back, and rubbed his chin. "Eh. Not bad. I suppose you'll do."
Then he broke into a broad grin. "How as my murderous father impression!? I've been practicing it for ages!"
Crimson Demons, Kazuma decided, were an acquired taste.
His and Yunyun's was not exactly a shotgun wedding, but she was also just starting to show when they got married six months later. They hadn't exactly been careful, and Yunyun seemed thrilled at the idea of having children. Kazuma was pretty sure she saw a child as another chance to have a friend, but what the heck. She'd be a pretty good mom.
Darkness and Megumin didn't get married for years, but Yunyun had been slightly off. It took her a whole four months to really get Darkness and Megumin together. It only really succeeded when she enlisted Aqua's help. The goddess seemed thrilled at the idea of all her "buddies" hooking up.
Kazuma and Yunyun ended up moving to the Crimson Demon village, where after a few accidents, the young women of the village learned to keep their hands off him, and eyes off him too. Kazuma also learned not to try anything perverted on anyone but his wife, after spending a night as a newt.
There were ups and downs in the relationship, mostly over Yunyun turning out to be just as codependent as anyone with a functioning prefrontal cortex (which ruled out all teenagers, including Kazuma) would have thought. And more than a little possessive herself. Still, she mellowed out slightly with age, and life in the Crimson Demon village as the husband of the chief was Kazuma's speed. He was more than a bit of a house husband and NEET, but so what?
Megumin's and Darkness's relationship looked like an unmitigated disaster to an outsider, and an insider. But they made it work. Their daughters, however, were unholy terrors. Kazuma thanked his lucky stars none of HIS children married them, despite what Yunyun had fantasized about.
Though Kazuma always did wonder how they managed to have kids. Aqua never would tell.
In the end, Kazuma and Yunyun passed within a few years of one another, him first, and her not long after. He spent the time with Aqua, until Yunyun pined away, unable to live on without her husband for very long.
"Well, what do you want? Heaven? Or reincarnation?" Aqua asked.
"W-we want to be together. Forever," Yunyun said, clinging to Kazuma.
Kazuma thought about it, and shrugged. "Sure. But heaven sounds boring. Maybe…something else?"
"Sure! Hmmm…how about…saving the Galactic Union under threat from the space devil king!" Aqua declared, and began to chant.
"Wait! I was thinking of something more-" Kazuma said, but then Yunyun hugged him tight.
"As long as I h-have you…it will be OK," she whispered.
Kazuma sighed. Here he went again. Oh well.
At least the sex was really good. In the end, he supposed he served…the Soviet Yunyun.
Author's note:
And thus, ends the Yunyun route. It was still mostly a happy ending, but no, it wasn't the true harem route. Or a bad ending. But I did put more effort into it than usual. Yunyun is best girl, after all.
If you want to choose a new route, or vote on other of my stories that you want to see, join my discord at /Qj7cGXqwA5. I also have a , where people have been commissioning this and other fic updates that you can check out if you're so inclined. I hope you enjoyed this route, and I look forward to more crack pairings in the future.