I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm doing this for fun, not profit. Please let that be a sufficient disclaimer!
It's not often an author recommends you don't read a story, but if you've not read Delacour Godparents then this story will make absolutely no sense, and I strongly recommend you stop now, go read Delacour Godparents (written by yours truly), then come back if you want more of Geoff and Barry.
For everyone else, this begins right after we first meet our favourite two snakes, with the first paragraph copied from Chapter 6.
...
All too soon, however, the three humans had to leave – especially when another family entered the reptile area. So with some goodbyes – "Visit us again Harry!" "Yeah, and bring the Vole Wizard!" – Sebastian, Fleur and Harry left the zoo and returned back home.
"I can't believe we met a speaker just now!" gushed Geoff.
"Really? But he was right here! I can believe it", Barry replied.
"No, that's not what I..." Geoff started to reply, only to be interrupted.
"I can still taste my vole. And feel it. And see the bulge! Look, Geoff, that's bigger than a rat isn't it?" asked Barry, nodding towards the evidence of a large rodent.
Geoff just sighed, wishing he had hands – that way, he could place his head in them.
"Geoff? Do you believe it now, Geoff?" Barry asked in a helpful tone.
"Wow. You're right. How silly of me", Geoff replied, fully expecting his sarcasm to pass by Barry unnoticed. He was right, of course.
"So what did you think of little Harry?" Barry asked. Then, before any reply was forthcoming, he continued, "I think he was great! He was funny, and nice, and friendly!"
Barry did have a point. Harry seemed like a good kid, and Geoff hoped they would meet him again. He was certainly better company than the other visitors to the zoo, and far better company than the staff. Opening his jaws, Geoff hissed his reply. "Yeah, he was great. He's pretty young for a wizard, so he's still cute. Hopefully he visits again soon."
...
It was a day later, and the snakes had another visitor. This one, however, was not one they looked forward to seeing.
"Hide, Geoff!" came a panicked cry.
"Huh? Why?" cane the slightly startled reply.
"I can smell him! He's here!" Barry announced.
"What?! But we only saw him yesterday morning! He's not going to be here every day, right?" Geoff complained. Then, because such fell omens required double checking, he tasted the air. "Oh bloody hell, you're right, Barry, it's definitely him."
A few moments later a horrible voice could be heard, approaching nearer and nearer. "Hi guys! How are my favourite snakes today?"
"Boo! Boo! Go away!" cried Barry animatedly.
"Aww, I'm happy to see you too!" the man replied with a broad smile. "And guess what? I've got good news – I'm going to be in charge of the reptile area from next week! I'll get to see you every day!"
"What's he saying, Geoff? What's the idiot saying?" Barry asked, watching the man carefully.
"I don't know, I don't speak French. Probably something about how he's going to make us suffer even more", Geoff guessed grimly.
"I'm glad you're excited too! Now, I wondered if... wait a minute, when did you get fed? And what did you get fed?! Whatever you ate looks huge!" the man asked.
"Is he looking at your belly?" Geoff asked with incredulity.
"Oi! Keep your eyes to yourself, I'm not interested!" Barry ordered, a little worried.
"It's the voles!" Geoff stated, having figured it out after a moment. "He's wondering who fed us a proper meal for once!"
"I hope you're not too bloated, poor things. Though I guess in the wild you'd sometimes eat larger meals. But who snuck you the early meal?" the man pondered.
"Yeah, and they were way better than the rats you normally feed us!" Barry replied, trying to guess what the man's mouth noises meant. "You could learn something from Harry!"
The man vowed the check with his colleagues later; perhaps someone well-meaning had thought the snakes looked hungry? It was nearly time for their feed, which is what the man was planning to do later in the week – not that he would need to now!
Geoff and Barry also had something they wanted to check, though they needed Harry's help for it. They again hoped he would visit again soon.
...
It was a few weeks before Geoff and Barry saw Harry again. When they did, they were delighted.
"Harry! He's come back to see us!" Barry cried in delight, his body - which was next to the glass front of the cage – uncoiling a little.
"Harry? You mean THE Harry?!" Geoff asked, eyes wide in hope, as he slithered over to get a look.
A few seconds later, and five-year-old Harry bounded round the corner, hand in hand with seven-year-old Fleur. Sebastian was not far behind.
"Harry! We missed you!" gushed Geoff.
"Yeah! We did", Barry agreed.
Harry gave a big grin – he was thrilled that the funny snakes seemed to like him so much!
"I missed you too! When my Godfather said I could choose what we did today, I said I wanted to come back to visit!" Harry excitedly explained.
"'arry, what are they saying?" Fleur asked eagerly.
"Harry, what did Fleur say?" Barry asked, after hearing noises coming from Fleur's mouth. "Did she miss us? We missed her too!"
"Yeah, we missed all three of you!" Geoff agreed.
Sebastian watched on, amused, as Harry translated. It sounded like the snakes were just as fond of Harry and Fleur as the children were of them.
"Harry, why don't you ask if the snakes would like to eat anything?" Sebastian suggested after a few excitable minutes.
"Good idea!" Harry replied, before turning back to the snakes. "Are you hungry? My Godfather wants to know."
"Vole Wizard is offering to feed us again?!" Barry replied excitedly. Geoff waited for the confirmation, his eyes hopeful.
Harry giggled at the nickname, having almost forgotten it. "Yes, Vole Wizard wants to know if he can summon you anything", Harry confirmed, grinning.
"Can... Can Vole Wizard summon more voles?" Barry asked, almost hyperventilating in anticipation.
"Of course he can Barry, his name's Vole Wizard, after all, right Harry? Right?" Geoff replied, looking at Harry for confirmation.
"Of course!" Harry replied, determining never to correct the snakes about Sebastian's name. "Is that what you'd both like?"
"Wait, what are the options?" Geoff asked, with no small degree of giddiness.
"Sebastian? Geoff... I think... wants to know what the options are", Harry enquired.
"Ask our friends what they'd like. I'm sure if I've heard of it I can conjure it", Sebastian confidently answered.
Harry related this to Geoff. After an excited squeal, Geoff asked, "Can Vole Wizard do a badger?"
...
After the meal, Geoff and Barry could ask an important question. Harry didn't know the answer, neither did Fleur, but Sebastian had a way of finding out. After disappearing for a couple of minutes, Sebastian had two possible answers.
"Harry, it's either the old, balding man with a moustache, or the younger, brown-haired man; can you ask which one?" Sebastian asked Harry.
"Is it the old bald man, or the man with brown hair? Or someone else?" Harry relayed.
"The evil brown-haired one!" Geoff replied with certainty.
"Hair the colour of one of those horrible rats he often feeds us", Barry agreed vehemently.
"The brown-haired one", Harry told Sebastian.
"Ah. In which case, the name of the man they don't like is Simon", Sebastian informed.
"The man's name is Simon", Harry told the snakes, answering a question that the snakes had been wondering for a while.
"Simon. The idiot's called Simon", Barry stated, testing the name on his tongue.
"Idiot Simon. What an awful name", Geoff concluded.
"Suits him perfectly", Barry agreed.
...
Author Notes:
After a longer-than-expected break from writing, where my muse needed to recover from the sprint that was Delacour Godparents, I'm back.
The Geoff and Barry Files will have fairly short chapters, and I've no idea how many I will write; let me know if you have any ideas for more – either via a review or a PM.