I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm doing this for fun, not profit. Please let that be a sufficient disclaimer!
This takes place around the time of chapter 11 of Delacour Godparents, with some events slightly before and some slightly after.
...
Four-year-old Gabrielle looked amazed. Or astonished. Or both. "'arry can actually talk to the snakes? Really really?"
Appoline gave her youngest an amused look. "But of course. What did you think he was doing when we visited the zoo?"
"I thought he was just playing! Like when 'arry pretends to be a donkey and I feed him my play food!" Gabrielle explained.
Appoline gave a chuckle at that. Gabrielle currently loved pretend play, and instead of Harry insisting he was too old for such things, the ten-year-old doted on his little sister. Like always. "No, he's not pretending. He has a rare magical power that means he can talk to snakes", Appoline explained.
"Is it as rare as the magical power you and Fleur and Grandma have?" Gabrielle asked, interestedly.
"And you too my little cabbage, even if you can't feel it yet", Appoline reminded her youngest. "It's a little like that – Harry was born with his power just like we were born with ours", she explained.
"But 'arry can't throw fireballs with his power, can he?" Gabrielle asked, just to check.
Appoline allowed herself a small laugh. "No, he can't. 'arry's power is just to talk to snakes."
...
"Barry! Wake up!" Geoff called excitedly.
"Huh? What? Where's the mouse?" came the dopey, not-fully-awake reply.
"I don't know about a mouse, but I know where a vole is about to be!" Geoff hinted; said hint turned out to have the same waking power as a sledgehammer.
"Vole?! Do you mean... Harry!" cried Barry delightedly.
"Hi Geoff, hi Barry! How are you both?" Harry asked with a pleased smile.
"We're doing great - Idiot Simon hasn't been around for over a week, and now you're here!", Geoff replied happily.
"Maybe he's on holiday?" Harry mused.
"Do people ever go on holiday and never come back?" Barry asked hopefully.
Harry shook his head, smiling a little. "Sorry Barry, but no. Not really."
"'arry, what are they saying? Can I talk to them? I've never talked to them before!" Gabrielle asked, her words chasing each other out of her mouth.
Harry gave Gabrielle a strange look. "Yes you have – you spoke to them two months ago" Harry corrected.
"Yes, but I thought you were pretending!" Gabrielle explained.
Harry rolled his eyes affectionately, then pulled his sister into a brief hug – though that did mean letting go of his best friend's hand. "Of course you can speak to them. What do you want to say?"
"Erm... Erm..." came the reply. Clearly Gabrielle hadn't thought ahead. Just as Harry was about to ask again, Gabrielle had her question. "Do they like ice cream?" Harry relayed the question.
"You mean that white stuff that people sometimes bring in?" Geoff asked.
"Oh, that stuff smells really strange!" Barry declared.
Geoff nodded his head. "Yeah, it probably tastes nasty, so it's a good thing that..."
"I want to try some!" Barry announced enthusiastically.
By now, Harry was busy translating for Gabrielle, and the rest of the group.
"You want to try that weird, cold, whatever-it-is? Even though it's probably horrible?" Geoff clarified, confused.
"Of course!" Barry replied, as if eating something horrible was what any animal would naturally aspire to.
"I wonder what's wrong with you sometimes", Geoff muttered.
"Why don't you ask Gabrielle something? She really wants to talk to you today", Harry said, trying to derail the current conversation. It didn't work.
"Great idea! Gabrielle, Geoff wants to know what's wrong with me, do you know?" Barry asked eagerly.
Harry had to stop laughing before he could ask Gabrielle the question, though her reply was as expected.
"Nothing's wrong with Geoff or Barry. Right, 'arry?" Gabrielle stated with a confident nod.
...
It was much later, after Gabrielle had interrogated the snakes ("what do you drink?" "what's your favourite colour?" "how many of the square spot things do you have on your skin?" "why don't snakes have arms?" "why are you kept in that cage?"), and after the witches and wizards had gone, that a man approached the snakes.
"Quick! Pretend your asleep!" Geoff ordered.
Being used to this order, Barry quickly curled up as best he could – a little trickier than yesterday, given the large vole digesting nicely in his stomach – and shut his eyes.
"Oh, I'm too late, and you're having a nap", Idiot Simon said to himself. "And I brought your favourite dinner, too: brown rats! You've really been playing with them a lot before eating, which I've read means you enjoy them!" Simon explained, again to himself.
The man was debating whether or not he should put the rats in the enclosure, in case the Burmese pythons were hungry when they woke, when he took a proper look, and saw it had happened. Again.
Idiot Simon didn't know what to think. None of the other staff had admitted to feeding the pythons, though Simon was initially convinced it was someone playing a prank. But now he had to wonder – was there some gap in the enclosure that was allowing something in? But even if there was, where was the gap? And where were the animals coming from? They... they weren't getting in from elsewhere in the zoo, where they? Were they?!
...
It was a few months later, and Idiot Simon was just on his way to see his favourite snakes. He'd passed a group that had just left the reptile area – a dad, an older sister with pink hair, a middle sister, a youngest sister who looked so similar to the middle sister, and the boyfriend of the middle sister? – and entered the enclosure.
When he saw that, again, the snakes had been fed, he again wondered what on earth was going on. Well, he would find out what the snakes had eaten soon enough. Hopefully it wouldn't be anything too concerning.
...
"What are you doing right be the window, Geoff?"
"Finding the best place to throw up the aardvark bones. I can feel them about to... uuurggh... oh, nearly... about to appear, and I want to make sure Idiot Simon has the best... urgh... view..." Geoff managed to explain, before vomiting up the parts of the animal he'd been unable to digest.
Barry watched with interest, then tasted the air. "I can smell your aardvark, but I can't smell Idiot Simon. How long will we have to wait?" Barry asked.
"Not long, I hope", Geoff replied sincerely.
"Is he nearly here yet?" Barry asked after a minute.
"I don't know", Geoff replied, impressed at his own patience.
"How about now?" Barry asked, after an entire 38 seconds.
Geoff closed his eyes, and prayed to the most merciful of all cobras that Idiot Simon would arrive soon.
...
"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about", the lady assured her colleague for the 100th time.
"I know it's probably nothing, but even so – where are they getting their meals from?" Idiot Simon replied to his colleague.
A smile and a shrug was all the reply he would get to that. The pair entered the reptile enclosure, and Idiot Simon made a beeline to the Burmese pythons.
"The remains are here! Come have a look with me!" Idiot Simon called.
A look of disgust passed over the woman's face. Simon could be a bit obsessed at times. She intended on moving slowly, but a cry of surprise drew her more quickly.
"Oh no! Oh no, oh no! That's not good!" Idiot Simon announced, now with added panic.
"What? What's wrong?" asked his colleague, now concerned.
"Those bones – I recognise those bones! They're aardvark bones!" Simon declared, horrified.
The lady looked perplexed. "Yes, and...? Why is that a problem?"
"Because the aardvark enclosure is just the other side of that wall!" Simon half-shouted through his panic.
The lady turned to look at the wall, then at the bones, then at the wall again, before feeling some of Idiot Simon's dread creep into her.
And within the enclosure, two snakes curled up, shaking with laughter.
...
Author Notes:
If you've enjoyed these first two Geoff and Barry Files, please leave a review!