A/N: So here begins the part of the fic that people are going to struggle with. Erica is an addict. At this point it was booze. She is dead inside and unable to feel any love. Rational Erica would NEVER want to go to a bar when she's pregnant, but this is not rational Erica. I also don't plan to have her passed out drunk again, and I promise I won't write anything that would realistically cause distress to a baby. She's got to struggle against it, and the only way to do that is to make her struggle against it.

Probably won't get to update until the weekend, so enjoy this until then!

_

Chapter 4

They'd sent her home the next day. But not before they'd sent Dr. Clader in to conduct an ultrasound. He lectured her on the dangers of drinking while pregnant and begged her not to take another drink.

He had confirmed the pregnancy; she 9 weeks and three days. He put the conception on Thanksgiving, give or take a day or two. She wanted to tell herself the few days' leeway took David out of the running as the father, but she knew that wasn't the truth. If anything, it made it even more likely that he was the father.

Jack and the kids were thrilled. She was trying to be. She wanted to be happy. Wanted to get used to the idea of another child. Wanted to be excited and planning a nursery, like Jack and the kids were already doing.

She wanted a lot of things that she couldn't have. She wanted Bianca not to be having the monsters baby. She wanted have not been betrayed by Kendall. And David…she wanted David back. Back before he lied about Bianca still being pregnant, back before the mere thought of him and what he'd done made her want to drink. She wanted to turn back the last year, and start it all over again.

What she wanted most a glass of champagne or some more vodka.

"How was your meeting?" Jack wondered, crossing the living room to be near her.

He meant the meeting that she didn't go to?

"Good. Good. Helped a lot." She deadpanned, hoping this was the end of the questions. She was tired and wanted to take a nap, if they would just leave her in peace.

"When is your next one?" Bianca asked, studying her mother's. She was lying. She hadn't gone to her meeting and she had no plans to.

"A couple of days," She answered dryly, eyes focused on anything but Bianca. But the truth that stared her in the face every time she looked at her.

Jack nodded. "Good. And how are you feeling?"
She shrugged, "I'm fine."

Bianca shook her head. She didn't like this. Didn't like the cold, blank look in Erica's eyes. Didn't like the icy tone to her words or her tense demeanor. She had to believe that her mother, couldn't drink while she was pregnant. That she was strong enough to fight her demons, even if it was just for the baby. Everything about her mother screamed that she needed a drink, and she was legitimately concerned that the temptation would still be too much.

"Can I get you anything before I go pick up Lily?" Jack wondered, "Have you eaten?"

"This morning."

Bianca tossed Jack a worried glance, "I can make us something for a snack."

Erica shrugged. "Whatever you want, sweetheart."

Jack stopped to talk to Bianca on his way out the door. "Make sure she eats. I'll be back before Coral is done with dinner we can all eat together."

She offered him a soft smile, hoping he didn't see the worry in her face. "Do you want something sweet? I think we have some cookies or I could make us some sandwiches."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat, Mom." Bianca reminded her. "Don't you want to have a healthy baby and a strong pregnancy?"

Erica whipped her head around to look at Bianca now, eyes dead and lifeless. "What I want is a drink!"

Bianca shook her head. "Don't say things like that."

"Like what, Bianca?" Erica questioned, taking a step toward her daughter. "I want a drink. I want a drink because my life is nothing but lies and betrayals. Because everyone I love and cared about, decided that I wasn't strong enough to handle information that will change my life."

"We were trying to protect you."

"From what? From turning me into a drunk?" She hissed, "Well that worked well, didn't it?"

"You need to focus on the goods things, like the baby."

"Oh yes, the baby," She eyes shot down to her stomach, and she touched a few fingers to the barely there swell. "A gift from god, to ease my pain?" She asked, eyes on Bianca again.

"How can you be so cold?" Bianca wondered her voice choked with sadness.

"Cold? I'm not cold, sweetheart. I've just had my heart ripped to shreds. That's all."

"What's wrong with you?" Bianca gasped, eyes wide and filled with fear as she stared down her mother. "How can you not want your child? How can you not care? How can you be standing there waiting for me to leave, so you can go get a drink? This is everything you and Uncle Jack have ever wanted why are you determined to ruin it?"

Erica scoffed through a laugh. "You think this child is a miracle? You think it's my happy ending? It's probably not even…." She trailed off quickly, realizing that she had implied.

"Probably not even, what?" Bianca shot back, not liking the look in Erica's eyes. There was no love. No devotion. No warmth.

"Going to be born!" She shouted in reply. "Why would I care about the child I'm likely to miscarry anyway?"

Bianca shook her head. "You need help, Mom. If you want go to your meetings, let me call someone? Myrtle? Opal? David?"

"Don't you dare mention that man's name in this house," She demanded, "He doesn't get to rush back in here and play hero. Not after he broke my heart. Tore my life to pieces. Who does he think he is? Ruining my life and breathing life back into my soul."

There were tears in Erica's eyes now, and Bianca watched as a hand subconsciously landed against her stomach. Erica's words bounced echoed in her ears. "Mom…." She pushed out through a shaky breath, "is your baby…is David…"

"Get out!"

"Mom…" She tried to start, but Erica shook her head.

"Go! Now."

Bianca cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "When you find your way out of this darkness Mom, I'll be here. Waiting."

"I'm sure you'll bring that monsters baby for a visit?" Erica shot back, turning away.

"Her name is Miranda," Bianca said proudly, "And she will be here waiting and loving you, just as much as I will."

Erica scoffed in reply.

"I love you," Bianca told her from the doorway. "And I'm not going to run away. No matter how hard you push."

Erica didn't acknowledge the closing of the door, and didn't look back. She moved quickly, gathering her purse.

There was a bar within walking distance and if she walked quickly, she could be there before the sun started to set.

To be continued