A/N: Erica is a bitch sometimes. And she's even more of one when she's dead inside. Please bare with her and love her through it. It will be worth it in the end. You'll start seeing glimpse of Erica Kane peaking through the darkness's, but it'll be a while before her redemption starts. I promise, I've got this.

Also, I had to give David a moment with the baby, as Jack gets to be the dad in all ways that matter.

Chapter 8

"She can't lose this baby," Kendall paced the waiting room, tears stinging the back of her eyes.

"They'll both be okay," Ryan comforted as he paced with her.

They'd gotten the call an hour ago, Bianca had been rushed to Pine Valley Hospital. The only update they had was that the staff was doing everything they could to ensure that she and the baby were alright.

Reggie was waiting in the chairs with Jack and Erica, though, Lily had remained at home.

"Why hasn't anyone told us anything?" Reggie wondered, and Jack shook his head.

"When they have something to tell, they will come out with an update. For now, we just have to wait and pray that they will be alright." He nodded to Reggie, and leaned over to put his arm around Erica. "How are you holding up, sweetheart?"

How was she holding up? She hadn't had drink in almost a week and she was losing her mind.

Did he want the truth? That she was praying furiously that Bianca's labor couldn't be stopped, that the baby didn't make it.

Or did he want the lie? That she was praying furiously that both Bianca and her baby were just fine and they would all be one big, happy, family.

She settled on avoiding the topic all together. "I'm fine," She said through a smile. She wondered why he believed her. Why didn't he question her? Why didn't he know that a soon as she could get away, she was going to have a drink? Or maybe he knew exactly what she was thinking and what she planned, but chose to not to have the same fight yet again.

"Do you want to go for a walk, get some air?" Jack asked, studying her face. She was a million miles away and completely devoid of any real empathy for the situation. And he was at a loss how to help her. Nothing he did or tried broke through the walls she'd thrown around her heart. He couldn't get her to meetings and he couldn't make her talk to anyone. They were all standing by watching helplessly as she drifted further and further from them.

"I'm fine," She said again, trying to widen her smile. It was painful; faking your way through every day. Painting on smiles and pretending that you cared. That the sight of your own family didn't make your ill.

"Do you want something to eat?" Reggie asked, leaning over Jack so he could talk to Erica. "Gotta put some weight on you and my little brother or sister."

Jack smiled at that, and nodded to Erica. She hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. "I think that sounds great. Do you have preference? Sweet or savory?"

Her eyes drifted down to her stomach and the clearly visible mass that was her child. She was all belly and from behind Jack said you couldn't even tell she was pregnant.

If only.

She was pushing eighteen weeks and this child was determined to remind her that he or she was there with tiny feet constantly shoved into her bladder. They, Jack and the kids had opted not to find out the sex, wanting a true surprise from the experience.

She didn't care to know. It was terrible. It was mean. It was selfish. And she knew it. But that didn't change anything. How was she supposed to feel anything for this child, when she felt nothing for any part of her life? How was this child supposed to heal her heart when there was nothing left of heart to heal?

"Surprise me," She answered after a few seconds of silence.

Reggie nodded and got up from his chair. He didn't get any further, as David emerged from Bianca's room.

"David?' Kendall was immediately at his side, Ryan next to her. "Is Bianca okay? Miranda?"

Jack, Erica and Reggie crossed the short distance to where David stood and waited for his answer.

He offered them a soft smile and nodded. "They're both just fine. I think there's bit a little to mush stress lately. We are going to keep her overnight for observation but I don't anticipate any more problems."

Kendall blew out a hard breath and moved to hug David. "Thank you. Thank you."

Jack shook his hand, and Ryan followed. Reggie mumbled a quick thank you.

Erica didn't move or speak, staring at the door to Bianca's room.

The nightmare wasn't over.

David had swooped in once again to play God.

"Can we see her?" Kendall asked, already heading for the door.

"Not everyone at once," David nodded in her direction, though his eyes were still fixed on Erica. He'd seen the anger flash through her eyes at his words. She hated him for this. For being Bianca's doctor. For helping save the baby, more than once.

Kendall was already headed into Bianca's room, while Ryan waited outside.

"I'll go downstairs and get us those snacks," Reggie started.

"I'll go with you, call Lily why we're down there," Jack added. "Do you want to wait here, honey and we can go see Bianca when we get back?"

She nodded in his direction, attention still focused on the door to Bianca's room. If she went inside, it would probably stress Bianca out so much she went into labor again.

It was a tempting thought.

"We'll be back soon," Jack told her before he and Reggie headed for the elevator.

David slowly closed the distance between himself and Erica, gauging her reaction to him.
She refused to acknowledge him or the fact that he was close enough now that she could smell his cologne.

"It might be best if you saw Bianca alone," He advised, though she offered him no reaction. Refusing to look at him or acknowledge his presence. "Erica?" He questioned.

"I'm not going to see Bianca," She finally pushed out through a hard breath, still refusing to look at him.

He shook his head, unwilling to do this with her. "She needs you."

She shrugged. "She didn't need me when she decided to lie about terminating her pregnancy."

"We were trying to protect you, Erica." There was still no life in her. No life in those eyes he knew so well.

She scoffed through a laugh, "Protect me? From what exactly? Booze? Pills? Falling into bed with men I hate?" She directed the last line at him, finally flicking her eyes up to meet his.

"Yes," He nodded, "Yes. From all of that. All we wanted to do was make sure you took care of yourself and didn't do anything you'd regret."

"Worked well, didn't it?" She spit back, starting past him. She didn't want anything to do with him, but her child seemed to enjoy this, and was wildly kicking his or her feet.

He reached out to take her forearm, stop her. Make her face this. "Why are you doing this, Erica? Fighting us all so hard. We were trying to keep this from happening. Trying to keep that look out of your eyes."

She was still looking at him, cold, blank eyes locked with his. "You say that like you care. Like you didn't just swoop in, yet again, and play hero to Bianca and that monsters child."

"Bianca is my patient," He fired back at her, if this is the game she wanted to play, he would give as good as he got. "I have to do everything in my power to save her, save her child."

"You should have let it die," She hissed, trying to pull her arm from him.

"It's a girl and her name is Miranda," He challenged, needing to make Bianca's child real. Make her face it. Make her deal with it.

"It is inconsequential," She bit back, and tried again to pull her arm from his grasp. He wasn't holding her tight, and if she wanted, she could have already.

"What is wrong with you?" He wondered watching her shake her head back at him. "Erica Kane doesn't run. Erica Kane doesn't hide behind a bottle of alcohol. Erica Kane fights back until she wins. Where is she?"

"She's dead, David. I'm dead inside. Don't you get it? Everyone I love lied to me. Decided that I wasn't strong enough or stable enough to handle information that was vital to my life. All of you decided that you got to play God, and you left me at the mercy of the Devil." Her voice cracked slightly and she blinked back tears. "You might as well have let me die that night in the ER, put me out of my misery."

His eyes fluttered shut and sucked in a hard breath. If he thought she would let him, he'd take her in his arms and never let go.

She shook her head, and thumbed at an errant tear. "You all stand there and tell me that you love me. That you would do anything for me. But all of you lied to my face. Looked me in the eyes, and put a knife my heart. Why should I care about Bianca? About that child she insists on forcing into my life? What do I get from all of this?"

He was blinking back tears now, and his hand slid down her forearm, so he could hold her hand. She was probably going to punch him, tell him to go to hell. But he didn't care. He couldn't let her hurt like this.

"And this child…" She let out a soft sob at that, "I don't even know if I want it, David. And yet here it, alive and kicking…" She took their joined hands and opened his palm, before laying it against her stomach, "Determined to be born and I can't make myself feel. Anything."

He could feel small barely there kicks against his palm. This child was alive. Healthy. Growing and flourishing, no matter how hard she tried to deny its existence.

She was crying now. Hot, fast tears, sliding unabashedly down her cheeks.

"Erica…" His voice was soft and soothing, and his eyes were full of love when they met her again.

She shook her head and didn't bother to brush away her tears. There wasn't time for that. "No. No," She couldn't, she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't let him make her feel. Make her give in to the pain. Make her face the reality of it. She stepped back quickly, and far enough away that his hand slid from her stomach. She didn't say anything else, turning quickly and moving as quickly down the hall as she could.

She wouldn't be here when Jack and Reggie returned. She wouldn't be there when they all went in to see Bianca and coo over the safety of her baby.

She would be at home. Safe from the lies. Safe from the betrayals. Safe from the poison they were to her soul. Tucked away in her penthouse nursing a Vodka on the rocks.

To be continued