God's Blessings on this IRL World!
Editing and Proofreading: LordVTP
...
Chapter 3: Graduation/Examination Period
Part 1
"..." x 2.
Our walk of shame began in silence.
After signing out of the hotel, we feared for the reactions of our families after we failed to come home last night.
Specifically, Megumin's family who is aware of our relationship will surely have a strong reaction.
I can just imagine the knowing face of the madam as she opens the door to us, as well as the hostile reaction of the mister...
"Alright. Megumin can walk home from here, right? Let us part ways."
"Is Kazuma really ditching me at such an important time? Ah, that's right. This is the same Kazuma who couldn't do the deed even when I was throwing myself at him."
"Even though this loli acted so dere last night and said such embarrassing lines, Megumin is willing to call me out only now? You can't fool me!"
"Was what I said untrue in any way? Isn't it true that Kazuma really did pull out even he was given consent to go further?"
It's true, it's true, but why is Megumin bringing this up only now?
If she had insisted more than she had last night, I would have let down my feeble defenses and gone ahead with it anyway.
"Nonetheless, this is quite the predicament. Well, perhaps it might not be so bad. My mother will definitely tease me and I'm sure my father will have quite a fit. But in any case, it is Kazuma who will end up as the scapegoat."
"You're already planning to put all the blame on me, huh? I appreciate your honesty, at least…"
"Perhaps I can even assure them that nothing happened as Kazuma pulled out at the last minute."
"You're too honest."
We argued about the matter until we finally arrived at Megumin's apartment.
After climbing up the dilapidated, unstable stairs to the second floor, we found ourselves outside Megumin's apartment room.
Megumin hesitated a little before finally gathering the resolve to knock.
However…
"Ah, welcome home. You two are just in time for breakfast. I went all out and even included miso soup in the usual canned sardines on rice meal. I hope that it will be delicious. So, when can I expect the baby?"
As if sensing our presence from the other side of the door, the madam opened it before Megumin could even knock.
"Mother is speaking nonsense. What is this about a baby? For your information, nothing happened last night. It was raining quite hard, so Kazuma and I were forced to stay at a hotel, but nothing of the sort that mother is expecting happened."
"I see. So Kazuma-san pulled out at the last minute, it seems."
"Yes, that is exactly what happened. As astute as always, mother. Ah, and the miso soup smells nice. I will be making my way in, now."
The madam giggled then moved aside as Megumin entered.
This mother/daughter combo did well in shattering my ego.
"Where is that boy?! Doing something like that before they even got married is…! As a father it is my duty to face him in a man-to-man in a confrontation! Let me at 'im!"
From inside, I could hear the mister making a racket.
"Oh, my. Hubby seems to be in quite a fit. Well, Kazuma-san, I'd invite you in for breakfast but I am afraid that Kazuma-san's life will be in danger as soon as he steps inside."
Taking the madam's advice to heart, I made my way out before the mister did something drastic.
"If he wants to do those things… Then put a ring on her first!"
Now I really need to get out before the mister does something crazy!
Part 2
"Hey, nii-san, what were you doing last night? Nii-san never came back."
When I got home, my little brother greeted me, asking me this question as I took off my shoes.
"Showing such concern for your older brother. That would have made me happy if you were born a girl."
"You're disgusting, nii-san."
"And as for your question, I spent the night with my girlfriend."
"Liar. Stop it with the imaginary girlfriend already. I know better. Nii-san was probably playing in an internet cafe and decided to spend the night there once it started raining."
"That seems like a reasonable scenario, but I'm telling the truth. I spent the night with my girlfriend in a hotel."
"Stop lying already!"
What was so hard to believe about what I just said?
This little brother who couldn't accept the fact that I had a girlfriend gave me a look of contempt as he withdrew. I followed him into the living room, where he was apparently lazing around in before he got up to greet me.
To this little brother who was laying down on the couch and watching TV, I said,
"Shouldn't you be doing something more productive right about now? Young people shouldn't spend their time idling away."
"I don't want to hear that from nii-san of all people. Why is nii-san acting so arrogantly despite having been a NEET all those years? And besides, its the weekend. I'm allowed to slack off."
"Students should always be studying. Mother should have signed you up in a cram school. In fact, I will suggest she does just that when she gets home."
"Nii-san should apply those high standards to himself, and not his 7 year old brother. Now, go upstairs and play games and let me enjoy my weekend in peace."
After replying with cold hostility, this little brother of mine who was so fun to tease abruptly dismissed my company.
Satou Kazuto, 7 years old-this little brother of mine is, quite frankly, a precocious brat.
He acts, speaks and expects to be regarded as an adult even if he's just a snot-nosed brat. He is surely picked on by the other kids at school.
As requested, I left him alone and headed upstairs to my room. The room that was filthy and had strange lingering odours during my NEET years is now regularly cleaned and organized.
It's amazing what having a girlfriend can do to a NEET who normally doesn't care about appearances and the opinion of others.
Normally, I would spend the weekends much in the same way as Kazuto is right now. However, compared to a grade schooler like him who can afford to slack off, I am a high school senior preparing for entrance examinations.
My spare time that is not allocated towards dates with Megumin goes to reviewing the material I missed in previous curriculums, and catching up with current lessons.
However, after several hours of studying, my head started to hurt.
By the time I decided to call it quits for the day, my mother had already arrived.
With the help of Kazuto, she is carrying a bag of groceries to the kitchen.
"Ah, Kazuma. We were quite worried for you last night. It was a good decision to stay overnight in the internet cafe. That was quite a storm that hit us last night."
My mother said while coming to the same conclusion as Kazuto.
"Actually, I had someone to accompany me last night."
"Kazuma is referring to the late-shift staff, right? Ah, that gives me an idea. Perhaps Kazuma should apply for late-shift work…"
I am already going to school and I have a part-time job after school. Does my mother intend for me to study and work all day and night?
"Actually, I went to a hotel with someone last night…"
"Don't lie, Kazuma."
I wasn't even given a chance to finish my sentence.
Perhaps it is time I introduce my girlfriend to my family.
I am not doing this to show off. I just think that it is the perfect time to tell them.
With this resolution, I said,
"...Mother, Kazuto. I have to tell you something. The truth is, for the last year or so, I have been dating someone…"
"Yes, I know. I gave her a wash every week until you finally threw that thing out a while ago."
"No, not that, mother. I am not referring to the limited edition mahou shoujo body pillow I purchased during my NEET years…! In any case, that's not the point. I really do have a real, flesh and blood girlfriend…"
They both regarded me with blank faces.
"Kazuma, if you confess now, the police might let you off with only a couple of years in jail. This is your first offense, after all. And where are you hiding her? I have noticed that there are strange smells in your room these days."
"My brother is a criminal. I've always somewhat known but this is… Urp!"
His face turning green, the suddenly nauseous Kazuto dry-heaved in front of me.
What mother is saying is quite concerning but isn't your reaction kind of too strong, Kazuto?
It took a lot of time to have them dispel their prejudice, but I eventually convinced them that, yes, even someone like me can get a girlfriend without breaking the law.
Although it took me having to show them pictures of Megumin and I in very obvious couple-like poses to have them actually believe me.
"This girl is…! She's actually really pretty?! For Kazuma to get a girl like this is… Ah, I bet she has a couple screws loose in her head. That's the only explanation."
I wanted to defend the Megumin that my mother is bad mouthing, but I can't say anything if she is only telling the truth.
"W-What a pretty nee-san… Wahh… I still don't believe it! There's no way that nii-san can get a girl like this without using some kind of despicable means! If nii-san is really forcing this nee-san to do all sorts of t-things then I will have to intervene!"
This little brother of mine is uncharacteristically passionate about this matter. And why is he looking at the picture of Megumin so intently while blushing like that?
"I'm home…"
Just as I was being accused of horrible things, my father's voice could be heard from the front door.
"Husband… You won't believe this… Our Kazuma actually has a girlfriend…"
"...I thought he already threw that pillow thing out? Oh, he bought another one, huh?"
It took an equally long time to convince my father. After scrolling through the pictures, he looked up from the screen and said,
"...I'm impressed. Kazuma has a natural ability with editing software."
Is it really so damn hard to believe?
I snatched the phone away and glared at my doubters. And I was also afraid that he'd scroll through to the more private parts of my gallery…
No, if I show them, they will see that I'm telling the truth.
Just as I was heading down a dangerous line of thinking, mother looked like she had been in deep thought and said,
"If this is really true then shouldn't we hurry and introduce ourselves to this girlfriend-san's family? It would be terribly rude to delay a meeting now that we know… And we really should apologize for any grievances Kazuma might have caused."
"I really hate how my own family has such a bad opinion of me. Very well. Once you see how my girlfriend's family treat me as one of their own, you will all be ashamed at the way you've treated me thus far…"
But even if they beg for my forgiveness, I won't easily forgive them for all those things they said about me. Even going so far as to imply that I'm a criminal…!
Oh, yeah. And they said some stuff about Megumin, too.
"By the way, what is the name of this girlfriend-san?"
"..."
"W-Why is Kazuma not answering?"
So far they had been gushing about the beauty of Megumin.
After all, if Megumin just stands there and doesn't spout any chuuni things, she will give people the impression that she is an unattainable beauty...
And so, to preserve this fantastical impression for at least a bit longer, I chose not to reveal the weird name of Megumin just yet.
Part 3
"So, it comes to this. It was quite unavoidable, really. In fact, I'm surprised that Kazuma has gone this far without letting his family know."
Megumin said as she flipped a page on her reference book. Studying diligently as always, what an exemplary honor student.
Of course, you know what they say about the diligent types…
"I haven't exactly been prudent in hiding it, too. Damn them! Is it really so hard to believe?!"
"I'm the one dating Kazuma, and it's hard for even me to believe that Kazuma is dating someone, as well."
"...That doesn't make any sense. If Megumin is going to insult me, at least try to make it coherent."
Megumin is sitting by the tables reserved for customers who preferred to eat their purchased foods in-store. She is close enough to the cashier area that we can naturally talk to each other even when I'm working.
During the days I had work, we couldn't go on dates, but Megumin would loiter around at the F*mily M*rt I worked in.
Thankfully, my boss doesn't seem to mind. He would even buy treats for Megumin whenever she came.
Or, it could be that my boss is just a lolicon.
"Yummy! This ice cream is quite yummy!"
"Ehehe! Have some more of this, Komekko-chan! Don't worry, I'm paying out of my own pocket!"
Yes, he's just a lolicon.
Komekko who was accustomed to spending a lot of time with her nee-chan after school, began insisting that she come along for some of our dates. Of course, I didn't have it in me to deny her request.
Thankfully, it seems that Komekko is quite tactful for her young age. She will only come along during the 'work dates' and has the sense to obediently stay home with the madam when I have the day off.
It's somewhat embarrassing that my motives can be read so easily by a young child.
"Thank you for your patronage! Please come again!"
I recited the standard script to a customer who had just paid for a bento box meal. While I am working hard, my boss is busy pampering Komekko.
"When is Kazuma getting off work? We need to discuss our strategy for when our two families will meet."
Megumin said after I dealt with the small line of customers that formed.
"I got a few more hours to go after this."
"Kazuma will normally work four hour shifts… Normally you will get off in half an hour."
"That is normally true, but since Aqua didn't give me the money she owed when we had our get-together, and I spent all of the money I had saved up for the hotel stay and everything else we did to prep for that day, I need to extend my work time! This is the harsh realities adults face, little girl! Students shouldn't concern themselves with such things! Just keep studying! It is the job of students to study!"
"...Kazuma is also a student. In fact, you need to study more than I do."
Megumin muttered this but I ignored it and went on to say,
"And besides… I'd rather have Megumin study rather than spend her afternoons working… Unlike me, Megumin is a genius who has the potential to do many great things…"
"Kazuma…"
To Megumin who is now looking at me with teary eyed admiration, I continued on to say…
"So go ahead and become an elite in the workforce so I can enjoy a stress-free 'career' as a stay-at-home dad."
"That's an odd way to say 'NEET'. Very well. I somewhat knew what I was getting into when I started dating Kazuma. I will be the breadwinner and support my deadbeat husband. It is a family tradition of sorts, I suppose."
I don't know who got the worst of that insult, me or Megumin's father.
After a few more hours, I finished my six hour shift. I headed out with Megumin and Komekko.
"Urp! The store owner is very nice! He even allowed me to taste a little bit of the 3000 yen luxury pudding that Komekko saw on TV once! He said it was OK if Komekko only had a little bit and if she places the pudding back where she found it!"
Is this business going to be alright?
And I thought the owner was paying for everything out of his own pocket, so what's with this 'take a bit then put it back' that Komekko is talking about?
I'd rather not end up in the newspaper for malpractice because of that lolicon.
"Nii-chan! Let's go to that family restaurant! It's already dinner time!"
Komekko who had already eaten food that cost the store owner his entire day's pay said this to me.
And that's discounting the 3000 yen pudding she had a 'sample' of.
I wouldn't normally hesitate to spoil my cute little sister, but my funds are pretty much empty. When I explained this to Komekko, however, she didn't raise much of a fuss.
"Don't worry, nii-chan! I will rely on the store owner-san from now on, then!"
You shouldn't allow one day of a strange uncle spoiling you to override one year of brother-sister kinship, Komekko…!
"I still have some allowance money saved up. This should be enough for a dinner at that family restaurant."
Megumin said while digging through her backpack and taking out a fistful of some cash.
The awkward way she is holding that… It's obvious that she's not used to handling money.
"I'm surprised that Megumin has an allowance, seeing her family's situation."
"My parents have been saving this up since I was Komekko's age."
"Allowance my ass?! Isn't that an inheritance?! In some families this kind of money is reserved for college tuition fees, right?! But you're saying this is just enough for a meal of three?!"
"Don't freak out so much. Kazuma can easily replace the money, if he wants. I am quite hungry too and I don't think the meal of lightly salted soybeans and rice waiting for us at home is going to satisfy me."
"We could catch lobsters on the way home, nee-chan!"
After Komekko offered this sad alternative, I had no choice but to let Megumin spend, what is essentially, her dowry.
In the family restaurant, once we were seated, Megumin started off our strategy meeting.
"Since Kazuma is already familiar with my family, Kazuma should start with telling me about his."
Without even giving me a minute to enjoy the curry set I ordered, Megumin started off with a hard question.
"Kazuma doesn't have to answer, of course, but I think that I, as Kazuma's lover, deserves at least a little bit of insight into your family life. After all… I already showed you everything about mine."
I couldn't refute Megumin's words. She really did show everything to me.
Her poor family… The poorly built apartment they lived in… Her pitiful lifestyle and diet of bean sprouts, rice and crawfish illegally harvested from the river…
...Actually, I wish Megumin would have been more selective in what she showed me.
"...Things had been awkward between my parents and I during the time I was a NEET. I had a feeling that my father who had high expectations of the me who had good grades in middle school, was really disappointed at what I've become."
I even went so far as to bum around outside during the time when my father normally comes home, so as to avoid lectures from him. I will come back only when I am certain he has fallen asleep.
"I guess I am quite close with my little brother. His name is Kazuto. Even when I was a NEET he would treat me as he usually would. Though, that means disrespecting me, the elder brother, with his constant teasing and rebukes-that little, insolent…!"
"I can't tell if you get along with this brother, or not."
Megumin said as I gritted my teeth while thinking about my jerk of a little brother.
"The awkwardness went away a little bit once I started going to school again. It's not like I was especially close with my parents before I became a NEET, anyways. For example, they got quite mad for some reason when I asked them to divorce and marry other people so I could have some non-blood related sisters to play with. They beat me up after that for some reason. I don't know why."
"I think I know why."
Megumin said while glaring at me. She is giving me a hostile look even though I was willing to expose my vulnerable sides.
"That was delicious! For dessert, I would like to have this parfait, nii-chan…"
And mini-Megumin over here isn't even listening and cares only about the food.
In the end, we never came up with any strategies and decided to wing it.
Part 4
The day of the meeting between our two families-
I wore the outfit I purchased for our outing with Darkness and Aqua. It was a costly purchase, so I plan to wear the outfit on every opportunity.
I am now waiting in the living room with my parents. The plan was to have dinner at my house. I felt that it was best to host this occasion in my house.
For one thing, my house actually qualifies as, well, as a house. Megumin's place is more like a 'shack'.
"Uwaa… I'm quite nervous. I ordered some catering but will it be enough? Do you think they will take offense that the meal isn't home cooked and I chose to order catering instead?"
For that family who considers stall-served ramen as a luxurious meal, you shouldn't worry about the quality of food, mother.
"Uwaa... Is this Sake suitable for this occasion? Or should I have gone for wine? I hope they won't be too insulted with my choice of liquor…"
For the mister who once attempted, and utterly failed, to brew his own beer, which turned out spicy for some reason, any kind of alcohol will do nicely, father.
"Uwaa… Will Megumin nee-chan like this three-piece suit I'm wearing? Or should I have gone for something more casual? I hope she won't think I look weird…"
If you even dare think of hitting on my girlfriend, I will kill you, brother.
And why does a kid your age own a three-piece suit?
We only waited for a little bit longer until the doorbell finally rang.
"They're here! Husband, hurry and open the door!"
"I'm already on it!"
They rushed to the door and quickly opened it.
"Good… Good evening! Welcome to our lovely, I mean, humble, I mean, hopefully adequate home!"
"A-A-Ah! I-I assume this beautiful looking madam is Kazuma's mother! I am Megumin! Um… That is to say, Good evening, my name is Megumin… Nice to meet you…"
Influenced by my parents, Megumin is now shaking as she stood by the doorstep.
"B-Beautiful! No matter how many times you look at her, this girl is a real beauty! If my son is forcing you into doing this, please hurry up and tell your dear uncle!"
For someone who is already expressing so much doubt, father, why are you already referring to yourself as 'dear uncle'?
"Oh, my. It is nice to finally meet all of you. I am Megumin's mother, Yuiyui. Please disregard the honorifics and call me Yuiyui…"
"Y-Yuiyui? Is that a nickname of some sort? Haha… And 'Megumin' is a nickname, too?"
"M-Mother, instead of making them wait outside, why don't you let them in?!"
I said in an attempt to stall any discussion about the weird names of Megumin and her family.
"Ah?! How rude of me! P-Pwease come in!"
Stuttering and even saying 'pwease'... There is no reason why an old lady should be acting all moe. Rather, has my mother always possessed these clumsy traits?
While my mother laughed awkwardly, she let the guests in. Without any delays, she led them into the dining room.
"Oh, my! Those are quite the elegant clothes that, um, Yuiyui-san is wearing!"
"Like I said, just call me Yuiyui, please. And these clothes are quite old. They are nothing special."
"That's not true at all! Those clothes are quite unique. I haven't seen a dress like that before…"
That's because that isn't a dress, mother. It is a curtain that the madam tailored into one. Admittedly, it is a very high quality and tasteful curtain, but that's beside the point.
Furthermore, this exquisite curtain is stolen property. It once hung proudly on the balcony windows of the landlord.
"Nii-chan's mama, where's the food? I'm quite hungry."
Komekko emerged from behind her sister and demanded food from my mother.
"Please forgive this little one's rudeness."
"Ouch! Nee-chan what was that for?!"
Seeing Megumin rebuke Komekko, my mother said,
"Ah! There's no need for that! Please, come to the dining room and we will all formally introduce each other!"
It finally came to this.
"I am Megumin! Number One ranked Arch-Wizard in the MMO player rankings! Blah, blah, blah…!"
"I am Komekko! The Number One Femme Fatale Little Sister! Blah, blah…"
"I am Yuiyui. Number One…"
"Ah. I am Hyoi…"
Let's skim through that.
They finally introduced themselves in that eccentric manner. My family looked at me as if asking whether they were being pranked.
If only that were the case.
"Um, then, I-I am Reiko. Number… One? Um, well realistically I'd rank myself generously as a top ten real estate agent in this area, but I wouldn't go so far as 'Number One', hehe… Blah, Blah…"
"I am Kazuya. Number One… Well, I really am the only project manager for the ****** company, so I guess instead of 'Number One', I'm the 'Only One', hehe… Blah, Blah…"
"I am Kazuto! Number One admirer of the lovely and beautiful Megumin nee-sama! Blah, blah, blah…"
"...Yes, I am Kazuma."
For some reason, my family decided to copy this strange manner of introduction. Of course, I stuck to my own.
And Kazuto, you're really starting to piss me off. Who knew that my little brother is such a f**k boi.
We are now seated around the dinner table. In front of us is a catered feast that features many familiar dishes that every Japanese household should be accustomed to eating.
In fact, these dishes invoke a feeling of 'It's good, but I want to try something different'.
Everyday dishes such as tonkatsu, chicken karaage, prawn and cucumber tempura, pickled veggies (daikon, carrots), grilled mackerel fillet with the bones extracted, a mild fish broth, probably made from those bones. The meal is finished off with rice and miso soup.
These dishes don't share the distinctive qualities of catered food, which brings to mind junk food dishes that appear sloppy and 'mass-produced'.
It's as if there is a catering service out there that specializes in fooling guests into thinking that the host had prepared these homemade dishes themselves. Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho. Delightfully devilish, mother.
"Amazing! This is like the feast that mother tells me to look forward to if I somehow go to heaven at a young age! Thank you for the meal!"
After saying something that is a bit disturbing, Komekko immediately dug in.
"...We don't deserve this kind gesture, madam."
"Eh?! Um, Hyoi… Hyoizaburo-san, right? Why are you bowing your head? Please raise your head! It's just catering, OK?! I admit that I can't cook so I ordered catering, OK?!"
Mother couldn't help but already blow her secret as her overwhelmed guests took turns bowing to her as if she was some kind of god.
Some time later, after the meal-
"That was really quite the splendid meal."
"No, really. It's nothing special. Nothing special at all… So just stop mentioning it already…"
Already looking exhausted, my mother sighed wearily as she put the dishes away.
The catering included cake for dessert, but it seems like mother is holding off on serving it in fear of another onslaught of overblown praise.
Instead she is serving tea as we moved to the living room.
Megumin's family is seated on the couch while the rest of us sat on the various accent chairs around the oval, glass coffee table the seats are centered on.
"Wahh! Nooo! I want to stay with Megumin nee-sama~! Please, let me stay~!"
"Come on, Kazuto-kun! Let's play, let's play!"
As if sensing that the adults were about to discuss something serious, Komekko dragged off her new playmate, Kazuto, upstairs.
A serious discussion… Certainly, there seems to be that kind of air right now.
I don't really know much about it, but from the minimal amount of rom-com TV dramas I've seen as well as manga and LN where relationships are involved, there will always be a tense confrontation between the two families of the romantically entangled hero and heroine.
You could say this kind of flag is inevitable.
"Our son doesn't deserve your daughter. He is truly scum of the scummiest order. Please, consider and accept the terms to this arranged marriage…!"
But contrary to my expectations, my mother suddenly said this.
Furthermore, a dangerous looking document was pulled out…!
"!" x 2.
Before Megumin and I could respond to this ridiculous document, however, the madam was quick to take action.
"Oh, my… Isn't this a bit too sudden? Really, how unexpected! Surely, this is a bit too much? So, I sign here? Ah, my pen is dry. Please lend me another one."
"Here! My finest pen! Please sign here and here! You can make up the terms of the alimony yourself! All of our assets are yours if our scumbag son screws up or commits adultery, or something! We apologize in advance!"
What do you mean you apologize in advance? And for a real estate agent, you're making quite the one-sided deal here, mother…!
"Hold on, please wait. Aren't you going too fast? Don't Kazuma and I have any say in this? Something like marriage is… In truth, I think that a shotgun marriage due to unforeseen circumstances is much more cool and fitting than a pre-planned and meditated marriage. So I will have to stop you there, auntie."
"Megumin, you are taking exception at all the wrong things. As usual, there's something wrong with your head. And why are you calling my mother, 'auntie'?!"
I retorted to the Megumin who is blushing and getting excited for some reason.
"Uwa! I'm so proud! To think that the useless NEET who's only emotional connection to this world is with fictional characters and online 'friends' actually got himself a girlfriend! Wahh! Your dear uncle is really thankful for you, Megu-chan! Thank you for dragging my ingrate, leech son back into society!"
"I don't care if you're my father, there's a limit to what you can say to a person right to their face! Why don't we settle this son/father tension that has been brewing all these years and take this outside!"
I yelled to the father who is only saying the truth, but in a very annoying manner.
"Like I said, this marriage is a bit… Wait, its says here in the document that my college tuition will be paid for?! I don't have to attend that shady 'Beauty School' that only seems appealing because of its low tuition fees?! Auntie, dear uncle. Thank you for accepting me into the family!"
"Welcome home, Megu-chan~!" x 2.
"Oh, my… Hubby… I'm so proud of our eldest daughter."
"Yes, darling. This is truly a remarkable occasion…"
"Ah! I… I just remembered! The catering came with some cake! H-How could I forget! Let's celebrate with some cake!"
So the cake comes out, after all.
"CAKE?! Komekko wants cake very much!"
"Marriage?! I refuse! If Megumin onee-sama waits until I'm adult, I promise to take care of you more than nii-san will! Wahhhh! Nee-chan please save yourself for meeee!"
At the mention of cake, Komekko, who was supposed to have come upstairs to play, emerged out of her hiding place with Kazuto in tow.
Snooping around like that, this little girl is even more mischievous than her nee-chan.
And as for my own sibling...
For now, since there are more important matters going on, I will wait until later to beat you up, Kazuto!
As I was distracted, I failed to see that Megumin had taken the pen from her mother and was writing on the documents…!
"Wait! Has everyone here lost their minds?! Listen to me! Wait, did you put my signature there already?! That's illegal, you know?! Megumin, don't sign ittttt!"
I joined Kazuto's cries as the chaotic development ensued.
…
...
"That almost gave me a heart attack. Why did you play along with their scheme, Megumin?!"
"...You know me. Unexpected developments catch me off guard. I'm sorry. I will maintain my composure from now on."
Offering a simple explanation, Megumin joined me as I admired the stars.
To escape the chaos I stepped outside and Megumin briefly followed me.
After huddling close to me due to the night chill, she began to speak.
"Pulling out those documents are like a kind of prank, so Kazuma shouldn't hold a grudge against his parents. They seem like good people."
"Saying it's a prank… It's obvious my parents were serious! Geez, I expected this kind of event from Megumin's parents, not my own!"
"Insulting my parents… Kazuma said so himself that it was his parents who were at fault this time!"
Shedding light on my contradictions, Megumin began glaring at me.
A stretch of silence ensued. The subdued sounds of our families conversing could be heard from inside.
Komekko's voice, calling for more cake, is the most apparent.
Second to that is the squealing of Kazuto who wanted to come outside and have a chat with Megumin in a bid to 'change onee-sama's mind'.
"Even so, Kazuma has a great family. Nn! Yes, my genius self has already figured this out. I thought for so long that the family who let Kazuma become a despicable NEET for all those years must be deficient in some form but that is not the case. It is Kazuma alone who is deficient."
"It's not like I'm the only one at fault here…"
But, no matter how I spin it, there is no point in pointing the blame on others.
As human beings, we are responsible for our own actions.
In my case, I am responsible for my own inaction.
Her eyes softened somewhat upon seeing my introspective mood.
"But, if Kazuma is a man who is deficient, and lacks in many fundamental pieces that make up a decent person… That might not be so bad. Because…"
"...nn..!"
"Chu… If Kazuma is missing a few pieces, then that means there will be more room for me in his heart, right?"
She went back from standing on tippy toes to her normal height. She wiped around at her lips, where a sheen of moisture had gathered.
"..."
Where is that damn document and where do I sign it?!
Part 5
After that matter was over with…
Daily life began to take on its normal course.
A predictable and sometimes stifling pattern of school, study and part-time work.
Although, in favor of the former two, the part-time work had to take a back seat in priority.
As a senior I had to prepare for university entrance exams.
When your entire future could be decided by one event, your life tends to revolve and conform around said event.
Out of all the subjects, I studied with 'English' the most.
"Herro Iyamu Satou Kazuma. Preessu to meato yuu!"
"... Pronunciation is way off. But, why is Kazuma practicing his pronunciation, anyways? There's no verbal component to the test!"
Megumin had brutal words for my study method.
"I feel like I can get a better hang on the vocab and sentence structure if I say it out loud."
"No. I know what it is. Kazuma is bored and is finding some means to procrastinate. Go back to work!"
I was exposed.
To avoid the fury of Megumin who is pouting and crossing her arms at me, I went back to reviewing my notes.
The last time I took a mock exam, my score was only just passable.
An average score.
Perhaps a middling score would be enough to land me at a decent school.
Already, that is quite an accomplishment for someone who was a NEET until a year ago.
But, aiming for a no-name school… One which will be ignored by potential employers in favor of someone who matriculated at a more famous school…
That is not the kind of future I want.
"This sucks! My brain hurts!"
I understand very well that the hard work and mental stress is necessary in order to achieve my goals. However, intentions don't always produce results.
Instead of grinding EXP in MMOs I should have been burying my nose in textbooks like my peers.
I considered throwing the reference book across the room in frustration, but it was quite expensive and still very much necessary. I resorted to shutting it close emphatically, instead.
"Gah! Kazuma, you ripped a page!"
And yet this still happened.
"Ugohhh~!"
"?!"
I made a sound that didn't sound like something a human could produce.
It is a cry of lament only high school seniors studying for exams are able to produce.
A cry suitable for those who had lost their humanity…!
"Uwaa… I understand, I really do! Kazuma must be mentally fatigued by now! Perhaps… I can help Kazuma release his stress…?"
"Ah. I thought you'd never ask. Get on your knees and suck my cock!"
"...I had that in mind too, but Kazuma really knows nothing about delicacy, huh?"
Megumin narrowed her eyes as I said a line that might have belonged in the script of an adult video.
My parents are gone. Except for the presence of Kazuto who should be playing games in his room, we should be alone.
I moved from the desk where I had been fruitlessly memorizing English vocab, and joined Megumin on the bed, where she had been laying on.
Laying on her stomach and reading the manga I haven't touched in a while, this genius who also puts in hard work has the privilege of leisure.
I sat beside her. She shifted to her side and looked up at me.
"It's been a while since Megumin has offered herself to me like this."
"Don't make it seem like I've been holding out. Kazuma has been busy."
"Still, Megumin could have whined a little and said, 'Pay attention to me too, dear~!'"
"What kind of embarrassing traits are you trying to add to my character?"
"This… This girl who is already full of embarrassing traits has the nerve to say that…"
To the annoyed Megumin who is glaring up at me, I leaned down, my forehead pressing against hers. Our faces drawing close.
Breathing softly, I inched closer. My face tingled as she breathed on it.
"Mm…"
Our lips made the slightest contact. Somehow there is still a bit of nervous energy, even after all this time.
I can never get tired of this.
Soon we are on our sides, laying on the bed, kissing and sliding our hands on each other's bodies.
I drift across her slender waist, and then down to her surprisingly womanly waist and hips.
Then I reach around and give her bum a squeeze.
"Nn…"
Making small moans after every slight caress-well, I suppose we are both still virgins, after all.
After getting our bodies warmed up, I sat up, reluctantly letting go off Megumin's warm body.
I sit leaning against the wall. Megumin takes the cue and gets up as well, on all fours, facing me.
Crawling slightly to me as I work to get my tracksuit bottoms down.
"...Um, I haven't had any opportunities to 'relieve' myself lately, so prepare for a big load."
"That's strange. I figured that Kazuma would turn to self-pleasure as a way to release stress."
"I'm not nearly as barbaric as you make me out to be! I also turn to Aqua-bashing when I want to release stress!"
Although, I haven't had much time to do that either.
After that short interruption, Megumin reached out and wrapped her fingers around my penis. Keeping herself steady with an arm planted on the bed, she strokes me with one hand.
Her soft palm and fingers caressing me…
First she started with basic up and down motions. Her grip travelling the length of my shaft.
Then the motions varied. From a grip, twisting her hand at the base and then continuing this twisting motion as she continued her up and down motion.
Sometimes gripping the top, adding pressure on it with her fingers with a slight pinch, then rubbing her sweaty palm on the tip of my glans.
In short, Megumin has become even more skilled.
As the pre-cum started flowing, Megumin moved even closer.
"Ahn…"
Opening her mouth wide, she leaned down. As her hair was growing longer these days, she needed to hold it back, tucking some strands behind her ear.
With half-lidded, fluttering eyes, long lashes curved upwards, tongue peeking out of her soft, jutting bottom lip, my glans entered her mouth.
Instantly lubricated by her warm saliva, my glans slide against her lips.
"Hah…"
I let out a groan and a breath I had been subconsciously holding as her lips wrapped around me.
With her hand at the base, still twisting and jerking, she started moving her head, bobbing and bouncing on my penis.
She looked up from her work and made eye contact. Her big, luminous eyes upturned, she watched my face carefully.
I smiled and parted her hair to show my appreciation. She nuzzled her head against my hand.
Her lips slid and sucked as she went down on me at a steady pace.
...In terms of intensity and technique, I wouldn't say that she was going all out in sucking me off.
The truth is, Megumin is much more capable than this.
However, a true man of culture will appreciate the charm of a minimalist… I dare say, almost novice, blowjob…!
In fact, for Megumin who has become skilled in the [Fellatio] skill tree, isn't it quite strange that she would show such a tame display as we see here?
That is because…!
Sometime ago, I felt that Megumin was becoming too good.
It somehow didn't fit her image, that of an innocent faced loli, to be so skilled with fellatio.
For a cute girl to be on the same level of proficiency as a skilled, practiced artisan is quite alarming.
Rather, it is image breaking.
And so, I asked Megumin to hide her skills… To keep it under a 'seal'.
With such a chuuni back story, of course this girl will agree to it.
And so this is why Megumin is now sucking me off while giving off an aura of naivety and inexperience.
And so… While looking up at me as if worrying what my reaction will be (part of the act)... And making slight choking sounds as if she made a mistake and shoved it in too far (part of the act)...
"Ah. Megumin! I'm… I'm cumming!"
"Hnmmmm?! Hmmmph… Hnnghh?!"
As if surprised by the development, Megumin opened her eyes wide and cried in surprise (part of the act) as I gushed out a load of my cum.
"Ahhhh! Hahhhh!"
She immediately pulled out, and as I was still cumming, some spurts of cum landed on her cheek and hair. She flinched away from it (part of the act).
"Cough… Cough… That was too much… Kazuma… Cough… Cough…"
Megumin said, hacking and coughing as I filled her mouth and throat with cum.
Of course, this was also part of the act.
"Cough, cough… Wheeze! Wheeze!"
"!"
"Kazuma I'm… COUGH! WHEEZE! Can't…!"
She continued coughing, but much more intensely.
Eh, it's not part of the act?!
Part 6
-Months have passed.
To put it concisely, I'm already a High School graduate now.
"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations!"
"...Congratulations, Kazuma."
...Somehow it felt a bit anticlimactic.
My family, Megumin's family and Megumin herself huddled around me at the school's courtyard.
I looked down at my uniform.
These cloths contain the memories of my time as a student.
The school insignia proudly displayed by the breast pocket represents the feelings of the senpai before me.
I'm wearing this uniform for what will probably be the last time.
My memories in this school are not all good.
But, this is the school where I studied with Megumin. Even if it was only for a year.
Therefore, this uniform, without my knowing it, has become a keepsake to be cherished.
"Ara, hubby… Kazuma-san can probably still use the blazer and trousers of the uniform for casual wear."
"Oho, dear… If Kazuma-kun tears the school insignia off, no one will even notice."
Can this cheapskate family please not intrude with my bittersweet musings?
"Once again, Kazuma, congratulations."
Dressed in her own uniform, Megumin smiled brightly.
"Yeah. Megumin, I did it."
"Yes. You did. Day by day, Kazuma is getting back all the pieces he lost during those idle years. I hope there's still room for me in there."
She poked on my chest, where the second button of my blazer used to be.
In a very old-fashioned request, Megumin had asked for the second button on my blazer.
She now has it pinned, like an accessory, to the collar of her blouse.
"There's always room for Megumin. I hope that Megumin also has room for me."
"Yes, my daughter will always have room for Kazuma's child."
"..."
As the date of my graduation drew nearer, the madam has been making all sorts of dangerous remarks like that.
As I already have a foot inside the boundary leading into the world of the adults, she is already making all sorts of implications.
"Yes, Kazuma! Listen to your mother-in-law well! Make sure to get into a good school and then hurry up and give Megu-chan some babies!"
"I want a boy and a girl, son! I'm saying that I want twins, son!"
"P-Please try to have better family planning, nii-san! There's no need to rush and make babies!"
And here my family is, saying much more ridiculous things.
Only Kazuto is saying reasonable things but since I know his hidden intentions, I can't commend him.
"I'm hungry! Let's go to the restaurant already!"
As usual, Komekko only cares about one thing.
Well, whatever.
The end result was anticlimactic and the peanut gallery is really pissing me off…
But this graduation is just the beginning!
I'm not going to make broad assumptions about the future, so for now let's focus on one thing at a time.
And the next step to my plan to become a responsible adult is…
What my mother mentioned earlier… No, not the babies… University.
Most university entrance exams start at the beginning of the year, at January. Most of my classmates tackled the exams during that time.
However, I chose to wait half a year after graduation to take the exams, thinking that I'd have a better chance that way with all the extra study time.
After all, I wasted several years NEET-ing it out.
While not that conventional, this strategy isn't unheard of. Normally, this would make my chances of getting accepted that much higher.
But...
The universities I applied for were quite famous.
Not so famous that I would have better luck winning the lottery than ever being accepted.
However, to give an estimate, the probability that I would be accepted to these schools, factored altogether with my mock exam scores, aptitude and publicly released acceptance averages for each school, is 50℅.
All my studying has resulted in producing these haphazard, coin flip odds.
But, to say that examinations are based on luck.
That can't be true.
This is not like the probabilities of drawing a rare item in a loot-box gacha summons.
The luck that always lets me win at rock paper scissors will not help me here.
... Actually, has that worthless innate ability helped me out at all?
I spent the half year between my graduation and the university exams studying.
For legal reasons, I will refer to the universities I'm applying for anonymously:
University C, University B and University A
A trio of universities that is famous locally for their arduous examinations.
University C's examination will crush your body.
University B's examination will crush your mind.
University A's examination will crush your spirit.
In my prefecture, this trio of examinations is called the 'Bermuda Exams'.
Usually one is advised to take one of the three and choose weaker schools as the fall-back option.
But, it just so happened that the guidance counselor who was helping me apply for the exams taunted me.
"...Should the Satou-kun who missed most of High School apply for a school as famous as University C? But… Please reconsider…"
In retrospect, this counselor-san probably just has my best interest in mind.
However, for some reason, I was offended by his consideration and applied for the infamous 'Bermuda Exams'.
Even though I had only set out for the easiest of the three, University C's exams.
"Kazuma is normally so cautious in everything he does, but he is quite impulsive and rash in the most importune of times."
Megumin had those words to say to me when I told her of my slip-up.
Furthermore, due to my tendency to procrastinate, I missed the deadline to register to alternative examinations.
Like the real Bermuda triangle, I was entrapped within the forces of these three examinations.
"No, Kazma is entrapped within the forces of his own stupidity."
As expected, Megumin didn't let up on demeaning me.
The atmosphere between us has been tense prior to the exams.
She was quite mad that I impulsively applied for the 'Bermuda exams'.
I didn't even get a chance to have some 'stress-relief'.
"...That thing was resurrected? Don't tell me… Kazuma is cheating on Megu-chan with his old girlfriend?"
My mother had this to say when I recovered my previous companion, body pillow-chan, from the hidden location I stashed her in.
I needed to relieve some stress, after all.
And I wanted to let right hand-chan rest up and be in peak condition for the physically, mentally and spiritually demanding examinations.
Maybe I will use left hand-senpai, instead. The distant and aloof left hand-senpai who I rarely get a chance to interact with.
Surprisingly, instead of having my mind filled with thoughts of panic, I immersed myself with these stupid thoughts.
After half a year, the day of the examinations arrived.
Firstly, I arrived in the grounds of University C.
"Everyone listen up! On average, this exam will take you 6 hours to finish! And to avoid any instances of cheating, no leaving the room, which means no bathroom breaks!"
University C's examination crushed my body.
Secondly, I arrived in the grounds of University B.
"Um, please be mindful that there are many 'booby trap' questions. These are questions that defy common sense and is included there maliciously to purposely set students up to fail. I don't think I should say this as an examiner, but the headmaster of this school is quite the sadist…"
University B's examination crushed my mind.
Thirdly, I arrived in the grounds of University A.
"This year we are implementing a vocal component to the English part of the examination. OK… First up is #3777, Satou Kazuma-san. Let's start off with something simple. Please introduce yourself in English…"
And then...
"H-Herro Iyamu Satou Kazuma. Preessu to meato yuu..."
"...E-Eh? Um… Then, next, please try saying this phrase…"
...University A's examination crushed my spirit.
Part 7
"...Nii-san, you have visitors."
"Let them in."
"...Nii-san, this room… What's that smell? It smells really strange here."
"That is the smell of failure and disappointment, Kazuto."
"No, that smell has always been here, this is something new, nii-san"
Leave me alone already.
Without listening to me at all, Kazuto let my 'guests' in.
"Sniff, sniff… This smell… Is it the undead?! Oh, no, it's just Kazuma."
"Ah… So this is Kazuma in his NEET form? How unhygienic, how unkempt. He's… He's beautiful."
Even though I haven't personally seen or even communicated with those two in a while, Aqua and Darkness didn't hesitate to intrude in my room and insult me.
"Oi, Kazuma, these two came over here to cheer you up. At least make yourself presentable."
Megumin followed after them.
"Thank you, Kazuto. You can play with Komekko in the living room now."
"I'd rather spend time with Megumin nee-sama, though…"
"I will join you two to play once I'm done with Scum-zu… I mean, your brother."
Even if you change it midway, we all know what you're trying to say, Megumin.
In fact, just say it to my face, loli…!
Even as they entered my room, I stayed inside the comforts of my blanket.
"From what I understand, Kazuma applied for the toughest exams in the prefecture, right? Of course this outcome is expected."
Darkness said as she seemed to think about sitting on my computer chair, only to have Aqua take the seat before she could make her move.
"Why is Kazuma so hung up on exams anyways? I failed mine too but I'm not worrying! As an idol, I don't need to worry about something as stupid as those schools!"
Those schools don't need to worry about someone as stupid as you, too, useless idol.
I eventually crawled out of my blankets and regarded my guests.
There was no point in ignoring this lazy bunch.
"So, what do you want?"
I asked bluntly to Aqua and Darkness who barged in without any forewarning.
"Megumin told us about your... condition. You know… Not feeling as spry and energetic as before… How Kazuma can't get up…"
"I assume by that past part that you meant 'cant get up from bed'. Don't make it seem like I've become impotent."
As I finished correcting Darkness, Aqua had been impatiently stomping around.
"Just get up already, Kazuma! Megumin has been really worried about you, you know?! She was even saying all sort of things like… Hmmmph!"
"I said no such things that Aqua might be about to refer to. In any case, Kazuma, you've heard what our friends had to say. Now, will you keep moping about or will you get up on your feet and continue to try your best again?"
"Hmmmph!"
Megumin…
That speech would have been more inspiring if you weren't trying to gag Aqua now.
Wait… Now that Aqua is here.
"Oi, you! Useless idol! You were supposed to give me the money you owe me the last time we got together but you completely bailed! And whenever I brought the subject up during our group call sessions, you always avoided the matter! Pay up already! For all the credits you used on useless cosmetics and loot boxes, pay up!"
"Wahh! Wait! Since then I've spent much more of our team credits on rare items! I can't afford to pay Kazuma that kind of money!"
"Is that my problem?! If you can readily confess to your own sins, then just as readily atone to them!"
"Wahh! Stop poking meeeee!"
Midway during my poking attack on her, Aqua's face shifted to a thoughtful expression as if she recalled something important.
"Ah! Wait! Kazuma, there is something…! It's… Ow! Please… Please stop that already…"
She said while showing teary eyes.
"Like I said, I can't give Kazuma the money directly but… Wait, don't start attacking me again! Let me just make a phone call first!"
Backing away from my attack range, she rummaged into her purse and pulled out a phone.
It is a new model, too.
So how exactly can she claim to lack money but have the funds for all sorts of gadgets?
As she stepped outside and made a call, I turned to the other two.
Things were still a bit strained with Megumin and I but from the looks of it, whatever damage there had been is already being patched up.
She sat beside me on the bed, body pressed against mine.
...She smells good.
"..."
"..."
There is some real sexual tension going on, here…!
"Ah, Kazuma, did I tell you? My Crusader levelled up yesterday. I will put all the skill points into 'constitution', as I always do.
Displaying Aqua-like obliviousness, Darkness couldn't sense the atmosphere at all.
"Ah, OK, thank you very much… Alright… No, I swear I'm not just fooling around, I really am doing something important right now…"
Aqua returned after she finished her call. She came up to me with her hands to her hips as she grinned widely.
"Good news! It's really good news, Kazuma! Praise me! For this fortuitous development, make sure to praise me!"
"Just spit it out already! I don't really have any high expectations from you, but I hate being kept in suspense!"
"Is that really the way you should talk to someone who is doing you a favor?! Very well, I will soon have you on your knees and begging for forgiveness! Listen, as the great idol that I am, of course I will need to have a reliable staff and assistants around me to attend to my every need, right?"
I wanted to retort that I couldn't imagine there being anyone who would stoop so low as to grovel and answer to Aqua's beck and call, as she is implying here, but…
"...Say, I can somewhat see where this is heading. However, before I make any assumptions, does Aqua mind telling me what the pay is for this kind of work?"
"Hm? I forgot but… Oh, my agent sent me a text in case I forgot."
That agent knows their client well.
"Ah, if Kazuma works for me for a year or so, here is what your salary should look like…"
"!"
"Isn't… Isn't this a ridiculous amount, Kazuma?!"
"Hm? This doesn't seem that much to me. Are you sure this is a whole year's worth of work?"
"I don't want to hear that from you, you spoiled ojou-sama!"
"O-Ojou-sama?!"
The year where I am basically a 'ronin', someone who failed the university entrance exams the first time, and is preparing for a whole school year to attempt once more...
Aside from studying, I will also need to work.
And if I really am being paid this ridiculous amount…!
"I'm sorry, Aqua-sama! Please forgive me! I will gladly work in your employ!"
"E-Eh? I know that I told Kazuma that he would soon get on his knees and beg for forgiveness but… OK, I get it already! You're forgiven! Stop hugging my legs! Megumin, control your… Wait, Megumin, too?!"
Aqua hollered as she tried to shake us off.
Before, as a NEET, I didn't really get how hard it was to earn money in this world.
After working a part-time job, I finally got a taste of hard work.
So, forget about dignity.
I don't care if it's just grunt work. If it means earning money, and a good amount of it too, I will swallow my pride and take on any demeaning job.
"Alright! Starting tomorrow, I expect Kazuma to come to my hotel starting at six a.m. in the morning! That's the hour when the day of an idol starts! Be sure to cook me a good breakfast, prepare the bath and then give me the morning newspaper! Here is a schedule for what a normal day for me looks like, as well as the various tasks you need to attend to…"
Aqua listed off a whole day's work of grunt work.
"...Wait a minute, for this kind of slave work, even that crazy amount isn't worth it! Are you trying to get me to sign a contract with the devil?!"
"Wah! Stop pulling on my cheeks! OK, we can negotiate, we can negotiate!"
Even as I pulled on Aqua's cheeks, I was getting a bad feeling about this.
Maybe I should just return to the NEET lifestyle, after all.