God's Blessings on this IRL World!
Editing and proofreading: LordVTP, Marv
Chapter 4: Ronin Period
Part 1
"Ah, Kazuma, you're here. I didn't think you'd make it in time. Please, come in."
Since Aqua asked me to come early in the morning, I figured I could show up a few hours later than she asked.
From what I knew of her, I figured she would sleep in until much later.
But that talk about being a dedicated, hard working idol seems to have some truth to it.
"Why is Kazuma looking at me like that? And come in already! Did you bring the morning paper?"
Aqua was dressed in a light blue bathrobe and flannel bottoms.
"I didn't know Aqua read the paper."
I said as I entered and looked around Aqua's apartment.
The place was messy, with clothes strewn across the floor, and old newspapers and magazines carelessly piled on top of furniture surfaces.
It was messy, but there was a sense of organization in the messiness, a system abiding in some weird, chaotic logic that only appeals to the 'special' type of person Aqua was.
"First, I need Kazuma to cook breakfast. And some coffee would be nice too!"
Aqua nodded to herself before she snatched the newspaper from me and took a seat on the living room couch.
"Let's see… The latest installment in the Jack Frost comics is… What an unexpected development!"
So she just wanted to read the comic section, huh?
While Aqua enjoyed her comics, I prepared breakfast.
As someone who was tasked with protecting his home in the past, I learned basic survival skills.
I also learned quite a few skills from many spare, idle hours.
Skills that some would consider lacking in real life applications, like sewing, craft-work and lip reading, to name a few.
Aside from those useless skills, I learned the vital skill of cooking.
As the solitary defender of my home, I needed to learn how to cook for myself when my parents were working.
I cooked something for Kazuto, too, I guess.
Aqua's refrigerator was well stocked.
One of the main tasks I had as Aqua's personal assistant was to make sure her meals, especially breakfast, were healthy and filling.
In the chance I couldn't cook, I was provided with a budget to buy pre-cooked meals.
But I didn't want to dip into the funds too much.
As this job might lead to more opportunities in the future, I wanted to make a good impression.
This experience would look good on a resume even if I don't receive any further opportunities in this certain field.
These days, I've certainly become more socially aware.
The me now was a far cry from the me in those NEET years.
Living for someone other than yourself really puts a different perspective on things.
"Ooh! This actually looks good, Kazuma!"
Aqua said, as I placed a tray in front of her.
Protein and some healthy fat provides long lasting energy, so I prepared some omelette rolls.
As for the carbs, there was some leftover rice stored in the fridge.
I prepared basic miso soup and poured it on the rice, heating up the rice without making it mushy by microwaving or reheating it on a stove.
Plus, miso soup on rice is very delicious.
For the vegetable dish, I stir fried some veggies on a wok.
I didn't add garlic, as I imagined an idol wouldn't appreciate having that garlicky smell leak out from her pores for several hours.
For that reason, onions were out, too.
Instead I used shallots, which were milder alternatives to onions and they don't stink as much.
They still provided a sharp aroma and the sweet tasting yet astringent quality onions have.
I used canola oil to stir fry, tossed in some cubed tofu, and mixed it all in with dashi and a sprinkle of sesame oil to flavor. I squeezed in some lemon juice to counteract the oils.
"This actually doesn't look that bad! I thought that Kazuma would open some canned sardines and pour it on toast, but this really isn't that bad!"
"As if I'd make that sort of disgusting dish… What opinion do you have of me, exactly?"
After we finished eating, Aqua took a shower while I cleaned up and washed the dishes.
According to the itenary, the first event of the day is a rehearsal.
Aqua has a surprise show in a department store at 12 pm.
She will spend a three hour rehearsal prior to make sure her routine is perfected.
From my understanding, Aqua has a passionate and loyal core fanbase, but lacks mainstream appeal.
Her 'rival' is an idol who is quickly rising in the industry.
She goes by the stage name, 'Eris'.
To compete with Eris's mainstream appeal, Aqua has taken to promoting herself in free shows like this.
"Ahh… Nothing like a warm, relaxing shower to start the day! ...Feels so… ZZZzzzZZZ…"
Aqua collapsed on the couch and promptly drifted off to sleep.
Just as I was starting to have some respect for this hardworking Aqua, she shows me this disgraceful sight.
Part 2
"Thanks for the hard work, everyone!"
Aqua said as she bowed to her backup dancers and choreography director.
"You were great as always, Aqua-san!"
"You may seem like an airhead at times, but you're really a quick learner when it comes to this stuff!"
"Thanks, everyone!"
I don't think they're complimenting you, Aqua.
As everyone was packing up, I gave Aqua a bottle of mineral water.
"Good work."
I said as she gulped the water down.
"Puwahh! That hit the spot! So? How was I, Kazuma? It would be troublesome if you fell in love with the beautiful and talented me so easily. Please don't forget that you already have Megumin."
"Trust me, that won't be a problem."
It's a shame.
If she wasn't such an idiot, this girl would actually be pretty desirable.
And when it comes to performance arts, she is clearly very gifted.
She has looks and talent…
To even the playing field, the gods must have lowered her intelligence stat to make it fair for everyone else.
"Did Kazuma have a talk with my producer already?"
"Yes, I did."
"Had the contract signed and everything?"
"Well, yes…"
"Hm? What's the matter?"
Aqua looked at me in confusion as she handed me the empty water bottle.
The producer didn't even try to sugarcoat things.
This job is hard.
The pay is good… At least, it's better than the amount I'd get from working part-time at a convenience store.
But, from cooking Aqua's meals, doing her chores, taking care of her daily affairs, running errands, as well as doing miscellaneous work if there is ever a shortage of workers in the crew…
From dawn to dusk, I will need to slave away for Aqua!
"Alright! The show will start in about an hour! Please eat your lunch and take this time to relax before then! Satou-kun! Please help with distributing the catering!"
"Y… Yes…!"
The producer-san called my name as trolleys filled with bento boxes came in.
"So you're the new lackey, eh? Hope you make it longer than the last one. Hahaha!"
"And remember, romance with your boss is strictly forbidden! Hahaha!"
These senpai didn't ease up on teasing the new guy.
After I helped with distributing the bento boxes, I took my own and sat beside Aqua, who was already digging in.
We were all sitting on the floor as we ate.
"Free meals always taste delicious!"
Aqua said as she ate a sausage in one bite and washed it away with tea.
She didn't seem nervous at all, even though I was slightly shaking.
I'm not even directly involved in the performance and I'm already like this.
The backup dancers and Aqua herself don't seem to feel any apprehension.
So this is what it means to be a pro.
I've recently learned how hard it was to earn money in this world.
Professionals who not only work for money, but have the expectations of thousands of people burdening them are truly incredible.
Compared to myself who was an unproductive NEET until a while ago…
Are you telling me I can't even compare to Aqua?!
After lunch, I helped the crew move some tote boxes containing props and lighting equipment to one of the three vans we were bringing with us.
One van is for Aqua, the producer, and myself.
The make-up artist also came along with us to make sure nothing happened to Aqua's make-up during the ride.
"Aqua-chan's fans can get quite rowdy and impatient. We won't have the opportunity to set up a dressing room in the venue as they might try to sneak in and meet with Aqua-chan."
The producer explained to me when I asked why they did the make-up and fitting prior to our arrival.
Just how troublesome are Aqua's fans?
To keep the makeup from running, the air conditioning in this van is turned all the way up.
So… So cold.
In the second van, following behind us, are the four back-up dancers and the choreography director.
He's probably going over the routine with them one final time.
We stored the props and lighting equipment in the third van, which had the bench seats on the sides raised to fit the equipment in.
"Hm… Kazuma seems a bit jittery. Could it be that you are nervous about this show? Don't be! If an idol screws up, it won't be her support crew that will be blamed, the blame will rest solely on the idol! So Kazuma has nothing to worry about!"
"Are you fearless?! Or are you just so thick skulled that you can't even comprehend fear?!"
"Owwww! Why is Kazuma pulling on my hair?!"
"Please don't do that! Kazuma-kun will ruin the make-up!"
The makeup artist pleaded for me to stop.
…
…
"Aqua-chan~! Please look this way~!"
"Kyaaa~! It's the real deal! It's Aqua-chan in the flesh~!"
"Please hold me, Aqua-chan~!"
The ones shrieking and saying these embarrassing lines in public are a group of scary looking guys.
Aqua twirled and danced on the stage, the back-up dancers accompanying her as they danced to the chirpy melody of Aqua's song.
There is indeed a good reception by the core fans.
The target audience of this free show isn't the core fans, though, but potential new ones.
And so far, these potential fans are understandably staying clear from this pack of rabid Aqua radicals.
They almost seemed like some kind of cult!
"Thank you! Thank you everyone for coming!"
"We love you, Aqua-chan~!"
This Aqua cult collectively heaved a love-sick sigh as Aqua bowed her thanks and left the stage.
From backstage, the rest of the crew was observing the show.
"A popular idol like Eris might accumulate the most fans and public attention during her popular period, but Aqua-chan has a following who will adore her for life! And that, Kazuma-kun, is irreplaceable…"
The producer, Cecily-san, said this passionately as she looked at her client proudly.
Even the producer is acting like this.
Did I actually get roped into some kind of cult?
Part 3
I spent practically everyday working overtime.
By the time I got home, I spent that time on exam prep.
On my days off, I spent the mornings studying.
At noon, I'd pick up Megumin from her school and Komekko as well on the way home.
"Time to recharge! Uwaaa… Hugging you just melts all my stress away…"
"Nyaaa~"
Chomusuke purred as I snuggled up with her.
"When Kazuma said 'I really need Megumin's pussy right now', I should have expected this sort of punchline."
Megumin said as she sat beside me on her bed.
She's still wearing her uniform, which got me thinking…
Megumin is her second year now, huh?
How would I feel when I see Megumin graduate?
A kind of surreal feeling, maybe.
If it all works out well, I'll be in my second year of college once Megumin graduates.
We probably won't end up studying in the same college.
In terms of potential, Megumin is on another level than me. She's smart enough to study at a famous university.
Still, I'm not going to say something cliche like: 'She deserves better than me'.
I won't give away Megumin to anyone.
For example, if some rich kid bishounen type were to fall in love with Megumin and comes over to intimidate me…
Saying cliche lines like: 'She belongs with me, not a peasant like you'.
I'd have no problem with drop kicking him on the head and then hiding behind the influence of Darkness, who is a also a rich kid and seems to have quite the reputable family.
Speaking of whom, Darkness is on some fancy trip right now.
Probably on a journey to 'find herself'.
Meanwhile here I am working my ass off.
"Damn it! I hate rich kids!"
"Nyaaaa?!"
Chomusuke screeched as my grip tightened around her.
"Hm? What's Kazuma mad about now?"
Megumin had gone on to do her homework while my thoughts headed to a weird tangent.
"I was just thinking about drop kicking all the boys who might flirt with Megumin in the future."
"In the future? What makes Kazuma think that boys aren't flirting with me now?"
"Kazuto doesn't count."
"He's… He's considered a boy, isn't he?! And quite frankly, I find your little brother's antics cute sometimes…"
What part of that brat is cute?
After all this time, that brat is still trying to steal Megumin from me.
I don't know where he got that scummy attitude from.
Megumin sighed as she closed her reference book.
"It seems like Kazuma keeps mentioning 'the future' these days. Is something on your mind?"
She scooted over and leaned against me, the side of her head resting against my shoulder.
"I'm currently in the most important turning point of my life, where it's not an exaggeration to say that every decision matters, of course I will think about all sorts of things."
If I somehow struck it rich, maybe I wouldn't be so preoccupied with such thoughts.
I might even return to my NEET self and bum around under the kotatsu all day.
Or maybe I will go on a frivolous 'journey to find myself' like Darkness.
But!
Work, school, student debts, my future with Megumin…
Even if I try to hide from it, I can't run from reality.
"..."
But seriously, if the innate luck I've been gifted with since birth suddenly kicks in and I somehow win the lottery…
That'd be great, too!
"Well, enough about me, for now. What's Megumin up to these days?"
"Nothing much… Well, actually… That strict Math teacher gets mad whenever I wear my awesome eyepatch to school. At first he assumed I was wearing it to cover an injury or birth defect of some kind, and felt pity towards me and let me get away with all sorts of dress code infractions. But then he somehow caught on and now I've become a target of his…"
That's what you get for taking advantage of people's kindness.
Come to think of it, I only ever see that eyepatch and her red contact lenses when Megumin arrives home and puts them on.
When I come to pick her up from school, she's not wearing any of her chuuni gear, even the fingerless gloves and collar come off.
Going to school without her chuuni gear...
With her black eyes, black hair, porcelain skin and sailor fuku, she looks like a classic school girl bishoujo.
"..."
"Why did Kazuma go quiet all of a sudden?"
"Their names! The boys flirting with Megumin at school, tell me their names!"
"...! Eh?! Kazuma?! Calm… Calm down!"
If Megumin looks and acts like a normal girl, any guy would end up falling for her.
It wouldn't surprise me if some handsome guy already confessed to Megumin but she just never told me about it.
"That's it! I'm quitting work to watch over Megumin 24/7!"
"Has Kazuma lost his mind?! I know that your work is stressful but please don't lose your marbles!"
Part 4
As I got used to the ins-and-outs of the job, sometimes I'd coast through work as if my brain was on automatic.
Before, I'd scramble from place to place in a disoriented frenzy.
Now that I'm acclimated, these days it's become less of a job and more like a series of chores.
However, there was one event that didn't conform to the usual routine.
"A convention? And for that game?!"
Aqua said as Cecily-san explained the event to her.
This event is...
The MMORPG that brought us all together, 'God's Blessings on this Wonderful World!' will have its ever convention.
In order to make a big splash, they invited the rising star in the idol industry, Eris, to come and perform in the event.
Aqua was also invited, for some reason.
She was by no means unpopular, but Aqua is considered more infamous than famous.
Since there have been numerous incidents and controversies already, Aqua is rarely invited to corporate sponsored events.
Controversies such as Aqua ordering her rabid fans to infiltrate Eris's events and harass her supporters.
There was also that one incident that went viral, when Aqua tweeted out the hashtag '#Erispadsherchest' on her official twitter page.
To invite Aqua who has a well known beef with Eris, I can only suspect that the P.R. guys working for the game are hoping for some sort of incident to happen.
In that way, they will earn free publicity at the expense of Aqua making an ass of herself.
Of course, being a producer, Cecily-san must have figured this out herself.
"So, Aqua-chan, please sign here to complete the contract…"
"Okies~! Just here, right?"
"Idiots! What are you two idiots doing?!"
I snatched the contract away from Aqua, only to find that it had already been signed.
Furthermore, Aqua signed a legal document with a cutesy heart sign after her signature.
"Why is Kazuma causing a fuss? I can finally show off to those guys in the adventurer's guild who doubted my identity as a professional idol. Just wait until I go up to the stage and call out their usernames and tell them to suck it!"
Controversy #1 is already taking form.
"Cecily! Make sure to contact my goons… I mean, beloved fans in the official fan club, and tell them to buy tickets for this event, A.S.A.P.!"
"Right away!"
And here's Controversy #2.
Before those two could hatch up any more terrible schemes, I intervened.
"This is why Aqua's following never increases even if you set up free shows every week! Aqua keeps causing all sorts of unnecessary controversies! Why can't you just do this event like normal?!"
"Kazuma doesn't understand! Not at all! I'm only resorting to such means because that slut Eris is using her own unscrupulous methods herself! Doesn't Kazuma suspect anything?! For such a slim and lithely built girl to have such a massive chest, isn't that a bit suspicious?! Yes, that villain is deceiving the masses with her erotic chest! She only became popular due to these lies! What I'm saying is… Eris pads her chest!"
Aqua suddenly stood from her chair as she went on a passionate, raving rant.
It might be my imagination, but her eyes seem to be glowing.
This still seemed like a bad idea to me, but at the end of the day I'm just a glorified babysitter.
I don't have any real authority here.
"..."
Also.
I didn't want to say this to my employers, but…
I actually quite enjoy Eris' music.
Considering how Aqua is behaving maliciously right now, isn't Eris the superior idol?
She has the air of an orthodox idol.
Gentle features and mannerisms.
A true, proper idol.
It doesn't help that I've seen Aqua at her worst.
Getting drunk in the middle of the day, taking a nap wherever she pleased, not caring if the public saw her acting in such a carefree manner.
If I had a choice, I'd work as an assistant for Eris rather than this sloppy idol!
Part 5
A few weeks after Cecily-san's announcement...
"Kazuma, Kazuma. How does this look?"
"It's… It's surprisingly good."
"Did Kazuma have any doubts about my artistic talent?"
"It's not that. I know that Aqua is weirdly talented in unexpected areas. Considering the materials you used, I just didn't think it'd turn out so well… Ah, Megumin, maybe you can give us a little spin? Specifically, I want to see the butt part…"
"Kazuma takes every opportunity to display his sexual harassment…"
Standing in front of us was Megumin cosplaying as the Arch-Wizard character she plays online.
"I know that Megumin's avatar has a tall and busty physique, but I think this version with Megumin's lacking… I mean, petite, doll-like body is rather cute, wouldn't you say so, Kazuma?"
I don't know about that, but I did notice that these 'mage-robes' surprisingly showed a lot of the skin with the mantle taken off...
"I'm especially proud of that staff. It looks very realistic, doesn't it? If you press that button over there, it will glow…"
"Aqua, I'm really impressed!"
Megumin did a couple of poses as she twirled her staff around.
"I prepared one for each of us based on our characters! I had the most trouble with Darkness's outfit since that involves a lot of parts, so I'm going to charge her for the bill once we meet up!"
Aqua is aware that unworldly ojou-sama with no sense for money will pay whatever amount.
When I mentioned the convention to Megumin, she told me that she wanted to attend as well.
Since this is the first time the cheap and frugal Megumin asked for something beyond the occasional snacks and treats, I easily obliged.
We invited Darkness to make it a group event. We haven't hung out as a group in a while since everyone was busy.
During the time before the convention, Aqua worked hard to make these costumes.
Aqua really did an amazing job with these costumes, but…
"If I remember correctly, my sword was bigger in the game."
I said while looking over the plastic imitation sword Aqua gave me.
"I ran out of materials, so Kazuma's sword turned out more like a dagger."
"I'll buy you more materials. Make it bigger."
"No need to get so defensive… Well, if Kazuma is paying me money to make his thing bigger, I can't refuse."
Please word that differently.
Right now, we are trying on our costumes in a hotel room.
Since the convention is held in another city, we booked a room in a hotel close to the convention hall.
We planned to have a sleepover of sorts with Darkness and Megumin sleeping on one bed, and Aqua and I sleeping on the other.
The reason for this is that Darkness didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night and catch Megumin and I doing something lewd.
That's what she claimed, at least.
Even though Aqua is also female, Darkness didn't think that anything could happen between us.
That assumption is correct.
There is no chance of anything happening.
Rest assured.
Speaking of Darkness…
"When will that ojou-sama arrive, anyway?"
Aqua was still fussing with Megumin's outfit as she answered me,
"Now that I think about it, weren't we supposed to pick her up at the airport?"
That ojou-sama finally got back from her trip.
After Aqua mentioned it, I do remember an agreement about picking Darkness up.
Megumin stopped doing her poses and looked at the wall clock.
"We were supposed to pick her up… At least six hours ago."
During that time we had been fooling around and even an hour long nap.
"Hold… Hold on! I need to put on my disguise! If I go out in public looking like this, one of my millions of fans will surely recognize me!"
Aqua shrieked as we pulled her away from the room and onto the lobby.
"If you don't want them to recognize you, then just shut up already."
After we changed back into more casual clothes, Aqua donned her very suspicious disguise, which included shades, a sick mask and a hat.
"You better not come in like that in the airport or we'll have problems with security."
"What is Kazuma implying? The suspicious Kazuma should be the one worried about security. Now that I think about it, that suspicious Darkness might be in custody right now. That's why she's been stuck in the airport for several hours now. In conclusion, it's Darkness and Kazuma who will have problems with security, not me!"
We splurged a bit on a taxi and I was pretty sure the driver ripped us off on the bill, but we were already six hours late.
A quick text to Darkness told us that she was still waiting at the airport.
"I don't understand. Darkness knows where we are staying. Why didn't she just get a taxi herself?"
The answer to Megumin's question is quite obvious if we consider Darkness' character.
Surely enough, we found Darkness standing outside the loading zone.
She's carrying her luggages with both hands even though she could just as easily have placed them on the floor.
"...What do you say we leave that rotten girl there to wait another two hours?"
"It will be a waste of taxi fare if we did that. And she already saw us."
Megumin pointed to Darkness, who started panting and blushing even harder when she spotted us.
"For… For my friends to abandon me like this, breaking a promise to meet up and leaving me alone to be humiliated… Kuh! Thank you for the treat! What a way to conclude an excellent and enriching trip!"
Before she could attract any more attention, we dragged her inside the taxi.
As a tall foreigner subjecting herself to a weird punishment game involving heavy luggages, Darkness had attracted a group of onlookers.
There were some people saying: 'She finally moved!'.
"Is it just me, or is the cab tilting over to where Darkness is sitting now? I'm… I'm not going to pay if the tires get damaged or anything!"
"It's… It's the luggage, Aqua! Since we are making a turn, the heavy luggage in the trunk must be swerving over to one side!"
I see, now.
Darkness went on a cliched trip to 'find herself'.
She must have found herself, indeed.
This is why she's acting even more rotten than usual.
…
…
"Ahhh! That feels nice! Laying down after all that punishment from Kazuma and the others is quite nice!"
"Don't make it sound like we had any hand in your stupidity. It wasn't our fault you were born so twisted."
I said to the Darkness who melted as soon as she plopped down onto a bed.
Megumin handed a glass of juice to Darkness. We bought the juice at a nearby convenience store along with some snacks earlier, when we were fooling around and forgot all about Darkness. Megumin said,
"I'm glad Darkness is relaxing, but please keep in mind that the convention hall opens in half an hour."
Taking a bag of potato chips for herself, Aqua forcefully jumped onto our shared bed, making me spit out the juice I was drinking.
"I'm really excited! At first I was excited 'coz I can finally teach that Eris a lesson, but hanging out with everyone in such a big event is also fun!"
From her own bed, sitting while kicking her feet out, Megumin smiled gently at Aqua's words.
"This game is what brought us together, so I'm quite thankful for the developers. It almost seems like it's my obligation of sorts to attend this convention."
"Yes, I am grateful to that game that allowed me to meet three beautiful girls. The odds of such a thing happening is a miracle. And with such odds, I even managed to date the sanest girl in the group. Although, that's not really saying much..."
"Die, scum."
"Gah!"
For my comment, Darkness punched me on the shoulder. Then, she said,
"Wait, did I hear Aqua saying something about… Eris?"
"You know how Eris is also performing at the convention? Well, I'm planning on having my goons… I mean, fans, 'take care' of her… Hehehe…"
Aqua giggled as she munched on her chips. Meanwhile, a complicated expression came over Darkness's face.
"What kind of twisted schemes did Aqua plan for the idol I admire?! Doesn't Aqua know that I have been a fan of Eris since she debuted?! And don't lump me in with those bandwagon fans! I'm an O.G. fan! No, rather than that, when Aqua said something about 'goons' and 'taking care'... Please provide details!"
"Don't get excited."
I didn't expect Darkness to be a fellow Eris fan.
If you asked anyone who they would rather support between Aqua and Eris, anyone who is at least partially sane will say 'Eris'.
This is why I didn't expect Darkness to be a fellow Eris fan.
We let Darkness cool off and take a bath during the time we had before the convention.
When she got out, Aqua proudly presented her 'masterpiece' to Darkness, who put on the outfit while gushing about it.
"Amazing! This quality is amazing! This looks and feels like real armor! If the Japanese police saw me walking around with this greatsword, they will surely deport me out of the country!"
Aqua's talents are such that mere cosplay from an online game looks like terrorist gear.
I can't help but feel that she is in the wrong business.
"If everyone is ready, I am eager to move out now. I can't contain my excitement any longer! I can't wait to show off this excellent cosplay… I mean, wizard gear! I wish I had the foresight to bring my familiar, Chomusuke, but sadly I didn't..."
Megumin regretfully sighed to herself.
"...After all, I can't let my little sister starve during my absence."
"Did… Did you really leave Chomusuke alone with that little monster for such a reason?!"
Ignoring me, Megumin twirled her staff once and headed out.
Part 6
The convention hall was filled with booths and attractions based on the game, including its world and lore.
Among merchandise booths selling artwork and posters were doujinshi depicting in-game story events, and one-off stories featuring popular NPCs.
The food courts even served food based on in-game consumables.
In the game, food items provides experience points when consumed, as well as specific boosts to stats.
One can harvest the raw materials and cook it with the cooking skill, or purchase a pre-made meal from an NPC.
Some monsters even drop cooked meals, for some inexplicable reason.
"You know, I never really thought about it, but the food in that game is quite unusual…"
Darkness said as she stared at the 'fried toad-meat kebob' in front of her.
After spending a good hour checking out the attractions, we headed to the food court.
"The prices are quite cheap for convention food. I approve of this. Nom!"
"Megumin… Are you really eating that…?"
Darkness cringed as Megumin bit into the kebob.
From the way Megumin was chewing it, the meat looked gamey and tough to chew.
"It's really juicy and quite good, and the flavor is very strong despite the firm texture. And it's cheap, too."
Stop saying 'cheap', already.
"Megumin is right, this is quite good!"
She shouldn't be eating so much before her performance, but that didn't stop Aqua from chowing down.
But since everyone was in a good mood, I didn't say anything.
This kind of feeling, hanging out with friends, is not bad.
"...Say, hasn't Kazuma been smiling while looking at us all this while? Megumin, tell your man to stop being so creepy."
"Shush, Aqua. If you say that aloud, the socially awkward Kazuma will feel embarrassed for openly basking in feelings of belonging and camaraderie."
"Can you girls give me a break once in a while?!"
What kind of face was I making?
As those girls teased me, a voice suddenly called out to us,
"For… For us to meet here! How marvelous! What a strange twist of fate! At last, we meet… My rival!"
Standing in front of us, awkwardly doing some chuuni poses, is a girl cosplaying as the Crimson Demon race.
She had red eyes and black hair tied into braids. She was wearing mage robes and underneath, a blouse that shows off her chest.
Megumin met this girl's gaze, then her eyes moved down to the chest…
"Tch!"
"E-Eh? What's… What's with that response…?"
"No reason. And who are you, anyways?"
"Has Megumin forgotten me?! It's me, it's me! Megumin's rival, Yunyun!"
I didn't know who this Yunyun was, but it's clear to me that she's cosplaying a Crimson Demon.
One of the available races, the Crimson Demon race is fit for those who want to play the mage playstyle due to broken racial traits, which gives an absurd boost to magic base stats.
In the forums, players will often bemoan the Crimson Demon race with phrases like, 'plz Nerf'.
Since the Crimson Demon clan is a free-to-play race, and is not included in any of the expansion packs, it's quite telling how only 33% of mage players choose Crimson Demons as their race, even if it's the best magic based race in terms of min-max, build optimization.
This is due to the stereotype associated with Crimson Demon players.
To give an example…
Megumin is a notorious RPer among the community.
Her obsessive dedication to role playing and staying in-character is well known.
And this trait does not only apply to her, but most Crimson Demon players.
Yes, it's that.
The stereotype is that all Crimson Demon players are roleplaying, chuuni edgelords.
The worst will erupt into a tantrum if you ruin their 'immersion'.
Stealing their 'O.C.' is also an unforgivable transgression.
"Even though I went out of my way to wear this embarrassing cosplay… Megumin is the one who invited me to this event! Don't pretend like you don't know me!"
"Ah, wait, isn't this Yunyun? Sorry, my bad. You just look a bit weird offline, so I didn't recognize you for a moment."
"I… I look weird?! H-How about Megumin?! Aren't you some kind of busty bombshell online?! How… How misleading!"
"You can't even make a proper diss without stumbling over your words, huh? How pitiful. Now… Take back what you said!"
You called the diss 'pitiful', but it seems to have affected you in a deep level, Megumin.
Before a brawl could take place, I stepped in between the two girls.
I formed a barricade with my arms stretched out.
As I faced Yunyun, she reflexively looked into my eyes.
Then she looked out my outstretched arms.
"Could… Could this kind sir be offering me a hug? Is this like those videos on the internet that show kind samaritans offering free hugs to lonely looking strangers? Thank… Thank you for your kindness!"
Yunyun stretched her arms out too and prepared to embrace me.
"Don't flirt with my man!"
"E-Eh?! Your man…?! Megumin has a man?!"
"Why does Yunyun sound so surprised? I mentioned it a few times already."
"I thought you were just bluffing…"
"Why you…!"
As Megumin launched herself at Yunyun, I called out to the other two:
"Aqua, Darkness! Don't just stare! Help me stop them!"
It resulted in a brawl, after all.
Part 7
"Geez. That Yunyun just doesn't know when to take the hint. Even though we wanted to ditch her, she kept sticking around."
Megumin said this as Yunyun excused herself after bickering with Megumin for a good half-hour.
"Don't be rude. Megumin was the only one trying to drive her away. Rather than that, why don't you tell me about how you met that girl, in the first place?"
Megumin never mentioned Yunyun before, not even in passing conversation.
"Like she claimed, she treats me as a rival. Back when I had trouble finding party members, that girl started clinging onto me for some reason. I even considered creating a different account on another server just to ditch her."
"Megumin is too cruel."
Listening to Megumin's cold words, even the big 'M' Darkness had this to say.
After Yunyun left, we started walking around idly before Aqua's performance started.
Aqua already left to do some last minute rehearsal. I was going to follow her but she told me to stay and enjoy the convention with the others.
This might sound like a sweet gesture, but I know that Aqua just doesn't want me around for her scheming session with Cecily-san.
"That Yunyun is also quite a strange girl. Even though she chose the Crimson Demon race in character select, she was hesitant to roleplay at first. She didn't even understand me when I asked to see her O.C.'s character description."
"She probably didn't expect that kind of burden when choosing the race."
I almost chose the Crimson Demon race myself when I saw their racial traits, but a quick Google search informed me about that the reputation of Crimson Demon players.
"Is Megumin sure you don't want to talk to that girl for a bit longer? It seems like she attended this convention and even dressed up because of Megumin…"
Darkness looked back into the general direction where Yunyun parted ways with us. As she was tall, she could easily survey the crowd. As she did so, her eyes widened a bit, and she said,
"Wait… I think I see her following us?'
"That's why I'm not worried about that girl. As you can see, we won't be able to lose her even in this kind of crowd. Just ignore her and act like you usually would. Pretend we're in a reality TV program and that girl is one of the cameramen."
"Cruel… Megumin is really cruel…"
Darkness muttered to herself, reiterating her previous claim.
After walking around aimlessly, the time for Aqua's performance soon arrived.
While we were walking, I recognized some familiar voices among the crowd that belong to players we encountered in the game before.
Some of them recognized us from our costumes and approached us to have a quick chat.
"I've never been part of a community of this nature before. This is nice… I wish they'd stop teasing me so much, though…"
For some reason, Darkness was a target for a lot of teasing.
As she was anonymous online, Darkness didn't have any inhibitions with her masochistic nature.
She didn't expect to encounter any of the players who witnessed her freak show displays and went all out.
Now she is showing some regret as those who recognized her started teasing Darkness about her numerous antics online.
They also teased Megumin for her chuuni ways and irrational love for the inefficient explosion magic skill tree.
And worst of all…
"Eeek?! Is that Scum-zuma?! Noooo! Stay away from me!"
I also had a bit of a reputation online, as well.
"I see. Those girls view me as some kind of pervert, huh? Very well. If that's what they want, I will use [Steal] on them in real life, too."
"If Kazuma does that, he will spend the night in a jail cell."
Megumin said as she pulled me away from a couple of girls who shrieked way too loudly once they recognized me.
"Ah, it seems like there is already a line for the performance forming. Shall we start lining up as well?"
After peeking her head around and assessing the area, Darkness said this.
"Darkness's height is really convenient for crowded places like this. Good job, Darkness."
"Darkness's height is really enviable. And she is as wide as she is tall."
"What do you mean by 'wide'?!"
Megumin and I followed the traffic of people heading towards the stage area as Darkness kept on saying: 'Take that back!'.
As we lined up, I kept a wary eye for the goons Aqua coerced for her not-so secret scheme.
Anyone wearing Aqua fan merchandise is obviously a part of the goon squad.
I don't know what exactly I'd do if any of Aqua's little minions started to cause a commotion, or if I'd even feel inclined to do anything at all.
Technically, I should side with my employer.
But…
If I had to choose between Aqua and Eris, the choice is obvious.
"Darkness! As a fellow Eris fan, join me in my cause!"
I extended my hand out to Darkness, my fellow comrade!
"Hm? What is it, Kazuma? Going to make jokes about my height again? I'll have Kazuma know that my height and build is the average for girls my age, at least in my homeland. In my eyes, it is the people of Japan who are strange for being so short…"
"So you're insecure about that, huh? Does Darkness have a complex or something? I'm sorry if I triggered Darkness. Rather, nevermind that. Doesn't Darkness remember about Aqua scheming against Eris?"
"I do remember that. Ah… Sounds nice. I'm jealous."
"Just drop the tired schtick for once! Darkness was going on about being an 'O.G.' Eris fan or whatever earlier! It's time to prove that now!"
Her eyes shifted into a serious look. She nodded her head and said,
"Alright, Kazuma. You convinced me. Lead the way… No, before that, where has Megumin gone to?"
I looked beside me where Megumin was supposed to be.
"That's strange. I was holding her hand earlier… Wait, I'm still holding her hand now! I can feel it!"
"Actually, that's my hand Kazuma is holding…"
"Then why didn't you say anything?!"
I angrily retorted to the blushing Darkness.
Once I let go of her hand, she said,
"I… I was worried that Kazuma would get lost! There's no strange meaning behind it!"
I'm not going out of my way to unlock the harem route, so I have no interest in setting up these cliched flags.
Then again, this sort of passive, wishy-washy approach is the winning formula of harem protagonists.
"Now is not the time to be setting off any flags with this amazon ojou-sama! And I'm sure Megumin can take care of herself. We can just pick her up at the lost child center afterwards. For now, we have to deal with Aqua's goons!"
"Megumin would kill you if she heard that. No, before she does, I'll kill you for that 'amazon' comment…!"
I hastily explained my plan of attack to Darkness, who reluctantly accepted it. We moved through the crowd towards the nearest goon.
His goon status was made apparent by the embarrassing 'I WUV AQUA-CHAN~!' headband he was wearing.
I signalled to Darkness. She sighed before hesitantly placing her hand on the goon's shoulder.
"Owww! That hurts! This pain is… I've never felt this pain before!"
He screamed out in primal anguish as Darkness squeezed his shoulder.
"I'm… I'm not even grabbing you that hard! Don't exaggerate!"
Darkness provided all these excuses as her poor victim almost fell to his knees, struggling to withstand the pain.
"What… What do you two want? I'll give you whatever you want just tell this man to… Eh, it's a woman? Gahhh! Why'd you squeeze harder?!"
"Just die already! Kazuma, let me kill this guy! We can interrogate another goon!"
I made Darkness ease up on the torture as I worked on interrogating this guy.
"E-Eh?! How did you know about the plan?! Only the special black ops force of the Aqua-chan fan club knows about the plan!"
Are you sure this is still just a fan club?
"Just tell us what you know already. If you think this girl is bad, you haven't seen what I'm capable of yet."
"Eeeek! What's with that scary look! OK, OK, I'll tell you whatever you want!"
What kind of face was I making?
"You know, for part of this so-called special black ops force, this guy sure gave up easily. I would have resisted more."
Darkness criticized this poor guy even as we could hear cracking noises come out from his shoulder.
"Oh, no. I'm not part of the special black ops force. A black ops force member wouldn't have been caught by the enemy so easily…"
Is this guy just messing with us or what?
Eventually, we managed to get the details of the secret plan out of him.
"..." x 2.
"Why… Why are you two looking at me like that? Aqua-chan came up with the plan herself!"
"We knew that without you telling us."
This plan was beyond stupid.
It involved the goons smuggling in a pocketful of throwing darts through the security checkpoint by the entrance.
Yes, darts.
The ones used for parlor games.
"The plan is to have all of us throw darts at Eris and hopefully one of the darts will poke her breast pads, making them pop and exposing her for what she is… A liar! Eris pads her chest! Eris pads her chest!"
"Idiots! What an idiot you all are! Do you lot even know how breast pads work?! You actually think they'll go 'pop' like balloons or something?! Moreover, this isn't just a prank anymore! This is an actual crime!"
For now, I confiscated all the darts this guy had on him.
By the time Eris came on stage, Darkness and I located all the goons and confiscated their darts.
"Excuse me. Can I look at those things you two have in your hands, please?"
"..."
Even though we were doing a good deed, security caught us in possession of all these suspicious items.
Part 8
"We don't really have a detention center or anything, so for now I'll keep an eye on you two in the lost children center."
We were led to a room with foam mats covering the floor. There were toys scattered all over the matted floor and the chairs lined along the walls were of the plastic, brightly colored, kiddie variety.
The security guard who escorted us here looked at the chairs and then at Darkness.
"We'll get another chair for you, ma'am."
"I… I don't really need one…"
Sulking at the implication, Darkness sat on the foam mats while crossing her legs.
As I didn't really want to sit on the kiddie chairs either, I sat next to Darkness.
I called Cecily-san to come vouch for us, but since Aqua is still probably in the middle of a performance, that could take a while.
For now, we had to wait patiently.
"Hmm… That's strange… Where did that child run off to? She was just here… Oh, there she is!"
The security guard said this as he looked around the room.
He stood up and headed to an open toy box. Bending down to his knee, he reached inside.
To our surprise, he pulled out a blushing Megumin, lifting her by the armpits.
"..." x 2.
What's she doing here?
...Don't tell me she actually got lost and ended up here?
"What were you doing hiding in that box, little one? Are the newcomers making you feel shy? Don't mind them. Why don't you play with those toys?"
"O-OK, mister…"
"!" x 2.
When the guard let her down, Megumin crawled on the mat on her hands and knees and grabbed one of the dolls lying on the floor.
She took another doll and a surreal sight unfolded before our eyes.
"H… Hey, Yukiko-chan why… why don't we go to the mall right now?"
"That's, um… That's a splendid idea, N-Nagisa-chan... Let's go to the mall… Haha… Ha…"
Megumin started playing with the dolls, all while blushing hard and avoiding our gazes.
Like a contented father, the security guard smiled and patted Megumin on the head before he went back to watching us sternly.
"Pfffffft!"
"Oi! What are you laughing at!"
"S… Sorry…"
Darkness couldn't control her laughter and was yelled at by the guard.
Leaning towards me, Darkness whispered,
"Why is Megumin acting like that, Kazuma? Surely there must be a good reason… Or maybe she developed similar tastes to my own?"
"That would be terrible if she did."
We continued to observe Megumin as she played with the dolls.
"Oh, no! Yukiko! What's happening to your eyes?! They're turning red… And they're glowing! Is Yukiko sick?!"
Suddenly Megumin's doll play underwent a drastic tone shift.
"Nagisa-chan… I've never told you this before, but I am actually a descendant of an ancient line of vampires that is so powerful and evil, they are shunned by other vampire clans…"
"I see, Yukiko-chan… If Yukiko-chan is telling me the truth, then…"
"...! Nagisa-chan! That silver cross is…!"
"Yukiko-chan… I've never told you this before, but I am actually a vampire hunter selected and trained by the church from a young age. My purpose in life is to hunt vampires such as yourself!"
"Nagisa-chan!"
"Yukiko-chan!"
"Pffffffft!" x 2.
"?!"
This time both Darkness and I couldn't control our laughter.
Megumin just noticed what she had done. She dropped the dolls and blushed when she saw us laughing.
Since she probably never played with proper dolls as a child, Megumin got caught up in the moment and let her inner-child run free.
Really, that's quite cute!
"Oi! You two, what's so funny!"
"S… Sorry…"
The security guard yelled at the both of us this time.
…
…
"It really is quite terrible. We received an anonymous tip that some of those unruly Eris fans were planning to attack Aqua using those confiscated items. I sent Kazuma-kun here to stop those Eris fans before they did something terrible…"
"Next time that happens, please notify the security team or better yet, contact the police. We'll keep an eye out for those Eris fans for the duration of the convention."
"Oh, will you? How reliable!"
Cecily-san shifted the blame away from the real criminals.
Instead of producing idols, she should run a crime syndicate.
"Ah! Mister… That's my mommy's friend! I should go with her!"
Megumin said with a robotic voice that belongs to one not accustomed to lying, as she pointed to Cecily-san.
Cecily-san looked at me questioningly. She knows Megumin from the pictures Aqua showed her.
For some reason, Cecily-san said something about me being 'a man of culture' and she started looking at me with respect after that.
After I nodded to Cecily-san, she signed some paperwork to 'claim' the 'lost child'. With that done, we were all finally released from our prison.
"So… Megumin, care to explain what all that was about?"
Darkness leered at Megumin who had just sighed in relief once we stepped outside the lost child center.
"...I was separated from you guys for a bit, so out of frustration I yelled: 'Kazuma, if I find out you ditched me… I'll explode this whole building!' Unfortunately for me, a security guard heard that last part. They took me aside for questioning and there was talk of police getting involved. In a panic, I pretended I was a lost child. Since that got rid of their suspicion I continued to play the part… Ugh…"
"Pfffffffffft!" x 3.
"Don't… Don't laugh…!"
This time, Cecily-san joined our laughter.
And when we joined up with Aqua…
"Pffffffffft! Bwahahahaha! Hahahaha…! Megumin, that's way too funny!"
She joined in the laughter as well.
Part 9
With the performances concluded there were two hours or so left before the convention hall closed.
We left early to avoid the throng of people trying to exit the building as we had seen most of the attractions already.
We had dinner at a family restaurant, a meal for which Cecily-san, acting like a working adult for the first time since I've known her, paid for the bill.
"Uehehe… Eat up, Megu-chan~ What a darling, ehehe… Well, don't eat too much or you might grow bigger… Your onee-chan wouldn't want that~!"
Nevermind, she clearly has some kind of ulterior motive.
We settled into our hotel room after dinner. Aqua had just finished performing, so we let her use the bath first.
"The bath is big enough for one more person. Would any of you two… I mean, would Megumin want to bathe with me?"
"Why did Aqua pause and then skip over me?"
"W-Well…"
I think you already know the answer to that, Darkness.
After everyone finished their baths, we laid down on our beds and went on our phones.
Well, except for Megumin, who doesn't own a phone. She read a book while we browsed social media to check out the public's reaction to the convention.
"Look at this, Kazuma! A lot of people liked my performance! This has never happened after a big event before! Usually people get angry and complain about something!"
"Good things tend to happen if you don't order your fans to throw darts at a rival idol."
"Is Kazuma still mad about that? Why don't you cry about it on social media, like all these haters? OK, now it's time to log on to my alternate accounts and roast the people who did have something bad to say about me…"
Are all famous people this petty?
Or maybe Aqua is a special kind of breed...
"Everyone is having fun on their phones… I feel left out."
Megumin said as she sighed and closed her book.
Maybe I should buy Megumin a phone one of these days. That'd make for a great gift.
I'll get her a dolly too.
We soon went to bed after everyone brushed their teeth.
"Remember, you two- no lewd stuff tonight! I'll… I'll be watching you!"
Do you want something to happen or what?
"Don't worry, we won't give Darkness any free shows."
"I wasn't expecting anything!"
Once we were settled into our beds, Aqua said,
"Say, aren't we supposed to play a bunch of games since this is a sleepover? Things like the king's game, or spin the bottle."
"Those are some problematic games you listed out."
We played the typical cliched games you usually play in a sleepover. After a while, though, the structure and pretense of 'games' soon broke down into late-night, idle chatter that hopped from topic to topic.
Even though we had already brushed out teeth, we finished off the rest of the snacks and juice and rode a sugar high until it was morning.
Soon, we could hear the birds chirping outside.
"Well, I guess it's time for us to sleep."
Darkness said as she lifted up her blankets and went under them.
"Ahhh~ Laying down feels nice…"
She stretched herself, and the vaguely lewd shape of her body squirmed and contorted underneath the blanket.
"Today was fun, wasn't it?"
Megumin said blearily as she yawned and started to fall asleep.
I watched Megumin and Darkness contently laying on the bed together.
Meanwhile, beside me…
"What the hell is this Anon saying?! I'm gonna dox this guy!"
Go to sleep already, Aqua.