There was no good way to deal with it. No matter how much she wanted to say that her heart wasn't torn to million, little pieces, it would be a lie every single time. Some days felt better, some days felt almost bearable, but the pain was always with her. A part of her thought that after everything that she'd been through, losing another friend would be easier. She'd known the drill already. She almost hoped that everything would become normal again, after few days of non-stop tears and sobs. It didn't.

Grace's body had been found in Hogsmeade as soon as the Aurors started to arrive to the village. She was one of the dozen other victims, who had lost their lives in that horrifying act of terror. Just like in other victims' cases, her body had to be examined first, in hopes that it was hiding some crucial information about the way Death Eaters worked. Then, it was given back to her parents.

It was then, when Hermione realised that Grace was never coming back. The image of her stiff, unresponsive body was going to be etched into her mind forever, portraying the last moment that Miss Granger had seen her friend. That horrifying fact made her heart hurt like hell, or even worse.

Nothing would ever be the same. It actually seemed like everyone at Hogwarts started to understand what was coming their way. The atmosphere inside of these ancient walls had never been so gloom and full of fear. Even the Marauders couldn't find it in them to come up with even the simplest pranks; somehow having fun didn't feel right anymore. Hermione wanted to laugh at the realisation that she didn't have to do anything special to finally see the boys grow up. It would be the most humourless laughter in history, because the reason that no lectures, or scolding sessions were necessary, was the cruelty of the Death Eaters.

It felt weird to see Sirius all quiet and stoic. She missed his laughter, probably more than anything else. His smile made everything lighter, more joyous, and she needed anything that could drag her out of that deep pit, filled with guilt and pain. But just as she couldn't escape those feelings on her own, also Sirius couldn't forget about carrying Grace's dead body in his arms, like a broken doll. For the first time ever, she was the one helping him with his nightmares, soothing his pain, even though she couldn't deal with her own.

Everything was different. Hermione couldn't remember the last time she had been to her dormitory. Actually, she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen any of her remaining roommates. Leslie spent majority of her time with Ewan, looking for comfort and protection, and Hermione couldn't blame her for that. Amy... Amy wasn't even at the school. Witnessing her friend's death was such a shock that she got sent to the hospital for observation. Everyone was worried that she might hurt herself, and Hermione agreed. Amy didn't strike anyone as the toughest person in the world; she was gentle, caring, and her bright personality left no room for negativity. Everything she believed in, everything she hoped for... That one day in Hogsmeade destroyed it all.

There really was no good way to deal with it. They just had to find the strength to open their eyes and live through day after day, until the pain would become a companion, rather than an enemy. Until they would find themselves laughing again. Until they would pick up those million pieces and glue them together, as good as possible, hoping that someday the missing puzzles would appear out of nowhere, making them whole again.

"We all find ourselves at loss for words sometimes," Dumbledore's voice echoed throughout the Great Hall, while most of the students busied themselves with staring at their already empty platters. "I've never imagined myself being in situation like this one. I've never imagined losing students on my watch, just as you've never imagined losing your friends."

Hermione felt Sirius' hand squeezing her own palm. She didn't know if he wanted to comfort her, or if he wanted to comfort himself. Either way, the warmth of his skin made it easier for her to breathe in and out, despite that heavy weight pressing down on her chest.

"What happened was... I don't think there's a right word to describe such a cruel and barbaric action. There's no such word, but we all know its meaning. We all felt it. Some of us more than others, but the pain has become something we're all familiar with," the Headmaster continued, and Hermione couldn't help, but think that his words were actually beautiful. He had always possessed the ability to make speeches like no one else, but she had never appreciated it more than now. The victims deserved that. "Whatever it is that you're feeling, I want you to know that it's alright. Don't hold anything in, don't pretend to be strong. Every single person who's given their life away in Hogsmeade deserves to be mourned. They wouldn't want you to forget about your own lives, about all these years to come, but they also wouldn't want you to pretend like their deaths didn't mean anything," he said and fell silent for a moment. "We all have to stay strong for what's to come, but being strong has nothing to do with being detached from your own emotions. To feel means to live. Always remember that. Always remember that no matter how hard it is, no matter how hurt you can become, life is always worth it. Your life, and those lives, which are now lost."

"Today, you're all going home to your families and friends. This days has always been a happy one in the past, but it doesn't feel like that today. I wish, with all my heart, that it will still manage to soothe your pain. I hope that being with your close ones is going to help you find, whatever it is that you've lost due to those horrifying event, so that you could go back to school with new strength. And those, who leave Hogwarts forever... I hope that you'll find the strength to change the world for the better, so that no such thing would happen again."

Hermione felt tears streaming down her face yet again, but did nothing to wipe them away. She wasn't the only one crying. Lily hid her face in James' shirt, sobbing quietly and letting him hold her so close, that it was hard to even spot her entire figure. Peter kept his eyes closed, but his shoulders shook ever so lightly, while Remus kept patting him on the back, with his own eyes haunted and weirdly empty. Sirius' face seemed impassive, stone cold almost. He looked like a statue of a Greek god, but Hermione knew better than to believe his façade. He squeezed her hand so tightly, that it was starting to hurt. Still, the physical pain was better than the one raging in her heart, so she embraced it.

"I wish I could offer you some better words. I wish we could part in better moods. But the only thing I can say to you, is that I will do everything in my power to turn Hogwarts into a safe place again. You have my word."

Hermione didn't know who started to applaud the Headmaster, but soon, the entire room got filled with sounds of clapping. She, however, remained perfectly still, unable to break her contact with Sirius' hand. In a couple of hours, she would be watching him leave the school for the summer, fully knowing that the chances of seeing him in those two month were pretty slim. It wasn't safe to wander about anymore, and Hermione was aware that she'd already risked his life once. She certainly wasn't going to do it again, just so she could see his face, or feel his lips touching her own.

None of the Marauders could be called children anymore, and that realisation made everything easier. Not worrying about their safety was completely impossible, but at least she could believe that no matter how difficult would the situation become, they were ready to face it. Even still, endangering them for no good reason didn't sit well with her. No, she would simply have to remember every single moment of those hours to come, and hope that they would be enough to live through all those lonely days ahead of her.

"Are you sure that you don't want to come with us?" Sirius' quiet whisper broke the silence that'd settled between them some time ago. "James' parents would love to have you there."

"Really? I still think that they wouldn't be so happy to see you sneak out of your bed every single night," she said with the weakest smile possible, hoping to see her boyfriend reciprocate her gesture, but no such thing happened. His face became even more serious, and Hermione realised why instantly. The nightmares. She wouldn't be there to soothe his fear anymore.

Her heart skipped a beat, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling. How could failing the person you loved be pleasant? Hermione really had no idea.

"I still think they would love to have you there," Sirius answered and clenched his teeth. Even though he tried to be pretend to be strong, Hermione had never seen him more vulnerable than in that moment. It hurt to know that she couldn't do anything to help him, other than assuring him of her affection. It didn't feel like enough, and it never would.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. For everything."

"None of this is your fault, Hermione," he said and pulled her closer. "I didn't understand your constant efforts to shield us from all the evil, but now I get it. We weren't ready. But I don't think anyone could ever be ready for this. You did nothing wrong, kitten. I just wish that things could be different."

They all did. The reality, however, didn't care for their wishes, hopes and dreams. It was cold and harsh, and they had to find a way to simply live with it.

"We'll make them different. That's what I'm here for," she said and closed her eyes, inhaling his familiar scent and sneaking her arms around his waist. "I don't have the strength anymore, but I also cannot even think about giving up. The reasons to fight keep piling up, after all."

She didn't want to let him know that her mind had conjured up the image of every single body she'd seen in her entire life. She didn't want him to know about her own nightmares and fears. Hermione didn't consider herself invincible anymore, but she knew that her time to fall apart would come as soon as every student had left the castle walls. Then, with no one there to see it, she would simply break, just as she'd done a year ago. And just like then, she would slowly find a way to get herself back together, so she could remain Sirius' strength when he'd came back to school.

"I hope I'm one of those reasons," he said and pulled away, meeting her gaze. "And I really hope you have a good reason for not going home with us."

"You know I do. Dumbledore wants me to help him and I can't refuse. That's the biggest downside of being an adult." She smiled weakly and closed her eyes, feeling Sirius' hand caressing her cheek.

It felt exactly like it did one year ago, in the Hospital Wing. He hadn't even known her back then, just as he had no clue that she wasn't unconscious, but he still chose to comfort her with his tenderness and pure compassion. She'd already known that he would be trouble, because of all these stories she'd heard about the famous Marauders, but he turned out to be so much more.

"I love you," she said and opened her eyes, watching a smile appear on his face, making her heart skip yet another beat. Merlin, how she wished he could do it all the time. How she wished things were different... "I want you to remember that. I'll write as often as I can, but there are things that need to be done."

"I can help you. We can help you."

"I know," she answered and this time, she caressed his face tenderly. "I've learned my lesson already. We're stronger together, especially now, after everything that's happened. But there are still things that need to be kept a secret, simply because they could either turn out to be our biggest advantage, or the reason for our downfall."

"And you, out of all people, are the one that has to deal with those things, huh?" He kept smiling, while his eyes twinkled, for the first time in forever. "Damn, that's hot."

She couldn't help, but to laugh, even if her eyes started to fill with tears at the mere thought of doing everything without her friends. Without her love. Hermione knew it was inevitable, but it still did nothing to soothe her longing for them, even before they'd truly left.

"Stay out of trouble, will you?" she asked and wiped away her tears. "I'd hate to break all the safety measures just to kick your ass for not being mature," she threatened and bit her lip for a moment, meeting his gaze shyly. "Also, James will tell me, if you decide to flirt with some other girls."

"Oh, come on!" Sirius whined and shook his head. "How many times can I tell you that no other girl can even compare to you, love?"

"It never gets boring, Padfoot. It never will."

He sighed and lifted her chin up, his eyes boring deep into her own.

"I've never believed James, when he talked about his undying love for Lily. But now I get it. It's the simplest thing ever. No one can ever be as good as you, no matter how angry you make me sometimes. I'm willing to spend two months without you, just because I know that two months mean nothing, compared to the lifetime ahead of us. Because that's what it's going to be. Lifetime, love. There's no other option, when it comes to you and me. I just know it. Just like James does with Lily."

And then he kissed her, making her forget about all the evil and pain, if only just for a minute.

Hermione watched the Marauders board the train, with growing pain in her heart. The dreaded moment was finally here, and she wasn't ready for it. She tried to stay rooted to her spot, while other students passed her, sometimes glancing at her with interest. Maybe it would have been smarter to pretend to go home to someone, but she felt like it didn't matter anymore. Most of the students had already known about her rough past, and in the eyes of the law, she was an adult. No one could force her to board the train. Apparently, not even the pain in her heart.

"Hermione." A quiet, shy voice reached her ears, forcing her to avert her gaze from the train.

Miss Granger couldn't help, but to feel surprised upon seeing Leslie, standing behind her with her hands tugged into the pockets of her jeans. She had clearly lost some weight, along with her usual spunk. Her eyes were missing their usual light, and Hermione realised that Leslie's pain must have been even worse than her own.

"Les..." she said in response, but found herself unable to continue. What was she even supposed to say? How are you? Are you alright? Everything seemed completely pointless and utterly stupid in the eyes of such a tragedy.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry," the girl said and shifted anxiously. "For not being there for you. I just... Well, I couldn't deal with other people's pain. Mine was too overwhelming."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. Everyone grieves differently and I don't hold anything against you," Hermione answered and smiled weakly. "I just wished I could have..."

"Don't," Leslie interrupted and, for the first time, she actually looked like herself. "You're not allowed to blame yourself for any of this. You risked your own life, as soon as you've heard that the girls may not be safe. That's more than I've done."

"You cannot blame yourself either!"

"I don't. Not anymore... But there is no denying the fact that I could have saved Grace, if I wasn't such a coward. We were all hoping that maybe we could somehow avoid getting involved in this war, that maybe we could live our lives like nothing was happening. But it's not true. It never has been."

Hermione stayed silent, not knowing if there were even words that could have been right in this situation. Leslie looked haunted, but at the same time, it was clear that she'd made a decision and was willing to stand by it.

"I just want you to know that I'm going to fight, whether you like, or not. Whether Ewan likes it, or not. And I finally understand, why were you so hell bent on keeping us safe," Leslie said and met Hermione's gaze. "I'd rather die than allow my friends to get hurt again."

"Les..."

"No, Herm. I know what I'm doing. No matter what Ewan says about this, it's not just grief talking. I don't want revenge, I don't want to start acting reckless, because I'm unable to deal with the emotions. I just want to do what's right. But I know I can't do it alone. So, I'm asking you to help me."

Hermione blinked a couple of times and then pulled the girl close to her own body, hugging her fiercely. Leslie had never been the one to seek out too much physical contact, but she clearly appreciated her gesture now. It seemed better than words in every single way. Because no words could express how much this moment meant to both of them.

And just like that, in that hopeless, cruel world, a light of hope sparkled again. It wasn't much, but it was something to hold onto.