4*

I hate my therapy lessons. It seems awkward to me to talk to a random stranger about whatever is going on in my head. But the weekly meetings with Dr. Hans are an inevitable part of my transition. If only I could convince this man to sign the papers I need him to sign so that I can finally make up an appointment for my—

"Anna, you need to focus a bit more. Our time is limited. Why don't you tell me how you've been this week?"

"It was okay. My best friend's cousin is living with me now. She's a nice girl."

"That's good to hear. Have you told her that you are transgender?"

"What for should I do that?" I snarl at him, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"I could give you a long list of reasons but as our time is running out, I will keep it short for you. You should tell her because it's fair."

"Who has ever been fair to me for being honest? I have no friends apart from Kristoff and the folks from my self-support group. Elsa is a nice girl. She makes me feel normal when I'm with her. That's not something I'm willing to lose."

"Do you think lying to her is having a good influence on your friendship with said girl?" he asks me shoving his glasses up his nose again. I'm sure he's only wearing those because he thinks it makes him look smart somehow.

"Anna, honesty is an important part in any kind of relationship. I assure you that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of."

"I am not ashamed. I just prefer keeping some things to myself. And whatever is or isn't having an influence on my relationship with Elsa, it sure as hell is none of your business."

"Wow. You're passionate about her. May I ask how you feel about this…what was her name again…Ella?"

"It's Elsa and no you may not ask about her. I don't want to talk about her."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to because it makes me feel uncomfortable discussing her with you."

"Are you in love with her?" he asks me, nibbling on the end of his pen before scrawling down some more notes.

"I don't like the way she makes me feel and at the same moment I like it a great deal. Sounds pretty weird doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't. Is it scaring you that you're developing romantic feelings for a girl?"

"I don't have any romantic feelings for her. I don't know what kind of feelings I'm having. I like her. She's so nice to me. When she hugs me or touches my hand it's like she's setting my skin on fire."

"I assure you that it's perfectly normal to feel that way."

I clear my throat and swallow twice before asking him the question that I have managed to suppress during the last ten meetings with him.

"When are you going to sign the papers for my operation?"

"When I decide that you are ready for this step. Right now you should try to focus on other things in your life."

"Please, just sign the papers. I need this surgery so very much. I don't think I can wait any longer."

Stop begging this arrogant man right now. It makes you look desperate. Well, let's face it. You are desperate but still. Where is your pride, Anna?

"Please, I really do need the surgery. My life would be so much better if I didn't have this disgusting thing anymore."

"Time is up. Ill see you next week. Oh and Anna, the problems in your life aren't going to vanish with your SRS."

Back home I find Elsa asleep on the couch and for a moment I just sit down next to her, fighting the incredibly strong urge to circle my fingers down the inside of her arm. Then I take a blanket and put it carefully over her dainty body.

"You are back." She mumbles, opening her eyes again.

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"It's okay. I was just tired from the painkillers I took. I fucking hate my period so very much. Don't we all?"

I nod my head and try to remember if I still have my Alibi tampons in the bathroom. Buying them has filled me with such an almost sickish joy, it's pathetic.

"Do you have cramps?" I ask her, placing my hand hesitantly on her lower abdomen. She sighs as I start rubbing my fingers over her skin in slow circles.

"Oh that's better. How was the appointment with your doctor?"

"Not that good." I whisper, circling my thumb over her piercing.

"I'm sorry about that. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"But maybe it would make you feel better."

What would make me feel better is this goddamn sheet of papers for my vaginoplasty. No one wants to help me. I wished I was dead.

"Hey, why are you crying now?"

"It's nothing." I sob, standing up from the couch. She grabs my hand to keep me where I am. "Please, let me go. I would like to be alone now."

Inside my room, I bury my face against my pillows, trying to suffocate my sobs. My throat is raw when I feel Elsa hugging me tightly from behind.

"I'm so sorry you are sad. Isn't there anything I can do for you?"

Can you cut off my dick for me?

"No, there is not." I whisper hoarsely, reaching for a tissue on my nightstand. An old Polaroid picture falls down and Elsa manages to grab it before me.

"Oh, such a cute boy. Is that your brother? He has the same eyes as you.

thanks. for the story fav and follows i hope i can get some reviews next lol