It takes me over two hours to prepare myself mentally and physically for my non-date with Elsa. At first I take a shower and try to solve a bit of the tension in the least favorite part of my body by rubbing my palm up and down my hardened length until I can hear the beginning spasms of my climax. It is her face that I picture in front of me in that very moment and that makes the entire procedure even sicker than it already is. I shouldn't be able to feel anything with my dick. I hate it. I wished I would bring up the courage to just cut if off. You can survive doing that sort of stuff. Can't you?

Afterwards I massage some body lotion into my skin that smells deliciously of oranges and cinnamon. My fingers cup my breasts, circling a bit over the soft mounds. I like how they feel against my palm, like they were always meant to be there. The result of five years of estrogen treatment is amazing. By now they are a nice c-cup and I probably won't even need to undergo a breast surgery. At least one surgery I won't need. The thought puts a bitter smile on my face.

I apply my makeup in a calm routine, trying to focus my attention on not messing up my eye-liner. When I'm finished I force myself to smile at myself. You look alright, I whisper. Then I circle my thumb hesitantly over my chin, searching for any hints of unwanted hair. There hasn't been any in over a year. Not since I completed my last electrolysis session but still. I would rather die than ever having to shave my face again.

Stepping inside a shoulder-free top and a plain black skirt, I turn around and risk a hesitant look into the full length mirror.

So, this is as good as it's going to get, Anna. Try to get used to it. This is you.

When I open the bathroom door, Elsa is standing right in front of me.

"I felt very tempted to make sure you hadn't fainted underneath the shower or something."

"Sorry, I tend to lose track of time now and then. Are we going to be late?"

She shakes her head and walks around me, her eyes wandering up and down on my body. Maybe I should better have put on a blouse and a pair of jeans.

"Wow, that's a cute tattoo." she whispers, letting the tip of her dainty finger circle over my shoulder. "A mermaid; how did you come up with that?"

I take a step backwards and grab my jacket from the couch before putting it on. The touch of her fingers has managed to set something like a zillion butterflies free and all of them are swirling around in my stomach.

"Anna?"

"I always liked mermaids so much when I was a little child. I mean, they are pretty awesome, aren't they?

And they don't have to worry about their genitalia. I would change this thing down there for a tail anytime.

During the drive to the movie theatre both of us are silent and only Elsa's humming to the music in the radio makes me aware that I'm not alone in the car.

"Don't take this wrong but you really do look lovely tonight."

"What?"

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable by complimenting you. I know you don't share my interests in women."

I'm interested in you. That and in getting my goddamn vaginoplasty as soon as possible. If I had that my life would be so much easier. Would Elsa notice the difference between me and a biological woman? My face heats at the thought and I'm glad for the horrible neon light inside the movie theatre.

"Anna! How nice to see you around."

I swallow hard and sigh deeply. James and Victoria are the last two people on earth that I want to meet. Victoria goes to the same self-support group as me and I can't stand that woman for crying out loud. She thinks herself a star because she is dating this moron of a porn producer now but the truth is that she is selling whatever is left of her soul by staring in these she-male porn movies.

"Hi," I mumble towards the ground.

"You look hot today, A. Your passing is so incredible."

"Vicky, please. Keep your mouth shut."

Elsa returns with the tickets and because James and Vicky are still standing right next to me I'm forced to introduce them to her.

"Always nice to meet, Anna's friends," Vicky tells her, trying to keep her voice overly high and sweet.

"I'm sorry but we have to leave now. See you soon." I tell them, wrapping my arm around Elsa's tiny waist to pull her away from them.

"These are friends of yours?"

"Not exactly,"

"The dude was scary somehow."

"I know. Can we please not talk about them now? I don't want them to ruin our evening."

She nods her head and sits down on her seat, taking a sip from the coke before she starts nibbling on the popcorn. I'm way too nervous to eat myself but when the lights go out, I still reach out my hand to take a handful of the buttered popcorn.

The movie is gross, a bloodbath from the first minute, without any sort of alibi plot between the fight sequences. I spend more time looking at Elsa who is biting her fingernails instead of paying attention to what is going on on the screen.

Suddenly, she drops the popcorn to the ground and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her face against my chest.

"Tell me when it's over okay?" she whispers while my senses go in some sort of overload modus. Her smell, like sweet vanilla and the feeling of her warm, delicate body so close to mine are more than I can endure. But still, I just can't find it in me to push her away