She seems to be irritated by my question and for a moment I wonder if I have offended her by asking about her previous partners. Her mouth starts quivering and when she starts biting her lower lip I'm afraid she's going to make it bleed.

"Why are you asking?" she whispers, her voice sounding as if she's close to crying. Crap, I didn't want to make her feel bad with my question.

"Please, just forget it. I shouldn't have asked that. Your past is none of my business."

"But I want you to know everything about me. It's just so difficult. I've never told anyone about this. Not even Lauren and we were together for such a long time."

"Sweetie, has someone hurt you?" I whisper, wrapping my arm around her delicate shoulder. She seems so fragile to me in this moment, that I want nothing more than to protect her.

"No,"

The word comes out like a husky whimper. Then she clears her throat and when she continues to speak she's making an effort to keep her voice calm.

"My parents weren't exactly happy when I told them I was a lesbian. I mean we're talking Mississippi here. Not the best place for a coming out. So, to do them a favor I started dating an Alibi boyfriend during my junior Year of High School. He was a nice guy, we were friends. At least I thought we were."

"Kay," I mumble, caressing her forearm with my fingertip. "But he turned out to be a Jerk."

"Kind of. Well, he took me to Prom and I remember that I talked my mom into buying me this way too expensive silk dress with silver stripes. I looked so pretty and I felt all so grown-up with my hair done and my makeup. God, I was such a stupid kid."

"I bet you looked beautiful."

"It was amazing. My parents still have the picture that my Dad took of me that night, standing around in their living room."

"Are you going to tell me what happened with this guy?"

"Darry told me he wanted to hang out at a Motel with a bunch of other kids. Someone was supposed to buy us beer with a faked ID. It was all meant to be a lot of fun. Then, when we came there and nobody was there, I bitched at him for lying to me. He cried and begged me to stay, confessing his love for me. I pitied him. Darry was so miserable and he had bought the motel room and a bouquet of red roses especially for me. I let him kiss me but it was just awkward. Still I didn't tell him to stop. I felt so…I don't know but in that moment I felt so proud of myself that I was doing this with a guy. That I could be normal like my parents wanted me to be. We fumbled around and drank some horribly lukewarm red wine. After that everything is pretty blurred in my memory but I know that he slobbered against my ear, asking if I was a virgin. He rubbed his…you know what I mean against me after shoving my underwear down my ankles. It hurt, it hurt so fucking much and he got frustrated because it didn't work how he wanted things to work. Eventually he rolled down from me and I rushed out of the goddamn room. I walked the entire way back home by foot in the pouring rain and cried. It was so horrible."

"I'm so sorry, honey. This guy was a swine. He should be ashamed of himself."

"But it's my fault. I could have told him to stop and fuck himself. I mean I have such a big mouth usually but in that night, I was such a fucking coward."

She starts crying and I hold her close to me, burying my face into her silk-like hair.

"It's not your fault. Please, stop thinking that. It wasn't your fault. The shithead gave you alcohol and almost raped you. Things didn't work like he wanted them to work? What a load of shit."

"You won't tell anyone about this. Right?"

"I promise. Your secret is safe with me. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there to keep you safe."

She nods her head and stands up from the bed.

"Do you understand now, why I'm not that fond of dicks? I don't want to get hurt."

"Baby, I would never hurt you. I can't hurt you. Please, don't be scared."

"I try to." she whispers. "I'm going to take a shower now."

With that she's gone and I force myself to take several deep breaths through my sore throat in an attempt to calm myself down again. What she has told me is bad, like really bad and a sharp pain cramps in my chest. My hand moves down to my genitals and for a moment I'm pretty tempted to squeeze with all my strength. I don't do it. The pain that would cause me would most likely make me throw up and how should I explain that to Elsa?

I grab the folder from the ground flipping through the pages until I find the number I'm looking for. Erica has told me the doctor is a charlatan but the good thing about Dr. Caryl is that the man likes cash and doesn't ask too many questions. I need to do something about my problems down there and I don't feel like I can wait any longer to get started.

"Hello," a purring voice greets me on the other line a few seconds later. "This is Dr. caryls office. How can I help you?"

"Hi," I stumble out, "My name is Anna Summers and I would like to make up an appointment for a procedure."

"Sure, let me check Dr. caryl's schedule. He's free next Tuesday night. Are you covered with insurance or are you going to pay cash?"

"Cash," I whisper nervously. "If that would be okay with you."

"Yeah, sure, it's fine. Now, just tell me what kind of procedure you are planning to have."

ok guys next chapter the story will be rated M so look for it on M rated stories