*15*
Her lips are warm as she starts to suckle the skin on my neck between her lips. My mind is overwhelmed by the sensation of having her half-naked body so close to me. The air I'm inhaling when I take a deep breath through my nose smells of her arousal. Instinctively I rub my throbbing dick against the fabric of the pillow. There is not enough ice water in this State to help me get rid of this. I try to stand up from the bed to rush into the bathroom to jack off like the freak I am.
"Where are you going?"
"Nowhere," I whisper, my voice cracking nervously. Damn it, I hate it so much when this happens to me. It's like the horrors of puberty vocal change all over again. "I just need a minute."
And I highly doubt the procedure is going to take very much longer. I almost came in the moment I felt her slick inner walls clamping around my finger inside her. Oh fuck…
"Stay," she murmurs, wrapping her arms around me. I bite my lower lip in an attempt to suppress a moan when her fingers glide over the curves of my breasts. "You feel good."
"Elsa, no. I can't."
"Don't you like it when I touch you? You touched me too."
"That's different. I am different."
Her mouth is on mine within a heartbeat and with her tongue moving against the tip of mine I'm finding it difficult to use the tiny bit of my brain that is still working reasonably.
Then I feel her fingers fumbling around with the elastic around my pajama bottoms and pull back so abruptly that I hurt my head on the corner of my headboard.
"Ouch, damn it."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Don't you want me to touch you?"
"Yes! No. I don't really know. I want you to touch me but at the same time I'm scared."
"You think too much." she whispers, letting her fingertip glide down over the bulge in my pants. "And thinking isn't going to help one tiny bit here."
I pull the blankets over me and close my eyes while her warm lips move like tiny butterflies all over my face.
"Show me how you like it."
Her voice sounds shy as her dainty fingers closer around my hard shaft. I groan and cover her hand with mine to move them up and down my length. It has been forever that someone else has touched me so intimately and although I'm somewhere deep in the corner of my mind aware that it wrong to let this happen with Elsa, I still can't tell her to stop. Her thumb rubs over the sensitive tip and down to the base, up and down, up and down and I shudder. My muscles tense, my toes curl and I moan against her lips that are still one mine as I climax in thick spurts all over her fingers and the blanket.
She lifts her hand up, holding it closer to her face while mine heats with embarrassment.
"Oh."
"I'm sorry. God, Elsa I can't even tell you how sorry I am about this."
I can't even dare to look her in the eyes when I grab the next best thing I can reach and start wiping the sticky wetness from her fingers.
"Did I do something wrong? You seem angry."
At me, not you, beautiful girl. I'm such so disgusting freak. You should run. Run and never come back. You are too good, too sweet to be confronted with this sort of crap.
anna a"are you alright? I didn't hurt you or anything?"
"No," I stumble out huskily, turning to the side to curl up into a ball. I sob and gasp for air, trying very hard not to cry.
"What's wrong with you?"
Apart from having a dick? Apart from the fact that I just jizzed all over your hand?
"Leave me alone."
"No. I want to know what's wrong with you. Did I do anything that upset you? Because like two minutes ago I had the impression that you pretty much enjoyed what I was doing to you."
"Elsa, please, this is so fucked up. Everything is so fucked up."
I cry and sob against the pillow that I hug tightly to my chest in a desperate need to hold on to something.
My cell starts ringing and because I think it could be Dr. Caryl trying to reach me again, I grab it from the nightstand and pick up the call.
"Hello?"
"Anna, is that you? Are you crying?" Erica greets me worriedly on the other side.
"No, I'm fine."
"Silly girl, I know how you sound when you are crying. What's wrong?"
Everything!
"Nothing,"
I stand up from the bed, my knees trembling so much that I barely manage to make it down to the bathroom to lock myself in.
"I wished I were dead."
"Baby girl, what's wrong with you. What made you sad?"
I sniff, wiping my nose on a sheet of toilet paper before I speak up again.
"I'm such a disgusting piece of shit."
"No, you're not. Anna, you are freaking out and that worries me. What happened? Tell me and I will see how I can help you."
"We made out. I touched her and then she kind of wanted to please me too and I let her."
"Sweet ass, if you are crying after getting laid the first time in five years, she must have been pretty bad."
"No. I'm not crying because it was bad. I'm crying because…because…everything is so complicated. I came all over her hand. This is not normal and I want so very much to be normal. I want to be normal for her."
"You like that girl a great deal, don't you?"
"Yes. Yes, I like her and I'm so scared, so very scared that she won't be able to handle all of this."