Diana exhaled and twirled the pencil in her fingers, looking down at the blank paper again before throwing it at the other side of the room in frustration. How long had she been sitting on this chair, even? The teenager stood up with a sigh and stretched, a tiny grunt escaping her in the process. She ran a hand in her long hair for the millionth time that day - the hair tie she was previously wearing wasn't even on her hair at this point - and paced around her room. After five minutes or less, the blonde found herself faceplanting on the bed.
She didn't like this.
She didn't like this at all.
Those feelings, whatever the heck they were, had to, she didn't dislike - let alone hate - the brunette (not that she could bring herself to do it, even if she wanted to). It wasn't her that she disliked, it was the feelings that accompanied her presence. It was that weird feeling at the pit of her stomach. It was the unreasonable happiness she felt every time she saw her, and the smiles and grins she had to suppress every time they talked. She hated feeling so dependent on someone. Since she was young, she always was the kind of individual who kept trying and trying until she made it. Not that had another choice. Being a Cavendish and all, she had many expectations placed upon her. Despite the drawbacks of having a name as big and well-known as hers had, there sure were perks, too. An example was the fact that she learned to be independent from a young age.
Diana turned her face to the right, placing her left cheek on the pillow. The room was really quiet; so much that it was possible for her to hear her own breath and heartbeat. Why? Why did this have to happen? This wasn't fair, not at all. It was so unfair how she stole her heart in such a short period of time. At first, she thought that she'd be perfectly fine with the two of them being just friends, but why does she feel so devastated now that she knows about her crush on someone else? That sudden weight on her chest has yet to go away. Her arms and legs feel heavy as if someone had attached balls and chains on them, and her motivation to do anything was long gone by now.
The platinum blonde sighed and let her gaze fall on her wardrobe door, the christmas lights reflecting on the wooden surface easily catching her attention. The colorful lighting of the dimly lit room seemed to be enough to keep her eyes glued there. And for a moment, it felt like everything stopped. The time, her previously racing thoughts...She hadn't felt so serene in a while. At this very moment, the only thing bothering her was her hefty breaths and occasional sighs; the reason for their existence, she had forgotten. However, this tranquil moment didn't last long, much to her dismay. It was not until a terribly familiar face popped in her mind that she remembered the reason for her emotional pain in the first place. Truthfully, she was never the one to be interested in romance but...Akko sure was something else. With the adorable grin she gave so selflessly to almost everyone and the little cute ponytail that bounced with the brunette's every step, it was impossible for someone not to like the girl. Another thing that made her different from others was her natural friendliness towards every person she met. In contrast with any of the potential spouses she had met, Akko's smiles were always genuine and her eyes were full of warmth; she didn't pretend, nor did she care about the blonde's status or wealth.
Speaking of marriage, Diana remembered that she had yet to come out to her aunt and cousins. And these feelings only made matters worse. All these thoughts kept piling up like bricks until she couldn't take it anymore. The teenager's breath started to slowly become more and more scarce and her eyes swelled with tears. Her eyes widened at this and she proceeded to bury her face into the soft pillow. She couldn't let anyone hear, especially now. Everyone was asleep and she was going to be loud, she knew it, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. She couldn't bury these feelings and continue to pretend that they didn't exist.
And so, she set aside everything. Her family name and the fame that went with it, her predecessors' legacy she was supposed to live on, the reputation she had to uphold. The mask she was so used to wearing in her daily life fell; she wasn't her cold and strict persona anymore. She was finally allowed feel. She didn't have to pretend. She was tired of hiding, tired of pretending to be someone she was not. She wanted to be normal for once. She didn't want her name, nor the responsibilities that came along with it. She wanted to be like a normal person at her age would be. She was overwhelmed by the swirling emotions inside her and grievance filled every inch of her being.
It started off as simple whimpers, that soon turned to tears streaming down her cheeks. The blonde pulled her hand over the pillow and gripped at it with all the strength she had at that point in an attempt to stay as quiet as possible and buried her face deeper into the soft material. It didn't take long before choked sobs left her mouth. Diana clenched her eyes shut and allowed herself to let her feelings out for once after many years. She was desperately clawing at her pillow at that point and, as if this wasn't enough, that guy's confession towards Akko - and her response - kept replaying in her mind like a mantra, successfully making her cry even harder than before. Oh, how she wanted to be in his place, how she'd love to have her in her arms, to love and cherish her more than anyone else in the world. But this couldn't be and she knew it full well. They couldn't be.
She cried and cried for who knows how much time, even though it felt like an eternity to her, until she didn't have enough strength to do so anymore. She felt completely drained and her head was pounding. The blonde could hardly keep her eyes open at this rate, just barely managing to glace at the clock on the bedside table. It read 3:08. That was the last thing she saw before closing her eyes and making herself as comfortable as she could in the now tear-stained pillow of hers, ultimately succumbing herself to sleep.