It was much easier, Elsa decided, to give Rapunzel the attention she deserved when Anna wasn't around. It was the weekend now, and Anna and Hans were out at a movie. This, of course, didn't sit well with the older sister; however, at that very moment, she was alone with Rapunzel, which did an unsurprisingly adequate job at making her feel a whole lot better.
On top of that, Elsa was trying to distance herself from the latent sting of Anna being with Hans. She didn't want to step away from her sister, but it was the only way she could imagine to give this whole thing a shot at working. She pushed the pain farther and farther down, kept telling herself that it didn't hurt, but it wasn't working. Until Rapunzel got there, Elsa had been curled up like a sickly person, and had felt about as good.
Now, however, Rapunzel was there, and Elsa was largely distracted by her company. There were still moments where her mind would dilly-dally towards Anna, but she'd reprimand herself and force the thoughts out, disheartening as it may be. Moving on was easier said than done.
Thankfully, right at that instant, Elsa had something to distract herself. Her and Rapunzel were upstairs, in her room. Rapunzel was sat at the vanity and Elsa was working her skilled fingers through the woman's hair. She was putting it in quite a massive braid, pretty similar to her own. The sun-kissed blonde hair felt satiny against her skin, soft as anything, and quite delightful to run her digits through.
Elsa could see her girlfriend's face in the vanity mirror. Rapunzel had her eyes peacefully shut as she hummed and apparently enjoyed what Elsa was doing to her head. She started thinking of how many times Anna was in Rapunzel's exact spot, how many times the sisters had done this exact thing. It made Elsa smile, but she had to push the thoughts out of her mind for now. This is Rapunzel's time, pay attention to her. Her eyes assessed the full but not pudgy cheeks in the mirror, drifting to shiny, pink lips. They were so similar to Anna's, and turned up at the corners and Elsa had a very sudden urge to kiss them again. They looked so happy, so inviting. She felt fuzzy inside as she realized that she could kiss them again.
Malachite eyes opened and locked with Elsa's. The younger woman continued to work but felt her cheeks flare up in scarlet and looked away quickly, an embarrassed grin on her face.
She could hear the amusement in Rapunzel's voice. "What?"
"Nothing," Elsa lied. Wow that room was hot. She risked a glance back in the mirror. Rapunzel was still looking.
With a giggle, the older woman teased "oh, there's definitely something."
"No," Elsa played, dragging it out to indicate sarcasm.
With a smirk and a slightly red face, Rapunzel retorted "No, huh? Oh well, I guess you mustnot be lying." She looked away in mock-disinterest, overtly struggling to keep her poise and not chuckle.
Elsa forced a victorious grin, but didn't feel it on the inside. She felt terrible very suddenly, once she heard the word "lying" dropped. Because, even if she hadn't outright lied to Rapunzel, she still felt like a liar. She most certainly hadn't told her girlfriend the whole truth. How could she? Saying it was a sensitive subject would be the understatement of the year. Elsa thought about her sister, and how last time she'd seen Rapunzel she used her to get to Anna. So no, she hadn't said any lies to Rapunzel, but she had most definitely lied using her actions. Even though she really did like Rapunzel, her motivations were dishonest at best.
But now I'm being better, I'm Rapunzel's now, I'm moving on from Anna. She felt despicable in her stomach, and it made her want to curl up and cry. Her neck was tensed as she remorsefully pondered what she had done and what she was doing. She was pushing away Anna. I love you so much, Anna, but it's for the best. With some difficulty, she swallowed. She really, really didn't want to go through with this, but she had to. It's the only way.
Her hands had finished on autopilot and Rapunzel jumped up and checked her new hairdo out in the mirror. "I love it!" The braid swung behind her body as she spun. It was thick and luxurious. Rapunzel's beaming eyes dulled when they saw Elsa. "Hey," she said with trepidation, "are you okay?"
Elsa looked up. Her heart raced and her breaths became short and quick. She could feel the trembling of her whining stomach, and she had to make it right. Maybe she was a little too solicitous, but she looked down and mumbled "what I was thinking when you saw me in the mirror-"
Rapunzel stepped forward, squeezing her girlfriend's hands in a much needed, supportive way. Elsa didn't look at her face. "Yeah?"
"Was that I- I want to kiss you again."
Freckled cheeks flushed as the older woman giggled almost like an excited school girl. She then smirked in quite an alluring fashion and made eye contact with Elsa. "Well," she pointed out, "you don't have to ask me before you do."
A shock wave pulsed through the platinum blonde's chest and she felt even her sternum start to boil under such a statement. She pressed her chin to her chest with a diffident grin and then looked back up. She didn't really have a verbal riposte, so she stepped forward, a little unsure of herself at first.
Rapunzel encouraged Elsa by also drawing in, and their lips lightly pressed together. Elsa sucked in a sharp breath once they made contact, her heart buzzing like a bee in her chest. She closed her eyes slowly and focused on her girlfriend's soft lips. Her back arched and she subconsciously pressed her body against Rapunzel's, who pushed back. Elsa felt her core grow hot as their bodies crushed one another, her breath taking a brief leave. A hand placed itself against her mid back, deploying a tingle that bounced up her spine and back down, making her shudder slightly into their kiss.
Anna wormed her way into Elsa's mind once again. How she wanted this to be Anna, how she longed for the hand grasping her back to the her sister's, and how she might actually melt if it were. No, stop, you're kissing Rapunzel. You're actually kissing Rapunzel, focus on her, not Anna! Elsa managed to deny the fantasy about her sister through sheer willpower. She had to close her eyes tighter to fight away tears, but she did it.
A couple seconds later, she felt a wet, smooth tongue glide briefly along her upper lip. Elsa gasped into the kiss, eyes flapping open despite herself. When she gasped, however, it parted her lips, and Rapunzel took it as an invitation, because the tongue found its way into Elsa's mouth. It was intoxicating to a point, until it flat-lined her brain. Only a split second later, Elsa jumped back, heart pounding distressingly, and breaths deep and unfulfilling. Her mind was shot and she just looked at Rapunzel with what she supposed was a face of utter shock. Their first kiss had lasted some time, but they hadn't used tongue.
Rapunzel started panicking, eyes wide and apologetic, jaw bouncing as she frantically blabbered. "Elsa, I- I'm so sorry, I thought you wanted that, I just- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you, it's totally okay if you're not ready for that yet, I just thought, oh, God." Her face was the color of Anna's hair.
Elsa felt like she was going to over heat. She grabbed her braid protectively and looked off to the side. She didn't really know what to say, but she knew she had to say something. "It's okay," she whispered.
Rapunzel stepped towards her, blatantly doubting herself, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure?" She sounded genuinely worried about Elsa's well-being.
The younger of the two gave a small nod and still didn't make eye contact. "Yes, I'm just- I'm just not ready." Deep down, she knew she wanted to move a little bit farther with Rapunzel, but she also wasn't ready to completely let go of Anna. She wondered if she ever would be.
"I feel really bad for pushing you, we'll go at your pace, okay?"
Finally, Elsa was able to look into her girlfriend's eyes. Her irises really did look like emeralds, refracting the light in such a gemlike manner. The color was so rich, too, it was almost hypnotizing. "Don't feel bad, please?" She really needed Rapunzel not to feel down about her actions, because she cared about her. She didn't want Rapunzel to feel rejected.
Rapunzel pursed her lips. "Okay. But just, tell me if I ever do anything you're not comfortable with, okay?"
In those eyes was such candor that Elsa felt, for a moment, like she was talking to Anna. There was a kerfuffle in her heart between sweet elation at Rapunzel, and mournful gnawing at once again comparing her to Anna. The sentiment employed a slight upward curve at the right end of Elsa's mouth and her stomach fluttered. That moment of sincerity, the totality of how much care was inserted into the gesture and words, was when Elsa knew just how much she could trust Rapunzel. Sure, she already knew she could trust her friend Rapunzel, but this was different. This was the first time that Elsa felt unconditionally safe with only Rapunzel. Just barely talking, she agreed "I will, thank you."
Rapunzel smiled genuinely and traced a gentle finger over Elsa's forehead, brushing her bangs back. It tickled. "Okay. So, what do you wanna do now?"
Taking a deep breath to steady some edgy nerves abound, Elsa asked weakly "actually, can I tell you something?" She had to relieve the weight on her chest to someone, and Anna was out of the question because she was already dealing with so much with their father. Not to mention taking care of me...
"Of course, you can tell me anything, Elsa."
There was that truthfulness again. Elsa exhaled finally. "It's about H-Hans." Elsa thought she would only ever tell Anna or no one about this, so the step she was taking felt kind of weird- but good.
Rapunzel sensed the seriousness in Elsa's voice and gently guided her so they were both sitting on the edge of the bed. Elsa clasped her hands in her lap and kept her eyes on them as Rapunzel spoke. "What about Hans?"
In a taciturn voice, Elsa spoke. She didn't know exactly why, but she felt like she was going to be judged for what she said. Perhaps it was because everyone seemed to like Hans, but either way, Elsa had some difficulty finding her voice. Her stomach rumbled aggressively in protest. She told Rapunzel about what happened in the kitchen the night of their double date, how Hans had hounded her about her ailment.
There were a few moments where Rapunzel just stared with her mouth slightly agape. Elsa recoiled into herself, hearing and feeling her heart thump in her temples. She shielded herself from the judgment she was sure she'd receive and let the achingly slow instant tick by. "Elsa, I'm... I'm so sorry." The older of the two looked at her girlfriend with apologetic eyes, as if atoning for Hans' actions. She then brought her girlfriend closer, allowing Elsa to rest her head on her shoulder.
Elsa took a ragged breath of relief. Rapunzel's on my side. She felt her heart swell and her stomach relax. Appreciative tears welled into her eyes alongside tears she had been avoiding. She finally was just able to express herself about the whole incident to someone. Rapunzel was there for her. Elsa clutched the woman tightly, returning the embrace, sucking in a stifled breath, and sniffling, feeling the intensity, humiliation, and hopelessness of the encounter with Hans pressuring her heart. It met at odds with the wonderful fondness tumbling around in her gut and made her core strain and flex as she gasped into the crook of a warm neck.
Rapunzel patted her back and held tightly, letting it all happen. "It's okay, Elsa," she whispered.
Balling now, the younger gushed "I- I was so s-scared! I wanted to leave b-but I couldn't and I d-didn't know what to do!"
"You did the right thing by telling me, Elsa," the other assured. "He harassed you."
Elsa's jaw clenched as her eyes squinted to squeeze out more liquid. She sniffled and pressed her face farther into the crook of Rapunzel's neck, her body still convulsing.
"It's okay," the whisper licked into her ear softly, warm breath flushing down her neck as a hand comfortingly pet the back of her head. Elsa almost felt cosseted in that embrace. It was several more minutes until her wails calmed down and Rapunzel gently lifted herself away in order to meet Elsa's eyes. Elsa sniffled and wiped her face with her hands. "Have you told Anna about this?"
A contrite heart sank into Elsa's stomach. Her eyes followed and she gently shook her head.
"You have to tell her," Rapunzel said very seriously, yet in a blameless voice.
"No!" The platinum blonde swiftly snapped. When Rapunzel's brows knitted together in confusion, she explained. "S-she has a lot on her p-plate right now and I don't want to- I don't want to upset her even more."
Rapunzel touted her position. "Elsa, you know she deserves to know."
Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Elsa just knew she didn't want to give her sister even more to worry about at the time. If she told Anna, it could stymie her happiness, it could be considered sabotage. Deserving to know about what happened as she was, Anna deserved happiness above all else, and she was happy with Hans. Right? Elsa turned the situation over in her mind. Rapunzel may be trying to disabuse her, but she was almost certain that Rapunzel was wrong. I need to put Anna's happiness before myself. She finally just mumbled "she deserves to be happy." Still, if Hans was that cruel to Elsa, what was he doing to Anna? The thought injected a weird combination of dread and anger into her. So, maybe Rapunzel was right. The thought of Anna being attacked in such a way made Elsa's blood boil. But Anna looks happy with him! Elsa felt like she was backed into a corner, she had no idea where to go, it made her feel altogether helpless.
Rapunzel pursed her lips. "Of course she deserves to be happy, but I'm sure she won't be happy with a man that hurts you so much."
Any man Anna's with will hurt me, Elsa brooded. She gargled a lump in her throat as her eyes once again welled, taking in a sharp breath through the nose. Her heart ached. "But she's happy with Hans."
"Only because she doesn't know what he did," the elder pointed out, a trace of frustration in her voice.
Elsa winced at the hint of anger, retiring farther into herself. Her heart worked over time in her throat with soft thuds that sounded like little knocks on her skull. She began to feel a little less safe with Rapunzel. "Just please don't tell her," she begged.
Rapunzel advanced a little, but kept her irritation partially encumbered. "Elsa, listen, you have to tell her, she has to know who she's with."
Squeezing her eyes shut like a child, the younger girl squeaked "n-no," in a half sob. Oxygen was becoming difficult to get a hold of, elusive as a vague memory. She felt the onset of panic and did her best to ease herself, but failed.
"Elsa, please, this is serious-"
"Stop!" The platinum blonde finally demanded in what was close to a yell. Suffocating on a swab lodged in her throat, she pleaded, "she can't know, not right now."
Rapunzel's mouth went in to a tight line. Elsa couldn't tell if she had given up or just realized how much she was distressing the platinum blonde, but she backed off. She sat back and sighed, running her hand through her bangs and said "fine." Though, it didn't exactly sound like she meant it.
Even so, it was a song of sweet relief for Elsa. Her lungs relaxed into an easier rhythm and her heart lowered back to where it was supposed to be. She took a moment to enjoy the supple air.
"But just keep in mind that she should know." Rapunzel's eyes were stern, like a schoolteacher scolding a misbehaving child.
Elsa gulped and nodded. At least it was over. She was pretty sure that her and Rapunzel had just had their first fight, and she didn't like it. Not at all. I'll have to be better in the future. She couldn't deny that Rapunzel made a good point. No, more like a perfect point. Plus, if Hans was actually abusing Anna like he was Elsa, then Anna had to get out of that relationship now, and Elsa would make sure that he never even wanted to come near their house again. The platinum blonde felt immensely uncomfortable for a few moments, until her girlfriend once again spoke in a more gentle tone.
"Thank you for telling me. It means a lot that you trust me."
A little grin formed on Elsa's mouth at the truthful sentiment. I haven't ruined things with Rapunzel. Her heart fluttered in her chest pleasantly and chased away some of the ruins left there from just a few moments ago. "Thanks for listening," she shyly retorted.
A hand lightly caressed and cupped a pale cheek. Elsa internally and delectably shivered at the touch. "Anytime, Elsa. Really, any time you need to talk, I'm here." Rapunzel then lightly pecked her cheek and Elsa's heart jumped.
Elsa sported a nice and toasty blush and found herself smiling at green eyes. Now that Anna was around less, it felt wonderful to have such a handhold presented to her. "Thank you." Both girls smiled joyously at each other, but the lingering tension from their disagreement was undeniable.
"Now," Rapunzel teased, "let me do your hair."
Quick as lightning, dainty, moon-pale fingers wrapped around the hair in question, protecting it from the outside world like it was Elsa's source of life itself. Her eyes went wide and she sucked in an unsatisfying puff of air.
"Relax," the older girl assured, "I'm not getting rid of the braid, it'll still be there, I just wanna show you something cool."
Elsa was carefully complicit, slowly removing her hands, ready to rescind at any second. Her heart beat loudly and quickly as she struggled to let Rapunzel get to work on her hair.
"Anna," Elsa excitedly squawked as her sister entered the front door. It was the same evening, Rapunzel had gone home a little while before, and Elsa opted to stay up and wait for her sister. It was now nearly ten at night.
The red head smiled brightly as she walked in. The curvature of her lips made the older sister feel like a feather in a pleasant Fall breeze. "Hey, Elsa! Ooh, nice hair."
With a blush elucidating itself on her cheeks, the platinum blonde grinned shyly. Her heart tickled and she was overjoyed that she had listened to Rapunzel. "Watch this," she eagerly requested, reaching a hand up to her hair. The satin, blonde locks were wrapped up into a neat, tight, and rather regal looking bun. Elsa was replete with fondness of this new hairdo because it allowed her to keep her braid, in a way.
Smirking a little, Anna agreed. "What?"
Elsa firmly gripped the middle of her bun, finding the proper point with ease and gave it a hard tug, freeing her braid from its tangled up prison of poise and allowing it to swing freely in the open air once again. She smiled triumphantly at her sister.
Freckled cheeks crinkled with giggles. "Okay," Anna admitted with a nod of her head, "that was cool."
Elsa's ears burned. She simpered. "Thank you, Rapunzel taught it to me."
Just a miniscule twitch at the top left corner of Anna's mouth, nothing more. That's all it took for Elsa to realize that she had said something wrong. She felt an internal reprisal at Anna's action in her gut. It didn't sit well, it felt like she had just eaten a rock and it was sitting there, unmoving and heavy. I just made Anna jealous, didn't I? Just by mentioning Rapunzel around her! This was a balancing act she surely couldn't keep up. But I have to.
"That's great, Elsa." But then, Elsa found herself doubting everything, thinking that maybe she had imagined everything about Anna being jealous, because Anna was just that good at leaving that fleeting moment in the dust and moving on with the conversation. She flawlessly and sarcastically poked "is that all she taught you," as she playfully jabbed her sister in the ribs.
Elsa, already flustered by the situation, had to give her mind a moment to even catch up to the fact that Anna had said something. Then, she had to process what Anna had said and everything that it implied. Her face and chest crackled with fires, she started awkwardly twirling the end of her hair on her finger, and looked away. Maybe, if she didn't make eye contact, Anna wouldn't tease her as much. Now that is a ridiculous thought. Plus, Elsa liked the teasing, it made her feel special, it made her feel closer to Anna. "Yes," she quickly and unconvincingly riposted.
"Sure," Anna drawled in an unconvinced manner.
"I'm telling the truth," Elsa practically squeaked as she physically hid behind her hair. The room was boiling and she didn't know if she loved the heat or hated the scorch.
"Elsa," the red head chided good-naturedly, "you might actually be the worst liar in the world."
Chortling, the elder of the two insisted "it's true!"
"Okay," the strawberry blonde skeptically relented in consummate sarcasm, "whatever you say," she said as she playfully batted a blonde braid like a cat with a string. Elsa was still smiling from ear to ear when her sister circled her arms around her. Her heart lifted approbatively, letting her suck in the sweet aroma of the auburn hair that was now pressing against her cheek. She let the touch from Anna irradiate her like the sun on a warm afternoon. She smiled and sighed into the hug. After all, she was just hugging her sister. Right? It certainly isn't helping me move on.
After a few moments, Anna spoke, her mellifluous voice drifting softly into her sister's ear. "Elsa."
The only response the elder felt like producing was a purr, but that was enough.
Anna took breath and moved to look her sister in the eye. It was clear that she was being very serious and Elsa immediately started panicking. Her overactive imagination went hard to work trying to make her have a heart attack, and it was working. Her biggest worry put all of the others in shadows. Does she know?
"I have a question," she stated as carefully as a cat on eggshells.
Entirely mortified about what she was about to enter into, Elsa asked "W-what is it?"
Anna bit her lip and knitted her brows together in thought. "I think we should sit down."
That didn't help at all! Elsa felt like she was tumbling in white water rapids, trying to grab on to any slippery surface nearby. She didn't even realize as her sister guided her to the couch and sat her taffy surrounding her lungs was too thick to breathe.
Anna sighed, still chewing on her lip. She looked off to the side briefly, as if she was changing her mind about something, but then refocused on Elsa. She hesitated as long as humanly possible, and just as the tension in the room was about to snap Elsa's will, the younger girl spoke. "I want to stay up and wait for dad tonight."
Elsa simply stared in disbelief. She misheard, that must be it. "What?"
"I said," Anna stated with relative tenseness in her voice, "that I want to wait for dad tonight."
"Uh," Elsa drawled in an attempt to give her mind a few more moments to process this new information. But wow her mind was working hard to filibuster. She blinked a few times as her heart thumped in her chest and stomach rustled discontentedly. "W-why?"
A warm hand grabbed Elsa's. "Because, it's been almost five years and I just- I just want an answer." Anna's voice cracked near the end and her eyes began to shine in the light of the living room, tears reflecting the lamp with their watery desperation. The sadness in her sister's eyes broke Elsa's heart.
Elsa gulped. To say she was terrified of the idea would be to say a mountain is an anthill. After all, confronting people wasn't her strong suit, she didn't even have a suit for such a thing. It'd be a little like walking outside for her, and just the inkling of such a thing was enough to have her petrified. But Anna wants to do this, do it for her. For Anna.
Anna clasped both of her sister's hands tighter now. The suddenly unsteady breathing and tears in Elsa's eyes were enough of an answer for her. In a loving, assuring voice, she said "Elsa, you don't have to stay. I know it scares you and I know you hate it when me and dad argue."
Shutting her eyes so she could focus solely on producing a voice, the elder sister stammered "I-I want to h-help you."
Anna began to rub Elsa's arm and looked on softly. "Are you absolutely sure?"
Wiping a tear from her cheek and roughly inhaling and exhaling in an extended attempt at serenity that ultimately failed, Elsa nodded. "I w-want to be there for you."
Then, she was being hugged. It didn't feel like a normal hug between them, it felt.. needy. It felt like Anna was desperate, like Anna was the one that needed caring for, and like Elsa was giving that to her. It was tight, almost too tight, appreciative, and loving. Elsa wrapped her arms around her little sister. For the first time in a very long time, she was protecting Anna. Even if their voyage made her want to run and hide, made her want to lock herself in her room and whine until it was all over, she was going to be there for Anna.
For now Elsa would protect Anna.
Tingling, humid air washed over her back as her younger sister whispered to her, voice shaking. "Thank you, Elsa. I know how hard this is for you, I just- I love you."
And for a second, Elsa forgot about Rapunzel, she forgot that her life was complicated, and she forgot that she was scared. Because for that moment, Anna needed someone who wasn't scared. "I love you too, Anna." They held closer. It was time to wait.
Almost two hours had passed. It was nearing midnight. Elsa was stymied by drowsiness such that she could barely keep her eyes open. Anna was sitting by her, quiet but clearly working her mind. She was certainly fecund during that time, Elsa assumed she was going over how exactly she'd confront their father. That, however, was something that Elsa didn't want to know because she knew that'd make it more real, and that might make her run and hide.
Then, at long last, or rather dreadfully, the door clicked.
Anna's ears perked up and she shook Elsa from her sleepy state. "He's here."
A split second of mental buffering later, the older sister was wide awake and flirting grievously with a panic attack. She grabbed Anna's hand for her own sake, mostly.
"He's here, Elsa, he's here, am I- are we actually gonna do this?"
"Anna, c-calm down," Elsa pleaded, mostly because if Anna wasn't calm, then there was no chance she'd stay calm and this whole thing would turn into even more of a nightmare, if possible.
Not stopping to breathe, the red head insisted "okay, okay, I'm calm, I'm calm." She was actually visibly shaking. Elsa was sure she herself was, too, but she had to ignore that. If Anna's not even brave enough to do this, how will I be? I can't even open a door! God, what have I gotten myself in to!? She tried to catch her lungs' rhythm, but couldn't, it was too irregular and they just weren't moving. I have to be brave enough, for Anna. She closed her eyes as her father stepped in.
"Elsa, you can go if you need to, okay?"
Gritting her teeth so hard that it hurt, the platinum blonde shook her head. "I'm staying."
This seemed to give Anna strength, because upon her next inhale she cocked her shoulders and stood up, still holding Elsa's hand, and eyes pointed sharply at their father. The man, she noticed, was staring almost blankly back. He certainly did not expect them to be up.
Elsa's hand felt positively squished, like a bug under a boot. "Hi dad," Anna began. The platinum blonde shrunk a little. She fought the urge to vomit as it began.
"Anna, Elsa, what are you two doing up?"
"Oh, just waiting to talk to our dad," Anna rebutted innocently, with a pinch of acid thrown in for good measure. Anna, Elsa realized, would be very, very difficult to argue with. Not just because I'm in love with her, but because she's good at standing her ground.
"That's nice, but I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow." He started walking towards his bedroom.
"No!" Anna put her foot down literally and figuratively, stomping the floor to accent her declaration, and halting the brown haired man with her powerful voice. "No more avoiding us."
"I'm just very busy, I'm not-"
"Oh, would you stop with the lies already?" Anna stepped forward, yanking Elsa with her. The small distance they covered was enough for Elsa to feel the change in the air. It was stiffer now. "You're always tired, or busy, or late for something, you never stop to ask us how our day went, just admit that you're purposefully avoiding us." Her voice was more pleading than angry now, wavering with the glimmer of new-found tears in her eye.
Though seeing her Anna so close to tears wretched Elsa's stomach and ripped at her heart, she had to brace for impact. Her sister was tugging at the floodgates, and from the look on their father's face, had just peeled them wide open. The room was soon to be a torrent of accusations and pent up emotions, Elsa's presentiment was sure of that. She felt her knees wobble.
"I'm too tired for this." Their father started walking.
Anna placed herself in his path, growling "no, you're not," and leaving her sister with no hand to hold. Being in such proximity to the action felt like pushing into the surface of the sun. It was too much for Elsa and she began to feel the ground grab her feet, it kept her still as the arguing ensured that she was too spineless to fight it.
"Anna," he agitatedly grumbled, trying to sidestep her.
She catty-cornered him, eyes narrowed. Elsa watched on fearfully, wishing, hoping she'd get Anna's hand back. She needed something to hold on to when the water came to wash away their secrets.
"What do you want me to say," he questioned.
"All I want is the truth." Elsa decided that if she were in front of Anna's eyes right then, she'd be sliced right in two from the sharp, unforgiving look. "Why'd you abandon us, why'd you abandon Elsa?"
"I did no such thing!"
Voices were beginning to be raised, and each decibel they increased closed one lobe of Elsa's lungs, placed one more rock atop her chest, and stole a single safe thought. Plus, they were now talking about her, and she was adamantly not ready to have sights aimed at her. Elsa didn't want to do this any more, she wanted to give up and run away, but her legs weren't working. She hugged her arms to her stomach, like they'd hold her together.
"YES, you did! Ever since mom died you haven't helped her at all, you haven't paid any attention to her agoraphobia! To her recovery!"
Elsa's world was spinning. She flashed back to the crash, to the roar of the vehicle sliding away, to the blood everywhere, to the ringing in her ears, and worst of all, to the initial shock and agony of losing her mother. She had been bereft, she had given up. She thought about her illness, how dearly she wanted to leave the house, the remarkable, desirable, normal life that she pined for.
"THAT'S NOT TRUE," their father roared. His voice was almost deafening, yet was barely audible over the beating of Elsa's heart and her struggle to keep breathing. "I paid for the goggles! I pay for her food, give her a place to live, let her buy anything she wants!"
Anna was shrieking like a madwoman now. It actually made little spiders crawl the length of Elsa's spine. "That's not the same! She needs a psychiatrist! She needs help! She needs her father!" Anna had thrown the conversation. She had chucked it directly at her sister, but not for malicious reasons, not to simply throw the spotlight, but to make sure Elsa got the help she needed. She was ensuring that, if this worked, their father would be there for the elder, if nothing else. Anna was opting to keep living with her pain, if need be.
And it broke Elsa's heart. She nearly collapsed.
"A psychiatrist can't help because she doesn't want help! Look at her! She hasn't made any progress in five YEARS!"
Elsa was actually huddled in on herself crying now. There was so much going on in her mind that it might as well have been empty. She couldn't think, they all happened to fast. She couldn't listen, there were too many noises, and she couldn't take it. Normality is almost all she wanted. It was half of her key. Surprising herself and most likely Anna, she shouted in a shrill voice peppered with breaks and tremors. "I do want to get b-better!" When she looked at her dad, she realized that he was crying, too.
He looked at her, and she instantly regretted speaking. Being put under his stare was like being put on an operating table. She felt hopeless. Yet in his voice, she heard a tinge of regret dancing with despair. "I'll pay for a psychiatrist when you prove that! I'll start caring when you make progress!"
Elsa was contented to just waste away right there. She had proof that her father didn't love her, she now knew what he thought of her. Not only did he see her as a failure, but also as a burden. He had long since given up, never even really tried. But what hurt most of all was the fact that he clearly blamed her. After all, she was the one to beg her mother to go out, and there was no good reason but one for why he refused to pay for a psychiatrist to help. He blamed her for the accident and was making her pay. Perhaps she was thinking impetuously, but it hurt all the same.
"How do you know she hasn't made progress if you're never around?" Anna practically spat the question at him.
"I'm going to bed," he teethed, but he actually sounded a little distraught. It was like he had to get out of there, not simply to avoid his daughters, but for his own mental well-being. It didn't fit, the equation didn't add up.
"Oh no you don't-"
"Out of my way, Anna." He actually physically shoved passed her, eyes on the ground, and all Elsa wanted to do was pass out.
"We're not done!" Anna chased after him, but he kept marching. "Dad," she said in no less of a stand-offish voice, "You can't hide from us! We're your family!" Even from where she was, Elsa could tell her sister's lip was trembling.
Then, something clicked in Elsa's mind. She wasn't sure exactly what set it off, but it must have been something in her father's body language. Her epiphany salted her eyes. "W-we miss mom, too," she said, just loud enough for him to hear.
This stopped the man in his tracks. His shoulders slumped and he let his gaze fall to the ground momentarily. A tear trickled down his cheek. The anguish in his eyes flooded the room with sickly air, and when he looked back up at Elsa, she thought that they might have finally gotten somewhere.
But then, the grief in his eyes turned to rage. She had gotten nowhere. "Shut up! Don't talk about my wife like you understand, you DON'T understand!" he threatened in a biting voice. Then, he slammed the door to his room, separating them with a shield of wood.
Anna exploded. Her voice was high and shrill, nearly making Elsa's ears bleed as she yelled. "YOU are so selfish that you think YOU'RE the only one that's hurting!? Maybe it's GOOD that you're never around!" Anna paced in a quick circled and screeched "GAH," and banged once on the door to let some fury out. Elsa knew that her sister was just yelling to let off steam, but she wondered what kind of affect the words had on their father.
Blue eyes met with teal ones. Elsa had done it, she had braved the storm, she had stayed, she had even argued a little. But most of all, she had been there to back up Anna. She liked to think she could stop and breathe now, but in reality, she couldn't do such a thing past the sobs escaping from her. Before she knew it, she was in warm, familiar, caring arms, crying on to a slender shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," Anna breathed, and it was easy to tell she was still letting her blood simmer back down and calming herself.
"F-for what?" Elsa sniffled and dug her fingernails into her sister's back.
"I put you all through all that and I failed, Elsa." Good GodAnna sounded pathetic right then. Elsa wanted to make Anna feel better, she wanted to doctor the wound that their father left, just seeing it made her depressed.
Sucking on sparse oxygen, the older girl choked out "no, you d-didn't."
"Yes I did, he's still avoiding us!"
"But now at least we know why," was Elsa's dejected response. She looked into Anna's eyes as she analyzed what their father had said. 'I'll start caring when you make progress.' She could tell by the sympathetic crease on an otherwise flawless forehead that Anna reached the same conclusion as her: their father had given up on Elsa.
"I'll never give up on you, Elsa," Anna whispered in a tremulous voice.
Elsa's heart skipped a beat, she felt the warm prickle of her lovely sunshine start to break through the clouds and rain above her. It made her feel more relaxed, it made it easier not to give up. She lovingly looked into teal eyes. "I l-love you, Anna." How she wished those words carried the weight she wanted them to, but she had to relegate her meaning to simply a sisterly display. She belonged to Rapunzel, Anna belonged to Hans, and Elsa was sure that even though she'd never stop being in love with Anna, she could at least keep up her ruse.
Pink lips quirked upwards slightly and rich, large eyes softened. "I love you too, Elsa." They hugged once more, comforting each other for several minutes before they had calmed down enough to go to bed.
And now, Elsa was in her pajamas, in her bed, and Anna was leaning over and giving her a chaste goodnight kiss on the forehead. It was just like before Hans, just how Elsa wanted it to be. It was like back when her life was simpler, back when she could fantasize about her sister without guilt. But right now, she was struggling to not have impure thoughts, she was clamoring to be fair to Rapunzel, to not softly rub the spot she had been kissed, to not let the goosebumps trickle down her spine, to not sigh wistfully at the affection she was receiving. She was trying to be Anna's sister, and it was becoming difficult. "Goodnight, Elsa."
"Goodnight, Anna," she said with a little yet unsure smile.
And when she was alone, her mind began to overwork itself. She started thinking about their standoff with their dad, and was trying to get herself to actually move on from Anna. But neither of those things were getting Elsa anywhere. She was far from sleep, couldn't even see it in the horizon, and she had one idea to help get her mind off of things. She took out her phone and started a text message to her girlfriend. "Me and Anna just got in a fight with our dad," she typed, "can you call me?"
Elsa sat back and waited for a response. Talking about it to Rapunzel would ease her mind on the subject, and distract her from her from her struggle with her feelings for Anna. Rapunzel would be her escape tonight.
A couple days later, Elsa found herself hiding in her room while Hans and Anna hung out downstairs. In an attempt to keep her heart from being prodded every time she heart her sister laugh or stabbed every time she suspected they were kissing, she was texting Rapunzel. Not that she could really hear anything, just particularly loud laughs and such things. Every time she heard the deep, annoyingly smooth voice creep into her walls, her stomach churned. Even just hearing him put her on edge.
Luckily, Rapunzel was a decent distraction. Every couple minutes, Elsa's phone would vibrate, and she'd be able to smile and read the text, rather than frown and tempestuously curl up on her bed. They weren't talking about anything in particular, but their messages seemed to be flirtatious. Elsa wasn't exactly sure, she wasn't the best at flirting anyway, especially over text message, but there were definitely some mildly coy remarks thrown about. It made her blush quite furiously sometimes.
Then, there were voices coming up the stairs, joined by footsteps. Elsa began to panic as they came closer to her door, freezing mid-massage. Are they going to knock? Don't knock, don't knock, don't knock! To her great relief, the disembodied footsteps faded and a distant thud marked the closing of Anna's room door. The talking continued, Elsa could almost make out the words, and definitely could make out the tone.
Anna didn't sound happy, she sounded... upset. Elsa furrowed her brow. Her heart sank at the same time that little butterflies lit up her stomach. She certainly did not like to hear Anna upset, but it meant something could be happening. Even though she knew it was selfish and a slim chance, Elsa hoped that Anna and Hans were breaking up. She placed her ear against the wall to listen.
Her sister's voice came first. "-then he said that she's not making progress and that she doesn't even want to get better." Elsa could hear the quakes in the feathery voice. Her heart clenched in a cold, iron fist. They were talking about her.
"Well," Hans said, causing Elsa's eyes to unconsciously narrow, "think about it for a minute."
"About what?"
"About what your dad said. I mean, just consider where he's coming from for a moment."
The eavesdropping woman had half a mind to barge through the wall and slap him in his little, pretty face. She was entirely taken aback at such a comment, and her blood began to slowly simmer.
"Hans!" Anna sounded irked, too. Elsa's mouth crooked upwards, heart swelling with pride. She's on my side. "How could you say that!?"
"Hey, hey, just think about it, okay?" Elsa could totally imagine her sister's face in that moment, how mad, galled, and defensive she probably was. It made her love her even more, if possible. "I mean, has she made any progress?"
"Well, I mean, not really, but-"
"See," Hans interrupted.
Elsa's heart died. Anna had been lying to her. Every time she'd said that Elsa was doing well, that she was making progress, it had been a flat out lie. It made Elsa wonder what else Anna had been less than truthful about. Was she truthful when she said she was proud, was she lying about always being there for Elsa, no matter what? The platinum blonde's stomach wretched as she thought about what Anna had told her right after their fight with their father: "I'll never give up on you, Elsa." She was going to be sick, she wanted to scream, to yell and cry and have someone hold her and tell her the truth. Her vision was blurry, her heart ached like a broken bone, and her stomach wept. She felt crushed, like a witch under rocks, like a slug under a boot, she felt worthless. She felt betrayed. Anna lied.
Maybe she was wrong about what Anna saw when she looked at her. Maybe Anna didn't see hope, maybe Anna saw what everyone else saw: a failure. The argument had carried on without the aid of Elsa's perusing ear. She tuned back in in time to hear Hans say something. She had missed a little bit.
"But it's been five years, if she hasn't shown any improvement, she's not going to."
"That's not true," Anna objected, voice a little indignant.
Hans's tenor was softer now, like he was cradling her. "Agoraphobia is very difficult to overcome. Who wouldn't be scared to undertake such a thing?"
The recall was silence for a few moments. Elsa didn't like that silence, whatever Hans had said while she was busy trying not to die from the knife stuck in her back had apparently worked. Anna only ever paused for this long when she was really considering something. Finally, the telling silence was put aside. Unfortunately for Elsa, even if she was bullet proof, which she was far from, what she heard would demolish her. "Maybe you're right-" Creaking and rustling hedged the comment, so Elsa couldn't hear the rest of what Anna said. It must have been Hans sitting down or adjusting on the edge of the bed, but that didn't matter.
Elsa couldn't listen any more, she tore her ear away from the thin wall and collapsed to the ground, gasping in the fetal position. She stifled her cries so that no one would hear, she let her heart get split violently and quickly asunder by the claw of Anna's revelation. She howled into her throat like a wounded animal, biting her tongue to keep it from becoming unruly.
Right where Anna had been, in the most special place in Elsa's heart, was emptiness. She felt hollow, and she needed that space to be filled, now. Was Anna giving up on her? Everything she knew about her sister screamed no, but the recent discovery of the lying that had been going on said yes. She bawled on the floor, spewing tears like a fountain and thought of Rapunzel. She wanted Rapunzel to be there right then.
Maybe moving on wouldn't be as difficult as Elsa first thought.
A/N: I know, I know, what in the world, Anna!? So, what, if anything did Elsa miss? :)